It didn't go well boys

I woke up and had a heart attack because SA were 11/2. Well, it wasn't that great of a heart attack because one of the men gone were Graeme Smith. I don't like him. Specially when he decides to drag the ball onto his own stumps.

Playing for the Aussies are we Smithy?
(Please get Majeed on the phone)

Anyway, that aside, it was a disaster. Darling Duminy tried his best and god some of his shots were beautiful. But hey, guess what...Aussies can bowl! Who the fuck is this Cummins and why, oh why does he have that haircut?
Most importantly, how did the Aussies find a T20 bowler that is neither Dougie, Binga nor Nannes?

And who the hell did SA have? Rusty...and the rest had names but they were all in fact...rusty. As in out of practice. Yeah I know, I am rusty too.

But who gives a shit? SA lost. And they actually lost quite pathetically. Dropped catches (three: Graeme-WHO HAS FAT HOOVES FOR HANDS, Botha, BOTHA AGAIN), missed runs outs, inability to stop easy singles, shitty bowling.

Should I go on? It doesn't even sound like the South African team I know.

Stop going on vacation guys, enough is enough! And do not feed me that, this is only T20 shit. It's a game against Australia. THIS SHALL NOT BE TAKEN LIGHTLY!

Hash didn't impress either. But it's okay, because I like him.

I'm such a fool.

P.s: Where is my son?

Well, it's over

I am not completely saddened by the result or the ending of this tournament. It's not because of cricket overkill or because I have suddenly started liking the Poms. It's because the winning moment came off the bat of the Englishman I can tolerate (as a cricketer strictly) and the Aussie bowler I would like to vanquish from this Earth. That was the only part of Michael Clarke's captaincy I was grateful for- making sure that the winning runs came off the petulant brat.

I am also glad it's over because the tournament has strangely been like the La Liga, only two teams dominating all the rest. The quality of cricket, I think we can all agree, has been subpar and this time, it's actually because barring the two finalists, the rest sucked balls. I don't think at any moment, any of us didn't know what the outcome of the game was going to be, unless two horribly out-of-form teams were playing. Okay, maybe the Kiwis were the only exception. I thought they should have made the semis.

For me, only three matches were really interesting to watch - SL vs NZ, NZ vs Pak and the Aus vs Pak semi. The rest put me to sleep and I actually got to watch these matches during the day at decent hours. If you didn't really care who won the finals (I did care, but not so much), it wasn't fun to watch either. But it could also be because I had to drive two hours in traffic and only got to watch England bat. Watching Dirk Nannes not take wickets is painful. Kieswetter's wicket abated my pain slightly though. What a fucking embarrassing way to get out! I loved it!

KP was magnificent but I never enjoy watching him doing well. I did like this ridiculous picture though:

I also enjoyed bloody Nasser saying 'Surely, even England can screw it up from here', when they required 29 runs to win. Oh these Poms! They never believe in themselves!

I can understand why they get along so well with them South Africans.

The injustice continues

And this times some of the cricketers look downright ecstatic to be in the video.

Some moments to look out for:
-Dirk Nannes shaking his booty
-Shane Warne over-acting
-Dave Warner pretending to be Egyptian
-Hersch looking confused
-Lumb doing a bad version of the hokey pokey
-Moises dancing like a girl

Is it a coincidence that four out of six people in this list are Australian? I don't think so.

It sucks to be Brett Lee

This is not a continuation of the Buffalo post, but I couldn't find a more apt title for the disaster that is Binga's career. No hear me out, it IS a disaster.

First of all, the injuries. Oh so many of them! And even though he looks, dresses, sings like Twatto he is hardly an opener who knows how to bowl. He is a fast bowler and those folks pick up injuries that break them down. One at a time. Binga's elbow and knees have endured so much, the Federal Mutant Detectors are keeping an eye on him.
I lie. There is no such thing, but if there was Binga would be on their list.

Second of all, he has to be the only fast bowler in the world who got sidelined/dropped from the team despite being in good form. He hasn't lost the ability to take wickets, he hasn't lost his pace, he is still fit (minus that apple butt...has anyone noticed that THAT thing never changes shape?)...and yet he is not in the starting XI! It's not his fault really. A tirade of young fast bowlers have emerged for the Aussies in all three formats and it's probably the right way to go. But that's hardly a consolation for Tweety man right?

