I have hope

Now that the World Cup is over (and I have no other excuse to stay up all night and be disfunctional at work), I look forward to the Aussies coming to Bangladesh. More so because for the first time, I have hope.

That would be hopes of a win. Yes, a win. Against the Aussies.

Let me tell you why.

First of all Australia are living on reputation. They are no longer to be feared, specially when they are being led from the front my someone called Pup. Michael John Clarke is your captain? Really Australia? Michael Clarke who has yet to figure out what One Day Internationals actually are? Let's not talk about how good he was once upon a time because Michael Clarke...also living on reputation.

Second of all, any recent ODI's where Australia did not lose were played against Kenya, Canada and New Zealand.

Third of all we have spinners. Actual spinners. Not some Warne wannabes. It is irrelevant that we never had a Shane Warne to live up to. What is relevant is that YOU can't play spin.

Fourth of all Australia in the subcontinent. Do I need to even explain that?

As you can see, as this post has progressed, the hope has grown into belief. Soon, I will be gloating all over the delusional Sid from Thoughts from the Dustbin. Incidentally, she thinks it's only Bangladesh. Go read it here.

At least we had the brains to drop Crashrafool. I hear you've still kept Mussey?

Forgive me, for I have sinned

A grave injustice occurred in the past month.

I briefly parted with the love of my life- cricket. I ignored it royally, sometimes because of exhaustion and sometimes because of life. Other times it was a complete lack of interest.

I suck, I know.

Why I moved so far away from my beloved, I don't quite know. It may have been a combination of things but I would like to brush it aside with my favourite expression of ultimate indifference to a very serious situation, 'shit happens'.

I am brushing it aside for the sole reason that I am now sitting and watching a thrilling one day international between the Saffers and Pakistan. Afridi just parted but then came Razzaq, who seems to have become a bit of a saviour of Pakistan cricket. There's more; I just saw BOTH Younis Khan and Yousuf Youhana on television in the Pakistan dressing room. And Ingram just dropped a catch...I am like an excited monkey and a disappointed donkey at the same time. Excuse my lame jokes, I am out of practice.

But only cricket can make me feel this way. Only cricket can make me jump out of bed and run around the house screaming '4-0, 4-0, 4-0'. Yes, it happened people. Just because I didn't gloat and rub it all over your faces doesn't mean you can pretend that it was all a dream and Bangladesh don't actually have a legitimate chance in the upcoming World Cup. Believe me if the 4-0 was a fluke, I'll be the first one to tell you to not get too excited. I speak only the truth. And while I am at it I would like to take this opportunity to tell Ashraful that it's time to pack up and look for a new career.

Also, the Aussies are kind of doomed for that little tournament that is about to take place.

Oh and one last thing: you may punish me any way you please.

Save me

For I am cricket deprived.

So grave is my situation that just the other day, as I read the headlines on CP 24, I saw that English bowler Graeme Swann had cited the immediate need to rescue a cat in distress as the reason for his drunk driving. Obviously, seeing as this was a Canadian news channel, I thought I was hallucinating. Turns out Swannyg66 is indeed a chivalrious Puss in Boots and THIS is the news that the Canadians thought should go up on their headlines. Not Afridi boom booming all over the place, not Dhoni's sudden wedding, not even AB's CD release.

Cricket will never be taken seriously in this country.

Speaking of seriously, I am also so cricket deprived that I am seriously considering buying AB's album. Apparently, his songs are about cricket, inspiration, positivity, winning, dreams and everything that teenagers will scream and die for. Why AB wastes his time playing cricket, I don't understand. Surely, he should at least consider filling that 5th Backstreet Boy spot that's empty right now? That way, when my cricket deprivation has driven me to a permanent state of mental instability, I will be listening to 'songs' written by the Backstreet Boys on cricket. You know like: 'Quit dropping catches off my bowling', 'Larger than Jakes', 'I want Graeme that way...'.

Seriously, save me.

And while you are saving me, can you save Bangladesh cricket as well? I hear Crashraful is in the squad for the New Zealand tour...

West Indies Losers XI

I think it's time to infest West Indies with players who are not West Indian. Why? Do you even need to ask that question?

The real question is, where should we import these players from? I say we get perennial losers from any cricket playing country and make them Honourary West Indian citizens like Herschelle Gibbs and Michael Hayden. Then make them play for the team. I can garauntee you that this lot will win more games than the current bunch.

