Thank you IPL!

No genuinely. Delhi dropped AB as soon as Colly Buttniggle joined them. It's a good thing. Because I have realized that AB has no competition in the Saffa team. He can play in any position so it's usually other players who get dropped and AB fills their spot.

Wouldn't that make you feel invincible? It's not his fault. I would have felt the same.

But not in the Delhi team. There are people who can replace him, if he isn't doing well. Not on the field, but with Dave Warner opening, Gautam Gambhir back and Colly bowling well, I'm guessing they can forego the fielding. He kind of found his form in the last game he played, but at this stage in the IPL it is difficult to bank on kind of.

Dussey the ordinary, added to his woes by taking an extraordinary catch too. And he plays for KKR. That's like a slap that rebounded and came and hit you again. Yes, just like Dussey's catch. How clever am I?

Anyway, it's a good thing. Now AB will fight for his place and try to outdo Dussey...hopefully returning back to his old self in the process. Here's to Delhi not picking him for the next game either. Don't pull a stupid move just because he is AB de Villiers. C'mon Delhi! We are banking on it.

Choosing my IPL team

I have no regional affiliation with any of these teams, neither am I an Indian supporter. Hence, my IPL team choosing method largely depends on...you guessed it...the Saffers. I am of the opinion that BD players shouldn't be there to begin with..waste of their time and fitness (MASHRAFE!). So their presence has very little effect on me. Btw, this also means I am allowed to be fickle and support more than one team. Okay? Okay.

So here we go, my elimination process:

Mumbai Indias: Ryan McLaren, JP, Polly the Ginger Ninja and Superman Jonty.
Unfortunately, neither Polly nor Jonty are with them anymore (right?). I love Ryan, but only because he is Saffa. I have yet to make that 'YoaresofuckingawesomeIwanttoworshipyou' connection with him. And JP has broken my heart beyond repair...so for now, Mumbain Indians- REJECT!

KKR: Charl Langeveldt.
Oh Charl, my one-eyed monster. Even though you are bald and should be playing for the national team more often, I cannot stand your team-mate Baz. He makes me want to take a butter knife and scrape away at his tattoos. Very slowly. He makes me want to be an American solider at Guantanamo Bay! And I cannot be that person. I'm so sorry Charl. I am soo sorry! KKR- REJECT!

Punjab: Yusuf Abdullah
First of all, I haven't even watched Yusuf play that much. Second of all, even if I had and was a fan, the minute I think of Punjab, I think Yuvraj. After which I just resort to projectile vomitting, all the while thinking if only Yuvi had done so his ego might have shrunk a little. Or maybe not. Even if it had...Punjab- REJECT! Like a thousand times.

Royals: Graeme Smith, Johan Botha, Morne Morkel
You guys already know how this is going to go. My love for the crooked Johan and the magnificent Morne knows no barriers. Except when uber-sized, filthy, junk-filled bodies in the forms of Shane Warne and Graeme Smith come in the way. I want to reject the Royals, except I can't do that to Morne. Hence, I am on a mission to save these two. Maybe I will buy them and then lock them up in some high tower with a dragon guarding the place. Pretty sure the Fat Twins won't be able to defeat the dragon...unless they eat it! BAAH! Anyway, Royals- SEMI-REJECT!

Delhi: AB de Villiers, Wayne Parnell
Yay! You would think I'd be a die-hard Delhi fan...well I am not. I don't know why. I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's because their third choice captain is Dinesh Karthik (What.the.fuck!) or maybe because as much as I try, I can't be a fan of Gautam Gambhir. But why doesn't AB and Wayne have the power to trump these obstacles? My psychiatrist thinks it's my inability to happy for successful, ultra-talented, nearly perfect children. Something to do with personal insecurity. Of course, it's all bullshit and the real reason is that their jersey look like that of England's. See how I bring the Poms everywhere? If I may say so, I am a bastard-bitch-idiot all in one. Delhi- REJECT!

