"We choked them", said Jayasuriya, after the Boxing day test. Of course whenever SA loses, no matter in what manner, it's always choking. 252 runs- choking, 10 wickets-choking, loss because of massive failure in all departments- choking.
So Kallis, who got a stunning pair in that test, turned around. It was his 150th test and you know Kallis has that annoying habit? What is it? Yeah, he is so god damn good that he just turns milestones into other milestones.
The man who chased a double ton for so long, now has two. In a do or die match as well. That registered SA's first win at home since 2008. Yes, it's been a long time and thank god it has ended.
I would have been fucking embarrassed had SL drawn or won against SA at home. SL are lovely, but they have been playing in the subcontinent and going only next door for eons. Don't give me stats, I don't want to hear it. SA should have won this from the start and I'm so glad they did. They should have won the Boxing Day test match too, but we won't mention it.
They now move on to New Zealand, another lovely team. I love them with all their sheep, but let's face it- SA WILL KILL THEM. Yes, they must. It's time SA, it's time to be ruthless hounds.
Vettori is handsome and charming and a fantastic cricketer- but HE MUST BE ANNIHILATED. Chris Martin is too good but what is his empty skull next to Kallis' luscious hair? And all that lovely cricket brain.
Oh Jacques and his lovely cricket brain! I'm so at ease with the rest of the season now that Kallis has had a mammoth start. This will continue; yes this will, for wins in Kiwiland and more importantly ENGLAND. Jacques hasn't peaked, he never peaks. He just stays on top in all his glory. Even when he gets a pair he breaks records soon after. No time to think about his failures, the man is too busy being great. And when Jacques is great, he inspires the rest (for the most part). Poor Graeme though, he comes before Jacques in the batting lineup so he never gets any of his inspirations. But who cares? We got AB, Hash, Alviro (yes Alviro, you can do this!), Bouch and even DALE after JK.
Choke on that bitches.
Showing posts with label Jacques Kallis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jacques Kallis. Show all posts
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Congrats Shakib, but so what?
I see on Crapinfo in this glorious day at work (where I am sleeping) that Shakib has ended Jacques Kallis' reign at the top as a Test all-rounder. A great achievement to say the least. Toppling Jacques Kallis requires 10 more Jacques Kallis's. Both literally and metaphorically.
While I am very happy for Shakib, this is not good for the team. Remember when India only relied on Tendulkar and he was the only one bringing in the accolades? What did that do for India? Nothing. Of course Bangladesh is an even worst version of that Indian team, but honestly, this only means that the rest will rely on Shakib even more now. The attitude will be, we got Shakib and Shakib's got our back. Hence we will continue to be who we are. An embarrassment.
I haven't been watching their recent games because checking the scores on Crapinfo the next day makes me miserable enough. Bangladesh should probably give up their test status and register as a county team. If they will take them that is.Who wants a county team who ends most of their five-day ventures in two? And their one day ventures before lunch.
You would think that Shakib's continuous achievements would inspire the others. But no, they continue to pile it on the boy. It's quite sad really. Or really smart. Make him do all the work and take all the credit right?
FYI Bangladesh, it didn't work for India and it won't work for you.
You better believe it.
While I am very happy for Shakib, this is not good for the team. Remember when India only relied on Tendulkar and he was the only one bringing in the accolades? What did that do for India? Nothing. Of course Bangladesh is an even worst version of that Indian team, but honestly, this only means that the rest will rely on Shakib even more now. The attitude will be, we got Shakib and Shakib's got our back. Hence we will continue to be who we are. An embarrassment.
I haven't been watching their recent games because checking the scores on Crapinfo the next day makes me miserable enough. Bangladesh should probably give up their test status and register as a county team. If they will take them that is.Who wants a county team who ends most of their five-day ventures in two? And their one day ventures before lunch.
You would think that Shakib's continuous achievements would inspire the others. But no, they continue to pile it on the boy. It's quite sad really. Or really smart. Make him do all the work and take all the credit right?
FYI Bangladesh, it didn't work for India and it won't work for you.
You better believe it.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Australia try to intimidate the Proteas
Australians are well known for their mind games. Seeing as their trash talks haven't worked in a while and their team is currently a subject of 'snickering secretly while pretending to intelligently analyze what went wrong', they are trying new tactics. For example, they sent a T20 captain who is...well a visual monstrosity. As in he is ugly. He is so ugly that he makes Ricky Ponting look pretty.
Oh dear...
Such level of ugliness can only be meant to scare the crap out of our Protea boys. Talent and strategies, they can deal with. But how the hell do you deal with an ugly gentleman looking at you for eight hours? How do you battle bad looks?
However, Australia's other captain is campaigning for a bigger intimidation scheme. He is the Pup and he has a gigantic bat and ball. Err..that's no euphemism.
Courtesy of funny man MartyD
" I may have a teeny-tiny brain but my big bat and my big ball will sweep the Proteas out of the stadium".
Please note that your ball is damaged. Pun intended.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Thank you finger injury
So far life is sweet. AB the injured has been replaced by Hashim the bearded as captain. Good call Hudson, good call.
Of course it is pure coincidence. Believe me, for once, I had nothing to do with AB's injury. I thought about it once or twice, but even my powers aren't that great...yet.
Just in case you weren't following the news (shame on me for not keeping you up to date), following the glorious stepping down of Graeme the buffalo as ODI and T20 captain, AB was named as his replacement. Based on what? Does AB inspire his team-mates? Does he understand field placing? Does it even look like he understands anything other than batting and maybe wicket-keeping. Just maybe.
He is not that experienced. Neither is Amla for that matter. At least not internationally. But I would say of the two Amla is a better choice. Just for a second forget about the fact that Amla has skippered his local teams and the Proteas U19. Look at them as individuals.
Amla hangs back. He is quiet. He absorbs so much most people dismiss him as a negligible entity. Then he strikes.
AB jumps around. He talks too much. He always has to be the centre of attention. The star. The one everyone is sure to notice first and bank on.
This is not to say that only a certain type of individuals make good captains. Fleming and Vettori were the stars of their teams and they did just fine. More than fine. However, when you are more the "backroom guy" as Amla claims to be, most likely, you have a certain introspective capability that will propel your team to be the star. Specially when that team consists of a Steyn, a Kallis, a Duminy, a Smith (now, now, let's show him some love for his batting abilities), a Boucher (YAY!) and a Parnell.
Not a bad list of players to have under your belt.
Yes, Amla is a better choice. Because sometimes, the backroom guy is exactly what a team with great potential (and one measly international trophy...) needs. Someone who pulls the strings quietly and makes great things happen. No flamboyance and no singing.
Of course it is pure coincidence. Believe me, for once, I had nothing to do with AB's injury. I thought about it once or twice, but even my powers aren't that great...yet.
Just in case you weren't following the news (shame on me for not keeping you up to date), following the glorious stepping down of Graeme the buffalo as ODI and T20 captain, AB was named as his replacement. Based on what? Does AB inspire his team-mates? Does he understand field placing? Does it even look like he understands anything other than batting and maybe wicket-keeping. Just maybe.
He is not that experienced. Neither is Amla for that matter. At least not internationally. But I would say of the two Amla is a better choice. Just for a second forget about the fact that Amla has skippered his local teams and the Proteas U19. Look at them as individuals.
