Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream.
Barbie on the boat
He is eating cream
Funnily, funnily, funnily, funnily,
He doesn't know how to bowl seam.
Prior on the boat
He may not be in the team
Horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly,
They haven't told him.
Swanny on the boat
He is sitting on the beam
Urgently, urgently, urgently, urgently
His elbow needs a trim.
Onions on the boat
He's injured another limb
Weirdly, weirdly, weirdly, weirdly
Those are his hips and they are too slim.
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
A win is but a dream!
Showing posts with label Graham Onions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Graham Onions. Show all posts
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Our number eleven is better than yours
When Rubel Hossain came to the crease, all I wanted him to do was survive the first 4 balls so Naeem could get back on strike. He did and I was happy. The thoughts then were, Naeem needs to reach his fifty and Bangladesh needs to cross 400.
We were at 397 and even then, my friends and I were worried. Such is the state of our bowling line up. Can't even relax without the mental edge of a 400+ score.
Then Rubel came back on strike and we were still 397. Disappointment. No 400 today.
Which is when Rubel hit the most beautiful cover drive for four, and all of a sudden we were 401/9. A top order batsman would have been jealous. But it didn't end there. Rubel continued to stick around with Naeem, hitting boundaries now and then. In the end, his was the wicket that fell (obviously), but not before he had etched out 17 runs at a strike rate of 77.27.
Let's put those numbers side by side: No. 11, 17 runs, 22 balls, 4 fours, 77.27.
Before that, Shafiul had made Broad, Bresnan and Swann want to run and hide behind their mommies. We don't need a top order, we have Shafiul, Naeem and Rubel. And a handy few people who bat before them, but you already know who those are.
As I have said before, we owe our International status to a number eleven who hit the biggest six of his life off the last ball to win us the game.
All Graham Onions did was defend. All Brett Lee did was nearly win the Ashes.
I know I am being very cocky here, but you know you also want Rubel Hossain in your team. So leave me alone.
Our number eleven can score baby.
We were at 397 and even then, my friends and I were worried. Such is the state of our bowling line up. Can't even relax without the mental edge of a 400+ score.
Then Rubel came back on strike and we were still 397. Disappointment. No 400 today.
Which is when Rubel hit the most beautiful cover drive for four, and all of a sudden we were 401/9. A top order batsman would have been jealous. But it didn't end there. Rubel continued to stick around with Naeem, hitting boundaries now and then. In the end, his was the wicket that fell (obviously), but not before he had etched out 17 runs at a strike rate of 77.27.
Let's put those numbers side by side: No. 11, 17 runs, 22 balls, 4 fours, 77.27.
Before that, Shafiul had made Broad, Bresnan and Swann want to run and hide behind their mommies. We don't need a top order, we have Shafiul, Naeem and Rubel. And a handy few people who bat before them, but you already know who those are.
As I have said before, we owe our International status to a number eleven who hit the biggest six of his life off the last ball to win us the game.
All Graham Onions did was defend. All Brett Lee did was nearly win the Ashes.
I know I am being very cocky here, but you know you also want Rubel Hossain in your team. So leave me alone.
Our number eleven can score baby.
Friday, January 15, 2010
T4D2: Walking is work
Can you imagine Biff taking off his helmet and gloves and putting one leg in front of the other all the way from the pitch to the pavilion? So many hours before lunch? No thanks, he would rather stay at the crease and smash the ball everywhere.
It's cheeky I know. Personally, I am of the opinion that batsmen should always walk if they know they knicked it. Except, Biff unluckily got out to a no-ball during his 180 in the third test. This time, luck was on his side. So it kind of balances out. And wouldn't we all haved grabbed this opportunity had it been us? Yes, we would have. Don't pretend otherwise.
Also, putting the spotlight on Biff only takes away from the REAL problem in this series...the atrocious umpiring. There have been one disastersous calls after another, sometimes favouring Saffers, sometimes going the English way. So really, it's the Umpires that need to be hurled through a wall, with Daryl Harper opening the ceremony. Maybe we should let Julia Sidebottom go first, he is very good with the throwing.
