Let's make a team of all tail-enders and make the Saffers play against them. Because clearly, they need the practice. Barbie, Swannyg66, Rampaul, Benn, Mahmudullah, Mushfiq...hell let's even put Mohammad Asif in this team! The Saffers will be obligated to play this lot at least twice a year.
It seems that the Saffers are so busy studying the real batsmen, they forget that after all of them come those who in theory should succumb to their bowling like mosquitoes to DDT. And thus, the Saffers have become the team against whom tailenders test their abilities to be 'all-rounders'. Some may also think that they are genuine all-rounders (FYI, Mahmudullah is the real all-rounder amongst those I named) thanks to the Saffa bowlers. Because of all the fancy shit they try against the Rampauls and the Benns, all the batsmen have to do is stick their bat out and it goes for a boundary. It is a mockery! Not to mention a mockery of supposedly the deadliest fast bowling combination in the world right now, Morkel and Steyn.
I say supposedly because this combination has only clicked for two tests. These two have every skill to get rid of the supposedly but their greatness will have to include bowling at the bloody stumps and getting rid of the bloody tail-enders! Rid the world of fake all-rounders, treat them like non-batsmen...because that's exactly what they are! Don't be a disgrace to Donald-Pollock and Pollock-Ntini guys!
My other suggestion is that we should build Mark Boucher a throne, pick up a crown from Burger King and make Tim Paine, Kamran Akmal and Kieswetter dance around him.
Showing posts with label Mushfiqur Rahim. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mushfiqur Rahim. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
It's only day one
Tomorrow is a new day, except it's not because bloody Trott hasn't reached his 200 yet and will surely attempt to do so. I'm just hoping that bloody Trott has poor Kallis' bad luck and will fall a few runs short.
But bloody Morgan is also at 40 and will surely want his maiden 50 and then slaughter his way to his century on debut. Of course Bresnan and Prior will take this opportunity to make some more test runs. Prior needs it, his spot is on the line these days. Damn Strauss will probably make sure he gets this chance, since Kieswetter did just win the World Cup for Collingwood and Colly is after Strauss' job. He can't have that damn little spy in his team!
Our bloody bowlers will continue to give runs like Shahadat Hossain. Yes I know Shahadat has the third best bowling figures in the attack but I fucking can't believeit. That is just a measure of how shitty the rest were and nothing else. Believe me.
Bloody Shakib is still recovering from the bloody chicken pox and is probably fighting to stay awake on the field. I am going to find the person who gave Shakib chicken pox. Then I am going to give that person chicken pox again and tie them up and duct-tape their mouth, so they can't itch. I'll also leave a tape playing a scratching sound over and over again.
We might bat once Strauss gets bored with our bowlers (I suspect he won't easily because evidently, we cannot be taken lightly) and decides to man-handle our batsmen instead. I am just hoping for Tamim, Mahmudullah, Shakib and Mushfiq to show some guts. I am also hoping the bloody Poms realize that they need to give us something for getting Strauss, KP and Trott back to form. We are the most motivational team ever...for the opposition. There must be some sort of pay for this.
I have settled my fees on Lords. One Englishman by the name of Mark Chalcraft from Good Cricket Wicket is convinced we deserve it so we are almost there.
But for now, man up boys. There's still two more days of drubbing to go.
But bloody Morgan is also at 40 and will surely want his maiden 50 and then slaughter his way to his century on debut. Of course Bresnan and Prior will take this opportunity to make some more test runs. Prior needs it, his spot is on the line these days. Damn Strauss will probably make sure he gets this chance, since Kieswetter did just win the World Cup for Collingwood and Colly is after Strauss' job. He can't have that damn little spy in his team!
Our bloody bowlers will continue to give runs like Shahadat Hossain. Yes I know Shahadat has the third best bowling figures in the attack but I fucking can't believeit. That is just a measure of how shitty the rest were and nothing else. Believe me.
Bloody Shakib is still recovering from the bloody chicken pox and is probably fighting to stay awake on the field. I am going to find the person who gave Shakib chicken pox. Then I am going to give that person chicken pox again and tie them up and duct-tape their mouth, so they can't itch. I'll also leave a tape playing a scratching sound over and over again.
We might bat once Strauss gets bored with our bowlers (I suspect he won't easily because evidently, we cannot be taken lightly) and decides to man-handle our batsmen instead. I am just hoping for Tamim, Mahmudullah, Shakib and Mushfiq to show some guts. I am also hoping the bloody Poms realize that they need to give us something for getting Strauss, KP and Trott back to form. We are the most motivational team ever...for the opposition. There must be some sort of pay for this.
