Why won't you people marry Mark? He is cute, he is the best wicket keeper in the world and...HE'S FUCKING SAVED SAFFA ASSES FOR ALL OF ETERNITY!
Hash got a good delivery so can't really blame him for that. Jakes made the worse attempt at a pull shot I've ever seen. And I watched Ricky bat during his 209 the other day. Maybe Jakes thinks that if he pulls as badly as Ricky, he too will be given the Player of the Decade Award. Take note Cricinfo.
JP wants to be dropped from the team. He can't carry his secruity blanket around anymore, because people make fun of him but neither can he leave it behind. So, he wants it dropped. It's the only explanation. He also wants to give Swannyg66 a lot of glory. For this, I have disowned him. No more love for you tiny man!
Let's go back to building the case for Mark. He is not getting any younger okay ladies? This man, spends the whole day in a crouching position and dives more than anybody else in the team. Then he has to run like a mofo because AB the rabbit wants to hop all over the pitch. The important points for you to take note here are crouch, dive and good cardio. For fuck's sakes marry him!
But also know that all of your applications will be reviewed by AB de Villiers. Daryl Harper may or may not be involved, but AB does tend to get his decisions right so don't fret.
I didn't watch the bowling, needed to sleep. But Wayne got his first test wicket (thanks to SarahCanterbury) and Mascaraman has lost his form again. Just in time for Bangladesh. Also, KP and Colly are still there and it WILL rain in the next two days. So don't get too excited. Till all seven are gone at least.
Showing posts with label Daryl Harper. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Daryl Harper. Show all posts
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
T4D2: Walking is work
Can you imagine Biff taking off his helmet and gloves and putting one leg in front of the other all the way from the pitch to the pavilion? So many hours before lunch? No thanks, he would rather stay at the crease and smash the ball everywhere.
It's cheeky I know. Personally, I am of the opinion that batsmen should always walk if they know they knicked it. Except, Biff unluckily got out to a no-ball during his 180 in the third test. This time, luck was on his side. So it kind of balances out. And wouldn't we all haved grabbed this opportunity had it been us? Yes, we would have. Don't pretend otherwise.
Also, putting the spotlight on Biff only takes away from the REAL problem in this series...the atrocious umpiring. There have been one disastersous calls after another, sometimes favouring Saffers, sometimes going the English way. So really, it's the Umpires that need to be hurled through a wall, with Daryl Harper opening the ceremony. Maybe we should let Julia Sidebottom go first, he is very good with the throwing.
Why has Julia replaced Onions? He certainly doesn't bowl better than him, as mediocre as Onions is. I am pretty sure his defense isn't as good as Onions' either, with all that hair crying to be freed from underneath the helmet. Sometimes, I forget that there men who are more stupid than Mickey and Procter when making selections. These are the little things that bring a lot of joy in my life.
Anyway, Hash is at it again. I am liking the fact that he is quietly answering his critics. Now all they have to do is post about 250 runs tomorrow...QUICKLY. Then take wickets. And you, Rain or whoever you are, take some sleeping pills and have a rest. Your bladder must have shrunk to a peanut by now.
Good new is Ashy P surpassed his previous best of 16 in this series by a whooping 3 runs. Oh, what do we have here? A 45 in the first test? Damn! His career is saved. Lucky bastard!
It's cheeky I know. Personally, I am of the opinion that batsmen should always walk if they know they knicked it. Except, Biff unluckily got out to a no-ball during his 180 in the third test. This time, luck was on his side. So it kind of balances out. And wouldn't we all haved grabbed this opportunity had it been us? Yes, we would have. Don't pretend otherwise.
Also, putting the spotlight on Biff only takes away from the REAL problem in this series...the atrocious umpiring. There have been one disastersous calls after another, sometimes favouring Saffers, sometimes going the English way. So really, it's the Umpires that need to be hurled through a wall, with Daryl Harper opening the ceremony. Maybe we should let Julia Sidebottom go first, he is very good with the throwing.
