T1D5: Onions make me cry

First of all sorry about the lateness of this. I had a busy day...not because I was crying. Just had things to do.

Anyway, FUCKIN' HELL! When the first two wickets fell I was getting ready for a full blown collapse and happily pranced about the room wishing for an early end so I could go to sleep. Then fucking KP and fucking Trott came to the crease and decided they were Hashim Amla and AB de Villiers. They could be long lost brothers of course with Trott and Amla both being bald while AB and KP...well they are the initial brothers.

I honestly thought at one point England was going to win this. Nothing and I repeat NOTHING the bowlers did worked. Even poor Jakes had to bowl a few overs. I dozed off and woke up from time to time to check the number of wickets and it would not budge from three. Then just when I was thinking of punching KP through the television it happened.

KP saw the people of South Africa beckoning him home and he ran to them like a little girl. Honestly, did you really think KP wanted the century? When he went to tea he realized he didn't want Earl Grey, he wanted Braai. I know because he has been showing much love to the Saffers lately. He called Jakes the best cricketer in the world, he went up to shake Hash's hand after he got that century and then he ran himself out. We also have all those scandalous pictures that I have been putting up. KP is 'home sick'. Right under Vaughan's nose too. What the fuck are you good for Michael if you are not going to be outing your 'traitorous' former team-mates? I'm telling you Michael Vaughan is no fun in shorts.

I was ecstatic as the wickets kept on tumbling. Did you notice AB's stunning catch? He was upset with me for calling his fielding mediocre. And Morne...I was soooo thrilled with him when he got Swann out. It was undoubtedly my favourite moment in the game but goddamnit Morne, WHY DIDN'T YOU BOWL LIKE THIS BEFORE? Friedel did, he did fantastically. I am impressed with the kid. But I get this feeling either Morne or Makhaya is going to be dropped for Durban if Dale comes back. Although the latest news regarding that is Dale is still not willing to give up his off-the-field life. Dumbass!

The review system just doesn't work for Stuart Broad. It has become one of my moments to watch out for in the series. Barbie's dubious brain cells taking on an equally dubious system. How very nice! But what is NOT nice is that fucker called Onions. England's number elevens seems to have mastered their blocking skills. I was so fucking frustrated with the last four overs, I may have broken my couch. Everyone's saying that Saffers got the moral victory but what the fuck is a moral victory really? There is no trophy for 'Oh, you were nearly there!'. Specially for the Saffers, who are ALWAYS nearly there.

But what to do now? I can only take consolation in the fact that in the first innings, it was the Saffers who looked like they were playing for a draw. All that had changed dramatically by the last innings and now England is under considerable pressure. If only Smith will shut up that fact could rattle them on it's own. SHUT UP BIFF! Trott is not slow. It's just Bilal Shafayet's spirit possessing him.

Swannyg66 was the man of the match. Okay fine, he earned it. But he still didn't get a wicket in the second innings while Harris got two. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I am proudly incorrigible.