Thank you finger injury

So far life is sweet. AB the injured has been replaced by Hashim the bearded as captain. Good call Hudson, good call.

Of course it is pure coincidence. Believe me, for once, I had nothing to do with AB's injury. I thought about it once or twice, but even my powers aren't that great...yet.

Just in case you weren't following the news (shame on me for not keeping you up to date), following the glorious stepping down of Graeme the buffalo as ODI and T20 captain, AB was named as his replacement. Based on what? Does AB inspire his team-mates? Does he understand field placing? Does it even look like he understands anything other than batting and maybe wicket-keeping. Just maybe.

He is not that experienced. Neither is Amla for that matter. At least not internationally. But I would say of the two Amla is a better choice. Just for a second forget about the fact that Amla has skippered his local teams and the Proteas U19. Look at them as individuals.

Amla hangs back. He is quiet. He absorbs so much most people dismiss him as a negligible entity. Then he strikes.
AB jumps around. He talks too much. He always has to be the centre of attention. The star. The one everyone is sure to notice first and bank on.

This is not to say that only a certain type of individuals make good captains. Fleming and Vettori were the stars of their teams and they did just fine. More than fine. However, when you are more the "backroom guy" as Amla claims to be, most likely, you have a certain introspective capability that will propel your team to be the star. Specially when that team consists of a Steyn, a Kallis, a Duminy, a Smith (now, now, let's show him some love for his batting abilities), a Boucher (YAY!) and a Parnell.

Not a bad list of players to have under your belt.

Yes, Amla is a better choice. Because sometimes, the backroom guy is exactly what a team with great potential (and one measly international trophy...) needs. Someone who pulls the strings quietly and makes great things happen. No flamboyance and no singing.  

New background

I made a new background and I am quite proud of it. But stupid blogger won't let you see it in all it's glory. So here it is.

It's pretty amateur, I know. But please like it and tell the world how good I am at cutting and pasting pictures on paint.

Tweetin' Dale

It's true and although it's not twitterified yet, his girlfriend and AB have already verified that it is him.

So far, he has told us that he had to hold his pee while Hashim Amla picked up his numerous awards, called AB a spider, used the word 'fuck' under disguise (please!) and informed us that somebody called Panjo is in his bathroom. I can only hope Panjo is his dog, otherwise this can go under one those articles titled 'Twitter fail: how I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me'.

He is slightly demented and funny, as I had pictured him to be, and may just give Mark Boucher and Herschelle Gibbs good competition on Twitterville. So far, Mark B is clearly leading, as he responds to people and has epic 'fights' with Mrs. Neil McKenzie. He also puts up pictures of people vomiting. It's gross but it sure beats the generic, boring, feel good one liners that the other Saffers come up with.

I hope together, Dale and Mark break the pattern. I also hope that Dale doesn't take his Blackberry to the bathroom every time he uses it, so we can get a complete taste of Dale Steyn: exposed. No pun intended.

And now, as this post is becoming infamous for its series of bad titles, and because this other news is not really worthy of a separate post, from today onwards Wayne Parnell will be legally allowed to buy alcohol all over the world. While I do wish him many happy returns of the day I really just want him to return to cricket ASAP.

The same goes for his team mates.

Oh Maky, you're so fine...

For those of you who don't know, Makhaya Ntini is currently playing for Kent. For those of you who do know, know how late I am in typing this up. But it's better late than never. A phrase Ntini's fans are saying right now, after his tremendous 10 wicket haul in a game that won the match for Kent. Against Durham too, who are currently the Champions in county cricket. A few months ago everybody thought Ntini's career is over.

Better late than never Maky, better late than never.

I had the misfortune of only being able to watch it on ECB's crappier than crap videos, from one angle, but it still looked pretty good. Durham are first divison after all plus this will do wonders for the man's confidence. Now the question is, should Makhaya be given his test spot back?

It's not happening against the West Indies. As far as I know, the squad for that has been selected already. Plus they have Ryan McLaren and hopefully Wayne Parnell, who really should try and grow some extra veins and capillaries or something so he can get better FASTER. Lopsy apparently has also been kept for the tests. Don't ask me why.