So without further ado, I give you the West Indies Losers XI:

1) Darren Sammy: He's not really a loser. In fact, with that face and that fearless attitude, he is always a winner in my books, but he is also a good leader of losers as proven by his current efforts. Sammy is really the only West Indian trying to win any matches for his stupid maroon team.

2) Dwayne Bravo: See above.

3) Nathan Bracken: Poor guy is a loser by association, with Cricket Australia that is. Any other team in the world would have ignored his Keira Knightley look and put the bugger in their test team. But not Cricket Australia. They would rather keep him hanging till he fades away. They would also rather pay for Brett Lee's numerous injuries. Brave Nathan continues to look for new opportunities and then the doctors tell him he needs another operation on his knee! Loser's luck indeed.

4) Imran Nazir: What high hopes one had for this lovely opener, although the same can be said for most Pakistani cricketers. Regardless, Imran had the agression, the cover drive and the fielding to be a regular in the team. But then he played  a couple of tests...and now he is just a 28 years old with a double chin who is only called for the national side as an afterthought.

5) Monty Panesar: In order to feel bad for Monty, I need to make space in my heart by getting out my real feelings for him...BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I find his situation wonderfully funny. Yet another promising English bowler replaced the minute he hits bad form. He too is 28 with a double chin, but these days with Swann (UGH!) and numerous other young spinners in the horizon, poor ol' Monty isn't even an afterthought. Again, BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

6) Dinesh Karthik: Who likes Dinesh Karthik? Do you like Dinesh Karthik? Do I like Dinesh Karthik? Does Dinesh Karthik's mother like Dinesh Karthik? See, I've mentioned his name one too many times and your face is already taking a disapproving shape. He is everywhere: keeping, a batting, fielding, captaining, preventing Sachin from getting a century...but it gets him nowhere. He's just one of those losers that we know is in his rightful place and refuse to let him leave LoserVille. May his lifetime membership continue, in maroon, doing a little bit of everything with the Windies.

7) Ireland: Pick any player, they have all been forced to live in LoserVille, sadly. They do not belong there at all and I for one would like to see them storm the ICC headquarters, confiscate all their adult diapers and threaten to shred them into pieces unless they receive a test status.

8) Martin Guptill: Why the fuck this person got any sort of nomination and recognition is beyond me. He has played in 30 ODI's and has a stunning average of 36.46. He's scored 948 runs so far...122 of them came in the SAME GAME. We will pardon him for his equally woeful test average because he's played in only 11 of them but what's all the hype about? Till I see it Martin darling, you are a loser.

9) Lance Klusener: How this breaks my heart! How it kills me! I feel like dolling up and doing a full Elizabeth Taylor-esque tragic scene when I hear his name. He got shafted by a BUFFALO! Sure, he was in crap form during that period but he was dropped because the young captain, who hadn't even secured a spot in the team, thought Zulu was disruptive and a bad influence. He never returned. He is a loser purely because of circumstances.

10) Mohammad Ashraful: Please don't ask and please don't defend him. If you would like to defend him, your team can have him.

11) Shane Watson: Because no losers team is complete without him.

Crashraful inches his way in again

The Bangladesh squad for WC T20 has been announced:

Shakib Al Hasan (capt), Mushfiqur Rahim (vice-capt/wk), Tamim Iqbal, Imrul Kayes, Mohammad Ashraful, Aftab Ahmed, Mahmudullah, Naeem Islam, Mashrafe Mortaza, Abdur Razzak, Shafiul Islam, Rubel Hossain, Syed Rasel, Suhrawadi Shuvo, Jahurul Islam (wk)

I would bitch and moan about the return of the midget monstrosity but I get the feeling no matter which team we pick, we have already lost it. In fact, I can predict the loss now.

We are playing Australia and Pakistan. This may be T20 and unpredictive but with Ricky no longer captaining Ozland and Shahid Afridi finally getting the position he has been vying for, I doubt we can do anything to win our matches. So I guess Raful can play. Probably in place of Kayes.

At least Mashrafe is back to bowl his stunning deliveries during the death overs. You know the ones that go so far over the boundary you need binoculars to spot them? Yeah those. Good times ahead!