Why has Julia replaced Onions? He certainly doesn't bowl better than him, as mediocre as Onions is. I am pretty sure his defense isn't as good as Onions' either, with all that hair crying to be freed from underneath the helmet. Sometimes, I forget that there men who are more stupid than Mickey and Procter when making selections. These are the little things that bring a lot of joy in my life.
Anyway, Hash is at it again. I am liking the fact that he is quietly answering his critics. Now all they have to do is post about 250 runs tomorrow...QUICKLY. Then take wickets. And you, Rain or whoever you are, take some sleeping pills and have a rest. Your bladder must have shrunk to a peanut by now.
Good new is Ashy P surpassed his previous best of 16 in this series by a whooping 3 runs. Oh, what do we have here? A 45 in the first test? Damn! His career is saved. Lucky bastard!
It's cheeky I know. Personally, I am of the opinion that batsmen should always walk if they know they knicked it. Except, Biff unluckily got out to a no-ball during his 180 in the third test. This time, luck was on his side. So it kind of balances out. And wouldn't we all haved grabbed this opportunity had it been us? Yes, we would have. Don't pretend otherwise.
Also, putting the spotlight on Biff only takes away from the REAL problem in this series...the atrocious umpiring. There have been one disastersous calls after another, sometimes favouring Saffers, sometimes going the English way. So really, it's the Umpires that need to be hurled through a wall, with Daryl Harper opening the ceremony. Maybe we should let Julia Sidebottom go first, he is very good with the throwing.
Why has Julia replaced Onions? He certainly doesn't bowl better than him, as mediocre as Onions is. I am pretty sure his defense isn't as good as Onions' either, with all that hair crying to be freed from underneath the helmet. Sometimes, I forget that there men who are more stupid than Mickey and Procter when making selections. These are the little things that bring a lot of joy in my life.
Anyway, Hash is at it again. I am liking the fact that he is quietly answering his critics. Now all they have to do is post about 250 runs tomorrow...QUICKLY. Then take wickets. And you, Rain or whoever you are, take some sleeping pills and have a rest. Your bladder must have shrunk to a peanut by now.
Good new is Ashy P surpassed his previous best of 16 in this series by a whooping 3 runs. Oh, what do we have here? A 45 in the first test? Damn! His career is saved. Lucky bastard!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
T3D5: FML.com
Today, I perved on Dale Steyn publicly on National T.V. Steyn has a girlfriend. FML.
-Submitted by Geoffrey Boycott
Today, I intentionally got caught by Ashy P but had to pretend to be sad in front of my fucktard captain who makes me do it all. FML.
-Submitted by Jimmy Anderson
Today, Bumble called me a good captain for putting Ashy P in a wicket-taking position. The idea had come from Boucher. FML.
-Submitted my Graeme Smith
Today, my good mate knocked me up. He uprooted my off stump. FML.
-Submitted by Jonathan Trott
Today, I scored a match saving 78 then got out at a most crucial time. Most people will remember how I got out. FML.
-Submitted by Ian Bell
Today, I defended 22 deliveries without scoring a run and then lost my wicket to the man who can't turn the ball. I was sure I was not out, then again in my mind I am never out. The umpire didn't think so. FML.
-Submitted by Stuart Broad
Today, I had to run from the toilet straight down the pitch. My captain wanted me to get a breakthrough. I took some magical drink for the second last over. I still didn't get a breakthrough. FML.
-Submitted by Dale Steyn
Today, I wanted Onions for dinner. The bastard didn't want to come home with me.FML.
-Submitted by Morne Morkel
Today, I had to defend my ass off to get my team a draw. I was successful but I am actually a bowler and my role is to pick up wickets. FML.
-Submitted by Graham Onions
Today, I won Man-of-the-Match. My team couldn't get the final wicket for the win.FML.