I have settled my fees on Lords. One Englishman by the name of Mark Chalcraft from Good Cricket Wicket is convinced we deserve it so we are almost there.
But for now, man up boys. There's still two more days of drubbing to go.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Attempted necksprain
http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid29318049001?bctid=72017767001
In a shocking effort to injure Bangladesh's toughest cookie (his face is literally like fresh dough and his voice buttery), SkySports got an Oak-tree sized individual to interview the arm-long Mushfiqur Rahim.
After the interview Mushfiq's neck hurt and eyes burnt as the sun had directly reached his eyes. The Oak may have been tall but he didn't provide him with any shade.
SkySports and the English camp have denied attempted sabotage and insist that they had previously carried out a trial with Ian Bell standing in for Mushfiq. We believe that at the time of the trial, Ian Bell was riding on another English batsman. Mushfiq, on the other hand, was facing the disproportionate Oak tree all by himself.
In other news KP things he is back to his best form but has also criticized the Chittangong pitch. "It's not good for test cricket", KP said.
One wonders whether one can blame KP's parents for unleashing this whiney bitch on us.
Emotions
When Junaid Siddique finally got out at 106, Swann felt a surge of emotions: relief. To the ECB's horror, the proper Englishman transformed into a raggamuffin and spoke the terrible words:
"Fuck off!"
Junaid and Mushfiq had frustrated the English players so much that they couldn't take it anymore. Let me repeat that. Two batsmen, who are not English, had frustrated the English. Talk about getting a taste of your own medicine.
Here's the emotion I felt when Swannyg66 asked Junaid to fuck off: joy.
And here's what I said, " Old man, you couldn't fuck off even if you tried. So dream on".
I don't care whether the gets fined or the ECB ban him from tweeting. Both will be a case of over-reaction but who gives a rats ass? In a battle of the minds Junaid, a 22 year old nearly outstaged the No. 2 test bowler in the world. That is pretty decent.
Although, here's my emotion upon learning that Swann is now the No. 2 test bowler in the world: dismay.
And here's what I said, "The number 1 test bowler in the world is Dale Steyn".
All words and emotions were put to an end after that.
"Fuck off!"
Junaid and Mushfiq had frustrated the English players so much that they couldn't take it anymore. Let me repeat that. Two batsmen, who are not English, had frustrated the English. Talk about getting a taste of your own medicine.
Here's the emotion I felt when Swannyg66 asked Junaid to fuck off: joy.
And here's what I said, " Old man, you couldn't fuck off even if you tried. So dream on".
I don't care whether the gets fined or the ECB ban him from tweeting. Both will be a case of over-reaction but who gives a rats ass? In a battle of the minds Junaid, a 22 year old nearly outstaged the No. 2 test bowler in the world. That is pretty decent.
Although, here's my emotion upon learning that Swann is now the No. 2 test bowler in the world: dismay.
And here's what I said, "The number 1 test bowler in the world is Dale Steyn".
All words and emotions were put to an end after that.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
My son
My child Mushfiq-ur Rahim is so chirpy on the field, he makes the Aussies look like a quiet bunch.
His size is miniature, kind of like what an ant would look like under a microscope. That's how tiny he is.
That dude, who may or may not be legal (As a mother, it is my duty to remember his average over his age), attempted to save Bangladesh from major embarassment. With a century.
We have embarassed ourselves so many times, we are practically immune to it. But after a first day that nearly drove the Deshis themselves to life-long coma, we had hoped that we would at least lose this with our heads held high. We collapsed in the first innings and tried too many things in the second. At one point, Shahadat Hossain bowled a yorker so slow, I thought I was in a twilight zone where time had stopped. The ball was promptly sent to the boundary by the Indian batsman.
Fifth day, turning wicket, Amit Mishra and chasing 414. What could we have done? Oh I know! Support Mushfiq in both the innings while he batted his heart out to save the game. It was not to be.
After the first day I had wondered whether it was too early to be proud of Bangladesh. It was. But not too early to be proud of my child. Oh yes, that "Fuck you all, I want to bat" attitude, he gets that from me.
Not his tiny frame though. That he gets from his Daddy.
His size is miniature, kind of like what an ant would look like under a microscope. That's how tiny he is.
That dude, who may or may not be legal (As a mother, it is my duty to remember his average over his age), attempted to save Bangladesh from major embarassment. With a century.
