Merv's Moustache

This is the story of one man and his moustache and how the shaggy hair on his upper lips guided him through all the tough selections.

Ashes 09, 5th Test

Merv: Tell me oh shaggy one, do I pick four seamers or put a spinner there?
Moustache: I say, it looks like the pitch will turn later. Blimey! This is a tough one, innit?
Merv: I think we should let Nathan play mate. After all, he did shockingly take wickets this series and surprise everyone by establishing himself as a spinner...more or else.
Moustache: Bollocks! We'll go with four seamers. Get Stuart Clark in.
Merv: He was kind of shit in the second innings of the 4th test though and the pitch seems to be better suited for spinners...
Moustache: Don't be a twat! Clark in, Hauritz out. I like them pacers. They make me twitch. If they blame you just say you misread the pitch. And make Punter say the same. Otherwise I'll boo him.
Merv: But..
Moustache: The 'tache has spoken.

India vs Australia, 2009

Merv: Shaggy one, we have a long injury list...
Moustache: Moises and Clint are going to replace them, yaar!
Merv: But the injured are...
Moustache: I don't need to know. I'm saying Moises and Clint will play, baas, they will play.
Merv: The problem is, even I don't know who McKay is and Moises seems to like getting whacked by batsmen. Stuart Clark on the other hand...or even Dirk Nannes...
Moustache: Clark lost us the Ashes my friend. And Dirk is also a Victorian. Selecting him and McKay is the same thing. No more discussions. The 'tache has spoken.

West Indies vs Australia, 2009

Moustache: Is Chris Gayle coming, mon?
Merv: We don't know yet mate.
Moustache: We open the bowling with Andrew McDonald and Shane Watson is to bowl the death overs. Give the rest of the boys some time off. The WAGS can play instead.
Merv: I don't think the WAGS know how to play.
Moustache: Bubu! They have been with the boys long enough to know how to play. Don't question my judgement, mon! And make Lara Bingle the captain. The 'tache has spoken.

If you haven't figured it out by now, the 'tache has been playing for the other teams all along. Just like the Australian selectors.

What's in a name?

Plenty, for Moises Henriques. It's the reason he didn't get the man of the match award at today's match, despite making a swift comeback from the clutches of Pollard. His economic rate was the second lowest amongst the NSW bowlers and he took the highest number of wickets...3/11 off 3 overs. Yet Dave Warner snatched the award away from him with his whopping 48 from 25 balls...which was the highest score in this miserable match.

Now you are going to say, it was a difficult pitch to bat on you stupid imbecile, which is exactly why Warner got it! And I am going to say, why don't you say that to the bowlers from Victoria? They gave 169 runs in 20 overs, none of which came from extras and got only 7 wickets between them. Looks like the NSW batsmen don't know a hard batting pitch when they see one.

Since I am in a mood to win, I am also going to point out that two of Moises's wickets were Dussey and White. Dussey is regarded one of Australia's best T20 batsman. Which is not much of an achievement since the Aussies are shit at T20, but we will give it to him. Having a brother whose dead cricket career is still being put on display regularly, cannot be easy. And White, well White is the brand new Michael Clarke of Oz T20. Moises got both of them, yet Moises failed to land an award.

The woes of being a bowler? Nope. The woes of having a name like Moises which no one can utter without rupturing their lungs. Or whichever part of our anatomy bursts first with laughter.

Good day

Really good day actually. Both my teams won. Yes, I do know that Hersch didn't play. But that's only because he can't be bothered wasting his time and energy against silly teams like Victoria. They give games to red-headed monstrosities like McDonald. Hersch cannot be exposed to such harmful radiation. So he's resting, for the bigger games.

The highlights inform me that Victoria was 0 for 2 by the third ball. I really enjoyed Zondeki's second wicket. Specially when the commentators made some joke about Hodge being non-Australian for walking. Insult to injury. Just the way I like it.

In case you are wondering what the suspicious looking bag in the stadium was, it was Sybrand's ride. I have decided that he is the world's first intelligent zombie. Hence his face is devoid of blood and he lives in a bag. He was going to enter in his Hindenburg reincarnation but he needed the extra nap time to sniff them Bushrangers out in the field and maul them. So he came in his house.

I see you...

I'm just sad I didn't get to see him bowl. The highlights I have showed only one of his balls, which went for four. It was hit by Andrew McDonald. It's okay. Everybody knows the Germans need to be down and out before rising like unstoppable blood-thirsty hyenas. Interestingly, zombies follow a similar pattern. Does this mean all Germans are zombies?

The end result of this Herschelle-less game was that the Cobras won. As if anybody expected otherwise. Yawn.

The Challengers also won, this time without much international help. Well not completely because out of the 4 wicket-takers, 2 were Saffas and the star batsman was Rossy. Much to the dismay of Indian fans, the highest Indian batter was Rahul Dravid. The BCCI should drop him more often, it really does wonders for his batting. Anil Kumble also contributed with wickets. But sadly the angel that looks after retired seniors that won't let go, can only focus on one player at a time. So today, it was Anil over McGrath. I think all the praises from the last match was too much for his pigeon brain.

The state of affairs as it stands now is that NSW has to beat Somerset and T&T has to beat Eagles for Trinidad and NSW to go through to the semis. Now that Delhi is out the Challengers might just qualify if the Cobras are beaten in their last league match. Victoria is sitting at the top of League B despite losing one of their two games and have already qualified.

Umm, what? Someone explain.