Not all of this is true, but when the person who will be overseeing my reasons goes by the name of Butt, truth and lies are irrelevant. It's all about getting the job now and getting banned later.
Also, if you can correctly guess which Pakistani captains I am talking about you get something special.
I lie, you get nothing special.
You can't ban me either.
1) I have hair, lots of it. Some have suggested I should do laser hair removal on my head.
2) I have seen Clueless 50 times and totally identify with Alicia Silverstone, which essentially mean there is not much difference between me and Mohammad Yousuf.
3) I make my boyfriends on MSN. Some are from countries I have never even heard of but fear not, I have met all of them over lovely webcam dinners.
4) I was regarded highly as the class drama queen and my teachers would put up with anything I did.
5) I am willing to change my religion to be the captain of Pakistan.
6) I have five 'different' versions of the same speech. Like boys did well, boys did not do well, boys tried to do well, boys did very well and my favourite: boys did well.
7) I can keep wicket. More of us should be captains, if you ask me.
8) I have a nose.
9) I have a temper and I do not hesitate to use it.
10) Because everybody gets to captain Pakistan.
Showing posts with label Muhammad Yusuf. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Muhammad Yusuf. Show all posts
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Respect is what's missing
In the light of Mohammad Yousuf's retirement, I am attempting to be a little serious. Just the right amount, no less, no more.
The only thing you can hold against Yousuf is the fact that he made an emotional decision. Of course he made an emotional decision! And he has every right to because guess what? Sports is probably one of the most emotional concepts in society. And most of those who sit on the boards have no idea how it feels when you can move big, burly men to tears just by doing something you love. So don't judge Yousuf. It's a big decision to take on the dreams of so many fans around the world. And then to tell them that you won't be doing it anymore because your bosses don't know how to keep their shit together.
PCB disrespected Yousuf by banning him. He tried to bring the team together following Younis' rash decision, but couldn't. He couldn't because players in the camp realized that they could do whatever the fuck they want and get away with it, like little brats. They realized it because Younis quit. Younis quit because nobody from the PCB stepped in when all this stupid politics was going on.
I'm not trying to trace it back to the PCB and blame everything on them, although I don't think anyone will disagree with me if I did. The real problem here is not some individual or the board, but the attitude. PCB don't respect their players enough, the players don't respect the officials...I doubt they even respect each other. How the hell do you expect to have a functional team?
They treat each other like shit and point the finger wherever the finger bends. And I applaud Youhana for not wanting to be a part of this mess. Yes, it's an emotional decision. But the emotions stem from the fact that almost everyone involved in Pakistan cricket are a bunch of jokers and nobody bans them for being disrespectul, mindless, random and of course never doing their job properly.
As for him serving Pakistan, well why don't you first talk to those fuckers who are in the team and would rather do politics than play honestly? As opposed to barraging the person who probably did give his all for his team all these years.
Yousuf may be running, but those who are critizing him, aren't doing much to fix the lack of respect. So let him run.
The only thing you can hold against Yousuf is the fact that he made an emotional decision. Of course he made an emotional decision! And he has every right to because guess what? Sports is probably one of the most emotional concepts in society. And most of those who sit on the boards have no idea how it feels when you can move big, burly men to tears just by doing something you love. So don't judge Yousuf. It's a big decision to take on the dreams of so many fans around the world. And then to tell them that you won't be doing it anymore because your bosses don't know how to keep their shit together.
PCB disrespected Yousuf by banning him. He tried to bring the team together following Younis' rash decision, but couldn't. He couldn't because players in the camp realized that they could do whatever the fuck they want and get away with it, like little brats. They realized it because Younis quit. Younis quit because nobody from the PCB stepped in when all this stupid politics was going on.
I'm not trying to trace it back to the PCB and blame everything on them, although I don't think anyone will disagree with me if I did. The real problem here is not some individual or the board, but the attitude. PCB don't respect their players enough, the players don't respect the officials...I doubt they even respect each other. How the hell do you expect to have a functional team?
They treat each other like shit and point the finger wherever the finger bends. And I applaud Youhana for not wanting to be a part of this mess. Yes, it's an emotional decision. But the emotions stem from the fact that almost everyone involved in Pakistan cricket are a bunch of jokers and nobody bans them for being disrespectul, mindless, random and of course never doing their job properly.
