101 reasons why I like the Kiwis

I've been trying to figure out why I like the Kiwis so much. Apart from the fact that they have Daniel Vettori and are basically neutral like Switzerland I mean. So I was reading up on them when it suddenly struck me.

New Zealand is considered by many to be a state of Australia.
Canada is called the 51st American state.
Truth is, We are both a million times better than our neighbours.

That was reason number three.

The Kiwis always surprise people with their cricket. We never look at them and say, 'this team is so fucking talented they will rule the world one day'. Then they thrash India by 200 runs.

That is a huuuuge margin. Even bigger considering three of their top players and match-winners were all absent. Vettori is apparently in labour, Jesse Ryder is still drunk and Baz is probably at sea, in a quest to truly find his calling.

That is reason number four.

Reason number five is IOB. Enough said.

Then there are others, like Ross Taylor, Scott Styris, Shane Bond and of course Stephen Fleming. Stephen Fleming alone can be reason number nine to a hundred. And because of his awesome performance I will now add Daryl Tuffey to that list.

Reason number hundred and one.

Strangely, by the end of this list I have also managed to come up with a reason I like India: they gave Dhoni grey hair.

Or maybe it was the wife.

The Dancing Bowler

I have a soft corner for Sreesanth. Everytime, and I mean everytime, I have writer's block or no material to write about, Sreesanth crops up.

For instance, this latest quote on Crapinfo:

" Everybody knows I can dance well and I can bowl fast too. There are only a few bowlers who can do that "

-Sreesanth knows he has a rare combination of talents

How those lovely words found each other and in under what circumstances, I do not know. But I am not a journalist and always happy to make up shit. So here is the real story.

Darling Sreesanth was recently fired from his job as captain of the Kerala cricket team. Further, he was not informed by the Kerala Cricket Association (KCA), but rather heard it from friends. This upset Sree tremendously but KCA is so immune to his tantrums (I am assuming there have been others) that they are not bothered. So Sreesanth is thinking about quitting Kerala, which might mean anything from moving from the state itself to just never playing for their cricket team. Either way, the loss is Kerala's because...everbody knows Sree can dance well and bowl fast too. There are only a few bowlers who can do that.

KCA are so thick-headed and uninsightful that they cannot spot this rare gem of a player. Dancing is such a criticial skill to have when you want you are bowling a bouncer at 150kph. Why else would Darren Gough be the winner of Strictly Come Dancing and Juan Theron put Shilpa Shetty to shame on the IPL dance floors? Rumour has it that even has a police officer, Shane Bond pursued his dancing career and if you dig a little deeper, you are sure to find out that Allan Donald was the first winner of So you think you can Dance.

He probably has the essential skills to be a good captain too, but only Sree knows what they are. Maybe he will reveal it to us through yet another quote right before he actually does leave Kerala:

"Everybody knows I can be emotional and I can be a good captain too. There are only a few cricketer that can do that".
-Sreesanth knows he is a rare combination of every joker in this world. 

Black Caps in the semis?

It's a possibility. Remember I told you that the Kiwis have a habit of sneaking into the semis? They did it in the Champions Trophy in 2000 and 2006 and in the World Cup in 1992,1999 and 2007. They actually won the CT in 2000.

And now they have a chance to do it again. The Kiwis did what Sri Lanka or South Africa couldn't do. Murder England. The Pommies made 146, and the Kiwis have to make 139 to qualify for the semis. Don't you love it when you wish for something and it finally comes true? Well, I shouldn't be too happy yet. The Kiwis still have to bat and its a tough pitch apparently.

This next bit might shock you, so sit down. Dan bowled only 1.1 overs, conceded 2 runs and got 1 wicket. I know what you are thinking and it is correct. Elliot, 007, Butler and Mills got the rest of the wickets. That's four out of five Kiwi bowlers, minus Dan. Did you hurt yourself from the fall? I told you to sit down for this. Even Dan did.

My lovelies can bowl!

So what is the Kiwi secret? They are always the Underdogs. Even when they are playing fantabulously nobody takes them seriously. While everybody's involved in an over-the-top, highly dramatic struggle, the Black Caps just quietly slip out, take the spot and run! Till they reach the semis. Then they crash out.

Interestingly, it's been nine years since the Kiwis won an ICC tournament, despite having reached the final four a number of times. Sounds like a certain team in green...see? They are so clever that nobody even realized that they consistently fail at the same stage as the Saffers. I like. I like a lot.

New Zealand heard us

They tried guys. They won against Sri Lanka to give the Saffers a chance. We messed it up big time.

Somebody scored 74 runs off 58 balls and gave Ryder the credit. The real Jesse was sitting down and chilling under the sun.

See?

Dan was impressive with both the ball and the bat. As is customary of him in this current Kiwi side. I wonder how many M-O-M awards Dan has. Hopefully enough to buy a new team :P.

Although some of the bowlers showed up today as well. Other than 007. More like 00 fullstop. The Kiwis need to find a new fast bowler. Seriously. It's high time.

Dilshan nearly killed their chances, as he is the lone Lankan assassin. Jayawardene wanted in on the action but couldn't save the match. Koolboy Kula also contributed. I was saddened by Kandambi's failure however. He should always score big. Just as a birth-right kind of thing.

I am really sorry I didn't wake up at 3am to watch this match. I haven't watched a brilliant NZ performance in a long time. I just hope they do the same on Tuesday to avenge South Africa. If they do, I'll write something nice about Ryder. I promise!