I see on Crapinfo in this glorious day at work (where I am sleeping) that Shakib has ended Jacques Kallis' reign at the top as a Test all-rounder. A great achievement to say the least. Toppling Jacques Kallis requires 10 more Jacques Kallis's. Both literally and metaphorically.
While I am very happy for Shakib, this is not good for the team. Remember when India only relied on Tendulkar and he was the only one bringing in the accolades? What did that do for India? Nothing. Of course Bangladesh is an even worst version of that Indian team, but honestly, this only means that the rest will rely on Shakib even more now. The attitude will be, we got Shakib and Shakib's got our back. Hence we will continue to be who we are. An embarrassment.
I haven't been watching their recent games because checking the scores on Crapinfo the next day makes me miserable enough. Bangladesh should probably give up their test status and register as a county team. If they will take them that is.Who wants a county team who ends most of their five-day ventures in two? And their one day ventures before lunch.
You would think that Shakib's continuous achievements would inspire the others. But no, they continue to pile it on the boy. It's quite sad really. Or really smart. Make him do all the work and take all the credit right?
FYI Bangladesh, it didn't work for India and it won't work for you.
You better believe it.
Showing posts with label India. Show all posts
Showing posts with label India. Show all posts
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
Why should I return?
Have you been watching cricket recently? HAVE YOU?
England, on a quest to be the number one test team of the world, have magically tapped into their inner winner. I didn't even know such a thing existed with the Poms, but there you have it. They are kicking ass. Even Mascaraman is a winner this time around. He must have dug up his inner champion from someone else's grave.
India are on the receiving end of this new English attitude. Supposedly, they too are vying to be the new Australia (world champs+test champs+piss everyone off champs). A poor choice of ambition, considering their bowling attack consists of a staggering nobody.
But wait, who makes up England's bowling attack? James Anderson...and the obscure one hit wonders.
iLaugh.
India dies.
At the hands of a Barbie doll.
Then we have my countrymen who have attempted to disguise themselves in horrendous orange, lest they fail. I appreciate it, because it shows they are thinking ahead. "In case of yet another embarrassing performance, wear a different coloured uniform. All stones will be diverted to the wrong bus anyway".
Well Bangladesh, here's a line for you: If you try again and again without success, failure may just be your style.
I am beginning to believe that.
How can I end a post without talking about my beloved Proteas. Who you say? I say the same thing. Who are these non-existent, fleeting men in green who only show up for certain periods of the cricket season, and never stay for the climax?
*Insert dirty joke here*
So in a nutshell, this is the era of England and India (not choosing since I can't bear it to be the era of either), Bangladesh will replace Zimbabwe in the number 10th spot and the Proteas are too busy being degenerates.
Nobody loves me.
England, on a quest to be the number one test team of the world, have magically tapped into their inner winner. I didn't even know such a thing existed with the Poms, but there you have it. They are kicking ass. Even Mascaraman is a winner this time around. He must have dug up his inner champion from someone else's grave.
India are on the receiving end of this new English attitude. Supposedly, they too are vying to be the new Australia (world champs+test champs+piss everyone off champs). A poor choice of ambition, considering their bowling attack consists of a staggering nobody.
But wait, who makes up England's bowling attack? James Anderson...and the obscure one hit wonders.
iLaugh.
India dies.
At the hands of a Barbie doll.
Then we have my countrymen who have attempted to disguise themselves in horrendous orange, lest they fail. I appreciate it, because it shows they are thinking ahead. "In case of yet another embarrassing performance, wear a different coloured uniform. All stones will be diverted to the wrong bus anyway".
Well Bangladesh, here's a line for you: If you try again and again without success, failure may just be your style.
I am beginning to believe that.
How can I end a post without talking about my beloved Proteas. Who you say? I say the same thing. Who are these non-existent, fleeting men in green who only show up for certain periods of the cricket season, and never stay for the climax?
*Insert dirty joke here*
So in a nutshell, this is the era of England and India (not choosing since I can't bear it to be the era of either), Bangladesh will replace Zimbabwe in the number 10th spot and the Proteas are too busy being degenerates.
Nobody loves me.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Joke's on you, India
Mumbai Indians are a strange team. People who follow them consist of those that think that they are the best team in the world and those who viciously try to prove that they are over-rated. One suspects that people's reasoning for thinking that Mumbai are the best team in the world because they have Sachin. Of course all logic fails afterwards, so we will not elaborate.
One also suspects that haters hate Mumbai because of their fans. This by all means is a gross generalization. My research sample is completely biased and most of it is just good old fashioned intuition. But that is what makes the joke funnier.
Amongst all these: the lovers and the haters, the fanatics and the sworn enemies, one factor continues to remain overlooked. It is this factor that makes me laugh out loud because it actually affects both parties. I dislike Mumbai immensely (despite the on and off presence of Shaun Pollock in the team) because of this factor.The factor is Harbhajan Singh.
Durby plays for Mumbai and India. Durby is often considered an important weapon for both his teams. Durby consistently gives a 'meh' if not disgustingly inadequate performance for both the teams. Mumbai Indian fuels this inadequacy, as Durby is rarely replaced but always cherished...just like in team India. All this limited overs exposure means Durbhajan Singh Durby, is sure to be in World Cup squad.
Mumbai Indians recently lost a match they had already won because Durby thinks his bowling is acceptable.
Most haters and lovers of Mumbai Indians are Indians themselves.
India are one of the hosts of the 2011 World Cup.
You see why I am laughing at them?
One also suspects that haters hate Mumbai because of their fans. This by all means is a gross generalization. My research sample is completely biased and most of it is just good old fashioned intuition. But that is what makes the joke funnier.
Amongst all these: the lovers and the haters, the fanatics and the sworn enemies, one factor continues to remain overlooked. It is this factor that makes me laugh out loud because it actually affects both parties. I dislike Mumbai immensely (despite the on and off presence of Shaun Pollock in the team) because of this factor.The factor is Harbhajan Singh.
Durby plays for Mumbai and India. Durby is often considered an important weapon for both his teams. Durby consistently gives a 'meh' if not disgustingly inadequate performance for both the teams. Mumbai Indian fuels this inadequacy, as Durby is rarely replaced but always cherished...just like in team India. All this limited overs exposure means Durbhajan Singh Durby, is sure to be in World Cup squad.
Mumbai Indians recently lost a match they had already won because Durby thinks his bowling is acceptable.
Most haters and lovers of Mumbai Indians are Indians themselves.
India are one of the hosts of the 2011 World Cup.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Apology post
So a while ago, while on vacation, I thought I would post.
