Sabotage deux

Since it's time for allegations again, I have one of my own. There is obviously an Indian connection, because no accusation is complete without a trail back to the subcontinent. Only in cricket though. For the rest of the world, no accusation is complete without a connection to the Middle East. But with Afghanistan making a mark, this may also be true in the world of cricket soon.

This is not a match fixing allegation but one of sabotage. The accused is Praveen Kumar and at the receiving end we have his beloved RCB team-mate and South Africa's only hope in the upcoming T20 World Cup, Jacques Kallis. The chosen method of sabotage was arm-wrestling, which was clearly meant to be a friendly match. But here's a picture of Praveen realizing in the middle that this is his chance to make sure that Jacques Kallis does not play when South Africa meets India in the group stages. Thus, he attempts to break Kallis' hand:

 Picture courtesy of Prafs

Judging from Jakes' current form the plan may or may not have worked. But he is clearly in pain and one more attempt may put him out for a few weeks. And there may be more as Jakes is there for another 2 weeks or so. Realizing the gravity of the situation, my alien soon-to-be-adopted son (we have reconciled and are trying to be a family again), ROFL have volunteered to donate his arm to Jakes, in case Praveen succeeds.

 
Picture courtesy of Official Website of RCB

That's right, team-mates for life! Oh and Praveen, even though he plays for Rajasthan, Morne wanted you to know that he is not amused.

First ODI

It's too late to do a post on the test now. Amla was more than great, Morne and Parny did their best, Ashy P played a stupid shot that opened the door for India and the Saffers should have drawn this one and taken the series. That's all you need to know really.

Strangely, the same shit has happened in the first ODI. South Africa has become a one man team; the rest are all in hibernation or handy tail-enders that can only take them close, but not win the match. However, I will look at the positives because everybody needs a change of direction at one point...specially South Africa.

1) Three run outs: I am not suprised. This is what happens when my Herschelle is on the field. How else do you explain the difference between Saffa fielding in the second test and today's ODI?

2) Dale Steyn's batting: Everytime I willed a six, he did it. Meaning, the positive is really my ability to control Dale's mind but we will let him think it was the dog.

3) Parny's batting: We will ignore the fact that he got run out in a painful fashion off the last ball of the game, reopening some very badly stitched wounds from a certain game about eleven years ago. Why? Because Parnell didn't bat at number 10 and he didn't forget to run...he hesitated. Feck!

4) My Herschelle's batting: Okay, it wasn't that great. But the six and the fours were very good previews of what is to come if he plays some more. Plus, he seems to have lost more weight and is looking very much like the Hersch of 2005. Sometimes, appearances mean everything.

5) No Biff: Very pleasant on the eyes.

6) Albie is back: and still petrifyingly ordinary at bowling. It's a positive because maybe someone will finally smack him in the face and tell him to focus on his batting.

7) They didn't choke: I thought about this one long and hard and I have come to the conclusion that they didn't. Parny and Steynkie looked very much like they were going to win this for the Saffers. It really took a very well directed slow ball from Kumar to end Steyn's onslaught. Even after, Charl and Parny looked relaxed. Something about their body language says 'fighter' not 'worried...cough, cough..gag'. The good news is Parny is the new generation and brave. So as long as 'choking' is not a required course in the South African cricket schools, we are good.

8) Charl's short ball: It seems to surprise the batsman everytime. I bet he could bowl six in a row and give the batsman six heart attacks. It's really quite strange. Something tells me the ball wears a 'I'm not a short ball' tag in the front and a 'You are a fool' tag at the back. Quite tricky to spot in a round ball.

And they still managed to lose...

Just a thought

How do you feel about fast bowlers scoring half centuries? Mohammad Aamer is currently trying to save Pakistan from losing the series against New Zealand. Actually he might have already guided them towards victory. Pakistan needs 38 off 36 balls and the Kiwis need only one wicket. It's extremely stupid on New Zealand's part considering they had the Pakistanis nine down about 80 odd runs ago. But Aamer the fast bowler came out of nowhere and hit Dan for consecutive sixes. It makes my heart bleed, but this post is about fast bowlers. And I am the master of avoiding topics I don't like discussing.

Praveen Kumar of India is also a hard-hitting, game winning batsman. Or has been in the recent past. Makhaya Ntini played a heroic innings in the last test match again Oz in Ozland, that nearly won the game for South Africa. He didn't score a 50, but it was a decent knock. Mitchell Johnson almost got a century against the Saffers, Stuart Broad ... *cough, gag, cough*

Sorry, I nearly choked and died. But yes, the individual whose name I do not wish to utter did put in a decent knock to try and save the 4th Ashes test. Although, he used to be a batsman apparently. Anyway, I'm sure there are loads of other names that I am missing but that is a pretty impressive list of pacers who can bat.

