Dear Santa, from the Aussies

Dear Santa,

I recently tried to impress a talent scout at a game by shrieking my lungs out. I had heard that they were looking for the next Mariah Carey. But he still hasn't approached me. Can you please give him my address for Christmas? If he really wants, I can also get Benn to do a 'don't be fucking looking at me' rap with the shrieking, just to jazz it up a little. It will just be like Akon meeting K-fed. SO COOL! But don't tell Brett. He will give the idea to Bollywood. Give him a new body instead. Merry Christmas!


Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is for Ricky's hyperbaric chamber to fail. It's not fair. He has the captaincy, the wife, the kid, the batting records. Why can't I get my chance? I am tiny and so is he. If we tiny people don't look out for each other how are we going to leave our mark in cricket? Please do something about this. I have been such a good boy! I didn't even tweet. Give me my chance and I will get Ozland a batting average of 100. I promise! Merry Christmas!


Dear Santa,

I just want the whole world to love me as much as Sid does. I know her love is enough to keep me happy for the rest of my life, but why can't the others love me just as much. I don't have a mystery ball but I do have looks. I also was wrongly dropped in a certain match where I may or may not have taken wickets. But they were wrong and for that I deserve their love. Even Gayle's. Tell him to love me, otherwise I will hit him on the head with a bat when he is not looking. Or maybe the waist, because that is how high I reach. Thank you Santa and Merry Christmas!