Chennai: Justin Kemp, Albie Morkel, Makhaya Ntini
This just has one big, fat rejection written all over it's face. First of all, their captain is Mega Stupid. Second, they have glory hunter Freddie. Third, they have three Saffers who have not been able to perform for their country lately. Sorry Maki, past achievements are great an all that and I still love you for that but right now, right here...you ain't making it back to the team. I am sad for you, but I also want them to win. Which they can't if you are there. And let's not even talk about Albie. You put my Zulu to disgrace! Egghead!
Chennai- REJECT!

RCB:  Jacques Kallis, ROFL, Mark Boucher, Dale Steyn
This is my heaven right here. In addition, they have Rahul Dravid, my favourite Indian player. And I am also quite liking Praveen Kumar these days. But we all know Jakes, Bouchie, my Dale and my alien son make the team. Don't pretend otherwise, it's bad for your health. However, they are missing a crucial person and because of that, they are my second team. Regardless, RCB: EJECT!

Deccan: THE ONE AND ONLY HERSCHELLE GIBBS
Major hypocrisy alert. He is riding on past glory, hasn't performed for the Saffers in a while, is one of those uber-talented, young people but man...he is Herschelle freaking Gibbs. Messed up, bad boy, elegant stroke player, bald, fantabulous fielder...I'll stop before you are disgusted and clicking to close the page. But notice how I cleverly put this in the end, so you have to read through all of my "neutral" opinions before finding out I am still really biased and blindly in love with this has-been.
Deccan Chargers: EJECT! To the moon. With the IPL trophy bitches!

Don't hurt

You would think AB was a dainty little man, making contact with utmost delicacy, sending everybody into bouts of delighted squeals.

Well, you would be wrong because just now, he flung his dainty body at Harro and caused him to sprain his ankle. I mean, you can't really blame him. Harro just got the luckiest of wickets...the ball found direction after hitting the batsman. Not just any batsman, Sachin. On a hundred. Poor guy looked like a little boy who has lost his way. I almost felt bad for him. Almost.

Harro's ankle seems to be piss weak too. How tall is AB? 5"10? How the hell does he jump on a giant and injure him? And now he has injured himself while trying to take a dramatic catch.

Handle with care, AB. Leave that shit for the IPL. We don't care if you injure yourself then, or your team mates. Come to think of it, injuring your team mates will be an ideal situation there. Because you know, they are really the opposition.

Unfortunately, nobody in Delhi induces this type of "frolicking little girl" reaction in AB like Harro does. It's endearing and pathetic at the same time. What does he have that others don't?

Dave Warner is blond.
Dan the man is tall.
Gambhir wears that white stuff on his face.
Andrew McDonalds bowls like crap.

That's four Delhi boys with the characteristics of one Harro. Go injure them or something. Leave the Paul alone, AB. Just leave him alone.

What happened today?

One minute the Daredevils were reduced to 114 with some brilliant bowling and next the Cobras were crashing! Dilshan opened the bowling and picked up two wickets! Dilshan bowls? Since when!

Of course before we answer that question we must solve the mystery of why Dharmasena is an umpire! And no, this is not some biased rant because it was Herschelle who got the decision. IT WAS A WRONG DECISION! You really thought Hersch went first ball to Dilshan? If your answer is yes, you are doing drugs.

So, this Nannes character. He is the shits! I have always liked him. BUT, he disappointed me today. What was the point of putting in a brilliant performance AFTER your team has already crashed out? Where the hell was this before? He ruined the Cobras' record in this tournament for no reason. Spoil sport!

Now the Cobras are playing T&T. My team against the team I have grown to love. Both will face their first tough challenge I reckon. Whoever wins, will possibly also win the finals since the other contender will be either Victoria or NSW. Neither of whom are a threat to these two.

I'll probably go with the Cobras but damn I am getting chills just thinking about the match!

-JP vs KP
-Puttick vs Ganga
-Bravo vs Zondeki

Nice. This should be one hell of a game. Lots of DLF Maximums, thrashing and bashing.