The next test they play is against India in December and afterwards theyleave for the World Cup. Makhaya will be almost 34 by then.

Is it worth it to give Makhaya a shot in one or two tests only before he retires?

You tell me. I personally would love to see him back but recognize that it is probably taking away another younger player's time and opportunity. Hasn't Maky lived his glory days already? The guy is the second highest wicket taker in County Cricket this season already. Sure it's a step down from international cricket but it's still cricket isn't it? Dale Benkenstein (yes, he is alive!), plays for Durham now. When was the last time he played international cricket? He is doing just fine.

Of course comparing Benkenstein to Ntini is utter stupidity. The man is nowhere near the fast bowling legend. But I am really confused and I seriously want to know where we draw the line with a legend, if we were to take out favouritism, personal wishes, political agendas and basic misleading hopes and dreams out of the equation.

Is it time to say goodbye to Makhaya? Kent will gladly keep him, plus he is one of the brand ambassadors of FIFA 2010 so don't feel too bad for him. He has plenty to do and plenty of teams that still want him. He just doesn't fit in with the Proteas anymore.

South Africa may have a death bowler

It is a bit disconcerting that the candidate is a redheaded Britney Spears by the name of Rusty Theron, but apparently the man doesn't strut his ball around the way he struts his ass. Which is kind of a relief because I don't think shaking the ball left and right constitutes as bowling, and the Saffers kind of picked him for the World T20 as a bowler.

Rusty's inclusion in the team is possibly in place of Wayne, who is injured. It should also be mentioned that Wayne gets wickets in T20, so if Rusty gets a game, he will have to work very hard. Dale and co. are kind of...well failing to get batsmen out. I don't know how that works, because Dale is actually bowling well. Anyway, we will bitch about that later. For now let's focus on Rusty.

I said before that Rusty may not get a game. But that was before he became Punjab's chosen one for the death overs. Rusty DOES get wickets. South Africa is terrible at cleaning up the tail without giving away an appalling number of runs, and I feel Rusty can put an end to that. I'm not referring to just the super over against Chennai. There was nothing really super about that over anyway, other than the one ball that got Hayden. It was a good over, but not super. 

That doesn't matter. What matters is that Rusty bowls a mean length and despite being a tad suspicious on the dance floor, is pretty effective on the field. He even has a mean face:

Maybe it's because his name is Juan "Rusty" Theron. That would piss anybody off. But as long as he gets wickets for South Africa, I will happily join in the anger.

What am I saying? I will happily join in the anger anytime. But the wickets must be taken, Rusty. They must be taken.

In retrospect

South Africa's record in the past two series now reads 2 draws and 1 loss. If you really think about it, it should have been three wins.

Really, they should have won 3-1 against England and 1-0 against India. They messed up twice in the second test. Once in the first innings after tea and the second time on the last day, right after Hash and Ashy P had settled down. Parnie and Morne should never have been in that situation. And Kallis should not have played that shot.

They should also have won the first ODI, meaning they would have won this 2-1 as well.

"If only" is a phrase too often used by a Protea fan. It's always if this, if that, if only we had been the first to bat.

Consolation wins mean ziltch after sometime. Because during the dead-rubber matches, the Saffers are so mind-blowingly brilliant that you actually wish your mind was an atomic bomb that could burst on command. Their inconsistency makes Pakistan look rock steady.

Everybody was brilliant today. I was particularly proud of my soon-to-be-adopted son ROFL. Did you see that ball that turned away, peeked at Sreesanth and decided to go straight for his legs? That one was fun! AB was fun to watch too. As was Tsotsobe. I really love that guy, but I don't know if he can replace Parnie. Unless he is injured of course.

But the reality is, this was an inexperienced Indian team. They didn't have their frontline bowling attack...if you can call Durby a frontline bowler. The Saffers knew this and they bullied them to death.

Honestly, I did not expect the Saffers to even achieve this. But then I thought, why shouldn't I? They are a friggin' brilliant team, as the first test demonstrated. They conquered Sachin, Sehwag, Gambhir, Dhoni and Zaheer there. But these bursts and fizzles are getting very,very hard to handle. Next up is the IPL, meaning another long-ass break for the team. Just when they were beginning to get their groove back.