Cocktail

I don't have time to write up separate posts right now. But I have a lot of thoughts on a lot of things, most of which have pissed me off. Naturally. So this one is going to be a cocktail of such extreme measures that you may actually throw up. Just don't sue me afterwards, I warned you.

On India's win: A middle finger creeping up from every corner and getting entangled in Dhoni's hair. Then pulling Dhoni's hair to expose it as a wig.

On Sachin's double century: The cricket fan in me is jubilant but the Saffa fan in me is sulking like there is no tomorrow. Did you have to pelt my Dale to do it? Everybody's singing your praises and I should too, because nobody else deserved it more but next time (because who else will break this record other than Sachin himself?), pick ANOTHER TEAM. Like Australia. Ricky smiles too much these days. I miss his hairy, sulky face.

On AB's century: What the fuck were you celebrating for? Where were all these runs when the team needed you in the second test and the first ODI? Honestly, I don't care what a great innings it was, he looked like he just wanted his century and nothing else. I know the team wasn't able to support him, but FUCK AB, you weren't able to support the team on SO MANY OTHER OCASSIONS! Play for the team fucktard!

On Charl's eye: Brave man. He batted and bowled with his one eye. Very ghoul-like. Brought back so many childhood memories!

Charl, the one eyed King

On Binga's retirement: No more skateboarding tweety in tests. I am actually saddened by this one. I liked Binga because he never gave up. The prime example of a keener. But hey, now he has more time to promote suits and work on a new album! It will be titled "I wasn't picked for Ashes 2009 and we lost".

On Australia's win over the Winides: Yawn.

On Australia's win over the Kiwis: When did Witchy learn to take wickets in T20? This is bad, it's very bad.

On Crashraful's drop: All I can say is, I am finally sleeping peacefully at night. Doesn't that say it all?

On Mashrafe's impending retirement from tests: Hi, National Captain. You have to be a bowler of Bond and Lee's stature to consider this. They loved their test cricket and tried everything in their power to get back to it. They only retired when they realized that AGE was not on their side either. You are TWENTY-FUCKING-SIX. Try harder.

On blogging: Man, I miss this!

Over at Kiwiland

I feel I should show some love the the Bangladeshis. I was pretty upset with them after the ODI's, but they are being...well...okay in the tests. Not really, but then again they are. I don't know how it works...or maybe it only works with Bangladesh.

Their first innings bowling was pretty alright till Guppy and Baz flattened them. Rubel still ended up taking a fiver. When the opposition bats for all of eternity, you are bound to get a few. But in 29 overs, that's not bad. Good for you, Rubel.

Then obviously the lower order had to do a shit load of work to make up for the disaster that is our middle order. Tamim and Imrul are solid openers, but they need to learn how to build bigger partnerships because after them, it is just one train wreck after another. Which is sad because I like Junaid. A lot. Not in that way. Relax.

My son failed, let's not talk about it. Thankfully, the other son that I am thinking of adopting, Mahmudullah, made up for it. As long as it is in the family, I am one happy mommy.

I am blisffuly ignoring Crashraful's existence. He bats like that anyway. A ghost that may or may not be there. It doesn't make a difference to anybody. I doubt at this point, it even makes a difference to him whether he exists or not. So why should we bother? Life is too short.

Anyway, now the Kiwis are 1 down. They still have a big lead and will probably stretch it to 300 before the Deshis bat again. Upon which they may get close or may not. Regardless, I find it really strange that they actually perform better in tests than they do in ODI's. Barring the last one they really sucked there, but tests are where they put up a fight. Maybe the time contraint stresses them out, as they might reveal in the second innings by collapsing.

But my question is, does this make Bangladesh a team that is progressing faster than we thought? Tests are the ultimate 'test', as we all keep on saying. And it is in tests that they generally perform better. They are just hopeless in the shorter format.

They are such an enigma. And I am a woman who likes mysteries. So it's strangely befitting that my team is  so puzzingly fucked.

 I was just looking for an excuse to swear.

House warming

The reason behind Crashraful's hair tearing form is now clear. He has been planning the biggest career move of his life.

He bought a house. But that's not it. He was planning the perfect house warming, an event where batting legend Sachin Tendulkar and slapmaster Durbhajan Singh were to attend.

Clearly preparing this feast has been the main focus of his mind for the past years. What do you feed Sachin Tendulkar after all? How do you even decorate the house for him?