Why has Julia replaced Onions? He certainly doesn't bowl better than him, as mediocre as Onions is. I am pretty sure his defense isn't as good as Onions' either, with all that hair crying to be freed from underneath the helmet. Sometimes, I forget that there men who are more stupid than Mickey and Procter when making selections. These are the little things that bring a lot of joy in my life.
Anyway, Hash is at it again. I am liking the fact that he is quietly answering his critics. Now all they have to do is post about 250 runs tomorrow...QUICKLY. Then take wickets. And you, Rain or whoever you are, take some sleeping pills and have a rest. Your bladder must have shrunk to a peanut by now.
Good new is Ashy P surpassed his previous best of 16 in this series by a whooping 3 runs. Oh, what do we have here? A 45 in the first test? Damn! His career is saved. Lucky bastard!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
T4D1: Dale, have my babies
I had a dream before tuning into the game today. I dreamt that South Africa won the toss and the Biff-headed individual decided to bat first, leading to a massacre of Saffa batsmen and a flurry of wickets. Little did I know that my subconscious was already watching the game and feeding me all sorts of wrong information. I think my subconscious may be English...BLASMEPHY!
Anyway, so if you don't want to have Dale's babies after that performance, you are demented...or think Stuart Broad is a bowler. The wicket I enjoyed the most was that of Andrew fucking Strauss. I also briefly contemplated having Amla's children after that catch, but the guy is married. So I will let him be.
Heartbreaker Morne got three, two of which were leg-before. Although one of them was probably a no ball. Barbie was 'astonished' and I think KP called the umpire an asshole. Daryl Harper's family better start saying a prayer for him, he might not be returning home from this tour.
Ryan McLaren replaced Paul Harris. Not a bad idea, but can Ryan McLaren bat? 'Cause Harro can you know...in his own awkward, "I always have a strange smile on my face" way.
Wayne also made his debut and was crap. Had he and Ryan not bowled, the Poms would have been out much sooner. But I grudgingly forgive them because they are debutants after all. However, here is a little something for them to 'grow' in the second innings: "Stick to the basics fuckers, the rest will happen on its own. Have you not watched the Poms bat?"
Prior, KP and Barbie have inspired many shitty kids who now believe they can be selected for the national team despite batting like a bunch of Under12s. Wait, I'm missing one. Oh yes! Fighter Colly Buttniggle. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA.
At this point, I must share with you a line I read somewhere (can't remember where) after the first test. "England only collapse once in every series. This was it and South Africa have failed to capitilize on it". So evidently, what we saw today and in the third test was not a collapse. It's just the English batsmen politely thanking the Saffers for their hospitability over the past few months. How very proper of them!
I am seriously happy with this day. No, the world is not ending. Dale Steyn on top form always gets that reaction from me. I want to share with you my happiness, hence this special picture:
Anyway, so if you don't want to have Dale's babies after that performance, you are demented...or think Stuart Broad is a bowler. The wicket I enjoyed the most was that of Andrew fucking Strauss. I also briefly contemplated having Amla's children after that catch, but the guy is married. So I will let him be.
Heartbreaker Morne got three, two of which were leg-before. Although one of them was probably a no ball. Barbie was 'astonished' and I think KP called the umpire an asshole. Daryl Harper's family better start saying a prayer for him, he might not be returning home from this tour.
Ryan McLaren replaced Paul Harris. Not a bad idea, but can Ryan McLaren bat? 'Cause Harro can you know...in his own awkward, "I always have a strange smile on my face" way.
Wayne also made his debut and was crap. Had he and Ryan not bowled, the Poms would have been out much sooner. But I grudgingly forgive them because they are debutants after all. However, here is a little something for them to 'grow' in the second innings: "Stick to the basics fuckers, the rest will happen on its own. Have you not watched the Poms bat?"