Amla hangs back. He is quiet. He absorbs so much most people dismiss him as a negligible entity. Then he strikes.
AB jumps around. He talks too much. He always has to be the centre of attention. The star. The one everyone is sure to notice first and bank on.
This is not to say that only a certain type of individuals make good captains. Fleming and Vettori were the stars of their teams and they did just fine. More than fine. However, when you are more the "backroom guy" as Amla claims to be, most likely, you have a certain introspective capability that will propel your team to be the star. Specially when that team consists of a Steyn, a Kallis, a Duminy, a Smith (now, now, let's show him some love for his batting abilities), a Boucher (YAY!) and a Parnell.
Not a bad list of players to have under your belt.
Yes, Amla is a better choice. Because sometimes, the backroom guy is exactly what a team with great potential (and one measly international trophy...) needs. Someone who pulls the strings quietly and makes great things happen. No flamboyance and no singing.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Of cycles
Life is a cycle. Hence upon coming back to life I quickly died for a second time, because people thought a very good welcome back news would be that of Bhajji scoring a test century. It was instant death. No time for goodbyes. Hell not even time for the last gasp. Shame on you!
Australia is also in a cycle. It's called the shit cycle. Sometimes the cycle breaks because really shit is not circular. Shit just piles on and makes things shittier. I don't mean excretory materials, I mean shit that happens. But when you yourself are the shit that happens to...yourself, what can you really do? Think about that sentence long and hard. It's not that complicated. It basically means Australia had a fabulous third Ashes test series again and Mitchell Johnson was the main reason behind it. He swore at the press, Australia became all cocky again and England crumbled. Sounds familiar? No children, your life is not in repeat. Australia is. The only factor that's different here is that the next test is a Boxing Day test, and Australia have never lost those. I say never because I am too lazy to do research. But I am sure it borders on never. But does that really change anything? England is still the better team. Please do not ask me to explain that sentence. I've already ripped my heart into pieces typing that.
Not everybody is going around in cycles. Kallis just broke his cycle of getting close to the 200 mark and jumped right through it. I didn't know if it (what else did you expect?) till I went to Cricinfo and saw a picture of Kallis' hair. By now the picture has become legendary, so I won't bother putting it on here. But I will tell you that I actually started reading the caption because I thought Kallis had batted for so long that he had actually started growing hair. I mean it's Christmas time and he is 36. One of these days Santa had to give the boy what he really wanted right? It was only then that I realized that he had actually batted to 200 runs, not 200 days. I celebrated his achievement by brushing my own hair.
He has inspired me to break this cycle of absence that I have been stuck in lately. We will take it one day at a time. Don't get your hopes up, but know that I am trying.
In case I am gone for a long time, I will leave you with this very thought-provoking question: Am I Mitchell Johnson?
Australia is also in a cycle. It's called the shit cycle. Sometimes the cycle breaks because really shit is not circular. Shit just piles on and makes things shittier. I don't mean excretory materials, I mean shit that happens. But when you yourself are the shit that happens to...yourself, what can you really do? Think about that sentence long and hard. It's not that complicated. It basically means Australia had a fabulous third Ashes test series again and Mitchell Johnson was the main reason behind it. He swore at the press, Australia became all cocky again and England crumbled. Sounds familiar? No children, your life is not in repeat. Australia is. The only factor that's different here is that the next test is a Boxing Day test, and Australia have never lost those. I say never because I am too lazy to do research. But I am sure it borders on never. But does that really change anything? England is still the better team. Please do not ask me to explain that sentence. I've already ripped my heart into pieces typing that.
Not everybody is going around in cycles. Kallis just broke his cycle of getting close to the 200 mark and jumped right through it. I didn't know if it (what else did you expect?) till I went to Cricinfo and saw a picture of Kallis' hair. By now the picture has become legendary, so I won't bother putting it on here. But I will tell you that I actually started reading the caption because I thought Kallis had batted for so long that he had actually started growing hair. I mean it's Christmas time and he is 36. One of these days Santa had to give the boy what he really wanted right? It was only then that I realized that he had actually batted to 200 runs, not 200 days. I celebrated his achievement by brushing my own hair.
He has inspired me to break this cycle of absence that I have been stuck in lately. We will take it one day at a time. Don't get your hopes up, but know that I am trying.
In case I am gone for a long time, I will leave you with this very thought-provoking question: Am I Mitchell Johnson?
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Overdue post on the Buffalo
A lot of things went through my mind when I heard that the Buffalo had stepped down as South Africa's T20 Captain. I was surprised and elated at the same time. Surprised because I actually thought that CSA would have to forcibly remove his stubborn ass, rather than him getting over it long enough to realize that he is seriously unimaginative when it comes to limited overs cricket. Although, he could also have done it because it seems to be the latest trend. Plus Ricky did it, so must Smithy! This statement has no evidence to back it up whatsoever, but if you have watched the two closely, you will know intuitively that Graeme is a bit of a Ricky follower. And if you still don't see it, try harder.
Anyway, I was so elated that I watched the resignation video again and again, mostly to hear the Buffalo say "I've always had a philosophy.."
*Pause for laughter*
I wish that he had stepped down as ODI captain as well, although I guess the World Cup is a little too close right now. Something tells me that the Buffalo will try very hard to bow out in glory, and as much as he annoys me I hope it doesn't fucking blow up in his face. Not at the expense of another Saffa World Cup exit.
The real reason I am so happy is because people have always thought that I was crazy for wanting Smithy to step down and now thankfully the validation of my sanity has come from the perpetrator himself. His little speech might say that he is doing it to lengthen his career my friends, but I'm telling you Smithy probably watched some footage of his captaincy during his vacation. Maybe he thought he'll learn something. I am glad he learnt the right lesson.
Now Botha is taking over. Botes is not a great T20 player but I am fine with this because he wasn't appalling against Australia as a skipper. I would have died of shock had AB been given the reigns. I don't care what you say but just because he is great at everything, it does not necessarily mean that he will make a good leader. In fact, I am fairly certain that AB won't be a good captain till he grows up a little. Yes, I said it. He still has a lot more maturing to do.
If Botha doesn't work out though they might have a bit of a problem, because I really don't know which other Saffa is actually ready to captain their T20 side.Maybe Jakes, but that's a short-term investment.
Maybe Boeta Dipenaar.
Err...
Fuck! I sure hope Botha doesn't flop!
Anyway, I was so elated that I watched the resignation video again and again, mostly to hear the Buffalo say "I've always had a philosophy.."
*Pause for laughter*
I wish that he had stepped down as ODI captain as well, although I guess the World Cup is a little too close right now. Something tells me that the Buffalo will try very hard to bow out in glory, and as much as he annoys me I hope it doesn't fucking blow up in his face. Not at the expense of another Saffa World Cup exit.
The real reason I am so happy is because people have always thought that I was crazy for wanting Smithy to step down and now thankfully the validation of my sanity has come from the perpetrator himself. His little speech might say that he is doing it to lengthen his career my friends, but I'm telling you Smithy probably watched some footage of his captaincy during his vacation. Maybe he thought he'll learn something. I am glad he learnt the right lesson.