I would say put lots of pictures of fast bowlers crying. He would like that. And feed him everything in the country of course. I see fish, rice, chicken, beef, water, pepsi...good going Crashraful. You even got the Mumbai Indians to sponsor this dinner.

Look at how upset Durby is about not getting the fish from Crashraful. Chill dude. He probably has Sreesanth as entertainment later. Sreesanth will give you a lap dance.

Hey Sachin, teach him how to use his brain in return okay? The guy went through so much trouble for you, planning this shit for years. Stuff you till you blow up all over the place. What's for dessert Raful? Surely cake in the form of cricket balls.

Raful just enrages me, but if you look at it from a slightly sane perspective that is not such a shabby dinner party. I mean, how cool would it be to have Sachin Tendulkar at your house warming? Even if you are not a fan.

Raful has finally inspired me to do something. When I buy my first house I'm getting Jacques Kallis to cut the ribbon. Think I should have some extra food in the fridge?

It has happened

Mascaraman is officially leading England against Bangladesh. If I was a kind person I would have said that ECB have finally shoved their heads up their asses. But I am not. So my opinion on this is that England tried to walk after shoving their heads up their asses. During the walk, they rolled down a hill, hit a car and permanently damaged their brains.

Then they decided Alastair Cook should be captain.

Oh I laughed so hard! Mascaraman can't even decide which shots to play to which ball but evidently he knows the game well enough to decide on field placings for five days.

Hello, England. He was captain in a four hours match remember? If I may be so bold to say so, it did not go very well. Or so we thought. You seem to have watched a different match.

Resting Strauss seems to give the impression that Bangladesh is not an important tour. I have written about it before and I was freaking angry...obviously. But never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagined that the ECB would actually fuck up as badly as making Mascaraman captain. Darlings, Shakib may be new, but he is far more intelligent than that Rimmel loving she-man. And we are not making Crashraful captain again. Because...umm..we have players with leadership qualities!

Whatever. They can use us as their lab if they want. We are not going to sit here and bring the house down with our words. England can send their F team for all we care. Just remember that we don't have pitches that will help Stuart Broad and our strength is our spinners.

Bangladesh may not win this, but if England think this is going to be easy, insects have been eating on their brain. The same insects then produced sticky webs to prevent the brain from functioning properly. And of course, their heads are still shoved up their backsides.

IPL3

Let me remind you again that Kemar Roach is my new obsession.

Before him it was Fidel Edwards but he has been missing for a while now. I have put ads on every milk bottle available in West Indies. Hopefully the gap in his teeth will seek it out and return. 

Kemar Roach was bought by the Deccan Chargers at IPL3. I started watching IPL from the second season where I got bored half-way through. So I am no IPL expert and I only half care about BRC and Deccan Chargers because of the Saffers. Sometimes when I remember Albie's one hit wonder, literally, I watch Chennai too. But not for long because M.S. Dhoni leads to nightblindess in Canada.

I desprately want Ashraful and Mortaza out of Mumbai and KKR. Thankfully, Shakib has not been added to this list as he went unsold again, probably because of his international commitments. I think he would have been available for only like four games. But this is just a theory as again, I don't know much about the IPL.

But I do know about Kemar Roach.
Kemar Roach likes to hurt hairy goblins.
Kemar Roach likes to bowl fast in the hopes that the ball will actually kill somebody.
Kemar Roach then smiles, like a sweet little assassin.
Kemar Roach is a direct descendant of Walsh and Ambrose.
Kemar Roach is only 21.

I have said Kemar Roach about eight times in this article. It is intentional.

Ordinary Bangladesh

The Bangladeshi cricket team in Virender Sehwag's dictionary comes under 'O'. There's a picture of some Bangladeshi batsman getting out to yet another short ball. Probably Ashraful. The definition says,

Ordinary: The Bangladeshi cricket team, Viru. Score your triple hundred.

With these words in his heart, Virender Sehwag went out to bat. Brisk fifty. No time to waste. Must make the triple century this tour.

Bangladesh gave away 63 runs in the first 13 overs. Then they went to lunch and found their own dictionary lying around. It read,

Ordinary: What you put in the opposition's food during lunch. Warning: May have laxative-like effects. Batsmen may run back to the change room frequently.

That, I have to tell you was the correct definition. At least for yesterday. Here's some more:

Shahadat Hossain: Full-tosser no more.

Middle Stump: What Rahul Dravid lost to Shahadat. Very violently.

