Moises is a captain

I'll give you a minute to stop laughing.

Done? Okay.

So Stuart Clark was injured, more like depressed about his Test rejection, and NSW decided to announce, and I quote, "Australia's Golden Boy" as their captain.

This is where I remind you guys that Kieron Pollard likes to eat Moises (I have a crappy name) for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Moises has 24 First Class wickets, since his debut in 2006 and 25 List A wickets. I have no clue what List A is, but what about this record sounds golden? WHAT about this record makes him stand-in captain worthy?

Having talent is something else, but you have to be able to execute that into records to achieve something. People are praising him for playing a captain's knock because he added 65 runs to his top order's 207 in the first innings and took 3 wickets overall. And still lost. How very shocking!

It might be a tiny glitch, but I have heard that Australian players are bred to be the absolute best because at no point during their training are they given anything that they do not deserve. Even if it was their dying wish. And this is the Sheffield Cup, where most of the tough bastards are born.

But now, Shane Watson is still over-hyped, they can't find a decent wicket-keeper and modelling queen Michael Clarke is going to one day lead the Aussies in tests. The very thought of that sends my into hysterics. Do you see anyone in the team respecting this man as their captain?

A good batsman, yes. A team man, sure. A friend, maybe if he puts on a shirt. But a captain? Every time he gives an insipirational talk, his team-mates are going to picture him topless, hiding his privates with his fingers.

What is wrong with Australian cricket?

Merv's Moustache

This is the story of one man and his moustache and how the shaggy hair on his upper lips guided him through all the tough selections.

Ashes 09, 5th Test

Merv: Tell me oh shaggy one, do I pick four seamers or put a spinner there?
Moustache: I say, it looks like the pitch will turn later. Blimey! This is a tough one, innit?
Merv: I think we should let Nathan play mate. After all, he did shockingly take wickets this series and surprise everyone by establishing himself as a spinner...more or else.
Moustache: Bollocks! We'll go with four seamers. Get Stuart Clark in.
Merv: He was kind of shit in the second innings of the 4th test though and the pitch seems to be better suited for spinners...
Moustache: Don't be a twat! Clark in, Hauritz out. I like them pacers. They make me twitch. If they blame you just say you misread the pitch. And make Punter say the same. Otherwise I'll boo him.
Merv: But..
Moustache: The 'tache has spoken.

India vs Australia, 2009

Merv: Shaggy one, we have a long injury list...
Moustache: Moises and Clint are going to replace them, yaar!
Merv: But the injured are...
Moustache: I don't need to know. I'm saying Moises and Clint will play, baas, they will play.
Merv: The problem is, even I don't know who McKay is and Moises seems to like getting whacked by batsmen. Stuart Clark on the other hand...or even Dirk Nannes...
Moustache: Clark lost us the Ashes my friend. And Dirk is also a Victorian. Selecting him and McKay is the same thing. No more discussions. The 'tache has spoken.

West Indies vs Australia, 2009

Moustache: Is Chris Gayle coming, mon?
Merv: We don't know yet mate.
Moustache: We open the bowling with Andrew McDonald and Shane Watson is to bowl the death overs. Give the rest of the boys some time off. The WAGS can play instead.
Merv: I don't think the WAGS know how to play.
Moustache: Bubu! They have been with the boys long enough to know how to play. Don't question my judgement, mon! And make Lara Bingle the captain. The 'tache has spoken.

If you haven't figured it out by now, the 'tache has been playing for the other teams all along. Just like the Australian selectors.

I'm supporting NSW

Every team I supported in this Champions League had a good run and then crashed out! Barring Bangalore. But nobody expected them to get as far as they did in the first place, so they actually had a good tournament (HAHA!).

Now T&T seems to be doing the same. Losing to BRETT LEE. Not even NSW. One god damn tweety bird imitating, no ball producing machine. Spare me the best fast bowler in the world talk. I don't want to hear it.

So now, I'm switching gears in the hopes that my bad luck rub on NSW.

Go Kato! Bring that wonder boy Moises on so KP can claim him as his very own bitch!
Go Clark! Bowl your heart out because you won't get picked for the matches against India!
Go Philly and Dave! You can share wonderful domestic stories about your domestic games on the plane back home. I'm sure the passengers will be all ears!
Go Bollinger! Prove to the world that the ONLY reason you don't get picked for Australia is because your unfortunate genes prevent you from looking good on TV!


Yes, this is me being supportive. But my plan doesn't seem to be working!