-Submitted by Graeme Smith
Today, I feel blue. Both my teams lost crucial matches. FML.
-Submitted by Cricket Minded
-Submitted by Geoffrey Boycott
Today, I intentionally got caught by Ashy P but had to pretend to be sad in front of my fucktard captain who makes me do it all. FML.
-Submitted by Jimmy Anderson
Today, Bumble called me a good captain for putting Ashy P in a wicket-taking position. The idea had come from Boucher. FML.
-Submitted my Graeme Smith
Today, my good mate knocked me up. He uprooted my off stump. FML.
-Submitted by Jonathan Trott
Today, I scored a match saving 78 then got out at a most crucial time. Most people will remember how I got out. FML.
-Submitted by Ian Bell
Today, I defended 22 deliveries without scoring a run and then lost my wicket to the man who can't turn the ball. I was sure I was not out, then again in my mind I am never out. The umpire didn't think so. FML.
-Submitted by Stuart Broad
Today, I had to run from the toilet straight down the pitch. My captain wanted me to get a breakthrough. I took some magical drink for the second last over. I still didn't get a breakthrough. FML.
-Submitted by Dale Steyn
Today, I wanted Onions for dinner. The bastard didn't want to come home with me.FML.
-Submitted by Morne Morkel
Today, I had to defend my ass off to get my team a draw. I was successful but I am actually a bowler and my role is to pick up wickets. FML.
-Submitted by Graham Onions
Today, I won Man-of-the-Match. My team couldn't get the final wicket for the win.FML.
-Submitted by Graeme Smith
Today, I feel blue. Both my teams lost crucial matches. FML.
-Submitted by Cricket Minded
Monday, December 28, 2009
Drinking is art
More specifically, drinking Gatorade is an art. Just ask Matt Prior. He knows it, he has mastered it. He does it with a perfect ease and grace that enrichens the experience of drinking the wonderful fluid. His team mates have yet to learn it from him but Graham Onions makes a decent effort here.
South Africa vs England, Test 1
While KP is completely breaking all rules and grabbing the bottle like an ogre. How distasteful.
South Africa vs England, Test 2
But Prior continues to practice the art like it is his religion and holds the drink perfectly with his right hand while making a questioning gesture with his left. The complete gesture includes a quizzical look on someone's face in the picture.
Why is Prior always confused? I think it's because he continues to be over-shadowed despite being a pretty decent batsman and wicket keeper. He is just there, always taken for granted and usually unappreciated. Someone please send him a love letter because the stress is giving him wrinkles and making him balder by the day.
At least the art of Gatorade drinking is never compromised.
Why is Prior always confused? I think it's because he continues to be over-shadowed despite being a pretty decent batsman and wicket keeper. He is just there, always taken for granted and usually unappreciated. Someone please send him a love letter because the stress is giving him wrinkles and making him balder by the day.
At least the art of Gatorade drinking is never compromised.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
T2D1: Biff is Watto's only friend
The first half-an-hour of the day was fucking nerve-wrecking. James Anderson and Graham Onions kept on giving me a heart-attack with every delivery. But I do appreciate good bowling, as long as it is not coming from Stuart Broad or Graeme Swann (smirk). It was fun to watch. Except when Ashy P and Hashim Amla decided they have had enough for the day. What the fuck are the selectors thinking keeping Ashwell Prince in this game? Do South Africa not have a test opener?
No wait, they do. His name is Herschelle Gibbs. Even when he is out of form he is a thousand times better than Ashy P and Neil McKenzie. And with Graeme Swann taking majority of the wickets (groan), surely they need their best player of spin in the team to talk some sense into them? Fucking Mickey and his pea brain.
I have to mention Biff's run out. He was trying to take some of the heat off Watto it seems. It was not as poetic as Watto's but damn, when was the last time you saw a gigantic buffalo take a dive? I swear there was an earthquake till Canada. Of course it was AB's fault for hoping that his precious captain was as quick on his feet as him. Son, Jesus walking on water was fine and all but Biff taking a quick single? Now that would take some skill.
