Why I should be captain of Pakistan

Not all of this is true, but when the person who will be overseeing my reasons goes by the name of Butt, truth and lies are irrelevant. It's all about getting the job now and getting banned later.
Also, if you can correctly guess which Pakistani captains I am talking about you get something special.
I lie, you get nothing special.
You can't ban me either.

1) I have hair, lots of it. Some have suggested I should do laser hair removal on my head.

2) I have seen Clueless 50 times and totally identify with Alicia Silverstone, which essentially mean there is not much difference between me and Mohammad Yousuf.

3) I make my boyfriends on MSN. Some are from countries I have never even heard of but fear not, I have met all of them over lovely webcam dinners.

4) I was regarded highly as the class drama queen and my teachers would put up with anything I did.

5) I am willing to change my religion to be the captain of Pakistan.

6) I have five 'different' versions of the same speech. Like boys did well, boys did not do well, boys tried to do well, boys did very well and my favourite: boys did well.

7) I can keep wicket. More of us should be captains, if you ask me.

8) I have a nose.

9) I have a temper and I do not hesitate to use it.

10) Because everybody gets to captain Pakistan.