Now Botha is taking over. Botes is not a great T20 player but I am fine with this because he wasn't appalling against Australia as a skipper. I would have died of shock had AB been given the reigns. I don't care what you say but just because he is great at everything, it does not necessarily mean that he will make a good leader. In fact, I am fairly certain that AB won't be a good captain till he grows up a little. Yes, I said it. He still has a lot more maturing to do.
If Botha doesn't work out though they might have a bit of a problem, because I really don't know which other Saffa is actually ready to captain their T20 side.Maybe Jakes, but that's a short-term investment.
Maybe Boeta Dipenaar.
Err...
Fuck! I sure hope Botha doesn't flop!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
T3D4: Roach problem
Okay, bad title, but honestly I couldn't be bothered to put so much thought into this. The Windies sure didn't. I thought Sulieman Benn was just being annoying. But turns out there are more than one West Indian who think it is uber cool to be all in your face and vocal when the series has already been lost. Sure the Saffers stupidly lost three wickets (what was THAT all about?), but seriously, whatever could Kemar Roach have said to Jakes in such a situation?
Roach: You stupid fatty, you think you've won the series?
Kallis: Actually we have, so why don't you just go and pretend to bowl well?
Roach: You think you are cool hammering us around and having a successful tour? Well let me tell you, there's no dignity in beating us. We suck!
Of course once again, I like both the parties involved. Kemar HAS the bowling talent to accompany his gangster attitude, he just needs to learn when to use it. And let's not get into Jacques Kallis or this post will never end.
But I still am curious as to why the Windies were behaving this way? What did they get out of it other than some hugs from AB de Villiers? (that boy will use any excuse to touch somebody)
Kallis, being the bigger man that he is (literally and figuratively, he could smash Kemar's face into flat bread anytime) sought him out to shake hands with him after...and the Roach continued to sledge him! It was kind of like trying to tell someone who dumped you that you don't think you should see each other any more i.e. pathetic.
Sulieman Benn continued to be in the picture, slyly walked passed Dale Steyn so as to not shake hands with him. Dale Steyn then received the honour of being the Man-of-the-Series and had his entire match fee taken away.
As expected everyone involved tried to downplay the situation.
Men are even more stupid than I thought.
Roach: You stupid fatty, you think you've won the series?
Kallis: Actually we have, so why don't you just go and pretend to bowl well?
Roach: You think you are cool hammering us around and having a successful tour? Well let me tell you, there's no dignity in beating us. We suck!
Of course once again, I like both the parties involved. Kemar HAS the bowling talent to accompany his gangster attitude, he just needs to learn when to use it. And let's not get into Jacques Kallis or this post will never end.
But I still am curious as to why the Windies were behaving this way? What did they get out of it other than some hugs from AB de Villiers? (that boy will use any excuse to touch somebody)
Kallis, being the bigger man that he is (literally and figuratively, he could smash Kemar's face into flat bread anytime) sought him out to shake hands with him after...and the Roach continued to sledge him! It was kind of like trying to tell someone who dumped you that you don't think you should see each other any more i.e. pathetic.
Sulieman Benn continued to be in the picture, slyly walked passed Dale Steyn so as to not shake hands with him. Dale Steyn then received the honour of being the Man-of-the-Series and had his entire match fee taken away.
As expected everyone involved tried to downplay the situation.
Men are even more stupid than I thought.
Monday, June 28, 2010
T3D2: I think oh dear isn't too dramatic
No, it's not too dramatic at all. They recovered, lost wickets, recovered and lost wickets again. Benn is being friggin' awesome and in case you haven't realized this yet, the Saffers WILL be batting last.
Why Hashim Amla is feeling the urge to be generous to spinners is beyond me. And fuck, if Paul Harris comes down as nightwatchman one more time, I am going to scream! Sure he survives the night, but then he gives his wicket promptly away the next day, like his bloody job is done. How about batting a little Paul? And if you can't, how about NOT sending him out for like half an hour the night before so he can leave on time for his ritualistic nap after breakfast. I mean what the fuck! Jacques Kallis and AB de Villiers are good enough to survive the night and bat for longer the next day. And If you absolutely HAVE to sacrifice somebody send Ashy P! Even though he is a Saffa and not Graeme Smith, I strangely have very little affection for him.
He did do well today though, him and his pal AB. The Saffers are still 6 down, with a lead of only 54. They need to make about 350 more methinks which means Bouchy and Ashy will both have to get hundreds. Or Dale will have to muster up another 86 if Ashy P decides that yet again, a fifty is all he needs to prove his worth as a batsman. With Benn determined to have his claws dug into the Saffers and the pitch turning and bouncing, I don't think that will be happening.
I don't understand why Cricinfo thinks the Saffers have edged ahead. Somebody please explain.
Why Hashim Amla is feeling the urge to be generous to spinners is beyond me. And fuck, if Paul Harris comes down as nightwatchman one more time, I am going to scream! Sure he survives the night, but then he gives his wicket promptly away the next day, like his bloody job is done. How about batting a little Paul? And if you can't, how about NOT sending him out for like half an hour the night before so he can leave on time for his ritualistic nap after breakfast. I mean what the fuck! Jacques Kallis and AB de Villiers are good enough to survive the night and bat for longer the next day. And If you absolutely HAVE to sacrifice somebody send Ashy P! Even though he is a Saffa and not Graeme Smith, I strangely have very little affection for him.
He did do well today though, him and his pal AB. The Saffers are still 6 down, with a lead of only 54. They need to make about 350 more methinks which means Bouchy and Ashy will both have to get hundreds. Or Dale will have to muster up another 86 if Ashy P decides that yet again, a fifty is all he needs to prove his worth as a batsman. With Benn determined to have his claws dug into the Saffers and the pitch turning and bouncing, I don't think that will be happening.
I don't understand why Cricinfo thinks the Saffers have edged ahead. Somebody please explain.
Monday, June 21, 2010
T2D2: Attack of the toilet paper
I thought that the highest level of boredom had been reached during Trott's 200 against Bangladesh. I was wrong. Boredom had such a strong hold on every minute of this test, that even the players got bored.
Smithy set his eyes on 200 and then realized that even a double wasn't worth the torture. Kallis did the same. Most will say that it was the 200 that evaded him, but we say that he evaded the 200. Because he is Jacques Kallis and he can.
Then AB took control of the situation. Not only the cricket, the entertainment part too. AB is a born entertainer, he can play the guitar and everything. It was his time to shine, his time to provide the highlight of the day. He brought up his hundred with a beautiful four and a even more stunning six. But that wasn't enough to make people happy. So AB went to the toilet.
Everybody watched him run away. Some thought Graeme had declared, others thought AB was going to celebrate his hundred by sliding near the ropes, in true football style. Chris Gayle took a seat in the grasses, Mark Boucher stood next to the umpire with his helmet off- for clear view. The cameras focused on the green door through which AB had just disappeared.
Unable to control his curiosity any longer, Paul Harris walked in through the green doors. Perhaps AB needed help, perhaps AB was planning his next album and would give Harro a single; perhaps, AB was going to reveal to him the secrets of using the toilet.
