T4D2: Walking is work

Can you imagine Biff taking off his helmet and gloves and putting one leg in front of the other all the way from the pitch to the pavilion? So many hours before lunch? No thanks, he would rather stay at the crease and smash the ball everywhere.

It's cheeky I know. Personally, I am of the opinion that batsmen should always walk if they know they knicked it. Except, Biff unluckily got out to a no-ball during his 180 in the third test. This time, luck was on his side. So it kind of balances out. And wouldn't we all haved grabbed this opportunity had it been us? Yes, we would have. Don't pretend otherwise.

Also, putting the spotlight on Biff only takes away from the REAL problem in this series...the atrocious umpiring. There have been one disastersous calls after another, sometimes favouring Saffers, sometimes going the English way. So really, it's the Umpires that need to be hurled through a wall, with Daryl Harper opening the ceremony. Maybe we should let Julia Sidebottom go first, he is very good with the throwing.

Why has Julia replaced Onions? He certainly doesn't bowl better than him, as mediocre as Onions is. I am pretty sure his defense isn't as good as Onions' either, with all that hair crying to be freed from underneath the helmet. Sometimes, I forget that there men who are more stupid than Mickey and Procter when making selections. These are the little things that bring a lot of joy in my life.

Anyway, Hash is at it again. I am liking the fact that he is quietly answering his critics. Now all they have to do is post about 250 runs tomorrow...QUICKLY. Then take wickets. And you, Rain or whoever you are, take some sleeping pills and have a rest. Your bladder must have shrunk to a peanut by now.

Good new is Ashy P surpassed his previous best of 16 in this series by a whooping 3 runs. Oh, what do we have here? A 45 in the first test? Damn! His career is saved. Lucky bastard!

It's me

Apologies for the sudden disappearance. Turns out textbooks have more to say than all of bloggerdom combined. But with the first test just four days away, the nerd has been shown the door and the cricket fan has been released from her hell-hole. Only to find at that the English cricket team has been infested by impostors.

Cricinfo tells me that someone by the name of Graeme Swann has taken six wickets in some warm-up match. Now the Graeme Swann I know, is only capable of doing that in his home ground against unstable teams. The unstable part may still hold, as this is some South African Invitation team, but although it says the match took place in East London, it's not quite the same. So I can only conclude that someone has decided to impersonate the man, while he happily twitters himself into oblivion. This guy is so good that even his team-mates have been fooled and are calling him one of their key factors. In case you did not know, I don't like Swannyg66, but this is cruel and the impostor really must be punished for making the world believe that Swann is good at anything else other than twittering. Having said that, if this is the real guy I look forward to watching him do the same in the tests. I also look forward to watching Julia Roberts, in the form of Ryan Sidebottom, take five wickets.

No, I have not started liking them. But I realized over the last few days that every person I have dismissed as a mediocre cricketer have begun to perform. Obviously it is an effort to impress me, as I am a very important factor in their lives, but being proven 'wrong' time and time again is fucking annoying. Not that any of them have because warm-up matches don't mean shit. But I really do like it when England underperform as you already know. Since I have started blogging, they've won the Ashes, knocked the Proteas out of the Champions Trophy and even clinched the ODI series in Saffaland. This is not good for my mood and I like to be happy. In my own twisted, sadistic way. So I am refraining from taking the piss out of them just in case they do something silly like win against the Saffers while trying to impress me. I suspect this will only last for a couple of hours, but if England can be applauded for trying their best for a gazillion years, why can't I?

I also suspect this series will take a toll on me, physically and emotionally. I need to find a way to protect myself. Maybe I should just follow Andy Flower, who is the epitome of being high in this picture.

Poppies duuuuudddeee!

For Esra

Umm, your lover boy needs to get rid of the thorns on his head.



I have suggestions.

Brett's Tweety Bird

Tim's skunk

Ryan's tribute to Julia Roberts

RP's horns

Watto's umbrella

Yes dear, these are your only choices. I made a careful selection from what is out there. My screening process is very good, trust me.

Backing up my claims

I never lie.

Ravi, the Bollywood Clown.. how did the casting people of Bend it Like Beckham miss you?

Why didn't Ryan get the cool green hair?

Spot the real Nathan Bracken

Cameron White, The Albino Convict