I gathered all these materials on the match-fixing scandals. The excuses, the ex-girlfriends coming up with evidence out of the blue, the inter-country war accusations (oh yes, there have been those too) and I was ready to go.
I was unstoppable in my mind. Just like the media, I came up with my own version of their theories. Maybe Veena Malik DID marry Asif who refuses to share the news with the world. And now that Asif has been suspended, she will still stand by her man as the world admire her courage and faith. Together, Asif, Veena and Love will conquer all forthcoming obstacles. Of course this will one day be a movie called "Dear Asif, Love Veena's Notebook". I can already see Nicholas Sparks penning this down.
If this didn't hold any water there is always the backup theory, the one you can't go wrong with. It's a new version of the India-Pakistan battle. India wants to take Pakistan down and what not. I could write elaborately on this too but I am pretty sure at some point you will stop and realize that you have heard it all before.
Honestly, I was going to publish all this crap and cross over to journalism because clearly, you can post anything on the net and call yourself a reporter.
Fortunately for you and for those who HAVE been publishing this crap on the web, I got brain freeze. I didn't know why. Although, I did spend a good number of the last few days laughing at KP, wondering if Dimitri Mascarenhas is really a cricketer worth mentioning, why anyone would say that Pakistan is improving in ODI's like they are a new team and whether Enrique Iglesias really knew he was performing at a cricket tournament.
All nonsensical thoughts that only added to my brain freeze. Hence, after some intense nerve searching, I realized that the only way to get rid of it was tell you guys.
Somewhere in there, I am apologizing for being missing in action. No, really.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
That's it?
I missed the Sri Lanka and India game yesterday because of work. Story of my life lately! But I did log onto Twitter for a bit to see what was going on and I realized that I missed something very interesting. Twitterville was buzzing with opinions on the 'Randiv incident'. I couldn't wait to go back home and look it up.
When I did, it turned out that Randiv had deliberately bowled a no ball, when India needed one run to win so Sehwag would not get his 13th ODI hundred. And I thought to myself, that's it?
By the reactions of those on the internet, one would think that this was Sehwag's last ever ODI match and he was denied a glorious exit. I am sure Sehwag was at his prolific best as he often tends to be but seriously, what a fucking sorry-ass of an incident!
This has less to do with Virender Sehwag and more to do with batsmen and their continuous whining. They whine about everything. Pitches annoy them, audience members distract them, umpires give them unfair decisions, bowlers deny them centuries...hello, that's their fucking job! Just because the match is lost, he is supposed to hand you a century?
And don't give me all that crap about the 'Spirit of Cricket'. What is the Spirit of Cricket really? You can bend that law/saying/intuition/whatever it is supposed to be to make your own point. Like statistics, it is only there to serve your purpose and nothing else. Like, if this was the century that was going to take Sehwag past Sachin Tendulkar in the record books, I would have used the Spirit of Cricket bullshit to blast Randiv and condemned him for his act. See how easy that was?
And if we are so big on the Spirit of Cricket how about investing in something called the Spirit of Bowling as well? Let's not expect bowlers to pick up the slack of shitty batting performances; let's have harsh punishments for terrible fielders who drop the one fucking ball that comes to them after the bowlers have toiled for hours; let's recognize the bowler's contribution not only when he has taken wickets but also when he bowled brilliantly but remained wicket less. LET FAST BOWLERS BOUNCE THE BATSMEN! Let spinners deceive them. Make pitches...aah fuck it! That's a lost cause.
My point is, had this happened to Shane Watson, we would have all laughed and said he deserved it for being a twat. And Watson is, if you force your brain to think about it for a few seconds, a pretty talented batsman as well. We would have said that Randiv was being competitive, so why support Sehwag's whining?
Me, I am glad he got stranded on 99. Just like I support an opposition team's increased efforts to rattle a batsman when he is in the 90's, irrespective of the situation.
When I did, it turned out that Randiv had deliberately bowled a no ball, when India needed one run to win so Sehwag would not get his 13th ODI hundred. And I thought to myself, that's it?
By the reactions of those on the internet, one would think that this was Sehwag's last ever ODI match and he was denied a glorious exit. I am sure Sehwag was at his prolific best as he often tends to be but seriously, what a fucking sorry-ass of an incident!
This has less to do with Virender Sehwag and more to do with batsmen and their continuous whining. They whine about everything. Pitches annoy them, audience members distract them, umpires give them unfair decisions, bowlers deny them centuries...hello, that's their fucking job! Just because the match is lost, he is supposed to hand you a century?
And don't give me all that crap about the 'Spirit of Cricket'. What is the Spirit of Cricket really? You can bend that law/saying/intuition/whatever it is supposed to be to make your own point. Like statistics, it is only there to serve your purpose and nothing else. Like, if this was the century that was going to take Sehwag past Sachin Tendulkar in the record books, I would have used the Spirit of Cricket bullshit to blast Randiv and condemned him for his act. See how easy that was?
And if we are so big on the Spirit of Cricket how about investing in something called the Spirit of Bowling as well? Let's not expect bowlers to pick up the slack of shitty batting performances; let's have harsh punishments for terrible fielders who drop the one fucking ball that comes to them after the bowlers have toiled for hours; let's recognize the bowler's contribution not only when he has taken wickets but also when he bowled brilliantly but remained wicket less. LET FAST BOWLERS BOUNCE THE BATSMEN! Let spinners deceive them. Make pitches...aah fuck it! That's a lost cause.
My point is, had this happened to Shane Watson, we would have all laughed and said he deserved it for being a twat. And Watson is, if you force your brain to think about it for a few seconds, a pretty talented batsman as well. We would have said that Randiv was being competitive, so why support Sehwag's whining?
Me, I am glad he got stranded on 99. Just like I support an opposition team's increased efforts to rattle a batsman when he is in the 90's, irrespective of the situation.
Friday, August 13, 2010
101 reasons why I like the Kiwis
I've been trying to figure out why I like the Kiwis so much. Apart from the fact that they have Daniel Vettori and are basically neutral like Switzerland I mean. So I was reading up on them when it suddenly struck me.
New Zealand is considered by many to be a state of Australia.
Canada is called the 51st American state.
Truth is, We are both a million times better than our neighbours.
That was reason number three.
The Kiwis always surprise people with their cricket. We never look at them and say, 'this team is so fucking talented they will rule the world one day'. Then they thrash India by 200 runs.
That is a huuuuge margin. Even bigger considering three of their top players and match-winners were all absent. Vettori is apparently in labour, Jesse Ryder is still drunk and Baz is probably at sea, in a quest to truly find his calling.