We have embarassed ourselves so many times, we are practically immune to it. But after a first day that nearly drove the Deshis themselves to life-long coma, we had hoped that we would at least lose this with our heads held high. We collapsed in the first innings and tried too many things in the second. At one point, Shahadat Hossain bowled a yorker so slow, I thought I was in a twilight zone where time had stopped. The ball was promptly sent to the boundary by the Indian batsman.
Fifth day, turning wicket, Amit Mishra and chasing 414. What could we have done? Oh I know! Support Mushfiq in both the innings while he batted his heart out to save the game. It was not to be.
After the first day I had wondered whether it was too early to be proud of Bangladesh. It was. But not too early to be proud of my child. Oh yes, that "Fuck you all, I want to bat" attitude, he gets that from me.
Not his tiny frame though. That he gets from his Daddy.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Ordinary Bangladesh
The Bangladeshi cricket team in Virender Sehwag's dictionary comes under 'O'. There's a picture of some Bangladeshi batsman getting out to yet another short ball. Probably Ashraful. The definition says,
Ordinary: The Bangladeshi cricket team, Viru. Score your triple hundred.
With these words in his heart, Virender Sehwag went out to bat. Brisk fifty. No time to waste. Must make the triple century this tour.
Bangladesh gave away 63 runs in the first 13 overs. Then they went to lunch and found their own dictionary lying around. It read,
Ordinary: What you put in the opposition's food during lunch. Warning: May have laxative-like effects. Batsmen may run back to the change room frequently.
That, I have to tell you was the correct definition. At least for yesterday. Here's some more:
Shahadat Hossain: Full-tosser no more.
Middle Stump: What Rahul Dravid lost to Shahadat. Very violently.
Mushfiq-ur-Rahim: The tiny thing that VVS failed to notice.
Session Two: Where Bangladesh were 'Ordinary' as per the Bangladeshi dictionary.
Bangladesh: In your face...BITCH.
Ordinary: The Bangladeshi cricket team, Viru. Score your triple hundred.
With these words in his heart, Virender Sehwag went out to bat. Brisk fifty. No time to waste. Must make the triple century this tour.
Bangladesh gave away 63 runs in the first 13 overs. Then they went to lunch and found their own dictionary lying around. It read,
Ordinary: What you put in the opposition's food during lunch. Warning: May have laxative-like effects. Batsmen may run back to the change room frequently.
That, I have to tell you was the correct definition. At least for yesterday. Here's some more:
Shahadat Hossain: Full-tosser no more.
Middle Stump: What Rahul Dravid lost to Shahadat. Very violently.
Mushfiq-ur-Rahim: The tiny thing that VVS failed to notice.
Session Two: Where Bangladesh were 'Ordinary' as per the Bangladeshi dictionary.
Bangladesh: In your face...BITCH.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Oh Bangladesh!
Sixty-five for nothing, they were. In the thirteenth over too. Smashing, hooking, cutting, driving- Tamim and Imrul did it all. Uda was as stunned as we were when we first heard his name.
Then the brain explosions started happening. Shockingly, Shakib was a part of the brain explosion, and Ashraful was not! He is the reason we got to 260 actually, along with Mushfiq's cameo and Mahmudullah's knock. I swear Mushfiq is the tiniest thing to ever hold a bat. Whenever he hits a four, I am always on the edge of my seat because I am sure that he will fly to the boundary with the ball. But he never does, bless his tiny structure.
Right, so 260 wasn't ideal with the start they got, but it was marginally defendable right? Even with Bangladesh.
Wrong. The other team has Dilshan. And with him even 400 is not a defendable total. Add our fast bowlers to that and one over from Ashraful (Shakib, my love...HE CAN'T BOWL) and it's a comfortable victory.
Fucking Dilshan, making my life miserable. Do it against other teams honey, otherwise I may have to injure you.
On second thought, maybe I will injure you...
Then the brain explosions started happening. Shockingly, Shakib was a part of the brain explosion, and Ashraful was not! He is the reason we got to 260 actually, along with Mushfiq's cameo and Mahmudullah's knock. I swear Mushfiq is the tiniest thing to ever hold a bat. Whenever he hits a four, I am always on the edge of my seat because I am sure that he will fly to the boundary with the ball. But he never does, bless his tiny structure.
Right, so 260 wasn't ideal with the start they got, but it was marginally defendable right? Even with Bangladesh.
Wrong. The other team has Dilshan. And with him even 400 is not a defendable total. Add our fast bowlers to that and one over from Ashraful (Shakib, my love...HE CAN'T BOWL) and it's a comfortable victory.
Fucking Dilshan, making my life miserable. Do it against other teams honey, otherwise I may have to injure you.
On second thought, maybe I will injure you...
