"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Strauss may quit captaincy

That's the kind of headline that makes me want to blog again.

Why wasn't it 'ECB likely to drop Strauss'? Guess Giles Clarke isn't done licking the Ashes off Strauss' ass yet.

But the truth is, here's an unfortunate natural, one way journey that Strauss, Ricky, Yunus Khan, Shakib and even Buffalo (for a long, long, long time) followed:

Good batsman---->Captain---->Shitty batsman

Those names are just a few off the top of my head. But once you become a shitty batsman only and ONLY your captaincy is keeping you in the team. Which poses the question, is it okay to sacrifice a batsman for a captain?

I'd say it depends on the batsman or the captain or even the team. In England's case it was the team. Strauss' replacement is Cook.

Now there's a headline that will make me blog again as well.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

This blog has died.

But test cricket lives.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Oh Canada!

Recently, I went to my first ever international match in Canada. Hell, it was my first ever live match watched in a cricket 'stadium'. Don't judge me. Cricket matches weren't the best places for young girls to be at in Bangladesh when I was young. Thankfully times have changed.

I was like a maniac at this game. People around me thought I was strange because I screamed when Mark Boucher came to bat. Nasir Hossain was cheered, whistled at (I am not kidding you...) and also booed (2 drop catches...sigh) by the many, many Bangladeshis there. A lot of people, including myself, were waiting for Lara to bat. He never came. We thought he had backed out in the last minute.

Shockingly, I have just found out that Lara was there but refused to bat because he wasn't paid. Neither were any of the other players. Sanath Jayasuriya among others had to buy their own plane ticket. Mind you this game was to promote cricket in Canada.

I'm not going to lie to you, the game was a poor show of cricket. Half the players looked like they weren't interested, the rest yesteryear's superstars who had put on weight (Oh Saqlain!!). Yet we cheered at every 6 and every wicket like we were at the game of our life. It was a rare opportunity for us. Most of the stadium was empty (it holds 50,000 and there were maybe 5,000 of us) and the pitch was some sorry-ass cardboard because there was a huge baseball game taking place in that stadium the next day. The wicket were the plastic ones kids practice on, but we stayed till the end and enjoyed every moment of it.

Little did we know that the damn organizers couldn't even be bothered to fucking pay the players, so we get this opportunity on a much larger scale moving forward. Is this how you promote cricket in a country?

We didn't complain when we saw the best you had was Sunil Joshi, Stuart McGill (although he made our day when he yelled at the music person for keeping the music on while he was bowling) and some random 'Canadian' cricketer to replace Shahid Afridi. There were some Kiwi superstars there too, but let's face it, they don't draw the crowds. We were still okay with it. We cheered on Jacod Oram's horrible bowling and a bored looking Mark Boucher's many, many half attempts. YOU couldn't even make sure that these players get paid properly so they come back and actually give a shit the next time.

I thought the poor camera angles (which weren't changed because of said baseball game), the jerseys with no names on them (we spent half our time guessing who Batsman 1 and Batsman 2 were) and the atrocious pitch was bad enough. Then you do this?

If you are trying to encourage people's interest in a game at least make a decent attempt. What do you think the cricketers will tell the youngsters who want to play the game for a living?

'Do you want to be broke the rest of your life? Then this is the game for you'.

Hi Canadian cricket, the players that you so proudly brought over to show off and sell your tickets..yeah, this is kind of their living. It's their job! They don't show up to games just to get some love and cheers. Yet they did. For you. Are you ashamed of yourself yet?

I am embarrassed for Canada. I can't believe I missed a once in a lifetime opportunity of watching Brian Lara bat, because some asshole thought it would be okay to drag him all the way here just for fun. I can't believe the state of Canadian cricket. I can't believe these people are actually sitting there and thinking they did a good job because they got some stars to play for free once in a blue moon.

Get the Afghanistan Cricket Board on the phone so they can take over.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

My Favourite Cricketer

I was going to write about Hersch, but someone had already taken it. So I settled for Cronje.

Yes, Hansie Cronje. And for once, I didn't hate something I wrote.

You can check it out on Balanced Sports or World Cricket Watch.

I didn't bitch about Graeme either. Isn't that reason enough to read it?

Thursday, March 22, 2012


No analysis till the game is done. No predictions, no hopes (good or bad) and no expectations.

Just all the luck in the world.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Warning: Jacques Kallis adulation post

"We choked them", said Jayasuriya, after the Boxing day test. Of course whenever SA loses, no matter in what manner, it's always choking. 252 runs- choking, 10 wickets-choking, loss because of massive failure in all departments- choking.

So Kallis, who got a stunning pair in that test, turned around. It was his 150th test and you know Kallis has that annoying habit? What is it? Yeah, he is so god damn good that he just turns milestones into other milestones.

The man who chased a double ton for so long, now has two. In a do or die match as well. That registered SA's first win at home since 2008. Yes, it's been a long time and thank god it has ended.

I would have been fucking embarrassed had SL drawn or won against SA at home. SL are lovely, but they have been playing in the subcontinent and going only next door for eons. Don't give me stats, I don't want to hear it. SA should have won this from the start and I'm so glad they did. They should have won the Boxing Day test match too, but we won't mention it.