JP is killing me. He really is.
Did Geoffrey Boycott actually say that Biff's run out by Cook was like Jonty's? Oh poor man! I think he is becoming senile. They were wondering when Cook was going to dive...HAHAHAHAHAHA. Honey, he don't dive. He just bats his eyelashes and the wickets fall. His own.
No wait, they do. His name is Herschelle Gibbs. Even when he is out of form he is a thousand times better than Ashy P and Neil McKenzie. And with Graeme Swann taking majority of the wickets (groan), surely they need their best player of spin in the team to talk some sense into them? Fucking Mickey and his pea brain.
I have to mention Biff's run out. He was trying to take some of the heat off Watto it seems. It was not as poetic as Watto's but damn, when was the last time you saw a gigantic buffalo take a dive? I swear there was an earthquake till Canada. Of course it was AB's fault for hoping that his precious captain was as quick on his feet as him. Son, Jesus walking on water was fine and all but Biff taking a quick single? Now that would take some skill.
JP is killing me. He really is.
Did Geoffrey Boycott actually say that Biff's run out by Cook was like Jonty's? Oh poor man! I think he is becoming senile. They were wondering when Cook was going to dive...HAHAHAHAHAHA. Honey, he don't dive. He just bats his eyelashes and the wickets fall. His own.
Monday, December 21, 2009
T1D5: Onions make me cry
First of all sorry about the lateness of this. I had a busy day...not because I was crying. Just had things to do.
Anyway, FUCKIN' HELL! When the first two wickets fell I was getting ready for a full blown collapse and happily pranced about the room wishing for an early end so I could go to sleep. Then fucking KP and fucking Trott came to the crease and decided they were Hashim Amla and AB de Villiers. They could be long lost brothers of course with Trott and Amla both being bald while AB and KP...well they are the initial brothers.
I honestly thought at one point England was going to win this. Nothing and I repeat NOTHING the bowlers did worked. Even poor Jakes had to bowl a few overs. I dozed off and woke up from time to time to check the number of wickets and it would not budge from three. Then just when I was thinking of punching KP through the television it happened.
KP saw the people of South Africa beckoning him home and he ran to them like a little girl. Honestly, did you really think KP wanted the century? When he went to tea he realized he didn't want Earl Grey, he wanted Braai. I know because he has been showing much love to the Saffers lately. He called Jakes the best cricketer in the world, he went up to shake Hash's hand after he got that century and then he ran himself out. We also have all those scandalous pictures that I have been putting up. KP is 'home sick'. Right under Vaughan's nose too. What the fuck are you good for Michael if you are not going to be outing your 'traitorous' former team-mates? I'm telling you Michael Vaughan is no fun in shorts.
I was ecstatic as the wickets kept on tumbling. Did you notice AB's stunning catch? He was upset with me for calling his fielding mediocre. And Morne...I was soooo thrilled with him when he got Swann out. It was undoubtedly my favourite moment in the game but goddamnit Morne, WHY DIDN'T YOU BOWL LIKE THIS BEFORE? Friedel did, he did fantastically. I am impressed with the kid. But I get this feeling either Morne or Makhaya is going to be dropped for Durban if Dale comes back. Although the latest news regarding that is Dale is still not willing to give up his off-the-field life. Dumbass!
The review system just doesn't work for Stuart Broad. It has become one of my moments to watch out for in the series. Barbie's dubious brain cells taking on an equally dubious system. How very nice! But what is NOT nice is that fucker called Onions. England's number elevens seems to have mastered their blocking skills. I was so fucking frustrated with the last four overs, I may have broken my couch. Everyone's saying that Saffers got the moral victory but what the fuck is a moral victory really? There is no trophy for 'Oh, you were nearly there!'. Specially for the Saffers, who are ALWAYS nearly there.