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Mortaza needs a prosthetic knee
Next week, along with my beloved Saffers, my lovely BD boys also embark on a tournament. It is my favourite kind, a tri-nation series. The other two teams are India and Sri Lanka. Here's the squad:
Shakib Al Hasan (capt), Mushfiqur Rahim (vice-capt and wk), Mohammad Ashraful, Abdur Razzak, Tamim Iqbal, Syed Rasel, Raqibul Hasan, Mahmudullah, Nazmul Hossain, Naeem Islam, Imrul Kayes, Rubel Hossain, Shafiul Islam, Shahriar Nafees, Aftab Ahmed
Fucking Mortaza has still not recovered from his knee injury. He is 80% fit but will not play because the selectors don't want to risk injuring him again. Once again poor Rubel will have to do the 'fast' bowling by himself, if he can! The spinners will be the main attacking option...against India and Sri Lanka. I can't think of a worse team plan. No wait, there is one more. Mushfiq is the Vice-captain of this team. As much as I love him for being the most annoying thing behind the wickets EVER, that is just fucked up right there. Even Tamim would have been a saner choice.
Good news is Shakib will be tested by Dhoni. He might not be the best captain to learn from but he sure as hell is better than Reifer! Bring it on mane-less boy!
A thought just crossed my mind. Maybe Mortaza is afraid of stepping into Shakib's successful shoes as stand-in captain. Fuck Mortaza! Be a man. You are a fast bowler for fuck's sake!
Shakib Al Hasan (capt), Mushfiqur Rahim (vice-capt and wk), Mohammad Ashraful, Abdur Razzak, Tamim Iqbal, Syed Rasel, Raqibul Hasan, Mahmudullah, Nazmul Hossain, Naeem Islam, Imrul Kayes, Rubel Hossain, Shafiul Islam, Shahriar Nafees, Aftab Ahmed
Fucking Mortaza has still not recovered from his knee injury. He is 80% fit but will not play because the selectors don't want to risk injuring him again. Once again poor Rubel will have to do the 'fast' bowling by himself, if he can! The spinners will be the main attacking option...against India and Sri Lanka. I can't think of a worse team plan. No wait, there is one more. Mushfiq is the Vice-captain of this team. As much as I love him for being the most annoying thing behind the wickets EVER, that is just fucked up right there. Even Tamim would have been a saner choice.
Good news is Shakib will be tested by Dhoni. He might not be the best captain to learn from but he sure as hell is better than Reifer! Bring it on mane-less boy!
A thought just crossed my mind. Maybe Mortaza is afraid of stepping into Shakib's successful shoes as stand-in captain. Fuck Mortaza! Be a man. You are a fast bowler for fuck's sake!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
The good, the bad and the funny
The Good:
- Bangladesh winning against Zimbabwe...cricket makes sense again
-Australia losing...BAHAHAHAHAHA
-Ashraful scoring 63 at long last! But Tamim overshadowing his return to the score board with a 80 was a thousand times better
-Enamul Haque Jnr continuing to take wickets
-Not having to watch Yuvraj's jiggly belly because of errands
The Bad:
-Hamilton scoring more than Tamim. (I am not impressed)
-India winning
-Yuvraj Singh scoring 78
-Adopted son Mushfiq scoring only 4
-Bangladesh's middle order collapsing
-Not getting to watch Moises bowl because of errands
The Funny:
-Australian bowlers
-Chigumbura going for 28 runs in his 4 overs
-Moises replacing Brett Lee. The Oz selectors really should try their hand at comedy
-Ricky Ponting giving the ball to Adam Voges and then Adam Voges giving 13 runs in one over
-Yuvraj Singh giving his wicket to Moises
-Moises looking more surprised than elated with his maiden ODI wicket. I had a similar expression
It didn't go over the ropes? What does that mean?
- Bangladesh winning against Zimbabwe...cricket makes sense again
-Australia losing...BAHAHAHAHAHA
-Ashraful scoring 63 at long last! But Tamim overshadowing his return to the score board with a 80 was a thousand times better
-Enamul Haque Jnr continuing to take wickets
-Not having to watch Yuvraj's jiggly belly because of errands
The Bad:
-Hamilton scoring more than Tamim. (I am not impressed)
-India winning
-Yuvraj Singh scoring 78
-Adopted son Mushfiq scoring only 4
-Bangladesh's middle order collapsing
-Not getting to watch Moises bowl because of errands
The Funny:
-Australian bowlers
-Chigumbura going for 28 runs in his 4 overs
-Moises replacing Brett Lee. The Oz selectors really should try their hand at comedy
-Ricky Ponting giving the ball to Adam Voges and then Adam Voges giving 13 runs in one over
-Yuvraj Singh giving his wicket to Moises
-Moises looking more surprised than elated with his maiden ODI wicket. I had a similar expression
It didn't go over the ropes? What does that mean?Wednesday, October 28, 2009
This is the leader of the SFA speaking
Shakib,
I am displeased by the team's performance against the Zimbabweans. I am also unhappy with your performance. I know you are trying to hide from Lalit Modi, but once you are in the Sweet-Faced Assassin group, it is a sin to change into a mellow kitten. Also to lose your sweet face, so never grow facial hair.