As everybody found out just how much time AB de Villiers spends in the toilet, AB came striding out, a relieved man. The drama didn't end there my friends. Out of nowhere a toilet paper roll came and hit AB on the shoulder. To further add to our joy, it got stuck in AB spikes and he had to stop from his skip to the crease to take it out and toss it to the nearest Saffa. I hear the toilet paper roll will be sold on ebay.
This roll of white, soft toilet paper was touched by AB the entertainer. We thank thee for relieving yourself and us of the cricket.
Smithy set his eyes on 200 and then realized that even a double wasn't worth the torture. Kallis did the same. Most will say that it was the 200 that evaded him, but we say that he evaded the 200. Because he is Jacques Kallis and he can.
Then AB took control of the situation. Not only the cricket, the entertainment part too. AB is a born entertainer, he can play the guitar and everything. It was his time to shine, his time to provide the highlight of the day. He brought up his hundred with a beautiful four and a even more stunning six. But that wasn't enough to make people happy. So AB went to the toilet.
Everybody watched him run away. Some thought Graeme had declared, others thought AB was going to celebrate his hundred by sliding near the ropes, in true football style. Chris Gayle took a seat in the grasses, Mark Boucher stood next to the umpire with his helmet off- for clear view. The cameras focused on the green door through which AB had just disappeared.
Unable to control his curiosity any longer, Paul Harris walked in through the green doors. Perhaps AB needed help, perhaps AB was planning his next album and would give Harro a single; perhaps, AB was going to reveal to him the secrets of using the toilet.
As everybody found out just how much time AB de Villiers spends in the toilet, AB came striding out, a relieved man. The drama didn't end there my friends. Out of nowhere a toilet paper roll came and hit AB on the shoulder. To further add to our joy, it got stuck in AB spikes and he had to stop from his skip to the crease to take it out and toss it to the nearest Saffa. I hear the toilet paper roll will be sold on ebay.
This roll of white, soft toilet paper was touched by AB the entertainer. We thank thee for relieving yourself and us of the cricket.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
T1D4: Sunday is a day of emotions
It started with Jakes getting mad when his LBW decision stood because no shot was offered and hit an imaginary umpire out of the park with his bat. It didn't stop there. Later on he threw the ball at Sulie Benn's stumps and sang a song to him in his own little way. It was more than we have seen from Jakes throughout his whole career. Methinks he was just feeling the heat on his head as his coverage of keratin have moved closer to the back of his neck. They are on a journey, a great mission to discover whether Jakes has a neck. It would make anybody emotional.
Gayle then hit AB on his ankles and smiled. One would figure that only violence would bring a smile on that man's face. But it wasn't a case of battery. It was more a case of 'your room-mate likes me too much and that makes me uncomfortable'. Unfortunately for Gayle, the threat didn't work and Morne still got his wicket. AB de Villiers was more in pain after that wicket because there are still two more tests to go. Gayle rushed from the crease in case Morne decided to actually give him a hug.
Ashy P, fresh from his fifty and cementing his spot in the test team yet again (I know, I know, he was only ever going to be dropped in my head but the bastard better keep making runs because I have been known to make things in my head come true) did a jig. It got the commentators so excited that they kept on talking about it till the t.v. guys were forced to show the whole jig. I am most certain that the real emotion amongst all this was boredom as West Indies headed to an inevitable loss.
All in all, a highly unusual day. Okay, not really. There was nothing unpredictable about it and this is exactly how the rest of the series will go as well.
Let's just hope Alviro gets five wickets in the same over and Smith bowls more often just to draw some emotions from us.
Gayle then hit AB on his ankles and smiled. One would figure that only violence would bring a smile on that man's face. But it wasn't a case of battery. It was more a case of 'your room-mate likes me too much and that makes me uncomfortable'. Unfortunately for Gayle, the threat didn't work and Morne still got his wicket. AB de Villiers was more in pain after that wicket because there are still two more tests to go. Gayle rushed from the crease in case Morne decided to actually give him a hug.
Ashy P, fresh from his fifty and cementing his spot in the test team yet again (I know, I know, he was only ever going to be dropped in my head but the bastard better keep making runs because I have been known to make things in my head come true) did a jig. It got the commentators so excited that they kept on talking about it till the t.v. guys were forced to show the whole jig. I am most certain that the real emotion amongst all this was boredom as West Indies headed to an inevitable loss.
All in all, a highly unusual day. Okay, not really. There was nothing unpredictable about it and this is exactly how the rest of the series will go as well.
Let's just hope Alviro gets five wickets in the same over and Smith bowls more often just to draw some emotions from us.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
T1D2: Behind the scenes
'Why do we have to play!" said AB de Villiers. "Bafana Bafana is about to take on Mexico, our country is making history! I am not playing!"
'What the fuck you whining about? Jakes and I are batting. You can sit and watch the fucking game!", barked Paul Harris.
Subtitutes Ryan McLaren and Johan Botha smirked in their Bafana Bafana jerseys. They didn't have to play at all.
The footy started and everybody was glued to their blackberries, Iphones, smart phones...all hiding underneath their chairs. After all, there was a huge sign outside the dressing room that prohibited the usage of any sort of cellular device. Thus, it took Paul some time to find them when he had returned from the field.
"AB, AB, I am out. You gotta go out there. AB! Get your ass out there!"
AB left in a huff, all the while planning to get out soon so he can go back to the game. But Shillingford hit Jacques in the pad first.
"Appeal it! I am sure it was not out. Stay Jakes stay! You can get a hundred against these bowlers", AB tried to convince Jacques.
"Nah, I wanna see the first goal of the World Cup. Bye!" Jakes ran off.
Reassuringly, Prince informed AB that it was still 0-0.
"Don't worry, you didn't miss anything. But hey, can you please, please stay with me out here? I need to let the selectors know that the only reason I sucked against the Poms was because I was made to open. So be my support while I make a fifty. Everybody will know how good I am then!"
Only when Ashy P hit his fifty, Bafana Bafana had just scored. So no one really saw it. Ashy P didn't know this because the dressing room was jumping up and down with joy. Poor guy thought the celebration was for him.
Once he had proven his point, he too got sick of missing the game and left to join the guys in the dressing room. AB soon followed. Mark was thinking of doing the same, but Dale informed him that Mexico had tied.
The dressing room assumed that Mark Boucher was being Mark Boucher and saving their asses and Dale was winging it like crazy. Nobody looked up, till the cleaning guy came by and found sixteen Saffas underneath sixteen chairs, being appalled by France's defence.
"You guys can go home now, the match is over. I mean your match", he said.
"Oh!", said Graeme. "Aww look, just to be safe, let me tweet about us watching the highlights later at night so no one knows okay boys?"
As they walked off, the cleaning guy muttered, "Mon, some people did see your top order batting.."
'What the fuck you whining about? Jakes and I are batting. You can sit and watch the fucking game!", barked Paul Harris.
Subtitutes Ryan McLaren and Johan Botha smirked in their Bafana Bafana jerseys. They didn't have to play at all.
The footy started and everybody was glued to their blackberries, Iphones, smart phones...all hiding underneath their chairs. After all, there was a huge sign outside the dressing room that prohibited the usage of any sort of cellular device. Thus, it took Paul some time to find them when he had returned from the field.