Did I just wish for that? Sneaky Modi is getting to me. I will be back. Must bathe in holy water.

My Favourite Moment

An Indian 12th man and a rejected Pom once met on a cricket pitch. It went like this:

Indian Man (IM): You can do this Dinesh. It's as simple as carrying drinks. Just pretend you need to serve drinks to the wicket-keeper and the umpire alternatively. It's simple.

Pom (P): I haven't had my tea yet. I can't afford tea anymore because I was dropped from the squad, despite scoring brilliantly. I am a brilliant batsman and I get sidelined for a Hobbit and a Mascara boy.

IM: Wicket-keeper looks thirsty. I need to give him some water. I am the Chosen one, the official drinks carrier. I cannot let him die on my watch. If he doesn't get water now he will collapse. I must save him. Owhy just hit the ball, wait..is he coming this way? But my drinks tray is not ready yet! No you shit Pom, stay there!

P: See, I hit balls then I run. I am very good at running. I can run all day. Mascara boy can't even see because of all the makeup in his eyes. Must recommend Revlon to him. Wait, why isn't that bastard running? Did he somehow here my thoughts on Revlon?

Captain Cobra scoops up the ball and throws it to the wicket-keeper. Wicket-keeper takes the longest time to catch it, looks at the batsmen and then removes the bails.

IM: Good, I needed to go back to the pavilion to refill my bottles anyway. Tata darlings!

P: He did hear my thoughts! Now he is going to tell the ECB, who are never going to take me in the team again because everybody knows that they prefer Rimmel. Must kill drinks carrier. What is this? Is this game not over yet? But I haven't had my tea!

Unfortunately for Owhy, Modi is too busy canoodling his groupies to declare the end of the game. It is indeed a sad, sad day when three blonds and one brunette come in the way of one man's tea sipping.

Good day

Really good day actually. Both my teams won. Yes, I do know that Hersch didn't play. But that's only because he can't be bothered wasting his time and energy against silly teams like Victoria. They give games to red-headed monstrosities like McDonald. Hersch cannot be exposed to such harmful radiation. So he's resting, for the bigger games.

The highlights inform me that Victoria was 0 for 2 by the third ball. I really enjoyed Zondeki's second wicket. Specially when the commentators made some joke about Hodge being non-Australian for walking. Insult to injury. Just the way I like it.

In case you are wondering what the suspicious looking bag in the stadium was, it was Sybrand's ride. I have decided that he is the world's first intelligent zombie. Hence his face is devoid of blood and he lives in a bag. He was going to enter in his Hindenburg reincarnation but he needed the extra nap time to sniff them Bushrangers out in the field and maul them. So he came in his house.

I see you...

I'm just sad I didn't get to see him bowl. The highlights I have showed only one of his balls, which went for four. It was hit by Andrew McDonald. It's okay. Everybody knows the Germans need to be down and out before rising like unstoppable blood-thirsty hyenas. Interestingly, zombies follow a similar pattern. Does this mean all Germans are zombies?

The end result of this Herschelle-less game was that the Cobras won. As if anybody expected otherwise. Yawn.

The Challengers also won, this time without much international help. Well not completely because out of the 4 wicket-takers, 2 were Saffas and the star batsman was Rossy. Much to the dismay of Indian fans, the highest Indian batter was Rahul Dravid. The BCCI should drop him more often, it really does wonders for his batting. Anil Kumble also contributed with wickets. But sadly the angel that looks after retired seniors that won't let go, can only focus on one player at a time. So today, it was Anil over McGrath. I think all the praises from the last match was too much for his pigeon brain.

The state of affairs as it stands now is that NSW has to beat Somerset and T&T has to beat Eagles for Trinidad and NSW to go through to the semis. Now that Delhi is out the Challengers might just qualify if the Cobras are beaten in their last league match. Victoria is sitting at the top of League B despite losing one of their two games and have already qualified.

Umm, what? Someone explain.