Third, his IPL stint. This is really based on today's game but very little is going well for him these days. Sure he got chosen for the WC T20 because of the IPL, but is he going to get a game? If Nannes is fit (evidently he is now injured) and Shaun Tait continues to be the speedy bastard that he is, Binga will be the drinks man. Oh wait, Witchy's in the squad. So Binga will probably have to sit in the dressing room with his guitar.

Which brings us to the fourth problem, his music. Yes, he is going to be writing the official song for WC 2011 but that doesn't mean we will like it. And neither does it mean he is a rock star. Cricket Australia needed a gentle way to inform him that he will not be getting a game and ICC wanted to make some budget cuts. So the two brainstormed and came up with this brilliant plan.

Brett Lee will open and close with his official WC song. That way he will get to be around the Aussies boys throughout the tournament AND ICC don't have to spend that much on the ceremonies.

The only good part of it all is that Binga can't produce a customary wide or no-ball while performing. Unless he misses a beat or goes off key.

Merv's Moustache

This is the story of one man and his moustache and how the shaggy hair on his upper lips guided him through all the tough selections.

Ashes 09, 5th Test

Merv: Tell me oh shaggy one, do I pick four seamers or put a spinner there?
Moustache: I say, it looks like the pitch will turn later. Blimey! This is a tough one, innit?
Merv: I think we should let Nathan play mate. After all, he did shockingly take wickets this series and surprise everyone by establishing himself as a spinner...more or else.
Moustache: Bollocks! We'll go with four seamers. Get Stuart Clark in.
Merv: He was kind of shit in the second innings of the 4th test though and the pitch seems to be better suited for spinners...
Moustache: Don't be a twat! Clark in, Hauritz out. I like them pacers. They make me twitch. If they blame you just say you misread the pitch. And make Punter say the same. Otherwise I'll boo him.
Merv: But..
Moustache: The 'tache has spoken.

India vs Australia, 2009

Merv: Shaggy one, we have a long injury list...
Moustache: Moises and Clint are going to replace them, yaar!
Merv: But the injured are...
Moustache: I don't need to know. I'm saying Moises and Clint will play, baas, they will play.
Merv: The problem is, even I don't know who McKay is and Moises seems to like getting whacked by batsmen. Stuart Clark on the other hand...or even Dirk Nannes...
Moustache: Clark lost us the Ashes my friend. And Dirk is also a Victorian. Selecting him and McKay is the same thing. No more discussions. The 'tache has spoken.

West Indies vs Australia, 2009

Moustache: Is Chris Gayle coming, mon?
Merv: We don't know yet mate.
Moustache: We open the bowling with Andrew McDonald and Shane Watson is to bowl the death overs. Give the rest of the boys some time off. The WAGS can play instead.
Merv: I don't think the WAGS know how to play.
Moustache: Bubu! They have been with the boys long enough to know how to play. Don't question my judgement, mon! And make Lara Bingle the captain. The 'tache has spoken.

If you haven't figured it out by now, the 'tache has been playing for the other teams all along. Just like the Australian selectors.

What happened today?

One minute the Daredevils were reduced to 114 with some brilliant bowling and next the Cobras were crashing! Dilshan opened the bowling and picked up two wickets! Dilshan bowls? Since when!

Of course before we answer that question we must solve the mystery of why Dharmasena is an umpire! And no, this is not some biased rant because it was Herschelle who got the decision. IT WAS A WRONG DECISION! You really thought Hersch went first ball to Dilshan? If your answer is yes, you are doing drugs.

So, this Nannes character. He is the shits! I have always liked him. BUT, he disappointed me today. What was the point of putting in a brilliant performance AFTER your team has already crashed out? Where the hell was this before? He ruined the Cobras' record in this tournament for no reason. Spoil sport!

Now the Cobras are playing T&T. My team against the team I have grown to love. Both will face their first tough challenge I reckon. Whoever wins, will possibly also win the finals since the other contender will be either Victoria or NSW. Neither of whom are a threat to these two.

I'll probably go with the Cobras but damn I am getting chills just thinking about the match!

-JP vs KP
-Puttick vs Ganga
-Bravo vs Zondeki

Nice. This should be one hell of a game. Lots of DLF Maximums, thrashing and bashing.

Did I just wish for that? Sneaky Modi is getting to me. I will be back. Must bathe in holy water.