That is reason number four.
Reason number five is IOB. Enough said.
Then there are others, like Ross Taylor, Scott Styris, Shane Bond and of course Stephen Fleming. Stephen Fleming alone can be reason number nine to a hundred. And because of his awesome performance I will now add Daryl Tuffey to that list.
Reason number hundred and one.
Strangely, by the end of this list I have also managed to come up with a reason I like India: they gave Dhoni grey hair.
Or maybe it was the wife.
New Zealand is considered by many to be a state of Australia.
Canada is called the 51st American state.
Truth is, We are both a million times better than our neighbours.
That was reason number three.
The Kiwis always surprise people with their cricket. We never look at them and say, 'this team is so fucking talented they will rule the world one day'. Then they thrash India by 200 runs.
That is a huuuuge margin. Even bigger considering three of their top players and match-winners were all absent. Vettori is apparently in labour, Jesse Ryder is still drunk and Baz is probably at sea, in a quest to truly find his calling.
That is reason number four.
Reason number five is IOB. Enough said.
Then there are others, like Ross Taylor, Scott Styris, Shane Bond and of course Stephen Fleming. Stephen Fleming alone can be reason number nine to a hundred. And because of his awesome performance I will now add Daryl Tuffey to that list.
Reason number hundred and one.
Strangely, by the end of this list I have also managed to come up with a reason I like India: they gave Dhoni grey hair.
Or maybe it was the wife.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Grow some balls Gary
I was really happy when I realized Durby wasn't in the third test. I thought someone had stood up to the injustice that is Harbhajan Singh and axed him. Maybe Gary Kirsten had the balls to go up to the selectors and threatened to quit if he was included again. But to be honest, it doesn't look like he does. Because the only reason the bastard is not in the team is because he is injured.
Then again, it looks like no one has the balls to drop Durby. Either that or he is the selection board's secret keeper and will open his mouth the minute they let him go. There is literally no other way of explaining this.
But I do think that there are plenty of ways to drop him and most of them has to start with Gary Kirsten. He is the fucking coach! Why doesn't he get to drop those who harm the effort the rest of the team puts in? If Durby doesn't perform, he probably needs to spend extra time with him, when he could very well have used that extra time on someone who isn't a lost cause. And yes, Durby is a lost cause. Otherwise, don't you think he would have at least been ashamed of his pie chucking by now and attempted to be a little bit more effective?
So c'mon Gary! Walk into that selection meeting room and break some chairs. Light Durby's Hummer on fire if he doesn't quit himself. Kidnap the rest of the team and negotiate for a Indian cricket team without Durby. Tie Durby to a chair and force him to watch his own bowling till he realizes it's shit.
Or better yet INJURE HIM FOR LIFE!
Oh...
Then again, it looks like no one has the balls to drop Durby. Either that or he is the selection board's secret keeper and will open his mouth the minute they let him go. There is literally no other way of explaining this.
But I do think that there are plenty of ways to drop him and most of them has to start with Gary Kirsten. He is the fucking coach! Why doesn't he get to drop those who harm the effort the rest of the team puts in? If Durby doesn't perform, he probably needs to spend extra time with him, when he could very well have used that extra time on someone who isn't a lost cause. And yes, Durby is a lost cause. Otherwise, don't you think he would have at least been ashamed of his pie chucking by now and attempted to be a little bit more effective?
So c'mon Gary! Walk into that selection meeting room and break some chairs. Light Durby's Hummer on fire if he doesn't quit himself. Kidnap the rest of the team and negotiate for a Indian cricket team without Durby. Tie Durby to a chair and force him to watch his own bowling till he realizes it's shit.
Or better yet INJURE HIM FOR LIFE!
Oh...
Bangladesh postpone Kiwi test
I love tests, but let's face it, Bangladesh really need to work very hard on their one day skills if they are not to lose to Ireland and Netherlands again in WC 2011. I also know that this opening sentence is making you wonder why Bangladesh get to play tests in the first place and even postpone one one top of that. Well they do, and since every argument for and against has already been made in the past, all I am going to say is : if Bangladesh is stripped of their test status you get the pleasure of watching more India vs Sri Lanka series, as none of these teams want to travel far. Nor do they want to travel to Pakistan. Hence, Bangladesh is doing you a service.
But back to the topic at hand. This was a smart decision, which is oh so rare for the BCB. Unlike some other countries we have actually had a good couple of years in terms of playing a variety of teams. Sure we still managed to play Sri Lanka the most (The Lankans need to expand their country vocab a little), but overall it's been good exposure in the test level. But now the WC is only six months away (YAY!) and we don't even have a stable one day team.
I personally feel good about Bangladesh's chances of making it to the second round in this World Cup, because it's the World Cup and it distorts all logic and judgement. All you want to do is be blindly behind your team. So any move they are making in an attempt to at least meet that expectation will be supported by me.
Of course, I am still looking forward to the test against the Kiwis afterwards. The last time they met in February, the bloody 'series' had only one test. It's about time we finish it.
But back to the topic at hand. This was a smart decision, which is oh so rare for the BCB. Unlike some other countries we have actually had a good couple of years in terms of playing a variety of teams. Sure we still managed to play Sri Lanka the most (The Lankans need to expand their country vocab a little), but overall it's been good exposure in the test level. But now the WC is only six months away (YAY!) and we don't even have a stable one day team.
I personally feel good about Bangladesh's chances of making it to the second round in this World Cup, because it's the World Cup and it distorts all logic and judgement. All you want to do is be blindly behind your team. So any move they are making in an attempt to at least meet that expectation will be supported by me.
Of course, I am still looking forward to the test against the Kiwis afterwards. The last time they met in February, the bloody 'series' had only one test. It's about time we finish it.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
While I was busy...
Yes, it has happened. I am too busy to watch cricket and what fucking annoys me that all around me, EXCELLENT cricket is being played!
Of course I am exaggerating because the only excellent cricket being played is in the Australia vs Pakistan series where the Aussies are taking no part in the excellence.
Aussies, not a part of excellence.
THAT in itself is EXCELLENT!
And I am missing it.
Pakistan's bowling is also excellent, which is only expected when you have Aamer and Asif in your team.
I am still missing it.
Also, Murali got 800 wickets. I watched till 799...then I got bored. I have a sneaking suspicion that it was more India wanting to give him wickets so that he could end his career on a high.
I kid. Murali is...how shall I put it...'clever in his own way' but India still looked like they were dying to give him wickets didn't they? Maybe they have "bring Lalit back" parties to go to.
