101 reasons why I like the Kiwis

I've been trying to figure out why I like the Kiwis so much. Apart from the fact that they have Daniel Vettori and are basically neutral like Switzerland I mean. So I was reading up on them when it suddenly struck me.

New Zealand is considered by many to be a state of Australia.
Canada is called the 51st American state.
Truth is, We are both a million times better than our neighbours.

That was reason number three.

The Kiwis always surprise people with their cricket. We never look at them and say, 'this team is so fucking talented they will rule the world one day'. Then they thrash India by 200 runs.

That is a huuuuge margin. Even bigger considering three of their top players and match-winners were all absent. Vettori is apparently in labour, Jesse Ryder is still drunk and Baz is probably at sea, in a quest to truly find his calling.

That is reason number four.

Reason number five is IOB. Enough said.

Then there are others, like Ross Taylor, Scott Styris, Shane Bond and of course Stephen Fleming. Stephen Fleming alone can be reason number nine to a hundred. And because of his awesome performance I will now add Daryl Tuffey to that list.

Reason number hundred and one.

Strangely, by the end of this list I have also managed to come up with a reason I like India: they gave Dhoni grey hair.

Or maybe it was the wife.

Over at Kiwiland

I feel I should show some love the the Bangladeshis. I was pretty upset with them after the ODI's, but they are being...well...okay in the tests. Not really, but then again they are. I don't know how it works...or maybe it only works with Bangladesh.

Their first innings bowling was pretty alright till Guppy and Baz flattened them. Rubel still ended up taking a fiver. When the opposition bats for all of eternity, you are bound to get a few. But in 29 overs, that's not bad. Good for you, Rubel.

Then obviously the lower order had to do a shit load of work to make up for the disaster that is our middle order. Tamim and Imrul are solid openers, but they need to learn how to build bigger partnerships because after them, it is just one train wreck after another. Which is sad because I like Junaid. A lot. Not in that way. Relax.

My son failed, let's not talk about it. Thankfully, the other son that I am thinking of adopting, Mahmudullah, made up for it. As long as it is in the family, I am one happy mommy.

I am blisffuly ignoring Crashraful's existence. He bats like that anyway. A ghost that may or may not be there. It doesn't make a difference to anybody. I doubt at this point, it even makes a difference to him whether he exists or not. So why should we bother? Life is too short.

Anyway, now the Kiwis are 1 down. They still have a big lead and will probably stretch it to 300 before the Deshis bat again. Upon which they may get close or may not. Regardless, I find it really strange that they actually perform better in tests than they do in ODI's. Barring the last one they really sucked there, but tests are where they put up a fight. Maybe the time contraint stresses them out, as they might reveal in the second innings by collapsing.

But my question is, does this make Bangladesh a team that is progressing faster than we thought? Tests are the ultimate 'test', as we all keep on saying. And it is in tests that they generally perform better. They are just hopeless in the shorter format.

They are such an enigma. And I am a woman who likes mysteries. So it's strangely befitting that my team is  so puzzingly fucked.

 I was just looking for an excuse to swear.

BD vs NZ T20

It didn't happen. Crapinfo just made some random scorecard up. They need to stay employed. And Baz was dreaming.

I mean Nathan McCullum bowled and picked up two wickets. Clearly this was some fantasy world.

The only thing that made me think twice was the fact that Dan played and picked up the highest number of wickets. But this is not Dan and this not New Zealand. They would never wear KFC on their shirts. That's what Aussies do.

Thus, as you can see, that even though the scorecard looks like Bangladesh had 'played', New Zealand never did. So the game did not happen.

If you actually saw the game on television, congratulations! You need to be checked into a mental institution. Specially if you watched Bangladesh bat.

Rare sight

I don't mean it in a sarcastic way. I mean it in a should be seen more often way. A picture of the Kiwis with a trophy.