And Dale just said in an interview that he thought this was a good series. If only he was right!

First ODI

It's too late to do a post on the test now. Amla was more than great, Morne and Parny did their best, Ashy P played a stupid shot that opened the door for India and the Saffers should have drawn this one and taken the series. That's all you need to know really.

Strangely, the same shit has happened in the first ODI. South Africa has become a one man team; the rest are all in hibernation or handy tail-enders that can only take them close, but not win the match. However, I will look at the positives because everybody needs a change of direction at one point...specially South Africa.

1) Three run outs: I am not suprised. This is what happens when my Herschelle is on the field. How else do you explain the difference between Saffa fielding in the second test and today's ODI?

2) Dale Steyn's batting: Everytime I willed a six, he did it. Meaning, the positive is really my ability to control Dale's mind but we will let him think it was the dog.

3) Parny's batting: We will ignore the fact that he got run out in a painful fashion off the last ball of the game, reopening some very badly stitched wounds from a certain game about eleven years ago. Why? Because Parnell didn't bat at number 10 and he didn't forget to run...he hesitated. Feck!

4) My Herschelle's batting: Okay, it wasn't that great. But the six and the fours were very good previews of what is to come if he plays some more. Plus, he seems to have lost more weight and is looking very much like the Hersch of 2005. Sometimes, appearances mean everything.

5) No Biff: Very pleasant on the eyes.

6) Albie is back: and still petrifyingly ordinary at bowling. It's a positive because maybe someone will finally smack him in the face and tell him to focus on his batting.

7) They didn't choke: I thought about this one long and hard and I have come to the conclusion that they didn't. Parny and Steynkie looked very much like they were going to win this for the Saffers. It really took a very well directed slow ball from Kumar to end Steyn's onslaught. Even after, Charl and Parny looked relaxed. Something about their body language says 'fighter' not 'worried...cough, cough..gag'. The good news is Parny is the new generation and brave. So as long as 'choking' is not a required course in the South African cricket schools, we are good.

8) Charl's short ball: It seems to surprise the batsman everytime. I bet he could bowl six in a row and give the batsman six heart attacks. It's really quite strange. Something tells me the ball wears a 'I'm not a short ball' tag in the front and a 'You are a fool' tag at the back. Quite tricky to spot in a round ball.

And they still managed to lose...

Tempting Allan

Dear Allan,

How are the eyes? They have been looking a little tired lately. Put two tea bags over them every night and use some skin rejuvenating moisturizer. I'm sure Jonty has some good ones. That dude never looks old.

But I am not writing to you re: you lovely eyes. I need to know why you said this .

I am terribly distressed with the news. What do you need Allan? Tell me. I will make it happen.

Graeme Smith will let my Herschelle have a bowl. Do you really not want to be there when he re-launches is career as the number one bowler of 2010?

Albie will stop bowling. This I promise you.

JP will learn the look. You know the look where you burn batsmen with your eyes? Although, his face is kind of...how should I put it? Round. I don't know how threatening round faces are. Square, now that's a scary shape.

Stay Allan. CSA will send you a contract any day. They need you to be their bowling coach. We need you to breed Morne, Parnie and even ROFL if you can. Literally breed them. Like horses. Won't that be much more pleasant than bonding with Barbie over his latest lipstick collection?

Stay Allan. I beg you.

Wayne is more than a cowboy

I just realized that when I was twenty, I was dreaming about saving the world. I thought that I had achieved something, as my full proof plan turned out to be both practical and fun. Basically, I thought of unleashing King Kong, Godzilla and Nessie on the world so they could rebuild the earth from scratch. All normal things for a twenty year old.

But Wayne Parnell is a different story. By the time he hit twenty, he had received a national contract to represent his country in a very popular game. People all over the world knew who he was and were sure that one day, he was going to be one of Saffaland's greatest fast bowlers. On top of that, he can also bat. Just never gets the chance.