Lastly, after their comeback against Ireland (fucking hell!) Bangladesh lost to Netherlands.
I am actually glad that I missed that. You should be too, otherwise you would have had to read yet another article on how Bangladesh have disappointed me. What is the point?
The point is, I am busy and I am missing cricket.
I hate it.
Of course I am exaggerating because the only excellent cricket being played is in the Australia vs Pakistan series where the Aussies are taking no part in the excellence.
Aussies, not a part of excellence.
THAT in itself is EXCELLENT!
And I am missing it.
Pakistan's bowling is also excellent, which is only expected when you have Aamer and Asif in your team.
I am still missing it.
Also, Murali got 800 wickets. I watched till 799...then I got bored. I have a sneaking suspicion that it was more India wanting to give him wickets so that he could end his career on a high.
I kid. Murali is...how shall I put it...'clever in his own way' but India still looked like they were dying to give him wickets didn't they? Maybe they have "bring Lalit back" parties to go to.
Lastly, after their comeback against Ireland (fucking hell!) Bangladesh lost to Netherlands.
I am actually glad that I missed that. You should be too, otherwise you would have had to read yet another article on how Bangladesh have disappointed me. What is the point?
The point is, I am busy and I am missing cricket.
I hate it.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
The Zimbabwe Tri-series
When India and Sri Lanka landed in Zimbabwe, they were told that they had only come to put themselves on display while the Zimbabwean cricketers do some job shadowing. You know, so they can build their skills and put it in their resumes for the other cricket nations to review and decide whether they want to play against them. Except, the Indians and Lankans were so bad at their own profession that the Zimbabweans decided to stop the shadowing and do their work for them. And what a fine job they did!
I don't care if both the teams are missing key players and Dilshan is captaining Sri Lanka. Even an Indian or Sri Lankan second stream team should be able to beat Zimbabwe. Simply because no matter how inadequate the development phase of cricket is in these two countries, they can't be worse than the politicially motivated Zimbabwe. Yet, Zimbabwe have managed to produce players that can whoop Sri Lankan and Indian ass. Comfortably too.
Also, how about the fact that neither India nor Sri Lanka have sent their second strings to Zimbabwe? They just sent experimental teams, without their stars. And most of those lab rats have played in the first XI. I don't know how to exactly describe them. Err...oh yes! India and Sri Lanka after the retirement of Tendulkar, Sehwag, Sangakara and Mahela! Big, bright future boys!
I also don't care if this is only Zimbabwe and nobody is watching. Here's why: will this go down to the records? Yes it will. Will everybody know that India got knocked out by Zimbabwe in a tri-series? Yes they will. Will the Zimbabweans celebrate like mad and consider this a succesful tour (specially if they win today)? Yes they will. Will there be a trophy involved? Yes there will. So guess what? IT MATTERS. Even if you were involved in a tri-series with Afghanistan it matters.
They are putting their all in it. Why the fuck won't you? Oh, because you are India and Sri Lanka. You have been doing is for a while now. God forbid you should take a tri-series in Zimbabwe seriously. You have ICC rankings for fuck's sakes
I don't know about you but I can't wait for the final game today. Of course, now that I have written about Zimbabwe there is a 99.99% chance that they will lose.
I don't care if both the teams are missing key players and Dilshan is captaining Sri Lanka. Even an Indian or Sri Lankan second stream team should be able to beat Zimbabwe. Simply because no matter how inadequate the development phase of cricket is in these two countries, they can't be worse than the politicially motivated Zimbabwe. Yet, Zimbabwe have managed to produce players that can whoop Sri Lankan and Indian ass. Comfortably too.
Also, how about the fact that neither India nor Sri Lanka have sent their second strings to Zimbabwe? They just sent experimental teams, without their stars. And most of those lab rats have played in the first XI. I don't know how to exactly describe them. Err...oh yes! India and Sri Lanka after the retirement of Tendulkar, Sehwag, Sangakara and Mahela! Big, bright future boys!
I also don't care if this is only Zimbabwe and nobody is watching. Here's why: will this go down to the records? Yes it will. Will everybody know that India got knocked out by Zimbabwe in a tri-series? Yes they will. Will the Zimbabweans celebrate like mad and consider this a succesful tour (specially if they win today)? Yes they will. Will there be a trophy involved? Yes there will. So guess what? IT MATTERS. Even if you were involved in a tri-series with Afghanistan it matters.
They are putting their all in it. Why the fuck won't you? Oh, because you are India and Sri Lanka. You have been doing is for a while now. God forbid you should take a tri-series in Zimbabwe seriously. You have ICC rankings for fuck's sakes
I don't know about you but I can't wait for the final game today. Of course, now that I have written about Zimbabwe there is a 99.99% chance that they will lose.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Question of the day
Why is Harbhajan Singh still India's first choice spinner in T20's?
1) The Indian players are sadists and like being verbally abused often. Nehra's foul mouth alone doesn't cut it anymore.
2) They miss Navjot Singh Sidhu
3) He is sleeping with Geeta Basra.
4) If he is not on the field, he is on the streets of India, which is worse.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Guidline to a killer instinct
Specially for the Saffers, who are being epic dickheads.
-In the event that an ecounter is futile, as in striking the victim a number of times will not ensure that the victim isn't alive and kicking, bash victim repeatedly. Even if victim is alive afterwards, at least one will have caused some injury.
-Complete destruction of weak victims are neither appealing nor heroic, if followed or preceded by an embarrassing failure.
-One must not look like one does not want to kill the victim, the victim can smell it.
-Niceness is for retards, one must get over it.
-Always strategise for a murder, anything else is punishable by death.
-If strategy is anything other than murder, due to some irreversible brain malfunction, putting it on display for the whole world to see may cause several upset stomachs and basically lead to an upsurge of vomit levels in the world. Please refrain from making such pathetic display.
-When planning annihilation (which should be always), picking Morne is a mistake. He likes to hand out candies to victims in certain formats.
-When planning annihilation (which should be always), leaving Rusty basically means one likes rotten eggs on one's face, hair and mouth.
-Asking the rookie to kill Suresh Raina is...a rookie mistake.
-If one lacks killer instincts, one is to be tied upside down to a tree and dried under the sun until one's brain receives all the blood required to make one's brain function normally. One will only be forgiven if one decides to take the reverse path in this ICC tournament i.e. losing now so one can win later. Like in the semis.
One had better reach the semis.
-In the event that an ecounter is futile, as in striking the victim a number of times will not ensure that the victim isn't alive and kicking, bash victim repeatedly. Even if victim is alive afterwards, at least one will have caused some injury.
