New background

I made a new background and I am quite proud of it. But stupid blogger won't let you see it in all it's glory. So here it is.

It's pretty amateur, I know. But please like it and tell the world how good I am at cutting and pasting pictures on paint.

Joke's on you, India

Mumbai Indians are a strange team. People who follow them consist of those that think that they are the best team in the world and those who viciously try to prove that they are over-rated. One suspects that people's reasoning for thinking that Mumbai are the best team in the world because they have Sachin. Of course all logic fails afterwards, so we will not elaborate.

One also suspects that haters hate Mumbai because of their fans. This by all means is a gross generalization. My research sample is completely biased and most of it is just good old fashioned intuition. But that is what makes the joke funnier.

Amongst all these: the lovers and the haters, the fanatics and the sworn enemies, one factor continues to remain overlooked. It is this factor that makes me laugh out loud because it actually affects both parties. I dislike Mumbai immensely (despite the on and off presence of Shaun Pollock in the team) because of this factor.The factor is Harbhajan Singh.

Durby plays for Mumbai and India. Durby is often considered an important weapon for both his teams. Durby consistently gives a 'meh' if not disgustingly inadequate performance for both the teams. Mumbai Indian fuels this inadequacy, as Durby is rarely replaced but always cherished...just like in team India. All this limited overs exposure means Durbhajan Singh Durby, is sure to be in World Cup squad.

Mumbai Indians recently lost a match they had already won because Durby thinks his bowling is acceptable.
Most haters and lovers of Mumbai Indians are Indians themselves.
India are one of the hosts of the 2011 World Cup.

You see why I am laughing at them?

If I was paid...

I would sit and watch Stuart Broad score his first test hundred. But I didn't because they didn't pay me enough to rip my arms and legs off before watching. At that point, I thought that that would have been enough to downplay this horrible incident. Then Stuart Broad made 150.

If I was paid, I would also analyze this match-fixing scandal to the tiniest of fragments, giving my own opinions on Amer, Asif, Butt, Bangladesh being accused, Nathan Hauritz's plea to keep the legitimacy of his first fifer in test etc. etc.

But I am not. So I will just tell you what I feel.

I have no sympathy for Mohammad Aamer.
Mohammas Asif should really fucking grow up and realize that he just needs to be the best bowler in the world and nothing else. Which he already is, so I really don't see why he must engage in such behavior.
The rest who were involved in this scandal can go fuck themselves.

If I was paid, I would also probably hide my disappointment and keep this post perfectly devoid of emotions, but I wasn't so I won't. Fuck it! I probably wouldn't have been able to curb my emotions even if I had been paid.

When Hansie Cronje admitted to his crimes, I was shaken to the core. To many, this will sound silly but not to those who love cricket with a passion the way I do. When a player takes money to throw away the very thing that entertain, evoke emotions, pride, fierce loyalty all at the same time, it is an unimaginable betrayal. I am not exaggerating and you know it.

I don't buy scalped tickets, I never will. I don't buy fake jerseys and for a while now I have been saving up little by little to go visit Lords. There have been many downfalls to this plan of course but I start all over again. And when I walk into the ground there is a very good chance I will shed a tear. Like I did when Pollock retired, when Klusener got run out, when Shakib got stumped against England...

Dear cricketers, this is the level of attachment to this game. We too go broke so we can watch matches, travel to venues.

So your families were in danger, you could have told the police and gotten security. But how will you fix this hatred that live in the hearts of your fans now? Will you pay us too?

We won't take your tainted money. You can keep it. And as you are keeping it, do us a favour and make an exit as fast you can. I would rather watch a mediocre player than a great one who disrespects his greatness for money.

T2D2: Dale is a batsman now

Which is clearly why he has lost his bowling skills. But let's talk about the batting first. Bouch and AB were excellent in the morning. Almost made up for the horrendous start yesterday. Then Bouch had to go and get out to Swannyg66. URGH! I think someone is punishing me for...I don't know why! I am such a lovely person! Very ready to dislike people/things but I am quite pleasant. No, really.

I bet Poppy Flower has changed his mind about the UDRS. Now, it will become the greatest invention since T20's. So fair, takes the game forward and all that crap. Freaking opportunist!

Okay, Dale's batting. Three sixes off Graeme Swann. That just made me forgive him for all the atrocious bowling over the last couple of months. Of course he got himself back on the hit list during England's innings, but damn he was good to watch. Take that Graham Onions. You block, we smack. Of course not all the time but whatever. Dale can be a very handy lower order batsman when he wants to. As can Ntini because he never gets out. Really, when was the last time Maky wasn't not out? I can't even remember.

Oh, the bowling! Fuck me if it wasn't worse than rubbish. At one point, there was at least one four scored in every over. No matter who was bowling. Obviously if the Saffers lose this they are going to release some silly regret statement over not dropping Makhaya. He was so fucking bad even his biggest supporter Biff (pffft!) didn't want to play him again. Alastair friggin' Cook looked solid against this bowling! There's something so very wrong with that sentence.