Now, he represents his country in pimping white outfits as well. The normal thing for this twenty year old is to travel, play a game that he loves and party...in different parts of the world. On top of that, he gets to sit on a chair with 'Police' written at the back of it, holding the coolest camera in the world, wearing a TOWEL.

If it were anybody else, their ass would have been hauled into prison for indecent exposure. With a camera too. Very suspect. But not Wayne. Wayne, he is allowed. And all because he bowls with the wrong hand.

Thank you for making me feel inadequate Parnie. Thank you very much indeed.

Saffa spinners are officially woeful

Why state the obvious? Because the selectors have the daunting task of choosing the one that is less horrendous for the upcoming test.
Fortunately, making a comparison of crap is much easier than making deciding between the best. For example, if Parnie and Tsotsobe were fighting over the third bowling spot (which they are-Ryan McLaren is in the scuffle too), things would be tougher. If we were to go by yesterday's performance in the warm up game.

But the grass IS much greener on the other side. Take Paul Harris' crap figures in yesterday's game into consideration, and they scream FUCKING PISSOFF/CON-ARTIST/BATSHIT! Or simply 12-0-71-5.91.

Then, when you are all cried out, you go take a look at Johan Botha's figures. Botha is the man right? Our capable vice-captain. Well, okay. As much of a man as you can be with 12-0-44-1-3.66. Slightly better. Botha may not be batshit but I doubt he has the skills to win a test match.

So it's a classic case of shit vs shit. And although it looks like Botha may have won this round what about their other skills?

Botha's short, sometimes sweet-sometimes bitter, high variety batting. In the ODI's. We can't remember what he used to do in tests. Whatever he does, he will be reported for chucking. Or maybe it's baseball when it comes to the batting action.
Versus Harris' jolly, "I want to score a century" batting. Never will he score a century, yet when he goes out, it seems to be his sole purpose. The whole time he bares his teeth like he is in a romantic comedy. But at least we remember how he bats in tests. That makes the score 1-1.

Then we move on to the fielding. None of them are known for their impressive fiedling skills. Sure, a good catch here and there, but it's only when the ball decides to land in the soft hands of a spinner having been roughed up enough. They are the manicurists of the cricket world. Batsmen are the pedicurists, with their dancing feet. Fast bowlers, they are just callous and unpolished.
So the only way to decide the fielding category is to judge who makes for more pleasant viewing.

Botha has an okay face, proportionate to his body and a nice shape. However, Paul Harris has that hair that has a life of it's own. Very entertaining to watch. We don't even need to go beyond that.
But Paul Harris is also too tall, which leads to neck sprains and back aches. Not to mention being unable to look where we have been looking always, straight ahead, at par with our eye level. It's very annoying.

Then, in a completely unrelated category, Botha can fly.

It's unfair I know. Giants can't get their mass to move upwards, but Harris can't get his ball to do that either. So it's 3-2 to Botha.

Congrats Botes! You are the chosen shitty one.

Here they come

Dale borrowed his hands from Arnold Schwarzenegger

Jakes said bye to his love

...and AB interrupted them!

Shamone wouldn't leave Jakes alone

 

And neither would Bouchie

No one came to see Morne off

Wayne is Dale's new grandchild, helping him get through old age

The love-struck, arthritis-struck, lonely, jealous, terminator boys are ready. BRING IT ON INDIA!

The plot thickens

Mike Procter and his merry men have been sacked. I want to do a little dance but it's really late here. Maybe tomorrow.

I am happy about the fact that Procter is gone. He is the fucking idiot that dropped Morne in the beginning of the season and kept Makhaya for the second test. Or was it CSA's quota policy that he was following? Something tells me we will never know.

Or maybe we will, if the interim selection panel magically brings Makhaya back in the squad. In which case who do we talk to to fire Gerald Majola? It might not happen, but it's good to keep a back up plan for everything. And a backup-backup plan. Meaning if there is nobody who can fire Majola we will need to kidnap Makhaya and send him off to Brazil. For his own good.

