Harro plans his WC campaign

I kid you not. Paul Harris has left the Titans in order to play MTN40...so he can prepare himself for the upcoming World Cup. Paul Harris wants to play in WC 2011 in the subcontinent where there will be no fifth day turning pitches. In fact, I am pretty sure that there will be no pitches that can make Harro's ball turn. Why? Well, because such pitches don't exist yet.

He wants to add to his 3 ODI's and 42 List A games. He has taken about 3 wickets in the 3 ODI's at a stunning strike rate of 60 and an average of 27.66. But at least his economic rate has been 2.76, which is not too bad. However, his case can only be made through his List A figures:

42 matches, 1251 runs, 47 wickets, average of 26.61, strike rate 37.2 and economic rate of 4.28. He even has a five wicket haul. But fuck me if that isn't rubbish. ROFL's strike rate in List A is at least 8 lower and the bugger has 97 wickets from 63 matches. I'll refrain from making a comparison with Botha because his figures are even worse than Paul's.

Yet Botes is in the ODI team.

So should the Saffers go for the man who has more experience playing ODI's or the man who has better List A figures? Dropping ROFL is out of the question of course, because his alien friends might eat Majola. But I suspect Botes and Harro will have to battle it out. Except this is the fucking World Cup and really, shouldn't we be judging Harro by ACTUAL ODI's? Even if he has only three of them under his belt, he was clearly terrible. And they were all played against Bangladesh in..wait for it...BANGLADESH!

Where is the World Cup taking place? Yes, I believe Bangladesh is one of the hosts. They may not play there but it's the fucking sub-continent! And Harro has played only 3 god damn ODI's there!

Plus, Harro isn't much of a bowler...but you already know that so I don't have to repeat all of it again. Lastly, I suspect that by the time the WC gets here, everybody will have figured out how to belt the shit out of him.

As if they haven't already.

Smith in twitter controversy

During the Rajasthan Royal vs Punjab game, Graeme Smith tweeted the following:

Good start 4 the royals!pls tell me if sreesanth really needs to behave like such an idiot!!!!

CSA moved swiftly and quickly (a necessary redudancy to stress on how fast they moved) to control the damage. Graeme Smith's twitter account has been suspended indefinitely and he is to see Gerald Majola in a hearing at 6am Cape Town time. Also present in the hearing will be John Howard writing a practical exam for the ICC. Giles Clark will be present, through webcam and in his pajamas. Details of the pajamas are to be kept secret.

Sreesanth started excreting body fluids in the form of tears since Smith pressed enter as he wears an ear piece connected to his phone in his pocket, which gives him twitter updates. One with technology you know, this future generation. Anyway, last heard, he may be able to bring the Dead Sea to life. 

Somewhere, someone has cried racism. It's still obscure, but will be prominent very, very soon. No one in India gives a shit, as it is only Sreesanth and probably justified.

Of course, all that you just read is fictional and it may or may not happen. What is NOT fictional is the fact that Punjab lost and Sreesanth swore. Like the 15 other players in this IPL.  

The plot thickens

Mike Procter and his merry men have been sacked. I want to do a little dance but it's really late here. Maybe tomorrow.

I am happy about the fact that Procter is gone. He is the fucking idiot that dropped Morne in the beginning of the season and kept Makhaya for the second test. Or was it CSA's quota policy that he was following? Something tells me we will never know.

Or maybe we will, if the interim selection panel magically brings Makhaya back in the squad. In which case who do we talk to to fire Gerald Majola? It might not happen, but it's good to keep a back up plan for everything. And a backup-backup plan. Meaning if there is nobody who can fire Majola we will need to kidnap Makhaya and send him off to Brazil. For his own good.

A part of me thinks they were fired for KEEPING Makhaya in the second test. That move had fucking politics written all over it. Then of course the utterly nonsense decisions to exclude Wayne Parnell and Morne Morkel from the ODI's against England, not picking Alviro Petersen or Loots Bosman for the Champions Trophy when Hersch was injured (weren't you surprised when these two came out of nowhere against England and did well?), the injustice done with Friedel de Wet etc.

What I don't understand is why everyone is so upset about this. Have you people not realized the Saffers were becoming so predictable a toddler could crawl all over them? Or are you still thinking about 2008? Hello, this is 2010. There was a year in between where the Saffers were T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E. And their strategy still sucks in the ODIs. Arthur, Procter and the gang had their contracts till the 2011 World Cup. If they hadn't been sacked now, that would have been another disastrous campaign.

They would have lost/drawn in India with or without Mickey and his safe tactics. It's not so bad. Trust me.