"AB, AB, I am out. You gotta go out there. AB! Get your ass out there!"
AB left in a huff, all the while planning to get out soon so he can go back to the game. But Shillingford hit Jacques in the pad first.
"Appeal it! I am sure it was not out. Stay Jakes stay! You can get a hundred against these bowlers", AB tried to convince Jacques.
"Nah, I wanna see the first goal of the World Cup. Bye!" Jakes ran off.
Reassuringly, Prince informed AB that it was still 0-0.
"Don't worry, you didn't miss anything. But hey, can you please, please stay with me out here? I need to let the selectors know that the only reason I sucked against the Poms was because I was made to open. So be my support while I make a fifty. Everybody will know how good I am then!"
Only when Ashy P hit his fifty, Bafana Bafana had just scored. So no one really saw it. Ashy P didn't know this because the dressing room was jumping up and down with joy. Poor guy thought the celebration was for him.
Once he had proven his point, he too got sick of missing the game and left to join the guys in the dressing room. AB soon followed. Mark was thinking of doing the same, but Dale informed him that Mexico had tied.
The dressing room assumed that Mark Boucher was being Mark Boucher and saving their asses and Dale was winging it like crazy. Nobody looked up, till the cleaning guy came by and found sixteen Saffas underneath sixteen chairs, being appalled by France's defence.
"You guys can go home now, the match is over. I mean your match", he said.
"Oh!", said Graeme. "Aww look, just to be safe, let me tweet about us watching the highlights later at night so no one knows okay boys?"
As they walked off, the cleaning guy muttered, "Mon, some people did see your top order batting.."
T1D1: Behind the scenes
As it poured like a bitch outside, here's what happened inside. Benn and Gayle got along.
It wasn't easy. Gayle had just lost yet another toss to Graeme Smith and Benn was still pissed from being ejected off the ground in the fourth ODI. There was tension. Gayle put on this shades and pretended to not look at Benn while sizing him up and down. Benn stared blatantly. He didn't need no shades, his powers were in his eyes.
At one point Gayle opened his mouth and said, "We gotta get along meaning you gotta fucking do what I tell you to, and get me wickets".
To which Benn replied, "Remember Brad Haddin? I'll smash you to his height if you fucking ask me to leave the ground again".
Gayle: "You do realize I have a super duper chest?"
Benn: "You do realize I am your key bowler?"
Gayle: "How?"
Benn: "We are playing the Saffers and I am the spinner".
Gayle thought for a moment. Then out of nowhere, he flung himself at Benn and started punching him. Benn was not to be taken down so easily though. He fought back, kicking Gayle face repeatedly with his long legs. It did little to bring Gayle down but Benn didn't give in. Chairs flung everywhere, windows were smashed, it was utter chaos.
(In the dressing room next door the Saffers engaged in a meditation hour lead by Jacques Kallis and Hashim Amla, meaning they were essentially asleep in a yoga pose).
Then the umpires signalled for game time and Benn and Gayle had to stop. No one had won. But they were playing the Saffers and Benn was the spinner. Shane Shillingford was also a spinner but who could trust some player with such an un-West Indian like name. So they shook hands and decided to get along.
Eventually there was some cricket and Shane Shillingford struck, twice. But it didn't matter because Benn too had gotten a wicket, a crucial wicket.
Chris Gayle curved half his face into a smile.
It wasn't easy. Gayle had just lost yet another toss to Graeme Smith and Benn was still pissed from being ejected off the ground in the fourth ODI. There was tension. Gayle put on this shades and pretended to not look at Benn while sizing him up and down. Benn stared blatantly. He didn't need no shades, his powers were in his eyes.
At one point Gayle opened his mouth and said, "We gotta get along meaning you gotta fucking do what I tell you to, and get me wickets".
To which Benn replied, "Remember Brad Haddin? I'll smash you to his height if you fucking ask me to leave the ground again".
Gayle: "You do realize I have a super duper chest?"
Benn: "You do realize I am your key bowler?"
Gayle: "How?"
Benn: "We are playing the Saffers and I am the spinner".
Gayle thought for a moment. Then out of nowhere, he flung himself at Benn and started punching him. Benn was not to be taken down so easily though. He fought back, kicking Gayle face repeatedly with his long legs. It did little to bring Gayle down but Benn didn't give in. Chairs flung everywhere, windows were smashed, it was utter chaos.
(In the dressing room next door the Saffers engaged in a meditation hour lead by Jacques Kallis and Hashim Amla, meaning they were essentially asleep in a yoga pose).
Then the umpires signalled for game time and Benn and Gayle had to stop. No one had won. But they were playing the Saffers and Benn was the spinner. Shane Shillingford was also a spinner but who could trust some player with such an un-West Indian like name. So they shook hands and decided to get along.
Eventually there was some cricket and Shane Shillingford struck, twice. But it didn't matter because Benn too had gotten a wicket, a crucial wicket.
Chris Gayle curved half his face into a smile.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Sequels always disappoint anyway
Last year, the match between Pakistan and South Africa was one that people were looking forward to. Everybody wanted to know if the Saffers were going to choke or finally make it to the finals of an ICC tournament. If they were going to choke it was going to be good comedy, if not then it was going to be good comedy as well...considering the other team was Pakistan and the events that usually unfold after almost all their tournament exits. Either way, it was a game we were going to enjoy and we knew it.
Saffers lost, people laughed and eventually Pakistan went to win the World Cup. High drama, tension, crazy Afridi moments, unpredictability and even a heroic attempt from Jacques Kallis. All the characteristics of the perfect summer blockbuster.
This year when the sequel inevitably came out, people were at two-minds about it. Neither the Saffers nor the Pakistanis were in form. Both teams were missing the point (the point being winning helps), both teams were being captained by unimaginative, hairy people but both teams were in a do or die situation. Saffers were slightly on top, as winning the match would at least give them a fighting chance regardless of who won the next one. Pakistanis needed to win AND have England win theirs.
Too many ifs, buts and whatevers. Too many players acting like they were auditioning for matches, rather than playing it. Too much green.
But people still hoped for a good match. Some were sure Pakistan was going to own SA again, others thought even a stuttering SA was too good for them. Yet others thought, why try to beat Pakistan when Pakistan can beat themselves?
Pakistan won the toss and batted first, like last time. They even started terribly. Then they consolidated and eventually reached a respectable score. The match was different, yet there was some familiar bits and pieces. Only, Botha didn't bowl like a dodo bird (ROFL replaced him) and Charl played Parnie's role, but better. Overall, the Saffers did more than okay with the ball, despite Umar Akmal trying to fluoroscent his way through the attack.
Then the chasing began and here was the difference between last summer's blockbuster and the sequel. Within the year Saffers had forgotten how to bat, specially their top three. AB replaced Jakes as this summer's hero; he even swore. But then, like every Saffa batsman these days, he got out the minute he started to clear the boundary. To the 'shitscoop' too. At least that's what Dilshan seems to have taught him.
JP got out before someone could blame him for slowing down his team again and the Saffers fell to yet another spinner, only it was Saeed Ajmal. Ultimately they lost and people happily called them chokers despite the fact that they have been doing the exact same thing in limited overs for about seven months now.