-Complete destruction of weak victims are neither appealing nor heroic, if followed or preceded by an embarrassing failure.
-One must not look like one does not want to kill the victim, the victim can smell it.
-Niceness is for retards, one must get over it.
-Always strategise for a murder, anything else is punishable by death.
-If strategy is anything other than murder, due to some irreversible brain malfunction, putting it on display for the whole world to see may cause several upset stomachs and basically lead to an upsurge of vomit levels in the world. Please refrain from making such pathetic display.
-When planning annihilation (which should be always), picking Morne is a mistake. He likes to hand out candies to victims in certain formats.
-When planning annihilation (which should be always), leaving Rusty basically means one likes rotten eggs on one's face, hair and mouth.
-Asking the rookie to kill Suresh Raina is...a rookie mistake.
-If one lacks killer instincts, one is to be tied upside down to a tree and dried under the sun until one's brain receives all the blood required to make one's brain function normally. One will only be forgiven if one decides to take the reverse path in this ICC tournament i.e. losing now so one can win later. Like in the semis.
One had better reach the semis.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Sehwag is injured again
Last year this time, Virender Sehwag sustained an injury. This year, Sehwag has also sustained an injury. Three things remain consistent in this monotonous story: the IPL, the T20 WC and Sehwag's shoulder.
Sehwag's shoulder, if you don't know is a portal to the future. It sensed that India was going to exit in the second round and Gary Kirsten was going to blame the IPL. So it gave away to fatigue. Lactic acid buildup, muscle breakdown, colour going from blue to purple to black...the shoulder went through the whole works. It meant Sehwag got a full four to five months vacation. But of course, on paper it was pure torture for the Sehwag. He lives to play cricket after all.
This year, the shoulder looked through its looking glass again and realized India was about to make another early exit and Gary Kirsten was going to blame it on the IPL again. Might be the last time after all. What if there is no IPL next year? So on command, the shoulder has collapsed. This year, Sehwag's vacation will be a little bit sweeter because now he does not have to add to his repertoire of crappy shots that will get you out. The shoulder will get a treat for its wonderful work.
Very soon others will be injured and we will all cry "Too much cricket!". Then Umar Gul will come limping and say, "But I haven't played cricket in months!". We will scratch our heads and look for more evidence and come up with nothing. Because really, when was the last time a test match was played? When is the next test match? We don't know. But there is still too much cricket, otherwise why would Sehwag be injured twice in a row just before the World T20 and midway/after the IPL?
Throughout all of this Virender Sehwag will sit in at home playing Oongli (finger) Cricket. It doesn't require his shoulders, but it does require the rest of the Indian squad to come home so they can have a good game going. But that is not a problem either. As long as they have the IPL to blame.
Sehwag's shoulder, if you don't know is a portal to the future. It sensed that India was going to exit in the second round and Gary Kirsten was going to blame the IPL. So it gave away to fatigue. Lactic acid buildup, muscle breakdown, colour going from blue to purple to black...the shoulder went through the whole works. It meant Sehwag got a full four to five months vacation. But of course, on paper it was pure torture for the Sehwag. He lives to play cricket after all.
This year, the shoulder looked through its looking glass again and realized India was about to make another early exit and Gary Kirsten was going to blame it on the IPL again. Might be the last time after all. What if there is no IPL next year? So on command, the shoulder has collapsed. This year, Sehwag's vacation will be a little bit sweeter because now he does not have to add to his repertoire of crappy shots that will get you out. The shoulder will get a treat for its wonderful work.
Very soon others will be injured and we will all cry "Too much cricket!". Then Umar Gul will come limping and say, "But I haven't played cricket in months!". We will scratch our heads and look for more evidence and come up with nothing. Because really, when was the last time a test match was played? When is the next test match? We don't know. But there is still too much cricket, otherwise why would Sehwag be injured twice in a row just before the World T20 and midway/after the IPL?
Throughout all of this Virender Sehwag will sit in at home playing Oongli (finger) Cricket. It doesn't require his shoulders, but it does require the rest of the Indian squad to come home so they can have a good game going. But that is not a problem either. As long as they have the IPL to blame.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
And now Anil Kumble
Twitter: the final frontier. Well for a lot of cricket folks anyway. Certainly for Lalit Modi, and for Anil Kumble too. For Anil it's also similar to visiting his shrink. After a hard day on the field Anil goes on twitter to vent, because twitter is a private place where no can see what he writes. Maybe twitter is his brain and the tweets are his thoughts! That's how it works right?
Wrong. Tweeting is akin to speaking in a press conference, unless you have your tweets protected. But evidently, nobody told him that:
Kallis seems more interested in his fight with Sachin for the orange cap rather than in trying to secure a semi final berth for his team.
Let me remind Kallis that cricket is a team game, his orange cap is totally worthless and useless to us if we cannot make it to the semis.
Okay, so Kallis has fucked up here and there for the RCB. As a captain, he has every right to criticize him. But questioning his commitment to the game is pretty uncalled for. He speaks like a bloody gossip magazine rather than a captain, but why am I surprised? Anil Kumble was never captain material. Just for the record, I am not lashing out on him because he said something about Kallis, although I am a Kallis lover. If you visit his page you will see him saying unsavoury things about the others too. People who are already out of form, being judged by their 'captain' on twitter. Nice eh?
Then he justifies his outburst with this:
Sorry for my outburst about Kallis, it is a do or die game today, pressure to win is too much, team bosses say even my job is on the line.
His job is on the line, so he takes it out on others. Way to handle the pressure old man! Hey Anil, if you can't deal with the captaincy, don't take it. This: the tweeting, the public speaking, keeping it together when your job is on the line...all of this shit is part of being a captain.
And let ME remind YOU that it is because of Kallis' indomitable form in the beginning that RCB is in the running for the semis. But maybe you want him to do all the work like South Africa. What the fuck would South Africa do without Jacques Kallis? Well that's a question I don't even want to think about.
I know what you are going to say here: Kallis has a big fat ego. Well my answer to that is, some people are justified in having an ego. Jacques Kallis is one of them.
Wrong. Tweeting is akin to speaking in a press conference, unless you have your tweets protected. But evidently, nobody told him that:
The loss to DC was a huge setback for us and it was very disappointing after Steyn had set it up nicely for us with a torrid opening spell.
Unfortunately Steyn's good work was largely undone by his fellow south african Kallis who seems to have his own agenda in this IPL
Kallis seems more interested in his fight with Sachin for the orange cap rather than in trying to secure a semi final berth for his team.