But what to do now? I can only take consolation in the fact that in the first innings, it was the Saffers who looked like they were playing for a draw. All that had changed dramatically by the last innings and now England is under considerable pressure. If only Smith will shut up that fact could rattle them on it's own. SHUT UP BIFF! Trott is not slow. It's just Bilal Shafayet's spirit possessing him.
Swannyg66 was the man of the match. Okay fine, he earned it. But he still didn't get a wicket in the second innings while Harris got two. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
I am proudly incorrigible.
Anyway, FUCKIN' HELL! When the first two wickets fell I was getting ready for a full blown collapse and happily pranced about the room wishing for an early end so I could go to sleep. Then fucking KP and fucking Trott came to the crease and decided they were Hashim Amla and AB de Villiers. They could be long lost brothers of course with Trott and Amla both being bald while AB and KP...well they are the initial brothers.
I honestly thought at one point England was going to win this. Nothing and I repeat NOTHING the bowlers did worked. Even poor Jakes had to bowl a few overs. I dozed off and woke up from time to time to check the number of wickets and it would not budge from three. Then just when I was thinking of punching KP through the television it happened.
KP saw the people of South Africa beckoning him home and he ran to them like a little girl. Honestly, did you really think KP wanted the century? When he went to tea he realized he didn't want Earl Grey, he wanted Braai. I know because he has been showing much love to the Saffers lately. He called Jakes the best cricketer in the world, he went up to shake Hash's hand after he got that century and then he ran himself out. We also have all those scandalous pictures that I have been putting up. KP is 'home sick'. Right under Vaughan's nose too. What the fuck are you good for Michael if you are not going to be outing your 'traitorous' former team-mates? I'm telling you Michael Vaughan is no fun in shorts.
I was ecstatic as the wickets kept on tumbling. Did you notice AB's stunning catch? He was upset with me for calling his fielding mediocre. And Morne...I was soooo thrilled with him when he got Swann out. It was undoubtedly my favourite moment in the game but goddamnit Morne, WHY DIDN'T YOU BOWL LIKE THIS BEFORE? Friedel did, he did fantastically. I am impressed with the kid. But I get this feeling either Morne or Makhaya is going to be dropped for Durban if Dale comes back. Although the latest news regarding that is Dale is still not willing to give up his off-the-field life. Dumbass!
The review system just doesn't work for Stuart Broad. It has become one of my moments to watch out for in the series. Barbie's dubious brain cells taking on an equally dubious system. How very nice! But what is NOT nice is that fucker called Onions. England's number elevens seems to have mastered their blocking skills. I was so fucking frustrated with the last four overs, I may have broken my couch. Everyone's saying that Saffers got the moral victory but what the fuck is a moral victory really? There is no trophy for 'Oh, you were nearly there!'. Specially for the Saffers, who are ALWAYS nearly there.
But what to do now? I can only take consolation in the fact that in the first innings, it was the Saffers who looked like they were playing for a draw. All that had changed dramatically by the last innings and now England is under considerable pressure. If only Smith will shut up that fact could rattle them on it's own. SHUT UP BIFF! Trott is not slow. It's just Bilal Shafayet's spirit possessing him.
Swannyg66 was the man of the match. Okay fine, he earned it. But he still didn't get a wicket in the second innings while Harris got two. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
I am proudly incorrigible.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
T1D2: Let Ian Bell bowl
Why not? The Saffers have no intention of winning this, they are fighting for a draw. They are going to bat defensively all day long and tire the English bowlers out. It's not like they can come up with something brilliant without the impatience and the stupidity of the Saffer batsmen anyway (JP, Imma shave your brains...). And it's a brilliant plan okay? They don't have bowlers who can take wickets and three more tests after this. Sure it's fucked that they won't go for the win, but beggars can't be choosers. So it's fine. Even if it works better than your sleeping pill. You never said anything about entertainment! You just wanted to watch Test cricket. So watch and stop whining. Or ask CSA to fly Sulieman Benn in.