As for him serving Pakistan, well why don't you first talk to those fuckers who are in the team and would rather do politics than play honestly? As opposed to barraging the person who probably did give his all for his team all these years.
Yousuf may be running, but those who are critizing him, aren't doing much to fix the lack of respect. So let him run.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Gangsta Yousuf
You have to give it to Pakistan. They never fuck up their performance. The arrive, they slam the ball all over the place, show some promise of patience and then duly collapse. It's like the perfect circus act, only better because each time the batting order finds new ways to entertain the audience.
You know the collapse is coming, but what keeps you interested is how the collapse is coming. Will it be match-fixing? Will it be a rebellion against their captain? Or will it be a simple case of stupidity? They can do it all and more.
Like today, Salman decided to signal 'no run' to Yousuf who had his back to him, instead of screaming it out. I am very tempted to make a butt-to-butt connection joke here, but I am afraid that is just too lame. Even for me. Yousuf got run out and gave Salman a look. A look that inspired the title of this post.
If I had been a commentator on this match I would have done that thing where you go inside a player's head without a magic wand and say what they are thinking. It would have gone like this:
Yousuf: Imma fuck up your life boi. You just watch, your opening days are over.
Salman: How much money will I make if I sell his beard on Ebay? Maybe I should sell it by pound. (Makes a face that looks sheepish but is actually calculating in his mind) If 1 pound is marked for 100PKR...how many pounds does that beard weigh? 5? 10? Where is Yousuf going?
Yousuf: You fucking piece of shit. Imma burn your house down, Imma give you a wedgy...Imma flush your face down the toilet.
Then Salman does the same to Umar. Umar doesn't have a gangsta look, so it's not worth going inside his head. But honestly, why do the Pakistanis have to make the same mistake multiple times before learning their lesson?
Of course Australia is not far behind. Michael Clarke's 'let's leave the ball that will hit the wicket' style outs never fail to amuse me. 166 great runs and then this? Pup, Pup, Pup!
Then of course there is Mitchell Johnson, who continues to bowl pies. Keep it up son. We'll just use them to feed hungry people.
You know the collapse is coming, but what keeps you interested is how the collapse is coming. Will it be match-fixing? Will it be a rebellion against their captain? Or will it be a simple case of stupidity? They can do it all and more.
Like today, Salman decided to signal 'no run' to Yousuf who had his back to him, instead of screaming it out. I am very tempted to make a butt-to-butt connection joke here, but I am afraid that is just too lame. Even for me. Yousuf got run out and gave Salman a look. A look that inspired the title of this post.
If I had been a commentator on this match I would have done that thing where you go inside a player's head without a magic wand and say what they are thinking. It would have gone like this:
Yousuf: Imma fuck up your life boi. You just watch, your opening days are over.
Salman: How much money will I make if I sell his beard on Ebay? Maybe I should sell it by pound. (Makes a face that looks sheepish but is actually calculating in his mind) If 1 pound is marked for 100PKR...how many pounds does that beard weigh? 5? 10? Where is Yousuf going?
Yousuf: You fucking piece of shit. Imma burn your house down, Imma give you a wedgy...Imma flush your face down the toilet.
Then Salman does the same to Umar. Umar doesn't have a gangsta look, so it's not worth going inside his head. But honestly, why do the Pakistanis have to make the same mistake multiple times before learning their lesson?
Of course Australia is not far behind. Michael Clarke's 'let's leave the ball that will hit the wicket' style outs never fail to amuse me. 166 great runs and then this? Pup, Pup, Pup!
Then of course there is Mitchell Johnson, who continues to bowl pies. Keep it up son. We'll just use them to feed hungry people.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
ODI's come alive
Courtesy of India and Pakistan. I don't support either team, so I watched the game purely for the cricket. It didn't disappoint. It did not disappoint at all.
Pakistan's innings was sane. What a shocker! They've always had immensely talented players but would always do something impulsive and lose wickets. Bless Shoaib Malik for realizing that bang, wham is not the only way to play ODI's. But kudos to him for entertaining us later on as well. And Muhammad Yusuf is a champion batsman! He really needs to get himself on the map more.