Let me remind Kallis that cricket is a team game, his orange cap is totally worthless and useless to us if we cannot make it to the semis.
Okay, so Kallis has fucked up here and there for the RCB. As a captain, he has every right to criticize him. But questioning his commitment to the game is pretty uncalled for. He speaks like a bloody gossip magazine rather than a captain, but why am I surprised? Anil Kumble was never captain material. Just for the record, I am not lashing out on him because he said something about Kallis, although I am a Kallis lover. If you visit his page you will see him saying unsavoury things about the others too. People who are already out of form, being judged by their 'captain' on twitter. Nice eh?
Then he justifies his outburst with this:
Sorry for my outburst about Kallis, it is a do or die game today, pressure to win is too much, team bosses say even my job is on the line.
Kallis is my dear friend, I can understand his liking for all things orange including caps, after all we were playing in the 'orange' city.
His job is on the line, so he takes it out on others. Way to handle the pressure old man! Hey Anil, if you can't deal with the captaincy, don't take it. This: the tweeting, the public speaking, keeping it together when your job is on the line...all of this shit is part of being a captain.
And let ME remind YOU that it is because of Kallis' indomitable form in the beginning that RCB is in the running for the semis. But maybe you want him to do all the work like South Africa. What the fuck would South Africa do without Jacques Kallis? Well that's a question I don't even want to think about.
I know what you are going to say here: Kallis has a big fat ego. Well my answer to that is, some people are justified in having an ego. Jacques Kallis is one of them.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Saffa T20 WC squad
First of all, why the fuck is this tournament taking place again? Didn't they agree to have one every two years? How silly to fight over a cup every year. This isn't a beauty pageant you idiots!
Anyway, now that it is upon us and after the ever-lasting IPL, we might as well embrace it. I suspect I will have to embrace it for a few days anyway, because of this squad:
Anyway, now that it is upon us and after the ever-lasting IPL, we might as well embrace it. I suspect I will have to embrace it for a few days anyway, because of this squad:
Graeme Smith (capt), Jacques Kallis (vice-capt), Loots Bosman, Johan Botha, Mark Boucher (wk), AB de Villiers, JP Duminy, Herschelle Gibbs, Rory Kleinveldt, Charl Langeveldt, Albie Morkel, Morne Morkel, Dale Steyn, Juan Theron, Roelof van der Merwe.
What's wrong with it you say? Well let's start with the Buffalo, who is coming off an injury. This will be his first international game since the broken finger. Yes, he has had to bat with his broken finger/hand/elbow/some part of his upper limb a lot of times, so he should be able to deal with it by now. Works in theory, not always in practice.
AB, JP, Hersch are in terrible form. JP is yet to play in an IPL game. AB was dropped because he was struggling, just like my Hersch. Mark and Dale were also dropped for no reason. Regardless, Mark hasn't been awesome with the bat in T20's and Dale, although a feared T20 bowler hasn't really been taking wickets. They can't win without taking wickets. And the Saffers don't have any other wicket takers. Johan has also been sitting, like ROFL. Morne's wides makes Albie look like a bowler. Albie may or may not have found his mojo again. But we can't rely on his yo-yo form. And of course, there is no Wayne.
That leave Jakes, Loots Bosman,Kleinveldt, Charl and his one eye and Juan Theron. Juan is a debutant and Rory hasn't played an international match since 2008. Does it matter? He probably won't get a game. This mean it's upto Loots and Jakes to win matches against India and Afghanistan. Unless the Afghans pull off an upset, the Saffers will probably make it to round two as the second team.
And then crash out.
The only consolation we can take from this is that they won't be crashing out in the semis. No choking for them this time around! YES!
See how well I fake excitement?
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Short and Sweet
During the Kiwi vs Aus game, I was having a conversation with a friend. It went like this,
"Where is Scott Styris? Why the fuck are all these Franklins and Brooms batting ahead of him when the required run rate is 6 and over and MICHAEL CLARKE is bowling?"
Then Scott Styris arrived. And the Kiwis won a game without Vettori, Elliot and Sumo Ryder. Against their next door neighbour. You know the one with the unbeaten summer? Hasn't lost an ODI since England? Yeah them.
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now all the Black Caps need to do is keep it together for two more games and hand the Aussies their first series loss since summer in the Northern Hemisphere. I am really looking forward to that. Where the hell are the Aussies going to keep another trophy anyway? I swear they have a storage room at CA headquarters where a heap of dusty trophies that they don't care about, are lying around. Like the Natwest Trophy, after they beat England 6-1. Or that trophy they got in India. What was that one called? "It's such a long series the trophy got tired of waiting and burst into flames".
(P.S: Ricky took the ashes home)
In other news, Bangladesh came very close to winning the second ODI but the Irishman offered them alcoholic pleasures. So they decided to let the little one trample them with his tiny feet.
And you thought this post was going to have a sweet ending. Well, so did I!
"Where is Scott Styris? Why the fuck are all these Franklins and Brooms batting ahead of him when the required run rate is 6 and over and MICHAEL CLARKE is bowling?"
Then Scott Styris arrived. And the Kiwis won a game without Vettori, Elliot and Sumo Ryder. Against their next door neighbour. You know the one with the unbeaten summer? Hasn't lost an ODI since England? Yeah them.
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now all the Black Caps need to do is keep it together for two more games and hand the Aussies their first series loss since summer in the Northern Hemisphere. I am really looking forward to that. Where the hell are the Aussies going to keep another trophy anyway? I swear they have a storage room at CA headquarters where a heap of dusty trophies that they don't care about, are lying around. Like the Natwest Trophy, after they beat England 6-1. Or that trophy they got in India. What was that one called? "It's such a long series the trophy got tired of waiting and burst into flames".
(P.S: Ricky took the ashes home)
In other news, Bangladesh came very close to winning the second ODI but the Irishman offered them alcoholic pleasures. So they decided to let the little one trample them with his tiny feet.
And you thought this post was going to have a sweet ending. Well, so did I!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
In retrospect
South Africa's record in the past two series now reads 2 draws and 1 loss. If you really think about it, it should have been three wins.
Really, they should have won 3-1 against England and 1-0 against India. They messed up twice in the second test. Once in the first innings after tea and the second time on the last day, right after Hash and Ashy P had settled down. Parnie and Morne should never have been in that situation. And Kallis should not have played that shot.
They should also have won the first ODI, meaning they would have won this 2-1 as well.
"If only" is a phrase too often used by a Protea fan. It's always if this, if that, if only we had been the first to bat.