A part of me thinks they were fired for KEEPING Makhaya in the second test. That move had fucking politics written all over it. Then of course the utterly nonsense decisions to exclude Wayne Parnell and Morne Morkel from the ODI's against England, not picking Alviro Petersen or Loots Bosman for the Champions Trophy when Hersch was injured (weren't you surprised when these two came out of nowhere against England and did well?), the injustice done with Friedel de Wet etc.

What I don't understand is why everyone is so upset about this. Have you people not realized the Saffers were becoming so predictable a toddler could crawl all over them? Or are you still thinking about 2008? Hello, this is 2010. There was a year in between where the Saffers were T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E. And their strategy still sucks in the ODIs. Arthur, Procter and the gang had their contracts till the 2011 World Cup. If they hadn't been sacked now, that would have been another disastrous campaign.

They would have lost/drawn in India with or without Mickey and his safe tactics. It's not so bad. Trust me.

Parnell 610

If somebody asked me, how much are you worth, in true mastercard style I would have said priceless. But really, I am worth a few decimal points short of five hundred dollars. It's why the IPL would never buy me. They can't afford anything that is this cheap.

But that's just the price I put on myself. Other people will probably set a lower one for me. But not for Wayne Parnie Parnell. His base price was set at $100,000. Imagine, you are 20 and people believe your limbs and brain put together to produce a skill, is worth $100,000. And it doesn't end there. You are actually fought over and bought for $610,000. That's actually about 10,000 more than what Jennifer Lopez' butt is insured for. True story.

I have mixed feelings about auctions. The concept of watching people whore you out...and being excited about it. How every strange. But shit 20 and 610K! Those are numbers that make people go FUCK! And then silence. What else will you say to that?

So what now? Parnie is in both the national teams and worth a staggering amount. Girls want to throw themselves at him and men want to hang out with him. Both to spend his money of course but who cares? He has it. He has them in a vault the size of your house. And he is not even some record breaking fast bowler yet.

Maybe Parnie should buy a country. How much is a country worth? An island then? Or every fucking fast bowling legend, so he can learn all the tricks of the trade.

How much do you think he will be worth then?

T4D3: Somebody propose to Bouchie!

Why won't you people marry Mark? He is cute, he is the best wicket keeper in the world and...HE'S FUCKING SAVED SAFFA ASSES FOR ALL OF ETERNITY!

Hash got a good delivery so can't really blame him for that. Jakes made the worse attempt at a pull shot I've ever seen. And I watched Ricky bat during his 209 the other day. Maybe Jakes thinks that if he pulls as badly as Ricky, he too will be given the Player of the Decade Award. Take note Cricinfo.

JP wants to be dropped from the team. He can't carry his secruity blanket around anymore, because people make fun of him but neither can he leave it behind. So, he wants it dropped. It's the only explanation. He also wants to give Swannyg66 a lot of glory. For this, I have disowned him. No more love for you tiny man!

Let's go back to building the case for Mark. He is not getting any younger okay ladies?  This man, spends the whole day in a crouching position and dives more than anybody else in the team. Then he has to run like a mofo because AB the rabbit wants to hop all over the pitch. The important points for you to take note here are crouch, dive and good cardio. For fuck's sakes marry him!

But also know that all of your applications will be reviewed by AB de Villiers. Daryl Harper may or may not be involved, but AB does tend to get his decisions right so don't fret.

I didn't watch the bowling, needed to sleep. But Wayne got his first test wicket (thanks to SarahCanterbury) and Mascaraman has lost his form again. Just in time for Bangladesh. Also, KP and Colly are still there and it WILL rain in the next two days. So don't get too excited. Till all seven are gone at least.

T4D1: Dale, have my babies

I had a dream before tuning into the game today. I dreamt that South Africa won the toss and the Biff-headed individual decided to bat first, leading to a massacre of Saffa batsmen and a flurry of wickets. Little did I know that my subconscious was already watching the game and feeding me all sorts of wrong information. I think my subconscious may be English...BLASMEPHY!

Anyway, so if you don't want to have Dale's babies after that performance, you are demented...or think Stuart Broad is a bowler. The wicket I enjoyed the most was that of Andrew fucking Strauss. I also briefly contemplated having Amla's children after that catch, but the guy is married. So I will let him be.