Look at them. The trophy fits in so well with their awesome uniforms. It also looks fitting in Dan's hands, but we already knew that. Why is Dan sitting in front of the others though? While he is easily the best Kiwi in the world by all standards, I find it kind of fucked that he is hogging the limelight. Specially when Baz was the Man of the Series. It's becoming a trend with cricketers. Take away their positions or drop them from the team and all of a sudden they start performing. You know I'm just grumbling because I never liked Baz in the first place and now he is making me eat my words. Hmph!

I am also grumbling because I wanted to write a long post about Pakistan not being able to play anything other than T20 again, but stupid Aamer's fightback was brilliant and now I can't make jokes about it.

No, I can still take a jab at Afridi. Afridi is a big blob of beautiful hair. That's all he is. Instead of brains, he has shampoo and conditioner bottles stuffed in his skull. The days he performs, science puts it down as an inexplicable mystery and classifies it under the X-files. The file is not that thick either. Mostly, it has complex mathematics trying to decipher how Afridi defied the concept of age by remaining seventeen for years.

I feel better now.

Hidden news

With the hunt for the perfect Kiwi coach saga taking front stage, this bit of news seems to have gone unnoticed.

"McCullum loses vice-captaincy".

It's no big deal. Teams change vice-captains frequently. But this news gives me special pleasure because Brendon McCullum is at the receiving end of it.

The guy just rubs me the wrong way. I can't explain it. Maybe it's all the hype and no recent performance to back it up. Maybe its because he plays for KKR. Maybe it's the lack of patience and levelheadedness that was Fleming's trademark. By which theory I should also dislike Dan but Dan is just...Dan. I can't explain that one either!

Baz seems to think he is a born leader and will continue to work towards securing the national captaincy.
I'm just glad Dan is a selector. Dan makes everything alright. Every time.

Not Cricket

Well not completely. Page 2 from Cricinfo may just be one of the best pages of the site. Mainly because it's not filled with stories on the pseudo home of cricket. One of the features of Page 2 is something called a Doppelgangers-Separated at birth. It involves people sending in pictures of non-cricketing celebrities that look like cricketers. Here are the two latest ones.

Nathan Hauritz and Haley Joel Osment, two lads who gave the lie to their boy-next-door demeanour - one with a DUI charge, the other with six wickets in his first Ashes Test. One saw dead people; the other, er, dead pitches.

The resemblance is quite freaky. They even have the same eyebrows. Although, taking six wickets is nearly not as bad ass as a DUI charge. Hauritz could do better if you ask me. Like beating the living crap out of Merv for not picking him for the last Ashes test. Australian wounds reopen...

One spent much of the last two years sidelined by injuries, the other ditto by various scandals. Sorry, Mohammad Asif, you've not done a near-enough good job of convincing us you're not, in fact, Gianluigi Buffon.

I nearly bit somebody's head off at this one before reading the caption. Yes, let's compare a drug abuser to a living legend. Buffon is all man. Asif, needs drugs to even be considered a boy. Buffon is the best goalkeeper of all times, second only to Oliver Kahn. Asif, debuted for his country in 2005 and has been focusing solely on getting into trouble since then. Other than the dark, shiny hair, there's no connection. None.

Page 2 also has a Hot or Not section. Just in case you didn't know it already here's what is hot right now and what is not.

Hot: Herschelle Gibbs
Hersch chose to play for his regional side, and not his IPL one, in the Champions League. Voila, the Cobras made it into the next round, while Deccan were dumped out.

Not: Brendon McCullum
The first of the freelancers, Mac picked wrong when he chose to show up for Otago. New South Wales, for whom he had played earlier, are looking good for the title.

Not entirely true, Hersch was refused by the Chargers. But they paid for it so justice has been served. And I am always happy when Baz is put down. There's just too much hype about him. Seriously people, IPL 1 was a long time ago. Hersch on the other hand was, is and will always be hot. Only because he is a brilliant cricketer of course!

For Esra

Umm, your lover boy needs to get rid of the thorns on his head.



I have suggestions.

Brett's Tweety Bird

Tim's skunk

Ryan's tribute to Julia Roberts

RP's horns

Watto's umbrella

Yes dear, these are your only choices. I made a careful selection from what is out there. My screening process is very good, trust me.