"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008
Showing posts with label Geoffrey Boycott. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Geoffrey Boycott. Show all posts

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Memories: Bangladesh vs Pakistan '99

This is a new series that I might start, when I have shit all to write about and the brain is not coming up with anything clever. Not that it does in general.

Anyway, before this epic match our first ever World Cup campaign was pretty much as expected- a nice ass-whooping. We were only there to be beaten, although we did win one against Scotland. I mean, our captain was too old and our 'star' player was too fat. Hence you can see why never in our wildest dreams had we ever imagined that Bangladesh would achieve something very special in their first ever World Cup.

I must admit that I had very little interest in the game, meaning I fleetingly watched Bangladesh bat. Both the games on that day (New Zealand vs Scotland was the other) would have not even the slightest influence on the tournament.

Other than humiliation for Pakistan.

When Pakistan was three down for 26 runs, a friend called to swear at me for not watching the match. I screamed and ran to turn on the t.v. and from what I recall, alarmed my family who thought I had either died or discovered gold in the house. That's when Inzamam fell to Khaled Mahmud and Geoffrey Boycott uttered some of my favourite words in commentary history,

"Look how short he is! But it doesn't matter because shorty's on fire!"

Just then, as a bloody anti-climax, we had a blackout. Frustrated, I went to sit on my front yard. I am pretty sure that people around the area showed up/called the hydro company and threatened to electrocute them because the power failures usually lasted about a good hour. Instead, it came back within twenty minutes. I was feeling lazy, so decided to hang out in my front yard for a few more minutes but had to run back as my I heard my neighbours scream their heads off.

Pakistan were five down.

The rest of the wickets went by very fast and I have very little recollection of them, other than intense happiness. But what felt even more amazing was the sure knowledge that my team was going to win against the stalwarts, as we waited for Saqlain Mushtaq's run out decision (he was the last wicket to fall). Bangladesh partied for a week. We had not progressed but had surely earned respect. Plus, it was a very emotional victory which you will only understand if you know the history of Bangladesh and how it was born. But I'm not going to get into that right now.

Sometime later, as match-fixing allegations unfolded, most were sure that this match was definitely fixed (I can't recall if anybody was actually found guilty), since there was no way in hell a team like Pakistan was going to lose to Bangladesh. To which I say...just stay tuned for more of my memories from Bangladesh cricket.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

T3D5: FML.com

Today, I perved on Dale Steyn publicly on National T.V. Steyn has a girlfriend. FML.
-Submitted by Geoffrey Boycott

Today, I intentionally got caught by Ashy P but had to pretend to be sad in front of my fucktard captain who makes me do it all. FML.
-Submitted by Jimmy Anderson

Today, Bumble called me a good captain for putting Ashy P in a wicket-taking position. The idea had come from Boucher. FML.
-Submitted my Graeme Smith

Today, my good mate knocked me up. He uprooted my off stump. FML.
-Submitted by Jonathan Trott

Today, I scored a match saving 78 then got out at a most crucial time. Most people will remember how I got out. FML.
-Submitted by Ian Bell

Today, I defended 22 deliveries without scoring a run and then lost my wicket to the man who can't turn the ball. I was sure I was not out, then again in my mind I am never out. The umpire didn't think so. FML.
-Submitted by Stuart Broad

Today, I had to run from the toilet straight down the pitch. My captain wanted me to get a breakthrough. I took some magical drink for the second last over. I still didn't get a breakthrough. FML.
-Submitted by Dale Steyn

Today, I wanted Onions for dinner. The bastard didn't want to come home with me.FML.
-Submitted by Morne Morkel

Today, I had to defend my ass off to get my team a draw. I was successful but I am actually a bowler and my role is to pick up wickets. FML.
-Submitted by Graham Onions

Today, I won Man-of-the-Match. My team couldn't get the final wicket for the win.FML.
-Submitted by Graeme Smith

Today, I feel blue. Both my teams lost crucial matches. FML.
-Submitted by Cricket Minded

Sunday, December 27, 2009

T2D1: Biff is Watto's only friend

The first half-an-hour of the day was fucking nerve-wrecking. James Anderson and Graham Onions kept on giving me a heart-attack with every delivery. But I do appreciate good bowling, as long as it is not coming from Stuart Broad or Graeme Swann (smirk). It was fun to watch. Except when Ashy P and Hashim Amla decided they have had enough for the day. What the fuck are the selectors thinking keeping Ashwell Prince in this game? Do South Africa not have a test opener?

No wait, they do. His name is Herschelle Gibbs. Even when he is out of form he is a thousand times better than Ashy P and Neil McKenzie. And with Graeme Swann taking majority of the wickets (groan), surely they need their best player of spin in the team to talk some sense into them? Fucking Mickey and his pea brain.

I have to mention Biff's run out. He was trying to take some of the heat off Watto it seems. It was not as poetic as Watto's but damn, when was the last time you saw a gigantic buffalo take a dive? I swear there was an earthquake till Canada. Of course it was AB's fault for hoping that his precious captain was as quick on his feet as him. Son, Jesus walking on water was fine and all but Biff taking a quick single? Now that would take some skill.

JP is killing me. He really is.

Did Geoffrey Boycott actually say that Biff's run out by Cook was like Jonty's? Oh poor man! I think he is becoming senile. They were wondering when Cook was going to dive...HAHAHAHAHAHA. Honey, he don't dive. He just bats his eyelashes and the wickets fall. His own.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

T1D1: Kallis in your face

Thank god for Jacques Kallis, you know what I am saying? When I turned on the television and saw they were 4 down with NO DALE STEYN (we will get to that later), I had a mini heart attack. Then I saw his broad shoulders clubbing Barbie for a four and I felt better. I also felt better at the thought of all those that dislike him, watching him get to yet another century (Watto and Kato, please take notes). And for once, just for once, England's bowling was even more boring than Jacques' batting.

The only aspect of that bowling attack I choose to remeber are the two sixes that were hit off Swannyg66. I also choose to remember poor Jimmy's tired face as he ran up to bowl. HAHA! Onions is such a fucking coward that Jimmy had to bowl with a dodgy knee because he had a calf strain. What a stinker! Drop him I say. Drop him for good.

Biff is too busy exercising his mouth (and other things...) over his batting these days. Fucktard! But look who got a game- Ashy P! He was painful to watch, but at least he was able to overcome Biff's stupidity. Which is a big feat. Always.

Dale Steyn is sitting this one out because they need him for the rest of the series. By some miracle twelve year old Friedel de Wet is replacing him instead of Parnie. WHAT THE FUCK! Looks like Mickey's also taken with Andy F's poppies.

But, we will talk about the shitty bowling tomorrow. For today, I am content that they haven't managed to blow their brains out.

Oh, Shaun Pollock and Geoffrey Boycott should always commentate together.