Ricky's prayer

Oh Tasmanian Devil,

Please take over Pup and make sure every inch of niceness in that bastard is gone! Make sure you tell him not to bat if Australia are chasing or they are in a wobbly position, which they shouldn't be to begin with.

Let Kevin Pietersen burst in flames. His brain, hair, wide chest, sunglasses, iron-like arms should all be one giant pile of ashes. Let Andrew Strauss then come and take those fucking ashes home!

Let Andrew Strauss watch the whole match, every minute of the drubbing that my boys (I know Pup is the captain but who are we kidding? They still play for me) that my boys will give them to let him know what to expect at the end of this year. If possible, make Giles Clarke have a panic attack, change the rules of the game and put Andrew Strauss in the team during England's batting innings. Then make Pup give the ball to Witchy, he will break his hand.

Swap Graeme fucking Swann's body with Nathan Hauritz. I will do the rest.

Make Warner grow into a bigger ape so he can take Barbie and put him in his rightful place-in the forest with Naomi Watts.

Pay some girls to be Collyniggle's fans. He is so unappreciated in England that it will go straight to his head and his will forget how to be a captain. He might even think he is Alastair Cook.

Let Australia win so I can have another World Cup under my belt. After all, I am the real captain of the team.

Amen.

The injustice continues

And this times some of the cricketers look downright ecstatic to be in the video.

Some moments to look out for:
-Dirk Nannes shaking his booty
-Shane Warne over-acting
-Dave Warner pretending to be Egyptian
-Hersch looking confused
-Lumb doing a bad version of the hokey pokey
-Moises dancing like a girl

Is it a coincidence that four out of six people in this list are Australian? I don't think so.

Thank you IPL!

No genuinely. Delhi dropped AB as soon as Colly Buttniggle joined them. It's a good thing. Because I have realized that AB has no competition in the Saffa team. He can play in any position so it's usually other players who get dropped and AB fills their spot.

Wouldn't that make you feel invincible? It's not his fault. I would have felt the same.

But not in the Delhi team. There are people who can replace him, if he isn't doing well. Not on the field, but with Dave Warner opening, Gautam Gambhir back and Colly bowling well, I'm guessing they can forego the fielding. He kind of found his form in the last game he played, but at this stage in the IPL it is difficult to bank on kind of.

Dussey the ordinary, added to his woes by taking an extraordinary catch too. And he plays for KKR. That's like a slap that rebounded and came and hit you again. Yes, just like Dussey's catch. How clever am I?

Anyway, it's a good thing. Now AB will fight for his place and try to outdo Dussey...hopefully returning back to his old self in the process. Here's to Delhi not picking him for the next game either. Don't pull a stupid move just because he is AB de Villiers. C'mon Delhi! We are banking on it.

Hersch-bad boy no more

I have proof, courtesy of Aditya.

I know Hersch isn't very good at covering his tracks but he isn't this blatant either. Plus, I am pretty sure he doesn't wear a wig.

Ooh, a bald man you thought! Must be that idiot Gibbs upto no good again. Oh no, no, no. Look how wrinkled his shirt is. Hersch is always immaculately dressed. 

Sorry, he doesn't wear glasses either.

Try and spot him, you won't be able to. He isn't there. Although Dave Warner is and he is bloody short! 

Here, I'll even give you a link. See if you can find a single picture of Herschelle Gibbs in the parties.

http://toi.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/ipl/photos/iplphoto/4572785.cms

No? I thought so. Because he is here, and that's where he is staying put!

Don't hurt

You would think AB was a dainty little man, making contact with utmost delicacy, sending everybody into bouts of delighted squeals.

Well, you would be wrong because just now, he flung his dainty body at Harro and caused him to sprain his ankle. I mean, you can't really blame him. Harro just got the luckiest of wickets...the ball found direction after hitting the batsman. Not just any batsman, Sachin. On a hundred. Poor guy looked like a little boy who has lost his way. I almost felt bad for him. Almost.

Harro's ankle seems to be piss weak too. How tall is AB? 5"10? How the hell does he jump on a giant and injure him? And now he has injured himself while trying to take a dramatic catch.

