What's in your belly?

Sometimes, Stuart Broad inspires me. It's purely accidental of course, but it happens. This time he has inspired me to spend an unhealthy amount of time wondering what is in each cricketer's belly.

Apparently, Barbie has fire in his (link via GreyBlazer). Models all over the world are wondering if this is the new way to shed a few pounds before a big show.

That got me thinking. If Barbie has fire in his belly then what about those real fast bowlers? What do they have in their bellies that drives them to be the fantastic bowlers they are?

Dale Steyn, I would say, has a set of eyes that commands his deliveries. The eyes are that of a woman's, don't ask me whose. All I know is that she is very powerful and can turn Dale into a maniac.

Aamer definitely has a cute, cuddly but rabies infested mouse. I hear the mouse has RP tattooed on it's body. Asif has some mysterious smoke. I think it was once a fire that went on strike the minute Barbie made his claim. Never fear, it will be back. Barbie's is probably a fake plastic one anyway.

Dougie has a razor, which may also explain his hairstyle. Hilfy has fighter jet plane.

Maliga has an axe, a slightly erratic one. Kemar Roach has a thousand beetles that will crawl all over you till you give in to them. Mitchell Johnson has two fat eggs because at least one of them seems to be dysfunctional at some point. Morne has a lollipop and Fidel Edwards has your momma.

And I know this name doesn't belong here but I thought I would let you know that Shane Watson has hair gel in his belly, before he starts crying.

Disclaimer: No fast bowler was cut open surgically or otherwise during the making of this post.

T3D3: Spitgate

Dale Steyn got a special albeit late birthday gift on Day 3. The gift was wrapped in anger, decorated with a mouth and went by the name of Sulieman Benn. The gift teased and taunted his team-mates and him. When Dale went to a beautiful leg-cutter by Kemar Roach, the gift laughed at the birthday boy, upon which he decided that he didn't like the gift and spat at him.

It is a serious issue, I agree. Both parties were acting like juvenile delinquents. But let's leave the seriousness to the officials shall we? And let us engage in some much needed laughter.

I always find it funny when sportsmen get upset and exchange words. It's funnier when the ones involved  are mediocre at the sport they play, which is often why they use their mouths to try and dominate instead. This is not the case here though. Benn is currently one of West Indies' most important test bowler and we all know how good Dale Steyn is. But that doesn't mean that we can't laugh at this.

Benn provoked much of it, I would say. When he starts talking he can't stop. He got overly excited when Dale came to the crease too, probably because he was sick of looking at the top of Bouchy's head. Sometimes I wonder if that's why he is so angry. Can you imagine going through life, having mostly views of bald spots, budding bald spots and dandruff? But Dale too had no business spitting at him, as funny as it was. That is disrespectful and quite a nasty thing to do. Keep your saliva where it belongs!

Both will probably be fined, but the problem is this will be Benn's millionth punishment. He chirps and riles people up, so the officials like to fine him. I don't mind him talking, he entertains me quite a bit. But I also don't want him to be banned for going overboard, because he really is crucial to the Windies right now. A bowling line up with Edwards, Taylor, Roach and Benn is a bloody exciting one!

Thankfully, for once, this wasn't the only interesting happening of the day. Much to my shock, Ashy P remained not out at 78, still didn't get his century mind you (*insert bitchy smirk here*), but he did get Bouchy run out. That is the only way I can rationalize a player getting run out in the third day of a test series when they are already leading. Benn bowled seriously well to restrict the Saffers and then his best friend Dale killed his top order.

I saw people on Cricinfo blame Benn for that too. But the truth is their batsmen were terrible,they have been terrible throughout the series and Benn, as annoying as he is, gave them a fighting chance and they blew it.

IPL3

Let me remind you again that Kemar Roach is my new obsession.

Before him it was Fidel Edwards but he has been missing for a while now. I have put ads on every milk bottle available in West Indies. Hopefully the gap in his teeth will seek it out and return. 

Kemar Roach was bought by the Deccan Chargers at IPL3. I started watching IPL from the second season where I got bored half-way through. So I am no IPL expert and I only half care about BRC and Deccan Chargers because of the Saffers. Sometimes when I remember Albie's one hit wonder, literally, I watch Chennai too. But not for long because M.S. Dhoni leads to nightblindess in Canada.

I desprately want Ashraful and Mortaza out of Mumbai and KKR. Thankfully, Shakib has not been added to this list as he went unsold again, probably because of his international commitments. I think he would have been available for only like four games. But this is just a theory as again, I don't know much about the IPL.

But I do know about Kemar Roach.
Kemar Roach likes to hurt hairy goblins.
Kemar Roach likes to bowl fast in the hopes that the ball will actually kill somebody.
Kemar Roach then smiles, like a sweet little assassin.
Kemar Roach is a direct descendant of Walsh and Ambrose.
Kemar Roach is only 21.

I have said Kemar Roach about eight times in this article. It is intentional.