Heartbreaker Morne got three, two of which were leg-before. Although one of them was probably a no ball. Barbie was 'astonished' and I think KP called the umpire an asshole. Daryl Harper's family better start saying a prayer for him, he might not be returning home from this tour.

Ryan McLaren replaced Paul Harris. Not a bad idea, but can Ryan McLaren bat? 'Cause Harro can you know...in his own awkward, "I always have a strange smile on my face" way.

Wayne also made his debut and was crap. Had he and Ryan not bowled, the Poms would have been out much sooner. But I grudgingly forgive them because they are debutants after all. However, here is a little something for them to 'grow' in the second innings: "Stick to the basics fuckers, the rest will happen on its own. Have you not watched the Poms bat?"

Prior, KP and Barbie have inspired many shitty kids who now believe they can be selected for the national team despite batting like a bunch of Under12s. Wait, I'm missing one. Oh yes! Fighter Colly Buttniggle. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA.

At this point, I must share with you a line I read somewhere (can't remember where) after the first test. "England only collapse once in every series. This was it and South Africa have failed to capitilize on it". So evidently, what we saw today and in the third test was not a collapse. It's just the English batsmen politely thanking the Saffers for their hospitability over the past few months. How very proper of them!

I am seriously happy with this day. No, the world is not ending. Dale Steyn on top form always gets that reaction from me. I want to share with you my happiness, hence this special picture:

His smile is as horrifying as my happy face...

Of course Ashy P and his high score of 15 are still at the crease and this is a bowling pitch. So tomorrow all this may change. Unless Pee on the Ashes survives Jimmy like he did today.

Bowling changes?

Friedel de Wet is injured, so Parney has been called up. AGAIN. Why? I mean, I am thrilled for you kiddo but this is five days cricket. And a very, very important one. Not exactly the best time to see whether Parney has it in him.

But if Friedel absolutely needs to be replaced, Parnie might be the only way to go. Or Tsotsobe. At this point, there is no difference between the two when it comes to Test cricket.

Imran Tahir has also been called up. He is a leggie. Not a Saffa one, a Pakistani one. I have never seen him play but he has got to be better than a Saffa 'spinner' right? More attacking for sure.

But Harro gets wickets. And it is a bit panicky to drop a wicket-taking bowler for an untried one when it's a question of only one wicket, isn't it? At least that's what I think.

Then again, I also thought this was JP's year. So maybe, my thoughts mean shit all.

I think.

Missing Links

Wayne Parnell and Morne Morkel. I am ecstatic with their performance. Yes, the batting was excellent as well, but we'll get to the batting later. Because, remember how England started? Dale was concentrating very hard on keeping his disgusting form and Parnie was rusty. Then Morne replaced the chipmunk to show them how it's done, Parnie got a wicket and there was no turning back. Bringing Morne back in the team is the best fucking decision Mickey has made since September. Even Dale realized it, because after consistently throwing bricks he went to the dressing room to sulk, where Albie the other shithead gave him a back massage. At least the two out-of-form morons are united in their shittiness.

Regarding the batting, it's about fucking time the middle order added to the good work the Saffa openers have been doing lately. Speaking of Saffa openers, Hashim Amla continues to surprise me. A lot is being said about other players but no one has mentioned that the man who is known more for his patience than his aggressive style, has done very well to make full use of the first 15 overs. He did take Hersch's spot, but in case you missed the part where the cameras zoomed in and the commentators doted on him shamelessly, Hersch is a happy man. As long as Hersch is happy, I am happy. But it helps that Hash is doing such a fantastic job.

AB de Villiers must be thanked profusely for finally getting a big score when the team needed him to. See, it helps when you are telepathically sending negative thoughts to someone. He wanted to shut the voices up (mostly mine), so he freaking assaulted the bowlers to his heart's content. His batting was so good, I feel like buying his CD. Oh, did I just say that out loud? Okay...but I'm a little busy today. So, maybe I'll just watch the replay on repeat for now.

I found this win extra special because my 'favourite' English bowlers Broad and Swann are back and according to Strauss "did well". Apparently, well in his world is 19 overs, 120 runs and 4 wickets. What an overachiever that Strauss is!

