I am displeased by the team's performance against the Zimbabweans. I am also unhappy with your performance. I know you are trying to hide from Lalit Modi, but once you are in the Sweet-Faced Assassin group, it is a sin to change into a mellow kitten. Also to lose your sweet face, so never grow facial hair.
You did well the other day little one. Keep it up and hit Chigumbura for some sixes. Then, hum the tune of 'Candle in the wind' in his ear.
Are you secretly Australian...or Nathan Bracken? Why the fuck is it taking you this long to recover from your injury?
Since I am a woman of considerable power I am doing you a favour and getting ICC to change the laws for Bangladesh only. You are now officially the runner for one batsman of your choice. Just run, don't hit the ball, don't even go near the ball. Run straight when it is not risky to do so. IF you are run out after this, keep on running. Because I am going to come for your life. No matter where you are.
For inspiration, because you lot clearly need some, I am posting the video of your win against India in WC07. It's only the Indian wickets and three minutes long, because the game starts soon.