Consolation wins mean ziltch after sometime. Because during the dead-rubber matches, the Saffers are so mind-blowingly brilliant that you actually wish your mind was an atomic bomb that could burst on command. Their inconsistency makes Pakistan look rock steady.
Everybody was brilliant today. I was particularly proud of my soon-to-be-adopted son ROFL. Did you see that ball that turned away, peeked at Sreesanth and decided to go straight for his legs? That one was fun! AB was fun to watch too. As was Tsotsobe. I really love that guy, but I don't know if he can replace Parnie. Unless he is injured of course.
But the reality is, this was an inexperienced Indian team. They didn't have their frontline bowling attack...if you can call Durby a frontline bowler. The Saffers knew this and they bullied them to death.
Honestly, I did not expect the Saffers to even achieve this. But then I thought, why shouldn't I? They are a friggin' brilliant team, as the first test demonstrated. They conquered Sachin, Sehwag, Gambhir, Dhoni and Zaheer there. But these bursts and fizzles are getting very,very hard to handle. Next up is the IPL, meaning another long-ass break for the team. Just when they were beginning to get their groove back.
And Dale just said in an interview that he thought this was a good series. If only he was right!
Really, they should have won 3-1 against England and 1-0 against India. They messed up twice in the second test. Once in the first innings after tea and the second time on the last day, right after Hash and Ashy P had settled down. Parnie and Morne should never have been in that situation. And Kallis should not have played that shot.
They should also have won the first ODI, meaning they would have won this 2-1 as well.
"If only" is a phrase too often used by a Protea fan. It's always if this, if that, if only we had been the first to bat.
Consolation wins mean ziltch after sometime. Because during the dead-rubber matches, the Saffers are so mind-blowingly brilliant that you actually wish your mind was an atomic bomb that could burst on command. Their inconsistency makes Pakistan look rock steady.
Everybody was brilliant today. I was particularly proud of my soon-to-be-adopted son ROFL. Did you see that ball that turned away, peeked at Sreesanth and decided to go straight for his legs? That one was fun! AB was fun to watch too. As was Tsotsobe. I really love that guy, but I don't know if he can replace Parnie. Unless he is injured of course.
But the reality is, this was an inexperienced Indian team. They didn't have their frontline bowling attack...if you can call Durby a frontline bowler. The Saffers knew this and they bullied them to death.
Honestly, I did not expect the Saffers to even achieve this. But then I thought, why shouldn't I? They are a friggin' brilliant team, as the first test demonstrated. They conquered Sachin, Sehwag, Gambhir, Dhoni and Zaheer there. But these bursts and fizzles are getting very,very hard to handle. Next up is the IPL, meaning another long-ass break for the team. Just when they were beginning to get their groove back.
And Dale just said in an interview that he thought this was a good series. If only he was right!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Cocktail
I don't have time to write up separate posts right now. But I have a lot of thoughts on a lot of things, most of which have pissed me off. Naturally. So this one is going to be a cocktail of such extreme measures that you may actually throw up. Just don't sue me afterwards, I warned you.
On India's win: A middle finger creeping up from every corner and getting entangled in Dhoni's hair. Then pulling Dhoni's hair to expose it as a wig.
On Sachin's double century: The cricket fan in me is jubilant but the Saffa fan in me is sulking like there is no tomorrow. Did you have to pelt my Dale to do it? Everybody's singing your praises and I should too, because nobody else deserved it more but next time (because who else will break this record other than Sachin himself?), pick ANOTHER TEAM. Like Australia. Ricky smiles too much these days. I miss his hairy, sulky face.
On AB's century: What the fuck were you celebrating for? Where were all these runs when the team needed you in the second test and the first ODI? Honestly, I don't care what a great innings it was, he looked like he just wanted his century and nothing else. I know the team wasn't able to support him, but FUCK AB, you weren't able to support the team on SO MANY OTHER OCASSIONS! Play for the team fucktard!
On Charl's eye: Brave man. He batted and bowled with his one eye. Very ghoul-like. Brought back so many childhood memories!
On Binga's retirement: No more skateboarding tweety in tests. I am actually saddened by this one. I liked Binga because he never gave up. The prime example of a keener. But hey, now he has more time to promote suits and work on a new album! It will be titled "I wasn't picked for Ashes 2009 and we lost".
On Australia's win over the Winides: Yawn.
On Australia's win over the Kiwis: When did Witchy learn to take wickets in T20? This is bad, it's very bad.
On Crashraful's drop: All I can say is, I am finally sleeping peacefully at night. Doesn't that say it all?
On Mashrafe's impending retirement from tests: Hi, National Captain. You have to be a bowler of Bond and Lee's stature to consider this. They loved their test cricket and tried everything in their power to get back to it. They only retired when they realized that AGE was not on their side either. You are TWENTY-FUCKING-SIX. Try harder.
On blogging: Man, I miss this!
On India's win: A middle finger creeping up from every corner and getting entangled in Dhoni's hair. Then pulling Dhoni's hair to expose it as a wig.
On Sachin's double century: The cricket fan in me is jubilant but the Saffa fan in me is sulking like there is no tomorrow. Did you have to pelt my Dale to do it? Everybody's singing your praises and I should too, because nobody else deserved it more but next time (because who else will break this record other than Sachin himself?), pick ANOTHER TEAM. Like Australia. Ricky smiles too much these days. I miss his hairy, sulky face.
On AB's century: What the fuck were you celebrating for? Where were all these runs when the team needed you in the second test and the first ODI? Honestly, I don't care what a great innings it was, he looked like he just wanted his century and nothing else. I know the team wasn't able to support him, but FUCK AB, you weren't able to support the team on SO MANY OTHER OCASSIONS! Play for the team fucktard!
On Charl's eye: Brave man. He batted and bowled with his one eye. Very ghoul-like. Brought back so many childhood memories!
Charl, the one eyed King
On Binga's retirement: No more skateboarding tweety in tests. I am actually saddened by this one. I liked Binga because he never gave up. The prime example of a keener. But hey, now he has more time to promote suits and work on a new album! It will be titled "I wasn't picked for Ashes 2009 and we lost".
On Australia's win over the Winides: Yawn.
On Australia's win over the Kiwis: When did Witchy learn to take wickets in T20? This is bad, it's very bad.
On Crashraful's drop: All I can say is, I am finally sleeping peacefully at night. Doesn't that say it all?
On Mashrafe's impending retirement from tests: Hi, National Captain. You have to be a bowler of Bond and Lee's stature to consider this. They loved their test cricket and tried everything in their power to get back to it. They only retired when they realized that AGE was not on their side either. You are TWENTY-FUCKING-SIX. Try harder.