Dale was no good. Not horrendous but no good either. Morne bowled 'a' beauty, otherwise he was just about okay. Harris wasn't exceptional. He is never exceptional, he just gets wickets. Which he didn't and now fucking England is 103/1. Clearly they are cruising at this point but tomorrow is a new day. It better be a new day else Mickey and Biff won't be able to sleep at night with all the Friedel lovers planning their assassination.

The best bit of commentary in the whole match was when Biff was showing his nasty legs to Shaun and he said 'It wasn't a pretty sight, those white legs'. Oh Polly! Use cucumbers. They work wonderfully for sore eyes.

Biff's emotional decision

Now that I think about it (actually I knew it then, but did not want to admit it) Biff was utterly stupid in giving Makhaya the last over. Not that it comes as a shock; it is classic Biff. Yep, I am also blaming him for the draw.

As well I should. What the fuck was he thinking? Makhaya had taken 2 wickets in the whole test while de Wet took 5. On top of that he was bowling beautifully. Biff had a problem as you can clearly see. He was deciding between giving Friedel a fifer in his debut test and giving Makhaya a fitting end. That was his reasoning. Over the fact that giving the ball to Friedel would have bettered their chances of winning. Fuckwit? Yes, totally.

Now it seems if Dale is fit for Durban, de Wet will STILL get the chop over Makhaya or Morne because...

Because Makhaya is an out-of-form legend and Morne lets Biff poke his ass.

Morne wasn't sensational, but he was a bit better than Makhaya. When Shaun Pollock had reached that place in test cricket where his wicket-taking abilities were being questioned, there was nobody to replace him. Plus, he could contribute with the bat.

Makhaya can bowl all day. Makhaya is an inspiration. Makhaya has done extraordinary things before. But Makhaya can't take wickets at the moment. And Friedel can.

I did not know emotions were a critical part of selection decisions. You learn something new everyday.

Cricket Minded

I just realized I have been in the blog world for about five months now with no proper introduction anywhere. My profile is miserably inadequate and some are really confused about who/what I really am, other than a die-hard Saffa fan of course. Some think I am actually South African, while others think I am mental. The misconceptions are not surprising as I am utterly shit at this blog thing and talk about pretty much everything and anything.

I thought I would take this opportunity in between the first and the second test and do a very late, highly unnecessary introduction. It's not really interesting so I apologise in advance. But, I am tired from eating too much holiday food and really can't be bothered to research cricket news now.

Right, here we go:

1) Am I South African?
No. I am Bangladeshi but I live in Canada. I support Bangladesh and South Africa. I would like to think that that makes me a complex, multi-dimensional individual but really, I am only about cricket.

2) Am I politically correct?
Never. Being a fan makes me biased, fat-headed and annoying. Unfortunately for you, I intend to stay that way.

3) Have I ever played cricket?
At times, with tennis balls and clipboards. My highest score with the clipboard was 48 not out. I once also played cricket with a roughly bat-shaped log and I hit a six straight over a fast bowler's head with it. It was one of my greatest achievements.

4) Why South Africa?
When I started watching cricket, Bangladesh did not have an international team. I sat down to watch the India vs SA series of 1997 and Allan Donald kept on bowling one beauties after another. He was joined by Shaun Pollock and backed up by Jonty Rhodes. I was sold.

5) Why not Canadian Cricket?
Because we live in Igloos and ice does not make for a nice pitch. (No we don't, but Americans think so, so it must be true). To answer the question,I just don't care about Canadian cricket.

6) Favourite cricket moment:
Many. But I distinctively remember the day Bangladesh won the ICC Trophy. We needed 6 of the last ball and our number 11 was on strike. We were nearly in tears thinking all was lost when he hit the six. Hearing every single member of a city yell simultaneously with joy is the best experience in the world.

7) What do I do actually?
Other than spending a lot of time browsing cricket sites and writing rubbish, I sometimes go to school and if needed, study- all the while wishing the questions had more to do with cricket and less to do with academic stuff.

Those are all the questions I can think of. If you have any more shoot them my way. Or not.

T1D1: Kallis in your face

Thank god for Jacques Kallis, you know what I am saying? When I turned on the television and saw they were 4 down with NO DALE STEYN (we will get to that later), I had a mini heart attack. Then I saw his broad shoulders clubbing Barbie for a four and I felt better. I also felt better at the thought of all those that dislike him, watching him get to yet another century (Watto and Kato, please take notes). And for once, just for once, England's bowling was even more boring than Jacques' batting.

The only aspect of that bowling attack I choose to remeber are the two sixes that were hit off Swannyg66. I also choose to remember poor Jimmy's tired face as he ran up to bowl. HAHA! Onions is such a fucking coward that Jimmy had to bowl with a dodgy knee because he had a calf strain. What a stinker! Drop him I say. Drop him for good.

