What's in your belly?

Sometimes, Stuart Broad inspires me. It's purely accidental of course, but it happens. This time he has inspired me to spend an unhealthy amount of time wondering what is in each cricketer's belly.

Apparently, Barbie has fire in his (link via GreyBlazer). Models all over the world are wondering if this is the new way to shed a few pounds before a big show.

That got me thinking. If Barbie has fire in his belly then what about those real fast bowlers? What do they have in their bellies that drives them to be the fantastic bowlers they are?

Dale Steyn, I would say, has a set of eyes that commands his deliveries. The eyes are that of a woman's, don't ask me whose. All I know is that she is very powerful and can turn Dale into a maniac.

Aamer definitely has a cute, cuddly but rabies infested mouse. I hear the mouse has RP tattooed on it's body. Asif has some mysterious smoke. I think it was once a fire that went on strike the minute Barbie made his claim. Never fear, it will be back. Barbie's is probably a fake plastic one anyway.

Dougie has a razor, which may also explain his hairstyle. Hilfy has fighter jet plane.

Maliga has an axe, a slightly erratic one. Kemar Roach has a thousand beetles that will crawl all over you till you give in to them. Mitchell Johnson has two fat eggs because at least one of them seems to be dysfunctional at some point. Morne has a lollipop and Fidel Edwards has your momma.

And I know this name doesn't belong here but I thought I would let you know that Shane Watson has hair gel in his belly, before he starts crying.

Disclaimer: No fast bowler was cut open surgically or otherwise during the making of this post.

Bowling is skin deep

When Binga was injured for the umpteenth time Dougie B packed his bags and waited for the call. Actually, he might have waited even before Binga injured himself. Everybody knew it was coming. He is paying back mankind for unleashing his atrocious Hindi song upon us. One injured limb for every record sold.

But the call never came. Dougie waited with his tomato face till someone gave him a squeeze and said,
"The peacock is in its way, Dougie"

"Why Hildy why?" Dougie asked.

No answer.

Dougie and Harris arrived at the IPL at the same time, both were easily the best bowlers of the tournament and both won matches for their teams. Dougie's team...eventually...won...the IPL!

So when the time came to replace Binga and Hilfy was still unavailable, most thought the new IPL3 champions AND the one who kept his Aussie colours with his IPL team, would be an automatic choice. But it was not to be. It was Ryan Harris who got the call, the same Ryan Harris whose chest is placed too highly, just like a peacock's.

How can Binga, one of the prettiest men in cricket, be replaced by Dougie tomato face? Getting people to come watch the games in the Windies is tough enough and on top of that they lose Binga and his applebutt. So they replace the butt, with a chest.

Dougie has none of this. I mean, the man makes Simon Katich look handsome for fuck's sakes!

No, Dougie has no place in the Australian squad. Not when he is replacing Brett Lee. Not when the people will come back to watch Ryan Harris till they can figure out why his chest is so oddly placed.

Unless Witchy picks up an injury and McKay, MacDonald, Moises, McGrath and Bracken are all unavailable.