Mushfiq,
You did well the other day little one. Keep it up and hit Chigumbura for some sixes. Then, hum the tune of 'Candle in the wind' in his ear.
Mashrafe,
Are you secretly Australian...or Nathan Bracken? Why the fuck is it taking you this long to recover from your injury?
Ashraful,
Since I am a woman of considerable power I am doing you a favour and getting ICC to change the laws for Bangladesh only. You are now officially the runner for one batsman of your choice. Just run, don't hit the ball, don't even go near the ball. Run straight when it is not risky to do so. IF you are run out after this, keep on running. Because I am going to come for your life. No matter where you are.
For inspiration, because you lot clearly need some, I am posting the video of your win against India in WC07. It's only the Indian wickets and three minutes long, because the game starts soon.
That's all.
I am displeased by the team's performance against the Zimbabweans. I am also unhappy with your performance. I know you are trying to hide from Lalit Modi, but once you are in the Sweet-Faced Assassin group, it is a sin to change into a mellow kitten. Also to lose your sweet face, so never grow facial hair.
Mushfiq,
You did well the other day little one. Keep it up and hit Chigumbura for some sixes. Then, hum the tune of 'Candle in the wind' in his ear.
Mashrafe,
Are you secretly Australian...or Nathan Bracken? Why the fuck is it taking you this long to recover from your injury?
Ashraful,
Since I am a woman of considerable power I am doing you a favour and getting ICC to change the laws for Bangladesh only. You are now officially the runner for one batsman of your choice. Just run, don't hit the ball, don't even go near the ball. Run straight when it is not risky to do so. IF you are run out after this, keep on running. Because I am going to come for your life. No matter where you are.
For inspiration, because you lot clearly need some, I am posting the video of your win against India in WC07. It's only the Indian wickets and three minutes long, because the game starts soon.
That's all.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Where have all the batsmen gone?
Bangladesh lost their match to Zimbabwe. FUCK!
This is not funny. This is not funny AT ALL! Krish promised me that Zimbabwe will lose to Bangladesh because it is the way of the world. The world just pulled a sly one on Krish and made Bangladesh the losers! Sad face, lots of them. Some with tears.
Back to the subject. Where are they? This seems to be the Batsmen Napping in Unity week. India had to rely on their number eight and number nine on Saturday, Bangladesh's runs were made by Mushfiq (number 5 and incidentally another one of my adopted sons) and Dolar Mahmud (number ten!). Even Zimbabwe's winning knocks came from their number six and seven.
While we are on the topic of Zimbabwe, fuck you Chigumbura for taking 3 wickets and scoring 60 runs. And HAHA Coventry.
But seriously, I am going to launch a massive hunt for these lost batsmen. Specially the Bangladeshi ones, before they star in Woeful Act-II.
Although, I have no clue how to wake up a pile of napping men in pads and helmets. Maybe send in a bunch of angry, swinging fast bowlers after them.
This is not funny. This is not funny AT ALL! Krish promised me that Zimbabwe will lose to Bangladesh because it is the way of the world. The world just pulled a sly one on Krish and made Bangladesh the losers! Sad face, lots of them. Some with tears.
Back to the subject. Where are they? This seems to be the Batsmen Napping in Unity week. India had to rely on their number eight and number nine on Saturday, Bangladesh's runs were made by Mushfiq (number 5 and incidentally another one of my adopted sons) and Dolar Mahmud (number ten!). Even Zimbabwe's winning knocks came from their number six and seven.
While we are on the topic of Zimbabwe, fuck you Chigumbura for taking 3 wickets and scoring 60 runs. And HAHA Coventry.
But seriously, I am going to launch a massive hunt for these lost batsmen. Specially the Bangladeshi ones, before they star in Woeful Act-II.
Although, I have no clue how to wake up a pile of napping men in pads and helmets. Maybe send in a bunch of angry, swinging fast bowlers after them.
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