Yes, the differences had a familiar tone in this sequel. Hence, the changes didn't work, nobody was super excited and the match was not a blockbuster. Specially if you are a Saffa fan. But then the Kiwi-England match happened and people could happily forget the disappointing sequel.
Now the unpredictable Pakistanis are in the semis and still have a chance to retain their cup. If that happens, then there is sure to be a third part to this story, which will be even worse.
Remember the Matrix Revolutions?
Saffers lost, people laughed and eventually Pakistan went to win the World Cup. High drama, tension, crazy Afridi moments, unpredictability and even a heroic attempt from Jacques Kallis. All the characteristics of the perfect summer blockbuster.
This year when the sequel inevitably came out, people were at two-minds about it. Neither the Saffers nor the Pakistanis were in form. Both teams were missing the point (the point being winning helps), both teams were being captained by unimaginative, hairy people but both teams were in a do or die situation. Saffers were slightly on top, as winning the match would at least give them a fighting chance regardless of who won the next one. Pakistanis needed to win AND have England win theirs.
Too many ifs, buts and whatevers. Too many players acting like they were auditioning for matches, rather than playing it. Too much green.
But people still hoped for a good match. Some were sure Pakistan was going to own SA again, others thought even a stuttering SA was too good for them. Yet others thought, why try to beat Pakistan when Pakistan can beat themselves?
Pakistan won the toss and batted first, like last time. They even started terribly. Then they consolidated and eventually reached a respectable score. The match was different, yet there was some familiar bits and pieces. Only, Botha didn't bowl like a dodo bird (ROFL replaced him) and Charl played Parnie's role, but better. Overall, the Saffers did more than okay with the ball, despite Umar Akmal trying to fluoroscent his way through the attack.
Then the chasing began and here was the difference between last summer's blockbuster and the sequel. Within the year Saffers had forgotten how to bat, specially their top three. AB replaced Jakes as this summer's hero; he even swore. But then, like every Saffa batsman these days, he got out the minute he started to clear the boundary. To the 'shitscoop' too. At least that's what Dilshan seems to have taught him.
JP got out before someone could blame him for slowing down his team again and the Saffers fell to yet another spinner, only it was Saeed Ajmal. Ultimately they lost and people happily called them chokers despite the fact that they have been doing the exact same thing in limited overs for about seven months now.
Yes, the differences had a familiar tone in this sequel. Hence, the changes didn't work, nobody was super excited and the match was not a blockbuster. Specially if you are a Saffa fan. But then the Kiwi-England match happened and people could happily forget the disappointing sequel.
Now the unpredictable Pakistanis are in the semis and still have a chance to retain their cup. If that happens, then there is sure to be a third part to this story, which will be even worse.
Remember the Matrix Revolutions?
Friday, May 7, 2010
The good, the bad and the mushy
The good:
-Saffers won comprehensively. Also qualifies under "the shocking".
-Saffers found form, specially AB and Albie. Another "the shocking".
-Morne bowled well in a T20 match (man I should just rename this the shocking!)
-Botha coming out of his mourning period since the loss of his doosra and bending his elbows in new and legal ways to deceive the Sumo himself!
-One eyed Charl.
-Saffers finally figuring out where to use Albie...the 15th over. The melted brains work after all.
-Dan the man showing emotions by shaking his hips mid-air. The dude can also dance, I may just have to clone him.
-The Kiwis still making a match out of it ( I do like them you know)
The bad:
-Albie still bowling.
-Jakes and his wonderful strike rate of just a little above hundred. What happened to the IPL form old man?
-Jakes' hairline receding even further! "Boucherzel, Boucherzel, lend him your hair".
-Soon-to-be-adopted son ROFL getting dropped, coming on as a sub AND misfielding! This allowed bastard Buffalo to insult ROFL by calling on Dale, whom ROFL had subbed. Dale was suspiciously tying the strings of his pajamas at that time.
-Ross Taylor being shit.
-Saffers building themselves up to be favourites before the tournament is done again...
The mushy:
-My Hersch replacing Bosman.
-My Hersch hitting fours.
-My Hersch hitting sixes.
-My Hersch taking stunning catches.
-My Hersch ensuring his place in the side for the rest of the games.
-My Hersch fielding like a fucking genius.
-My Hersch inspiring this awesome post over at Cricbuzz.
Dear God, I know I am not your favourite child but PLEASE make sure Gibbsy retains this form and plays till I am dead.
Thank you.
-Saffers won comprehensively. Also qualifies under "the shocking".
-Saffers found form, specially AB and Albie. Another "the shocking".
-Morne bowled well in a T20 match (man I should just rename this the shocking!)
-Botha coming out of his mourning period since the loss of his doosra and bending his elbows in new and legal ways to deceive the Sumo himself!
-One eyed Charl.
-Saffers finally figuring out where to use Albie...the 15th over. The melted brains work after all.
-Dan the man showing emotions by shaking his hips mid-air. The dude can also dance, I may just have to clone him.
-The Kiwis still making a match out of it ( I do like them you know)
The bad:
-Albie still bowling.
-Jakes and his wonderful strike rate of just a little above hundred. What happened to the IPL form old man?
-Jakes' hairline receding even further! "Boucherzel, Boucherzel, lend him your hair".
-Soon-to-be-adopted son ROFL getting dropped, coming on as a sub AND misfielding! This allowed bastard Buffalo to insult ROFL by calling on Dale, whom ROFL had subbed. Dale was suspiciously tying the strings of his pajamas at that time.
-Ross Taylor being shit.
-Saffers building themselves up to be favourites before the tournament is done again...
The mushy:
-My Hersch replacing Bosman.
-My Hersch hitting fours.
-My Hersch hitting sixes.
-My Hersch taking stunning catches.
-My Hersch ensuring his place in the side for the rest of the games.
-My Hersch fielding like a fucking genius.
-My Hersch inspiring this awesome post over at Cricbuzz.
Dear God, I know I am not your favourite child but PLEASE make sure Gibbsy retains this form and plays till I am dead.
Thank you.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
And now Anil Kumble
Twitter: the final frontier. Well for a lot of cricket folks anyway. Certainly for Lalit Modi, and for Anil Kumble too. For Anil it's also similar to visiting his shrink. After a hard day on the field Anil goes on twitter to vent, because twitter is a private place where no can see what he writes. Maybe twitter is his brain and the tweets are his thoughts! That's how it works right?
Wrong. Tweeting is akin to speaking in a press conference, unless you have your tweets protected. But evidently, nobody told him that:
Kallis seems more interested in his fight with Sachin for the orange cap rather than in trying to secure a semi final berth for his team.
Let me remind Kallis that cricket is a team game, his orange cap is totally worthless and useless to us if we cannot make it to the semis.
Okay, so Kallis has fucked up here and there for the RCB. As a captain, he has every right to criticize him. But questioning his commitment to the game is pretty uncalled for. He speaks like a bloody gossip magazine rather than a captain, but why am I surprised? Anil Kumble was never captain material. Just for the record, I am not lashing out on him because he said something about Kallis, although I am a Kallis lover. If you visit his page you will see him saying unsavoury things about the others too. People who are already out of form, being judged by their 'captain' on twitter. Nice eh?