Biff is too busy exercising his mouth (and other things...) over his batting these days. Fucktard! But look who got a game- Ashy P! He was painful to watch, but at least he was able to overcome Biff's stupidity. Which is a big feat. Always.

Dale Steyn is sitting this one out because they need him for the rest of the series. By some miracle twelve year old Friedel de Wet is replacing him instead of Parnie. WHAT THE FUCK! Looks like Mickey's also taken with Andy F's poppies.

But, we will talk about the shitty bowling tomorrow. For today, I am content that they haven't managed to blow their brains out.

Oh, Shaun Pollock and Geoffrey Boycott should always commentate together.

Papa Albie

MJ and CSA inform me that there is a new Morkel in town. Albie's little baby boy arrived promptly on the first day of December. Congratulations Albertus!

If nature gets its way with the boy, he will grow up to be a ball-thumping, power play God with a slightly deranged smile.


If nurture gets its way, then the boy will charge towards the crease like a bull and yet produce perfect line and length with grace.


Either way, it's a win-win situation for the kid. Something tells me he is also ginger, lanky and has funny ears.


The future of South African Cricket is safe and sound.

Another Broad interview

I came across another Stuart Broad interview. I have great respect for interviewers that chat with Broad. It must take a lot of will power to sit there, stare at his puberty-plagued face and ask him serious questions. Then stop themselves from laughing out loud at his answers.

I realized from this interview that poor little Broady knows that he is continuously emasculated by everybody. Why else would he open the interview with this?

My life changed forever the first time I went to the southern hemisphere. It was one of those 'I went there a boy and came back a man' experiences. I was 17 and I headed off on my own to Melbourne to play district cricket and I ended up also working as a landscape gardener. It was an overblown job title because I was basically a labourer. I just mixed cement but I loved it. I turned out to be a very good cement-mixer."

If you got a picture of Broad pouting like Ben Stiller in Zoolander and coughing effeminately because of all the dust from cement-mixing, you have the correct reaction. I am just wondering how the Aussies will feel when they find out that Stuey thinks they turned him into a man. I personally find it distressing that such a young man has fallen into the evil clutches of drugs.

The interview also reveals that Broad thinks he is more like Shaun Pollock than Andrew Flintoff. I am not making this up. If I was, I would never offend Polly like this.

We handled the whole 'new Flintoff' thing by pointing out that we're such different players at different stages of our career. Shaun Pollock is actually the best role model for me as a very good attritional bowler. I might be six foot six but that doesn't mean I can play a Steve Harmison role and bounce people out. And I'm very different to Fred. I'm much more in Pollock's mould and as a batsman, at No 8, he always made useful contributions and scored the odd Test hundred.

Even when they are not born in South Africa, the Poms want to be like the Saffers. How sad for the Queen. And while I am delighted that Freddie is being snubbed by his own players, I find the Pollock parallel to be downright insulting. "More in Pollock's mould"...fuck you! Pollock started his international career at 23. You've had about a five years head start and you are still basking in crap. I don't know how that makes sense, but it sure sounds funny. Stuey is crappy. Those words were meant to be.

Why are people getting excited about Broad's one hit wonder in the Ashes at HOME? Even MC Hammer didn't evoke this much hype. And he had girls shaking booty to his epic song.

The Bingles announce a wedding date

Settle down. The subject was just to make his female fans cry. They haven't announced anything, but they will soon because apparently Clarke is interested to play in the IPL next season.

His official statement says it's because he is the new Aussie T20 captain and wants to get experience for his country and the timing is just right, with the 'huge' T20 World Cup coming up. Sure, we'll buy that. Till you announce your sickeningly expensive wedding to the Vampire Queen.

Sources say this is why Michael needed to be injured...

I've just had a random thought. Are there any cricket couples that we like? I don't mind Tricia and Shaun Pollock but that's only because they were never all over the place. And Shaun is retired now, so we don't get to see either of them often. But I really can't think of anybody else. How can that be? There must be some that don't make us wish murder was legal! Someone? Anyone?

South Africa should skip the middle overs

This is the third time a row SA's bowlers have been disgusting in the middle overs. They start off brilliantly and get those 2 wickets every time. Then things come to a stand still.

It's the 38th over and England are currently 220-2. Owhy is about to score a century. He hit 6 sixes...two of them off ROFL. ROFL's mothership is sleeping today. Why oh why!

BUT BOTHA THE MAN GETS HIS WICKET! SOMEBODY GIVE HIM THE CAPTAINCY NOW!

It's not surprising, they are getting closer to the last 10 overs. The wickets will come again. If ROFL and Albie will just stop bowling.

Jacques is apparently injured and can't bowl anymore.

Is this some sort of a cruel joke that Shaun Pollock is the commentator right now? Hi Shaun, stop talking and go down to the field.

I just spotted my Herschelle. Judging by the way England is going, a lot will depend on him today.

I'm going to go watch. By the time I am back, the Saffers better have won this.