Mushfiq-ur-Rahim: The tiny thing that VVS failed to notice.

Session Two: Where Bangladesh were 'Ordinary' as per the Bangladeshi dictionary.

Bangladesh: In your face...BITCH.

Ricky's ghost

First, Ricky's ghost convinces Mortaza that he is Nathan Bracken and should never consider himself fit after a knee injury. Even 80% is not good enough.

Second, Ricky's ghost climbs into bed with Shakib.

Third, Ricky's ghost stays with Shakib till the toss, wins the toss (that part has more to do with Shakib's ghost than Ricky's) and forces Shakib to say 'We will bat first. Dew? What dew? Our own dew won't go against us. We will show 'em how it's done'.

Fourth, Ricky's ghost bats for Shakib and goes out to an unexpected direct hit from afar during a comfortable couple.

Fifth, Ricky forces Shakib to turn to Ashraful during desperate times, just the way he turns to Shane Watson. Problem: Ashraful is not an all-rounder. Not a twat, but not an all-rounder either.

Sixth, Ricky gives Shakib's post match interview:

"We are getting runs consistently, that's a plus for us. When we got early wickets, we thought we had a chance, but they got a good partnership, all credit to them." 

Seventh, Ricky goes home with Shakib. Tomorrow they have to play Sri Lanka and Ricky must do it all over again.

Oh Bangladesh!

Sixty-five for nothing, they were. In the thirteenth over too. Smashing, hooking, cutting, driving- Tamim and Imrul did it all. Uda was as stunned as we were when we first heard his name.

Then the brain explosions started happening. Shockingly, Shakib was a part of the brain explosion, and Ashraful was not! He is the reason we got to 260 actually, along with Mushfiq's cameo and Mahmudullah's knock. I swear Mushfiq is the tiniest thing to ever hold a bat. Whenever he hits a four, I am always on the edge of my seat because I am sure that he will fly to the boundary with the ball. But he never does, bless his tiny structure.

Right, so 260 wasn't ideal with the start they got, but it was marginally defendable right? Even with Bangladesh.

Wrong. The other team has Dilshan. And with him even 400 is not a defendable total. Add our fast bowlers to that and one over from Ashraful (Shakib, my love...HE CAN'T BOWL) and it's a comfortable victory.

Fucking Dilshan, making my life miserable. Do it against other teams honey, otherwise I may have to injure you.

On second thought, maybe I will injure you...

T2D4: Lend Biff a brain

Can the Saffers get any worse? Apparently they can. And obviously we always have our precious buffalo to lead the crappiness. Morne bowled one fucking spell today. Paul and JP was consistently rubbish and they were consistently played. CONSISTENTLY. What's the fucking point of getting one wicket if the fifteen other balls are pure vomit? JP was so far wide he made a prostitue blush. And Paul was hypnotically drawn to leg stump. The Poms were troubled by neither.

And Biff just stood there. No bowling changes, no fielding changes, just expression changes. I understand all your bowlers are going through a bad patch but FUCK BIFF it is YOUR JOB to bring them out of the shit hole. Not fucking protect them. Give them the ball and tell them to fucking shape up. Put pressure on them, have expectations from them. They are international level bowlers. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU PROTECT THEM? Honestly, this is not even a random accusation. Biff seems to think that his job is to stand there and make penguin-like faces. Believe me you fucktard, that's not why they made you captain.

All they had to do was bowl well, not even pick up wickets frequently, like they did in the first innings of the first test. As soon as the new ball came the Pom started playing stupid shots and got themselves out. The bowlers continued to do shit all. Doesn't that show that if they had bowled well since yesterday at one point or the other the Poms would have given up their wicket under pressure? Yes, I believe it does.

Just when things got interesting and Maky started to look a wee bit like his old self, Strauss declared. Clever move, otherwise Makhaya might have chopped Onions' head off. And all he needed was a little collision with Jimmy which denied him a possible catch. Who knew? Next time just push the fucker around and he will rip through the batsmen...hopefully!

I didn't see the Saffers batting and I am not going to watch the highlights. What's the point? I read somewhere that Graeme Swann is now a dangerous bowler. The Aussies and Saffers have fucking made Swannyg66 look like a dangerous bowler. And I am not about to watch a batting performance that makes Broad a bowler and Swann dangerous.