Then he justifies his outburst with this:
Sorry for my outburst about Kallis, it is a do or die game today, pressure to win is too much, team bosses say even my job is on the line.
His job is on the line, so he takes it out on others. Way to handle the pressure old man! Hey Anil, if you can't deal with the captaincy, don't take it. This: the tweeting, the public speaking, keeping it together when your job is on the line...all of this shit is part of being a captain.
And let ME remind YOU that it is because of Kallis' indomitable form in the beginning that RCB is in the running for the semis. But maybe you want him to do all the work like South Africa. What the fuck would South Africa do without Jacques Kallis? Well that's a question I don't even want to think about.
I know what you are going to say here: Kallis has a big fat ego. Well my answer to that is, some people are justified in having an ego. Jacques Kallis is one of them.
Wrong. Tweeting is akin to speaking in a press conference, unless you have your tweets protected. But evidently, nobody told him that:
The loss to DC was a huge setback for us and it was very disappointing after Steyn had set it up nicely for us with a torrid opening spell.
Unfortunately Steyn's good work was largely undone by his fellow south african Kallis who seems to have his own agenda in this IPL
Kallis seems more interested in his fight with Sachin for the orange cap rather than in trying to secure a semi final berth for his team.
Let me remind Kallis that cricket is a team game, his orange cap is totally worthless and useless to us if we cannot make it to the semis.
Okay, so Kallis has fucked up here and there for the RCB. As a captain, he has every right to criticize him. But questioning his commitment to the game is pretty uncalled for. He speaks like a bloody gossip magazine rather than a captain, but why am I surprised? Anil Kumble was never captain material. Just for the record, I am not lashing out on him because he said something about Kallis, although I am a Kallis lover. If you visit his page you will see him saying unsavoury things about the others too. People who are already out of form, being judged by their 'captain' on twitter. Nice eh?
Then he justifies his outburst with this:
Sorry for my outburst about Kallis, it is a do or die game today, pressure to win is too much, team bosses say even my job is on the line.
Kallis is my dear friend, I can understand his liking for all things orange including caps, after all we were playing in the 'orange' city.
His job is on the line, so he takes it out on others. Way to handle the pressure old man! Hey Anil, if you can't deal with the captaincy, don't take it. This: the tweeting, the public speaking, keeping it together when your job is on the line...all of this shit is part of being a captain.
And let ME remind YOU that it is because of Kallis' indomitable form in the beginning that RCB is in the running for the semis. But maybe you want him to do all the work like South Africa. What the fuck would South Africa do without Jacques Kallis? Well that's a question I don't even want to think about.
I know what you are going to say here: Kallis has a big fat ego. Well my answer to that is, some people are justified in having an ego. Jacques Kallis is one of them.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Why should I fucking run mate?
There was a wonderful incident at the game yesterday. KP had become temporarily Saffa, taking a stunning catch (Yes, I am claiming that as a result of his Saffa genes. The English don't turn 360 degrees in mid-air like that) and of course molesting Jakes like no tomorrow. But KP was actually over-excited yesterday. He was involved in most field changes, moving around like he was on battery. So, when he came out at number three (after his lover Jakes had failed), and started thwarting the bowlers around people were sort of expecting it. At this point he may have been feeling like a Saffer or English. We never know when he takes on what identity. And the fact that the Poms call him a Saffa the minute he starts sucking doesn't help our dilemma either.
Anyway, the already confused lad, now has to assume a third identity. That of a RCBian (Evidently, that's the official term. Don't ask!). And there is no shortage of criticism there for him either. He fucked up one game and they dropped him and called him a useless git. I happily listened to them, I am not very fond of KP. But if you really think about it, he didn't deserve it. Just like Kallis didn't deserve those harsh words from Kumble. But that's another post where I fry Kumble for thinking Kallis is going to fucking babysit the team that think Cameron White is more valuable than Mark Boucher.
Back to the incident. It was very English, or rather Saffa-English as Michael Lumb had demonstrated earlier in the match. Both of them charged down the pitch like bulls with thyroid problems and refused to acknowledge the fact that their partners had signalled 'no'. KP has done this before, so we were not surprised. But we were delighted about was the fact that once given out, KP turned around to say "Fucking run mate" and then "Fuck man" to his team-mate Kohli, while lovely pig Shane Warne stood by laughing at them.
We loved it. As did we love the strong arm that KP put around Kohli afterwards, pretending to show him some love but actually strangling him so he smiled for the camera. It was comedy all around. Including Dravid trying to console KP right after. And we all know Dravid had to frequently run with Saurav Ganguly. That couldn't have been fun.
What this incident is going to lead to is something that I'm sure the IPL has brought up before: the question of whether IPL teams can actually evoke the same sentimentality and pride that cricketers feel when representing their national teams, enough for them to overcome the fact that their team-mates are actually their competitors the rest of the 10 months (unless some of them play county as well). Could Kohli really have cared enough to sacrifice himself for the man that was clearly much more settled than he was, seeing as the man was not a fellow Indian cricketer? Should Kohli have cared? The obvious answer is yes. They are a fucking team and they get paid gazillions of dollars (and free alcohol when you are a RCBian) to be a team. But it does not necessarily mean that the players are emotionally that much charged up to give their everything. Kohli might have ran down the pitch for say, M.S or Yuvraj, but for KP...not so much. And you can't really blame him. This is the guy he is going to fight in another slogfest in about two weeks.
At this point, we obviously have the age-old argument of how a sportsman should always uphold team spirit no matter what team they are representing. To which I say, bull fucking shit. This is not football, where your club team comes first. In cricket the national team is and will always be top priority. Meaning subconsciously, KP will always be Kohli's opposition and KP will probably not think twice before swearing at him, like he would have even if Owais Shah had been at the other end.
Plus, poor KP is already lost. Don't burden him with any more issues of identity crisis. But know this: whether he is Saffa, English or RCBian, he will always run himself out like an idiot at some point. It's called KP cricket. Get used to it.
Anyway, the already confused lad, now has to assume a third identity. That of a RCBian (Evidently, that's the official term. Don't ask!). And there is no shortage of criticism there for him either. He fucked up one game and they dropped him and called him a useless git. I happily listened to them, I am not very fond of KP. But if you really think about it, he didn't deserve it. Just like Kallis didn't deserve those harsh words from Kumble. But that's another post where I fry Kumble for thinking Kallis is going to fucking babysit the team that think Cameron White is more valuable than Mark Boucher.
Back to the incident. It was very English, or rather Saffa-English as Michael Lumb had demonstrated earlier in the match. Both of them charged down the pitch like bulls with thyroid problems and refused to acknowledge the fact that their partners had signalled 'no'. KP has done this before, so we were not surprised. But we were delighted about was the fact that once given out, KP turned around to say "Fucking run mate" and then "Fuck man" to his team-mate Kohli, while lovely pig Shane Warne stood by laughing at them.
We loved it. As did we love the strong arm that KP put around Kohli afterwards, pretending to show him some love but actually strangling him so he smiled for the camera. It was comedy all around. Including Dravid trying to console KP right after. And we all know Dravid had to frequently run with Saurav Ganguly. That couldn't have been fun.