Prior, KP and Barbie have inspired many shitty kids who now believe they can be selected for the national team despite batting like a bunch of Under12s. Wait, I'm missing one. Oh yes! Fighter Colly Buttniggle. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA.
At this point, I must share with you a line I read somewhere (can't remember where) after the first test. "England only collapse once in every series. This was it and South Africa have failed to capitilize on it". So evidently, what we saw today and in the third test was not a collapse. It's just the English batsmen politely thanking the Saffers for their hospitability over the past few months. How very proper of them!
I am seriously happy with this day. No, the world is not ending. Dale Steyn on top form always gets that reaction from me. I want to share with you my happiness, hence this special picture:
His smile is as horrifying as my happy face...
Of course Ashy P and his high score of 15 are still at the crease and this is a bowling pitch. So tomorrow all this may change. Unless Pee on the Ashes survives Jimmy like he did today.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
T3D3: National Buffalo Day
The bufflaloes of the world are mooing in concert to acknowledge their Grand Master's impressive performance. Or maybe they are snorting. I don't know what noise buffaloes make.
Whatever it is, I can assure you it is loud and at par with the sounds I made when I checked the score in the morning. It's something like 'WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'.
A bit premature of course. Even a few days ago I would have said that the Saffers WILL win this, but England are draw specialists. And really fucking annoying. But we will worry about that later because poor Biff deserves some recognition.
I must admit I didn't watch their batting after the first 30 runs. I saw Morne thank me by taking the fifer. He not only thanked me, he tried to give me the gift of a hattrick as well. I refused. Greed is a sin people.
But castrating the Pom bowling opens up all sorts of doors and at least one of them leads to heaven. Or so AB tells me. So Biff will certainly go to heaven as he has fucked up the Poms in more than one ways. I have yet to watch in how many ways (the highlights aren't up yet), but maybe I'll get to watch Part II today. Yes Fatboy, I am backing you to get a 200 today. But what I am not doing is proposing to you, as per my friend's suggestion. We would make a very violent couple anyway. Me with the hands, you with the mouth.
Illegal Hash went out on 95. How come no one makes fun of him?
Overall it was a really good day. You know how I know? Even Ashy P made fifteen runs. Btw, what the fuck was up with Daryl Harper? SA had to waste a review on an utterly nonsensical decision. That pissed me off so bad! Wake the fuck up bastard! Not that it would help, because you are just a piece of shit!
That was my only angry moment in the post. Sad no? Just like Barbie's pathetic attempts to 'tamper' with the ball.
Whatever it is, I can assure you it is loud and at par with the sounds I made when I checked the score in the morning. It's something like 'WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'.
A bit premature of course. Even a few days ago I would have said that the Saffers WILL win this, but England are draw specialists. And really fucking annoying. But we will worry about that later because poor Biff deserves some recognition.
I must admit I didn't watch their batting after the first 30 runs. I saw Morne thank me by taking the fifer. He not only thanked me, he tried to give me the gift of a hattrick as well. I refused. Greed is a sin people.
But castrating the Pom bowling opens up all sorts of doors and at least one of them leads to heaven. Or so AB tells me. So Biff will certainly go to heaven as he has fucked up the Poms in more than one ways. I have yet to watch in how many ways (the highlights aren't up yet), but maybe I'll get to watch Part II today. Yes Fatboy, I am backing you to get a 200 today. But what I am not doing is proposing to you, as per my friend's suggestion. We would make a very violent couple anyway. Me with the hands, you with the mouth.
Illegal Hash went out on 95. How come no one makes fun of him?
Overall it was a really good day. You know how I know? Even Ashy P made fifteen runs. Btw, what the fuck was up with Daryl Harper? SA had to waste a review on an utterly nonsensical decision. That pissed me off so bad! Wake the fuck up bastard! Not that it would help, because you are just a piece of shit!
That was my only angry moment in the post. Sad no? Just like Barbie's pathetic attempts to 'tamper' with the ball.
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