Let's have a bet though. How soon will the game be over tomorrow? Whoever wins will have to give all their money to the Buy Biff a new brain Foundation. I believe Mohammad Ashraful has qualified for the donors' list.

As an afterthought, ABism is a fucking sham. It just makes you wish you had invented the atom bomb instead. My world of perennial haters is much more satisfying I tell you.  

The good, the bad and the funny

The Good:
- Bangladesh winning against Zimbabwe...cricket makes sense again
-Australia losing...BAHAHAHAHAHA
-Ashraful scoring 63 at long last! But Tamim overshadowing his return to the score board with a 80 was a thousand times better
-Enamul Haque Jnr continuing to take wickets
-Not having to watch Yuvraj's jiggly belly because of errands

The Bad:
-Hamilton scoring more than Tamim. (I am not impressed)
-India winning
-Yuvraj Singh scoring 78
-Adopted son Mushfiq scoring only 4
-Bangladesh's middle order collapsing
-Not getting to watch Moises bowl because of errands

The Funny:
-Australian bowlers
-Chigumbura going for 28 runs in his 4 overs
-Moises replacing Brett Lee. The Oz selectors really should try their hand at comedy
-Ricky Ponting giving the ball to Adam Voges and then Adam Voges giving 13 runs in one over
-Yuvraj Singh giving his wicket to Moises
-Moises looking more surprised than elated with his maiden ODI wicket. I had a similar expression

It didn't go over the ropes? What does that mean?

1-1

YEAH BITCHES! My stern talks never fail. Neither does my Shakib when he gets going. I was only able to catch the first half an hour of this match as it started at an ungodly hour and while I am usually up during ungodly hours, yesterday was the longest day ever!

Anyway, I caught enough of the match to see that Dolar and Nazmul were getting fucking hammered before Shakib the great stepped in to slow the run-rate down. How nice to see a spinner actually doing his job (*cough*Harbajan*cough*). I also caught enough of the match to realize that our pace attack minus Mashrafe is a joke. Which is sad and worrying and just a plain what the fuck situation. Specially with Pakistan, India and Sri Lanka all having effective genuine pacers in their teams now.

What pleases me specially about the match is that for once Shakib was not the doer of all. He killed with the bat and Razzak, my beauty, killed with the ball. 9.2 overs, 29 runs, 5 wickets, 0 extras. That is top-class bowling. Even if it is at home and against Zimbabwe.

But what to do with Raful? Bastard scored only 3 in a match where every other Bangladeshi batsmen went to double figures! But, the bastard also took 2 wickets. God damn! Somewhere, somehow he gains a lifeline the minute it looks like he is about to be dropped. But seriously, he should STILL be dropped. It's not like someone else wouldn't have taken those two wickets (probably Shakib). Honestly, how many times have you seen this picture?


Way too many times. We are done being patient with him. Go back to the practice nets you moron! While we revel at the subjects of these pictures.

105 off 60 balls...SFA specialty

Joy to the world!

This is the leader of the SFA speaking

Shakib,
I am displeased by the team's performance against the Zimbabweans. I am also unhappy with your performance. I know you are trying to hide from Lalit Modi, but once you are in the Sweet-Faced Assassin group, it is a sin to change into a mellow kitten. Also to lose your sweet face, so never grow facial hair.

Mushfiq,
You did well the other day little one. Keep it up and hit Chigumbura for some sixes. Then, hum the tune of 'Candle in the wind' in his ear.

Mashrafe,
Are you secretly Australian...or Nathan Bracken? Why the fuck is it taking you this long to recover from your injury?

Ashraful,
Since I am a woman of considerable power I am doing you a favour and getting ICC to change the laws for Bangladesh only. You are now officially the runner for one batsman of your choice. Just run, don't hit the ball, don't even go near the ball. Run straight when it is not risky to do so. IF you are run out after this, keep on running. Because I am going to come for your life. No matter where you are.

For inspiration, because you lot clearly need some, I am posting the video of your win against India in WC07. It's only the Indian wickets and three minutes long, because the game starts soon.




That's all.

Bangladesh vs Zimbabwe

WOOHOO! My boys are finally playing. It's just against Zimbabwe, but my lovelies have been out of action for so long! I just hope my pathetic cricket channel broadcasts this series.

