Apology post

So a while ago, while on vacation, I thought I would post.

I gathered all these materials on the match-fixing scandals. The excuses, the ex-girlfriends coming up with evidence out of the blue, the inter-country war accusations (oh yes, there have been those too) and I was ready to go.

I was unstoppable in my mind. Just like the media, I came up with my own version of their theories. Maybe Veena Malik DID marry Asif who refuses to share the news with the world. And now that Asif has been suspended, she will still stand by her man as the world admire her courage and faith. Together, Asif, Veena and Love will conquer all forthcoming obstacles. Of course this will one day be a movie called "Dear Asif, Love Veena's Notebook". I can already see Nicholas Sparks penning this down.

If this didn't hold any water there is always the backup theory, the one you can't go wrong with. It's a new version of the India-Pakistan battle. India wants to take Pakistan down and what not. I could write elaborately on this too but I am pretty sure at some point you will stop and realize that you have heard it all before.

Honestly, I was going to publish all this crap and cross over to journalism because clearly, you can post anything on the net and call yourself a reporter. 

Fortunately for you and for those who HAVE been publishing this crap on the web, I got brain freeze. I didn't know why. Although, I did spend a good number of the last few days laughing at KP, wondering if Dimitri Mascarenhas is really a cricketer worth mentioning, why anyone would say that Pakistan is improving in ODI's like they are a new team and whether Enrique Iglesias really knew he was performing at a cricket tournament.

All nonsensical thoughts that only added to my brain freeze. Hence, after some intense nerve searching, I realized that the only way to get rid of it was tell you guys. 

Somewhere in there, I am apologizing for being missing in action. No, really.

Cricket is ruined

WHY GOD WHY?

You allowed the rain gods to grant the Poms a victory. I sulked, but accepted it.

You gave Graeme Swann wickets. I avoided it with great pain, but I accepted it.

Then you gave Swann runs. I narrowly escaped life-long coma trying to avoid that, but somehow I managed.

England drew the first test, I sighed. But accepted it.

Alastair Cook got a century, I was asleep so didn't have to see the atrocious occurence. Then he got out, so again, I accepted it.

Ian Bell is 55 not out and they have a 43 run lead. My new watch is resting in peace but I still accepted it.

Now Watson has a test century...you have snatched everything away from me! I AM RUINED! Left with no more humour in my life. Only painful tears like those in Sarah Palin's eyes. I am shattered, distressed, crooning to Barry Manilow songs. My days are dark and dreary. Which cricketer will I make fun of now?

Can Mascarenhas replace Jimmy please?

Operation Hunt Swann

There will be one of these daily. Or whenever I get a chance to make Swann look stupid.

Another reason you should be ashamed for liking him: He plays the tambourine.


And does it quite seriously too. I don't know about you but where I come from, tambourines are for the musically challenged keeners who stands at the very back corner of the stage clearly invisible, all the while thinking that he/she has made some mind-blowing contribution to the performance.

I bet he uses it to drown out his out-of-tune voice. Just like he uses his Twitter page to hide his insanely shit bowling. That's a level of shit that even Mascarenhas hasn't been able to achieve. And he is possibly the worst bowler in the world.