I hope that Graeme Swann continues to be wicketless. That is the lovely thought I am leaving you all with for today.

Are we there yet?

This gap between the second and third ODI is so god damn long that I have once again forgotten what the Saffers look like. Honestly, who designed this series? If the rationale between this gap is that every game is either on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday so people can attend...umm..it's not working very well is it? How can a series prolonged by no games for infinite number of days hold any body's interest?

And what the hell are the Saffers doing during these days? I see no pictures of them practicing! Maybe it's because they are too busy elsewhere.

AB: Getting the whole team to buy his new CD. At least that's 16 copies sold, plus Mummy, Daddy and Brother.

Morne: Following Mickey around singing 'Gimme, gimme' in his ears 24/7.

Hersch: Staring into space and visualizing my happy face when he gets that century that's due.

Dale: Reading bedtime stories to his grand kids, so they don't kick him in the nuts for his woeful bowling.

Graeme: Trying to dehydrate Strauss to induce his leg cramp.

Parnie: Telling everybody what a hero he is for coming back from his ankle sprain as fast as he did.

Albie: Following Morne and Mickey around to make sure one Morkel doesn't get traded for another.

Mickey: Making up new shit to tell the press just to keep them interested.

I'm filing a complain with the CSA for letting my mind sit idle for five fucking days, during which it has gathered shit. As you can clearly see.

Guess who's back?

After running an intense campaign for three months, we have finally been able to get Morne back on the squad. By we I mean me, but if you are a Morne lover and have been secretly sending mental hate messages to Procter, we thank you too.

It has also been reported that Parnell has finally realized that a sprained ankle is not a legitimate injury, specially when you have been caught dancing on that ankle. Shame on you Parnie for not declaring yourself fit earlier. But you can make up for it by taking 10 wickets. Okay 9, we'll give one to Morne.

The question is who will Morne and Parnie replace? Ryan McLaren is possibly going to be shown the door which is fine because he hasn't been mindblowing. Morne will either replace Charl or Dale. That almost sounded like the two chipmunks. Except I bet the chipmunks won't be such a big embarrassment with a cricket ball.

There's also a chance that Morne has been brought back to scare Dale into being good again. Which means Morne might be spending most of his time warming the benches while Dale finally wakes up and uproots every single batsman's wickets. Not a dream comeback, but Morne is a team man. He will do anything to help the Proteas win. Plus, he already has Allan's love and blessings. What more does he need?

Now that the right choices have been finally made, I will celebrate the return of my Herschelle in the team and remind you all that I was initially devastated when he was dropped. The post on him not being needed in the team was a momentary lapse of sanity.

My Hersch has been given another chance to save his international career.
My Hersch is going to make Tim Bresnan sorry he ever picked up a ball.
My Hersch is going to show Albertus how to fucking clear the boundary.
My Hersch will beat the crap out of AB de Villiers for not scoring when it matters.

Let the games begin.

Parnell still injured

Is that a good thing or a bad thing? On the one hand, he has been unable to control his run giving urges. On the other hand, he does pick up wickets regularly. And with the current SA bowling line up's wonderful ability to do everything but, Parnie might be the crucial missing link. Ryan McLaren is doing fine so far, but picking up the slack of Dale, Albie and Botha is difficult on your own. Also, I have no idea how McLaren will fare in the ODI's. Two games against Zimbabwe doesn't count for anything.

So Parnie needs to recover fast. I don't even know where his injury is...he sure doesn't look injured in these pictures.

Parnie can't dance which is why he needs to return on the field...NOW!

Gently! The boy needs his arm!

I just realized that I always complain when the boys are having fun. If I was a team manager, I would make a scary one wouldn't I? Make them march to the field, training in absolute silence, eating on my command, then chaining them up to their beds at night so that they can't escape. Not that they'd ever hire me! But what if this is exactly what the Saffers need? Something to think about.

In case I did get hired, I would wear this hard hat and headbutt anyone that opposes me. Cricket South Africa has a fabulous marketing team I must say.


I would also give one to Kevin Pietersen, just because of that 100% South African line.