A lot of you don't know my team that well. But I am telling you they are worth knowing. Their growth as a team have been pathetically slow, but these boys are still the bomb. I say that because of the following reasons:

1) The oldest person in this squad is a 27 year old left-arm spinner called Abdur Razzak. The most experienced player is Mohammad Ashraful, who is 25 years old. Imagine, being in this squad and representing a country whose number one passion is the sport that you play. Imagine, having to cope with this pressure at this age and delivering. Because they will deliver. As dangerous as Zimbabwe's batting line up is looking at the moment (they rocked the warm up matches), my boys will be on top.

2) Our captain, is actually the vice-captain and filling in for the injured Mashrafe Mortaza (who seriously, needs to recover FAST!). Shakib is 22. There is one other 22 year old captain I know who was a moron at that age and never got any respect. He goes by the name of Graeme Smith. Shakib is humble, modest and still a good leader. Something Biff needs to learn.

3) We came very close to our first ever Test victory in our third year as a test team. We lost to Pakistan by only 1 wicket. Those were the days when Pakistan actually played test cricket and was good at it.

4) In our first ever test match, we made a first innings total of over 400 against India.

5) We have one day wins against the first XI of Australia, South Africa, India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka. Look at that, four out of those five teams make the top half of the current ICC rankings! The win against Australia shut up all those people who wanted our test status revoked (Richie Benaud is an ass!) and the win against India was clinical in their first round exit from WC07. These two are my favourite. There are some lovely videos of all our wins on Youtube. I will be sharing some of them with you soon.

6) I know people who followed the team around during the 2007 World Cup and met them. That year, Bangladesh had one of its worse flood ever. To raise money for the flood victims my acquaintances organized an event, where they came up with the idea of auctioning off genuine Bangladeshi jerseys. When Shakib was contacted, he promptly sent over the jersey he wore at the match against India, which Bangladesh had won and where Shakib was one of the top scorers.

That last one is a true story. And its not meant to raise sympathy votes for a team that clearly could achieve so much more than they do, for whatever reasons. It's just one of my favourite stories regarding my BD boys. I am so happy to be able to see them play again!

Zimbabwe

I have been keeping an eye on the Zimbabwe vs Kenya matches, because Zim next goes to Bangladesh. I am seriously worried because of a certain person, who is strangely named after a place in my country of residence. Now Hamilton, is considered one of the most life-less cities of Canada. But there is nothing life-less about Hamilton Masakadza. His scores for the five ODIs against Kenya were 156,66,44,23 and 178*.

Is it just Kenya, or is this guy really Zimbabwe's messiah? If he is and has arrived at the right time to take revenge on my BD boys for the previous series loss...then we are FUCKED!

Last I checked, both Shakib and Mortaza were recovering from injury. Although they might play, they are possibly not going to be fully fit. Which means a lot will be riding on Ashraful and we all know how wonderful Raful can be under pressure. In other words, we are FUCKED!

I am going to put my satanic cap on and do something about this. Pronto.

To my Bdeshi boys

Dear Bangladeshi Cricketers,

I am very upset at the news that Shakib is now the 5th bowler this season to have been injured. With Mortaza, Rubel, Nazmul and Razzak all out/recovering (but still playing!) and the Zimbabweans coming to our land for revenge...this is not good. I have been waiting for the day when I could watch all my awesome yet grievously under-rated boys in the same team, ripping the opposition apart. It seems that day will never come and that makes me very, very sad.

Shakib bowled a dangerous amount of overs and batted for long hours in both the recent Tests and ODI's. He is a wicket-taker and an amazing batsman...but there is no need to cut his career short! It happened to Mortaza, it happened to Rubel and now it's happening to Shakib. Our team is growing as an unit and most (stress on most) current players are of the same level. Yes, Shakib and Mortaza are above you...which is why they have extra responsibilities of being Captain and Vice-Captain. That is enough to keep them busy! Support our leaders so they can play for many years to come and take our team to the heights that they deserve to be in! You lot win games because you are freaking talented. BELIEVE!

Also, stop going to Australia for treatment. Ricky Ponting has instructed them to do further damage to your bodies so that his sorry excuse for a team can win against you at the Twenty20 World Cup next year.

Special shout out to Siddons: hit Ashfarul whenever possible. If he doesn't fulfill his destiny as one of the top-ranked batsman in the world, you can lock him up with Brett Lee. Listening to Lee sing for eternity...that will be his punishment.