What this incident is going to lead to is something that I'm sure the IPL has brought up before: the question of whether IPL teams can actually evoke the same sentimentality and pride that cricketers feel when representing their national teams, enough for them to overcome the fact that their team-mates are actually their competitors the rest of the 10 months (unless some of them play county as well). Could Kohli really have cared enough to sacrifice himself for the man that was clearly much more settled than he was, seeing as the man was not a fellow Indian cricketer? Should Kohli have cared? The obvious answer is yes. They are a fucking team and they get paid gazillions of dollars (and free alcohol when you are a RCBian) to be a team. But it does not necessarily mean that the players are emotionally that much charged up to give their everything. Kohli might have ran down the pitch for say, M.S or Yuvraj, but for KP...not so much. And you can't really blame him. This is the guy he is going to fight in another slogfest in about two weeks.
At this point, we obviously have the age-old argument of how a sportsman should always uphold team spirit no matter what team they are representing. To which I say, bull fucking shit. This is not football, where your club team comes first. In cricket the national team is and will always be top priority. Meaning subconsciously, KP will always be Kohli's opposition and KP will probably not think twice before swearing at him, like he would have even if Owais Shah had been at the other end.
Plus, poor KP is already lost. Don't burden him with any more issues of identity crisis. But know this: whether he is Saffa, English or RCBian, he will always run himself out like an idiot at some point. It's called KP cricket. Get used to it.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Sabotage deux
Since it's time for allegations again, I have one of my own. There is obviously an Indian connection, because no accusation is complete without a trail back to the subcontinent. Only in cricket though. For the rest of the world, no accusation is complete without a connection to the Middle East. But with Afghanistan making a mark, this may also be true in the world of cricket soon.
This is not a match fixing allegation but one of sabotage. The accused is Praveen Kumar and at the receiving end we have his beloved RCB team-mate and South Africa's only hope in the upcoming T20 World Cup, Jacques Kallis. The chosen method of sabotage was arm-wrestling, which was clearly meant to be a friendly match. But here's a picture of Praveen realizing in the middle that this is his chance to make sure that Jacques Kallis does not play when South Africa meets India in the group stages. Thus, he attempts to break Kallis' hand:
This is not a match fixing allegation but one of sabotage. The accused is Praveen Kumar and at the receiving end we have his beloved RCB team-mate and South Africa's only hope in the upcoming T20 World Cup, Jacques Kallis. The chosen method of sabotage was arm-wrestling, which was clearly meant to be a friendly match. But here's a picture of Praveen realizing in the middle that this is his chance to make sure that Jacques Kallis does not play when South Africa meets India in the group stages. Thus, he attempts to break Kallis' hand:
Picture courtesy of Prafs
Judging from Jakes' current form the plan may or may not have worked. But he is clearly in pain and one more attempt may put him out for a few weeks. And there may be more as Jakes is there for another 2 weeks or so. Realizing the gravity of the situation, my alien soon-to-be-adopted son (we have reconciled and are trying to be a family again), ROFL have volunteered to donate his arm to Jakes, in case Praveen succeeds.
That's right, team-mates for life! Oh and Praveen, even though he plays for Rajasthan, Morne wanted you to know that he is not amused.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Hersch-bad boy no more
I have proof, courtesy of Aditya.
I know Hersch isn't very good at covering his tracks but he isn't this blatant either. Plus, I am pretty sure he doesn't wear a wig.
Ooh, a bald man you thought! Must be that idiot Gibbs upto no good again. Oh no, no, no. Look how wrinkled his shirt is. Hersch is always immaculately dressed.
Sorry, he doesn't wear glasses either.
Try and spot him, you won't be able to. He isn't there. Although Dave Warner is and he is bloody short!
Here, I'll even give you a link. See if you can find a single picture of Herschelle Gibbs in the parties.
http://toi.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/ipl/photos/iplphoto/4572785.cms
No? I thought so. Because he is here, and that's where he is staying put!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Operation: Durby must go
I have ventured out to fulfill your many requests. First up, Durbhajan Singh. It was chosen in random order don't worry. There is no favouritism here. Otherwise all Saffa request would have gone first.
(Although I am hoping AB and JP find their forms without me and my hocus pocus...positive things are a lot of work guys! Find your form!)
Anyway, back to Durby. Durbhajan Singh was injured on March 13th, 2010 by an agent named Shaun Tait. Yes, I know you didn't know he worked for me. He didn't either. Still doesn't.
Let me tell you that the Tait ball that merely scraped Durby's left knee, (he over-reacted...wanted to go home for his own wedding this time) was actually meant to put him out for months. Tait, after bowling his one miracle 160K, has lost it. Specially since CA don't have a central contract for him anyway...or they do..then they don't again. It's really confusing.
Because of Tait's own personal drama Durby returned soon after. Thankfully reliable Cricket Minded agent Jacques Kallis belted the shit out of him. Tomorrow the massacre continues. Unfortunately, he is playing Kolkata so I can't garauntee a full demolition. Not with bloody Ishant Sharma's buffet bowling.
However, we will continue to try. If we can't injure him, we will ruin him. If we can't ruin him, we will finish him. But we can't give you details of that.
(Although I am hoping AB and JP find their forms without me and my hocus pocus...positive things are a lot of work guys! Find your form!)
Anyway, back to Durby. Durbhajan Singh was injured on March 13th, 2010 by an agent named Shaun Tait. Yes, I know you didn't know he worked for me. He didn't either. Still doesn't.
Let me tell you that the Tait ball that merely scraped Durby's left knee, (he over-reacted...wanted to go home for his own wedding this time) was actually meant to put him out for months. Tait, after bowling his one miracle 160K, has lost it. Specially since CA don't have a central contract for him anyway...or they do..then they don't again. It's really confusing.
Because of Tait's own personal drama Durby returned soon after. Thankfully reliable Cricket Minded agent Jacques Kallis belted the shit out of him. Tomorrow the massacre continues. Unfortunately, he is playing Kolkata so I can't garauntee a full demolition. Not with bloody Ishant Sharma's buffet bowling.
However, we will continue to try. If we can't injure him, we will ruin him. If we can't ruin him, we will finish him. But we can't give you details of that.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
The era of Jacques Kallis
It never seems to end. Sure he has his downs but when he starts his upward journey, sky is the limit. Actually there is no limit, but to admit that is kind of scary. So we will just draw a line in the stratosphere.
I had once promised some videos of the beautiful one (in terms of his cricket...I don't actually think he is beautiful looking). That promise was made about seven months ago, so I think it's time I fulfill my promise like the good person that I am.
Also, I can't find any new words to describe the miracle that is Jacques Kallis.
Notice, he says sky is the limit. I did not take that phrase from him. Gary and I are like on the same wave-length. It's how I will lure him back to Saffaland.
How can you not love Jacques Kallis?
I had once promised some videos of the beautiful one (in terms of his cricket...I don't actually think he is beautiful looking). That promise was made about seven months ago, so I think it's time I fulfill my promise like the good person that I am.
Also, I can't find any new words to describe the miracle that is Jacques Kallis.
Notice, he says sky is the limit. I did not take that phrase from him. Gary and I are like on the same wave-length. It's how I will lure him back to Saffaland.
How can you not love Jacques Kallis?
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