T2D2: Dale is a batsman now

Which is clearly why he has lost his bowling skills. But let's talk about the batting first. Bouch and AB were excellent in the morning. Almost made up for the horrendous start yesterday. Then Bouch had to go and get out to Swannyg66. URGH! I think someone is punishing me for...I don't know why! I am such a lovely person! Very ready to dislike people/things but I am quite pleasant. No, really.

I bet Poppy Flower has changed his mind about the UDRS. Now, it will become the greatest invention since T20's. So fair, takes the game forward and all that crap. Freaking opportunist!

Okay, Dale's batting. Three sixes off Graeme Swann. That just made me forgive him for all the atrocious bowling over the last couple of months. Of course he got himself back on the hit list during England's innings, but damn he was good to watch. Take that Graham Onions. You block, we smack. Of course not all the time but whatever. Dale can be a very handy lower order batsman when he wants to. As can Ntini because he never gets out. Really, when was the last time Maky wasn't not out? I can't even remember.

Oh, the bowling! Fuck me if it wasn't worse than rubbish. At one point, there was at least one four scored in every over. No matter who was bowling. Obviously if the Saffers lose this they are going to release some silly regret statement over not dropping Makhaya. He was so fucking bad even his biggest supporter Biff (pffft!) didn't want to play him again. Alastair friggin' Cook looked solid against this bowling! There's something so very wrong with that sentence.

Dale was no good. Not horrendous but no good either. Morne bowled 'a' beauty, otherwise he was just about okay. Harris wasn't exceptional. He is never exceptional, he just gets wickets. Which he didn't and now fucking England is 103/1. Clearly they are cruising at this point but tomorrow is a new day. It better be a new day else Mickey and Biff won't be able to sleep at night with all the Friedel lovers planning their assassination.

The best bit of commentary in the whole match was when Biff was showing his nasty legs to Shaun and he said 'It wasn't a pretty sight, those white legs'. Oh Polly! Use cucumbers. They work wonderfully for sore eyes.

The UDRS is illogical

Okay, I checked this news because of this picture:

Andy flower is so annoyed by the UDRS that he has decided to back up his statements by posing next to a telescope like a scientist. He doesn't get it, he thinks it doesn't help the game. I personally think it's too early to make the call. It has flaws of course but if every system was perfect we would live in an ideal world. The question is, is it really so flawed to the point where it should be removed from the game altogether or is England just sulking because things didn't go their way? It might be like this for a while, working for one team and not working for the other. So one will always love it while the other loathes it. But then, doesn't it sound like the system is not good enough to be used yet?

Maybe, maybe not. But really the point of this post is to laugh at Andy Flower for posing like an intellectual and Jonathan Trott copying a lost Romeo, while they try to figure out how to use the UDRS.

Somebody help them understand this shit. And explain it to me too, while you are at it.

It's me

Apologies for the sudden disappearance. Turns out textbooks have more to say than all of bloggerdom combined. But with the first test just four days away, the nerd has been shown the door and the cricket fan has been released from her hell-hole. Only to find at that the English cricket team has been infested by impostors.

Cricinfo tells me that someone by the name of Graeme Swann has taken six wickets in some warm-up match. Now the Graeme Swann I know, is only capable of doing that in his home ground against unstable teams. The unstable part may still hold, as this is some South African Invitation team, but although it says the match took place in East London, it's not quite the same. So I can only conclude that someone has decided to impersonate the man, while he happily twitters himself into oblivion. This guy is so good that even his team-mates have been fooled and are calling him one of their key factors. In case you did not know, I don't like Swannyg66, but this is cruel and the impostor really must be punished for making the world believe that Swann is good at anything else other than twittering. Having said that, if this is the real guy I look forward to watching him do the same in the tests. I also look forward to watching Julia Roberts, in the form of Ryan Sidebottom, take five wickets.

No, I have not started liking them. But I realized over the last few days that every person I have dismissed as a mediocre cricketer have begun to perform. Obviously it is an effort to impress me, as I am a very important factor in their lives, but being proven 'wrong' time and time again is fucking annoying. Not that any of them have because warm-up matches don't mean shit. But I really do like it when England underperform as you already know. Since I have started blogging, they've won the Ashes, knocked the Proteas out of the Champions Trophy and even clinched the ODI series in Saffaland. This is not good for my mood and I like to be happy. In my own twisted, sadistic way. So I am refraining from taking the piss out of them just in case they do something silly like win against the Saffers while trying to impress me. I suspect this will only last for a couple of hours, but if England can be applauded for trying their best for a gazillion years, why can't I?

I also suspect this series will take a toll on me, physically and emotionally. I need to find a way to protect myself. Maybe I should just follow Andy Flower, who is the epitome of being high in this picture.

Poppies duuuuudddeee!