Handle with care, AB. Leave that shit for the IPL. We don't care if you injure yourself then, or your team mates. Come to think of it, injuring your team mates will be an ideal situation there. Because you know, they are really the opposition.

Unfortunately, nobody in Delhi induces this type of "frolicking little girl" reaction in AB like Harro does. It's endearing and pathetic at the same time. What does he have that others don't?

Dave Warner is blond.
Dan the man is tall.
Gambhir wears that white stuff on his face.
Andrew McDonalds bowls like crap.

That's four Delhi boys with the characteristics of one Harro. Go injure them or something. Leave the Paul alone, AB. Just leave him alone.

Boo Dale

Where is the Barmy Army? I thought they travelled far and wide to support their team and I am sure a few of them have reached Saffaland. I saw them waving their flags. Unless they were relatives of Trott, KP, Strauss, Prior...oh fuck it! Need we go over the list again and again? Relatives of the Poms. There, that covers it.

I want them there, I need them there. To boo Dale. Boo him till his shittiness is drilled into his head. Why? Because of Mitchell Johnson at the Ashes that's why.

He got written about, booed at, made fun of, abused at Lords. After which he was fanfuckingtastic in the fourth test. He wanted to shut the world up and the Barmy Army instigated that. They were there in SA's tour of England last year, where Dale ripped through the Poms batting. It may have also been because he was in form then, but I firmly believe the Army helped.

I want the Barmy Army to call Dale a chipmunk with peanut brains.
I want them to tell Dale his grand kids have disowned him.
I want them to dress up as Dave Warner in a bunny costume and imply that the only reason Dale takes his wicket is because he has an amorous relationship with him.
Then I want to watch Dale do this:


So come on Barmy Army! Put your thinking caps on and boo Dale! Chop chop!

A little pick me up

For both me and Dave.


The look so happy. Wonder if it's the win or the position that's bringing out that lovely colour in them.

I'm supporting NSW

Every team I supported in this Champions League had a good run and then crashed out! Barring Bangalore. But nobody expected them to get as far as they did in the first place, so they actually had a good tournament (HAHA!).

Now T&T seems to be doing the same. Losing to BRETT LEE. Not even NSW. One god damn tweety bird imitating, no ball producing machine. Spare me the best fast bowler in the world talk. I don't want to hear it.

So now, I'm switching gears in the hopes that my bad luck rub on NSW.

Go Kato! Bring that wonder boy Moises on so KP can claim him as his very own bitch!
Go Clark! Bowl your heart out because you won't get picked for the matches against India!
Go Philly and Dave! You can share wonderful domestic stories about your domestic games on the plane back home. I'm sure the passengers will be all ears!
Go Bollinger! Prove to the world that the ONLY reason you don't get picked for Australia is because your unfortunate genes prevent you from looking good on TV!


Yes, this is me being supportive. But my plan doesn't seem to be working!

What's in a name?

Plenty, for Moises Henriques. It's the reason he didn't get the man of the match award at today's match, despite making a swift comeback from the clutches of Pollard. His economic rate was the second lowest amongst the NSW bowlers and he took the highest number of wickets...3/11 off 3 overs. Yet Dave Warner snatched the award away from him with his whopping 48 from 25 balls...which was the highest score in this miserable match.

Now you are going to say, it was a difficult pitch to bat on you stupid imbecile, which is exactly why Warner got it! And I am going to say, why don't you say that to the bowlers from Victoria? They gave 169 runs in 20 overs, none of which came from extras and got only 7 wickets between them. Looks like the NSW batsmen don't know a hard batting pitch when they see one.

Since I am in a mood to win, I am also going to point out that two of Moises's wickets were Dussey and White. Dussey is regarded one of Australia's best T20 batsman. Which is not much of an achievement since the Aussies are shit at T20, but we will give it to him. Having a brother whose dead cricket career is still being put on display regularly, cannot be easy. And White, well White is the brand new Michael Clarke of Oz T20. Moises got both of them, yet Moises failed to land an award.

The woes of being a bowler? Nope. The woes of having a name like Moises which no one can utter without rupturing their lungs. Or whichever part of our anatomy bursts first with laughter.