Although, I must admit that I enjoyed watching the Indian bowlers getting beaten to a pulp. Strangely, Ashish Nehra has become a good bowler! I haven't been following India for about eons now but when I used to watch them regularly Nehra was new and crap. The occasional promising balls here and there yes, but overall crap. The penguin has come a long way. Harbajan on the other hand needs to be dropped. This is not debatable. As Bored and SP are all yelling at the top of their lungs...INDIA HAVE BETTER SPINNERS. This is becoming like the dark era of Bangladeshi cricket when overweight players like Akram Khan were kept in the squad simply because they were 'seniors' and had 'experience' that could not compete with International cricketers. Seriously BCC, we did it! You can too!
Not that Pakistani bowlers didn't take a hammering. Umar Gul went for 16 off his first over. Every god damn free hit went over the boundary while Gambhir was there. Then he forgot to dive. I remembered a very funny ad a long time ago which showed an Indian fan's frustration at the team's lack of diving. It had something to do with a detergent called Surf Excel. Get it? Diving will make their clothes dirty so they don't dive. But they have Surf Excel to make it shiny again, so why not dive? Must find that commercial somewhere. It was awesome.
Dravid's run out was pitiful. I must admit that I actually like Rahul Dravid. No one realized that he had sneakily made 76 runs (albeit using 103 balls) till he walked back to the pavilion. Considering India fell only 54 runs short despite losing their top order with 169 runs still required, I'm going to say that 76 was valuable. Dravid is valuable. He and Kallis are a rare breed of batsmen. Always criticized and unappreciated, but irreplaceable.
The whole match was a thumping, racing heart beat. Never a dull moment, just like ODI's should be. To put icing on the cake, there was a pitch invasion at the end of the match! When was the last time you've seen a pitch invasion? Watching the players scrambling for cover and people running around with flags...it is excellent to watch. I hope I am involved in one, at least once in my life!
This is not T20 folks, it's much better than T20.
Pakistan's innings was sane. What a shocker! They've always had immensely talented players but would always do something impulsive and lose wickets. Bless Shoaib Malik for realizing that bang, wham is not the only way to play ODI's. But kudos to him for entertaining us later on as well. And Muhammad Yusuf is a champion batsman! He really needs to get himself on the map more.
Although, I must admit that I enjoyed watching the Indian bowlers getting beaten to a pulp. Strangely, Ashish Nehra has become a good bowler! I haven't been following India for about eons now but when I used to watch them regularly Nehra was new and crap. The occasional promising balls here and there yes, but overall crap. The penguin has come a long way. Harbajan on the other hand needs to be dropped. This is not debatable. As Bored and SP are all yelling at the top of their lungs...INDIA HAVE BETTER SPINNERS. This is becoming like the dark era of Bangladeshi cricket when overweight players like Akram Khan were kept in the squad simply because they were 'seniors' and had 'experience' that could not compete with International cricketers. Seriously BCC, we did it! You can too!
Not that Pakistani bowlers didn't take a hammering. Umar Gul went for 16 off his first over. Every god damn free hit went over the boundary while Gambhir was there. Then he forgot to dive. I remembered a very funny ad a long time ago which showed an Indian fan's frustration at the team's lack of diving. It had something to do with a detergent called Surf Excel. Get it? Diving will make their clothes dirty so they don't dive. But they have Surf Excel to make it shiny again, so why not dive? Must find that commercial somewhere. It was awesome.
Dravid's run out was pitiful. I must admit that I actually like Rahul Dravid. No one realized that he had sneakily made 76 runs (albeit using 103 balls) till he walked back to the pavilion. Considering India fell only 54 runs short despite losing their top order with 169 runs still required, I'm going to say that 76 was valuable. Dravid is valuable. He and Kallis are a rare breed of batsmen. Always criticized and unappreciated, but irreplaceable.
The whole match was a thumping, racing heart beat. Never a dull moment, just like ODI's should be. To put icing on the cake, there was a pitch invasion at the end of the match! When was the last time you've seen a pitch invasion? Watching the players scrambling for cover and people running around with flags...it is excellent to watch. I hope I am involved in one, at least once in my life!
This is not T20 folks, it's much better than T20.
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