On blogging: Man, I miss this!
Monday, February 22, 2010
First ODI
It's too late to do a post on the test now. Amla was more than great, Morne and Parny did their best, Ashy P played a stupid shot that opened the door for India and the Saffers should have drawn this one and taken the series. That's all you need to know really.
Strangely, the same shit has happened in the first ODI. South Africa has become a one man team; the rest are all in hibernation or handy tail-enders that can only take them close, but not win the match. However, I will look at the positives because everybody needs a change of direction at one point...specially South Africa.
1) Three run outs: I am not suprised. This is what happens when my Herschelle is on the field. How else do you explain the difference between Saffa fielding in the second test and today's ODI?
2) Dale Steyn's batting: Everytime I willed a six, he did it. Meaning, the positive is really my ability to control Dale's mind but we will let him think it was the dog.
3) Parny's batting: We will ignore the fact that he got run out in a painful fashion off the last ball of the game, reopening some very badly stitched wounds from a certain game about eleven years ago. Why? Because Parnell didn't bat at number 10 and he didn't forget to run...he hesitated. Feck!
4) My Herschelle's batting: Okay, it wasn't that great. But the six and the fours were very good previews of what is to come if he plays some more. Plus, he seems to have lost more weight and is looking very much like the Hersch of 2005. Sometimes, appearances mean everything.
5) No Biff: Very pleasant on the eyes.
6) Albie is back: and still petrifyingly ordinary at bowling. It's a positive because maybe someone will finally smack him in the face and tell him to focus on his batting.
7) They didn't choke: I thought about this one long and hard and I have come to the conclusion that they didn't. Parny and Steynkie looked very much like they were going to win this for the Saffers. It really took a very well directed slow ball from Kumar to end Steyn's onslaught. Even after, Charl and Parny looked relaxed. Something about their body language says 'fighter' not 'worried...cough, cough..gag'. The good news is Parny is the new generation and brave. So as long as 'choking' is not a required course in the South African cricket schools, we are good.
8) Charl's short ball: It seems to surprise the batsman everytime. I bet he could bowl six in a row and give the batsman six heart attacks. It's really quite strange. Something tells me the ball wears a 'I'm not a short ball' tag in the front and a 'You are a fool' tag at the back. Quite tricky to spot in a round ball.
And they still managed to lose...
Strangely, the same shit has happened in the first ODI. South Africa has become a one man team; the rest are all in hibernation or handy tail-enders that can only take them close, but not win the match. However, I will look at the positives because everybody needs a change of direction at one point...specially South Africa.
1) Three run outs: I am not suprised. This is what happens when my Herschelle is on the field. How else do you explain the difference between Saffa fielding in the second test and today's ODI?
2) Dale Steyn's batting: Everytime I willed a six, he did it. Meaning, the positive is really my ability to control Dale's mind but we will let him think it was the dog.
3) Parny's batting: We will ignore the fact that he got run out in a painful fashion off the last ball of the game, reopening some very badly stitched wounds from a certain game about eleven years ago. Why? Because Parnell didn't bat at number 10 and he didn't forget to run...he hesitated. Feck!
4) My Herschelle's batting: Okay, it wasn't that great. But the six and the fours were very good previews of what is to come if he plays some more. Plus, he seems to have lost more weight and is looking very much like the Hersch of 2005. Sometimes, appearances mean everything.
5) No Biff: Very pleasant on the eyes.
6) Albie is back: and still petrifyingly ordinary at bowling. It's a positive because maybe someone will finally smack him in the face and tell him to focus on his batting.
7) They didn't choke: I thought about this one long and hard and I have come to the conclusion that they didn't. Parny and Steynkie looked very much like they were going to win this for the Saffers. It really took a very well directed slow ball from Kumar to end Steyn's onslaught. Even after, Charl and Parny looked relaxed. Something about their body language says 'fighter' not 'worried...cough, cough..gag'. The good news is Parny is the new generation and brave. So as long as 'choking' is not a required course in the South African cricket schools, we are good.
8) Charl's short ball: It seems to surprise the batsman everytime. I bet he could bowl six in a row and give the batsman six heart attacks. It's really quite strange. Something tells me the ball wears a 'I'm not a short ball' tag in the front and a 'You are a fool' tag at the back. Quite tricky to spot in a round ball.
And they still managed to lose...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The day AB was born
That would be today, about twenty six years ago. Lovely.
Won't waste time on his numerous talents because barring one, the rest of it means zilch for this birthday.
AB can't sing the Indian bowlers to life-long coma. They have already heard Brett Lee.
He can't stun them with his catwalk because cricket's modelling Queen is their captain.
He can't take lightning-like catches, the Saffers are batting.
He can't beat them in golf, the Indians party when they want to relax. They do not hit the golf course.
He can't even lure them with his looks, America hasn't legalized gay marriage yet.
The only thing he CAN do is bat his team to a draw. Remember batting AB? It's the thing that you were first known for. It's the thing that you have been neglecting as of late, with all these commitments to your other talents. It's now time to go back to it. Lose the rest. On your birthday, give us the gift of a lovely draw.
Meaning, don't get yourself RUN OUT IN A GOD DAMN TEST FOR FUCK'S SAKES!
Bat AB, bat like you have never batted before. Unleash your awesomeness on the Indians. Then you can go back to the modelling/singing/flashy fielding/golfing/whatever else you are good at (I want to save my breath). But for today just bat.
Happy birthday pretty boy.
Won't waste time on his numerous talents because barring one, the rest of it means zilch for this birthday.
AB can't sing the Indian bowlers to life-long coma. They have already heard Brett Lee.
He can't stun them with his catwalk because cricket's modelling Queen is their captain.
He can't take lightning-like catches, the Saffers are batting.
He can't beat them in golf, the Indians party when they want to relax. They do not hit the golf course.
He can't even lure them with his looks, America hasn't legalized gay marriage yet.
The only thing he CAN do is bat his team to a draw. Remember batting AB? It's the thing that you were first known for. It's the thing that you have been neglecting as of late, with all these commitments to your other talents. It's now time to go back to it. Lose the rest. On your birthday, give us the gift of a lovely draw.
Meaning, don't get yourself RUN OUT IN A GOD DAMN TEST FOR FUCK'S SAKES!
Bat AB, bat like you have never batted before. Unleash your awesomeness on the Indians. Then you can go back to the modelling/singing/flashy fielding/golfing/whatever else you are good at (I want to save my breath). But for today just bat.
Happy birthday pretty boy.
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