Mark Boucher can still bat in tests (how the Aussies will come to bite me in the ass about his 49 now!) and Onions the stinker hit Morne while Barbie went after Harris. Methinks Barbie was upset with Harris' perfect hair. His own has not been doing well lately. What with all the pulling and tearing while he tries to figure out how to pick up wickets on a pitch that does not assist his bowling. But it's okay dear. You are an all-rounder remember? You don't need to pick up wickets all the time. You are just there to assist the real pacers.
That's about it for the Saffers batting. Now onto the bowling. What? Who took five wickets? Sorry, I didn't see beyond the 110 runs. It was fucking brilliant! Out of the 418 Saffers runs, 110 came off Swannyg66. Twitter about that bastard!
"Gave 110 runs to the Saffers today. I wet myself with joy and Jimmy claimed he could wet himself better than me. Join us in our wet off!"
Right, onto the bowling. If you were at the ground watching the match live, AB de Villiers is the reason you didn't get a beer on Makhaya. I was appalled that he dropped that. How could you AB? People need beer. Give them their BEER!
But overall, it wasn't as woeful as I thought it would be. Wet certainly won some hearts by striking first but it was Cook. Even I would have gotten that wicket from here in Canada. However, the match is still even and that's all I'm asking for really.
Parting thought for today is, I like the referral system. Because it has worked for the Saffers so far, even with the Trott decision. It was dubious. There is no objectivity here and I'm sure you didn't even expect it. If it works for South Africa and Bangladesh it's great. If it doesn't, DOWN WITH IT! Or not. We'll see.
Mark Boucher can still bat in tests (how the Aussies will come to bite me in the ass about his 49 now!) and Onions the stinker hit Morne while Barbie went after Harris. Methinks Barbie was upset with Harris' perfect hair. His own has not been doing well lately. What with all the pulling and tearing while he tries to figure out how to pick up wickets on a pitch that does not assist his bowling. But it's okay dear. You are an all-rounder remember? You don't need to pick up wickets all the time. You are just there to assist the real pacers.
That's about it for the Saffers batting. Now onto the bowling. What? Who took five wickets? Sorry, I didn't see beyond the 110 runs. It was fucking brilliant! Out of the 418 Saffers runs, 110 came off Swannyg66. Twitter about that bastard!
"Gave 110 runs to the Saffers today. I wet myself with joy and Jimmy claimed he could wet himself better than me. Join us in our wet off!"
Right, onto the bowling. If you were at the ground watching the match live, AB de Villiers is the reason you didn't get a beer on Makhaya. I was appalled that he dropped that. How could you AB? People need beer. Give them their BEER!
But overall, it wasn't as woeful as I thought it would be. Wet certainly won some hearts by striking first but it was Cook. Even I would have gotten that wicket from here in Canada. However, the match is still even and that's all I'm asking for really.
Parting thought for today is, I like the referral system. Because it has worked for the Saffers so far, even with the Trott decision. It was dubious. There is no objectivity here and I'm sure you didn't even expect it. If it works for South Africa and Bangladesh it's great. If it doesn't, DOWN WITH IT! Or not. We'll see.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
T1D1: Kallis in your face
Thank god for Jacques Kallis, you know what I am saying? When I turned on the television and saw they were 4 down with NO DALE STEYN (we will get to that later), I had a mini heart attack. Then I saw his broad shoulders clubbing Barbie for a four and I felt better. I also felt better at the thought of all those that dislike him, watching him get to yet another century (Watto and Kato, please take notes). And for once, just for once, England's bowling was even more boring than Jacques' batting.
The only aspect of that bowling attack I choose to remeber are the two sixes that were hit off Swannyg66. I also choose to remember poor Jimmy's tired face as he ran up to bowl. HAHA! Onions is such a fucking coward that Jimmy had to bowl with a dodgy knee because he had a calf strain. What a stinker! Drop him I say. Drop him for good.