It's tough being a fast bowler. Cricket is a game that favour batsmen most of the time. Plus, they don't last as longer, pick up more injuries and don't always get the recognition they deserve when a match is won. On top of that, they have to pick up the slack of their batsmen too? I mean it's great that fast bowlers these days can bat, but really, do they need the pressure? Why can't the batsmen do their job properly? Do you see batsmen bowling fast and short when the bowlers are down? No. Because they can't. When bowlers play like crap, the team usually loses and they become liable.

Oh yay! New Zealand just won. But Mohammad Aamer remains unbeaten at 73. Way to go kid. Just don't be surprised if all your batsmen go to sleep from now on.

How did they lose?

MTJAG has a great post up about the 5th ODI and the consequences of being Sachin Tendulkar. A similar discussion can be seen all over the blog world about why India lost to the most inferior Australian side in years. So I'm proposing a few answers. Most of them are debatable.

1. It's the curse of having a Sachin Tendulkar in your team. There is no one like him, there possibly will never be. When you have a Tendulkar in your team and he is at the crease playing one of the best innings of his life (there are so many of these!), do you ever think you will lose? When Sachin goes out, because believe it or not, it can happen, instead of taking responsibility, the others panic. Then they lose and everybody blames Sachin for not finishing the game. Last time I checked, the team was called India, not Tendulkar. And cricket traditionally tends to have 11 men teams. Now, if Sachin had 10 kids and they all played for India, it would be different.

2. The Indian bowlers gave away 350 runs. You know your opponent team's bowling attack is weaker than your grandma's knees and you know the batsmen are going to come after you to make up for that. So clearly, the obvious answer is to allow their top order to make 350 runs. All at strike rates of hundred and above. And please don't start all that batting pitch nonsense. 10 Indian batsmen combined made 155 runs...and 17 out of India's 347 came from the Aussie bowlers.

3. Ravindra Jadeja wanted to be a hero. As did Harbajan, with that stupid shot which got him caught behind, but Jadeja took it to the next level. The minute Sachin got out, he started itching like a man having withdrawal symptoms. He was so upset with the Aussies for not being able to run him out that he let them have a go again and again. Did anybody catch Praveen Kumar's face when the Aussies finally did get him? I crossed my fingers so tight for Praveen to go up and slap him that they were nearly drained of blood. Alas, Harbajan hasn't taught Praveen the correct way to deal with eager youngsters yet.

4. This is Australia. Taken from Ricky Ponting's facebook fan page:

"Plenty of press about India attacking us today because we are wounded with all our injuries! That's just the way I like to go into a game with a bunch of guys like we have. India can't afford to be off their game at all as we will be on the attack right from the opening ball today."

As much as I hate to admit it (man, why do I have to be so sensible sometimes?), you just don't piss off Australia and get away with it. Even if they have put together a team straight from Cricket Australia's day care. When Australian cricketers are made, they are injected with a fluid that runs through their blood yelling 'I don't know the meaning of giving up even if I am shit. I don't like losing at all. And fuck you for thinking otherwise'.

I opened up an Aussie cricketer once to meet this bugger. Tough little sneaky bastards. That's what the Aussies are made of. Unfortunately.

I want to know

Yesterday, after the match, Brett did something very strange. He took Praveen Kumar's 40 runs producing bat, just grabbed it out of his hands, and blew on it. For a moment I thought he was going to kiss it, but he blew on it. I wonder why.

Why would he kiss Praveen Kumar's bat?

Why would he BLOW on Praveen Kumar's bat?

What did Nehra whisper in Kumar's ear after Lee returned the bat?

Does Lee practice black magic? In which case both actions would have been explained. He was just rubbing some good old fashion bad luck on the bat to prevent him from almost saving India again.

More than that, I want to know whether Brett Lee speaks to the Indian players in Hindi.

How do you say ' I am going to knock your fucking head off' in Hindi? Or does Brett Lee use his lines from his Bollywood love song to communicate with the Indians?

"Haan main tumhaara hoon, tumhaara hi rahunga".

I've been told the above means "Yes I am yours and I will remain yours forever".

If that is how Binga is sledging the Indian players, what do they say in return? Asha Bhosle said 'Oh really' in the song.

I want to know the answers to all these questions.

Where is Harsha when you need him?