They now move on to New Zealand, another lovely team. I love them with all their sheep, but let's face it- SA WILL KILL THEM. Yes, they must. It's time SA, it's time to be ruthless hounds.

Vettori is handsome and charming and a fantastic cricketer- but HE MUST BE ANNIHILATED. Chris Martin is too good but what is his empty skull next to Kallis' luscious hair? And all that lovely cricket brain.

Oh Jacques and his lovely cricket brain! I'm so at ease with the rest of the season now that Kallis has had a mammoth start. This will continue; yes this will, for wins in Kiwiland and more importantly ENGLAND. Jacques hasn't peaked, he never peaks. He just stays on top in all his glory. Even when he gets a pair he breaks records soon after. No time to think about his failures, the man is too busy being great. And when Jacques is great, he inspires the rest (for the most part). Poor Graeme though, he comes before Jacques in the batting lineup so he never gets any of his inspirations. But who cares? We got AB, Hash, Alviro (yes Alviro, you can do this!), Bouch and even DALE after JK.

Choke on that bitches.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Congrats Shakib, but so what?

I see on Crapinfo in this glorious day at work (where I am sleeping) that Shakib has ended Jacques Kallis' reign at the top as a Test all-rounder. A great achievement to say the least. Toppling Jacques Kallis requires 10 more Jacques Kallis's. Both literally and metaphorically.

While I am very happy for Shakib, this is not good for the team. Remember when India only relied on Tendulkar and he was the only one bringing in the accolades? What did that do for India? Nothing. Of course Bangladesh is an even worst version of that Indian team, but honestly, this only means that the rest will rely on Shakib even more now. The attitude will be, we got Shakib and Shakib's got our back. Hence we will continue to be who we are. An embarrassment.

I haven't been watching their recent games because checking the scores on Crapinfo the next day makes me miserable enough. Bangladesh should probably give up their test status and register as a county team. If they will take them that is.Who wants a county team who ends most of their five-day ventures in two? And their one day ventures before lunch.

You would think that Shakib's continuous achievements would inspire the others. But no, they continue to pile it on the boy. It's quite sad really. Or really smart. Make him do all the work and take all the credit right?

FYI Bangladesh, it didn't work for India and it won't work for you.

You better believe it.

Thursday, October 27, 2011


SA was brilliant. Morne was brilliant.

Australia you SUCK BALLS!

This post also sucks balls but it is all I have time for right now.

Another fact that sucks balls is that I will be missing the grand finale tomorrow.

It's a regular suckfest.

Let me know how it goes. Specially if Australia loses. Which they will.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Pat Cummins is so young...

1. Pat Cummins is so young that by the time he was born, Justin Bieber was already a superstar.

2. Pat Cummins is so young that he needs a note from his parents to leave the hotel on players night out.

3. Pat Cummins is so young that Michael Jackson would have befriended him in a heart beat.

4. Pat Cummins is so young that when Liz Hurley walked by with Warnie, he could not stop his thingy from standing up.

5. Pat Cummins is so young, Ricky Ponting is considering him as a prospective husband for his daughter.

6. Pat Cummins is so young that every time he swears at a batsman, his mother come out and smacks him.

7. Pat Cummins is so young, Mitchell Marsh is his legal guardian.

8. Pat Cummins is so young it is illegal for a thirteen year old to have dirty thoughts about him.

9. Pat Cummins is so young, for him the first major event in World History was the death of Osama Bin Laden.

10. Pat Cummins is so young, Shakib is wondering whether it is actually time for him to retire.

11. Pat Cummins is so young, he can copy Sachin Tendulkar's voice perfectly.

12. Pat Cummins is so young, his physical features are still developing.

Else, that is a very unfortunate nose...

No, I will NOT!

The worst thing about getting lazy is right when you have compiled a thousand and one ways to make fun of the Aussies, the Saffers come up with a performance like the one we were subjected to yesterday.

And I was going to make so much fun of Pat Cummins being Barbie's pre-pubertal Ken with zits that are so terrorized by Saffa batsmen that they pop on their own.

I hadn't bargained for SA's wonderful middle order. Actually, was there even a middle order? I certainly didn't see them. Did you?

I didn't see the bowling either, so I can't really comment on how that went. But it seems like the pitch worked pretty well for Pat Cummins (who better fade away soon). So I don't know what my Dale and Morkel were doing.

Of course, the correct way of going about this is to blame the rain. South Africa loses 90% of the games that have been affected by rain. The rest 10% are washed out.

So no, I will not write a proper post on this because there are still two more games to go and Ricky Ponting will very soon revert back to his 'can't bat, can't captain' stance. I can feel it coming.

My only consolation from this game is that Witchy Mitchy is soon going to feel the pressure from Ken Cummins and give us the joy of pie chucking.

(In case you are wondering, I will also not mention Bangladesh's glorious revenge against the West Indies. I would have, had it been the second ODI of the three ODI's series but it wasn't. It was the last miserable game and the series had already been lost by then. So what is the point? Bangladesh-always coming up with a stellar performance when all has been lost. We have to fucking change the format of every series for them. Start with the last ODI first! Idiots.)