Biff is too busy exercising his mouth (and other things...) over his batting these days. Fucktard! But look who got a game- Ashy P! He was painful to watch, but at least he was able to overcome Biff's stupidity. Which is a big feat. Always.
Dale Steyn is sitting this one out because they need him for the rest of the series. By some miracle twelve year old Friedel de Wet is replacing him instead of Parnie. WHAT THE FUCK! Looks like Mickey's also taken with Andy F's poppies.
But, we will talk about the shitty bowling tomorrow. For today, I am content that they haven't managed to blow their brains out.
Oh, Shaun Pollock and Geoffrey Boycott should always commentate together.
The only aspect of that bowling attack I choose to remeber are the two sixes that were hit off Swannyg66. I also choose to remember poor Jimmy's tired face as he ran up to bowl. HAHA! Onions is such a fucking coward that Jimmy had to bowl with a dodgy knee because he had a calf strain. What a stinker! Drop him I say. Drop him for good.
Biff is too busy exercising his mouth (and other things...) over his batting these days. Fucktard! But look who got a game- Ashy P! He was painful to watch, but at least he was able to overcome Biff's stupidity. Which is a big feat. Always.
Dale Steyn is sitting this one out because they need him for the rest of the series. By some miracle twelve year old Friedel de Wet is replacing him instead of Parnie. WHAT THE FUCK! Looks like Mickey's also taken with Andy F's poppies.
But, we will talk about the shitty bowling tomorrow. For today, I am content that they haven't managed to blow their brains out.
Oh, Shaun Pollock and Geoffrey Boycott should always commentate together.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Message from the beyond
Dear Grandpapa,
While we proudly bear the surname of Steyn, your utter shittiness in recent times have forced us into hiding. Since the break, you have bowled 38.5 overs, given 178 runs and picked up only 7 wickets. That is just fucking embarrassing. Them Onions boys are giving us stick and their grandfather does not even have a solid spot in his team.
Grandpa, we love you, we really do, but what the fuck was up with that spell today? SA was doing fine till you took the ball and then it started raining runs. We don't mind you getting hit by the Irishman, as alcohol binging, six producing monsters are loved by all, but Colly Buttniggle? He should have been choking because of captaincy woes. He probably was, till you gifted him those rubbish short balls.
All we are saying is you better shape up otherwise we won't be talking to you from our Land of the Unborn anymore. What will you tell your interviewers then? You are hardly interesting to talk to without your grand kids stories. Unless the topic at hand is the IPL.
Btw, can you make sure to mention in your next interview that your grand kids are suspicious of Mickey and Snapes having some deep discussion right next to Broad? Mickey better not be giving away team weaknesses again.
As always, Papa and Mama send their love. And Papa wants to know his birth date.
Don't be such a fucking disgrace okay? Love you!
While we proudly bear the surname of Steyn, your utter shittiness in recent times have forced us into hiding. Since the break, you have bowled 38.5 overs, given 178 runs and picked up only 7 wickets. That is just fucking embarrassing. Them Onions boys are giving us stick and their grandfather does not even have a solid spot in his team.
Grandpa, we love you, we really do, but what the fuck was up with that spell today? SA was doing fine till you took the ball and then it started raining runs. We don't mind you getting hit by the Irishman, as alcohol binging, six producing monsters are loved by all, but Colly Buttniggle? He should have been choking because of captaincy woes. He probably was, till you gifted him those rubbish short balls.
All we are saying is you better shape up otherwise we won't be talking to you from our Land of the Unborn anymore. What will you tell your interviewers then? You are hardly interesting to talk to without your grand kids stories. Unless the topic at hand is the IPL.
Btw, can you make sure to mention in your next interview that your grand kids are suspicious of Mickey and Snapes having some deep discussion right next to Broad? Mickey better not be giving away team weaknesses again.
As always, Papa and Mama send their love. And Papa wants to know his birth date.
Don't be such a fucking disgrace okay? Love you!
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