It sucks to be Brett Lee

This is not a continuation of the Buffalo post, but I couldn't find a more apt title for the disaster that is Binga's career. No hear me out, it IS a disaster.

First of all, the injuries. Oh so many of them! And even though he looks, dresses, sings like Twatto he is hardly an opener who knows how to bowl. He is a fast bowler and those folks pick up injuries that break them down. One at a time. Binga's elbow and knees have endured so much, the Federal Mutant Detectors are keeping an eye on him.
I lie. There is no such thing, but if there was Binga would be on their list.

Second of all, he has to be the only fast bowler in the world who got sidelined/dropped from the team despite being in good form. He hasn't lost the ability to take wickets, he hasn't lost his pace, he is still fit (minus that apple butt...has anyone noticed that THAT thing never changes shape?)...and yet he is not in the starting XI! It's not his fault really. A tirade of young fast bowlers have emerged for the Aussies in all three formats and it's probably the right way to go. But that's hardly a consolation for Tweety man right?

Third, his IPL stint. This is really based on today's game but very little is going well for him these days. Sure he got chosen for the WC T20 because of the IPL, but is he going to get a game? If Nannes is fit (evidently he is now injured) and Shaun Tait continues to be the speedy bastard that he is, Binga will be the drinks man. Oh wait, Witchy's in the squad. So Binga will probably have to sit in the dressing room with his guitar.

Which brings us to the fourth problem, his music. Yes, he is going to be writing the official song for WC 2011 but that doesn't mean we will like it. And neither does it mean he is a rock star. Cricket Australia needed a gentle way to inform him that he will not be getting a game and ICC wanted to make some budget cuts. So the two brainstormed and came up with this brilliant plan.

Brett Lee will open and close with his official WC song. That way he will get to be around the Aussies boys throughout the tournament AND ICC don't have to spend that much on the ceremonies.

The only good part of it all is that Binga can't produce a customary wide or no-ball while performing. Unless he misses a beat or goes off key.

Breakfast in Brisbane

What is the best way to make heart diseases acceptable in society? It's simple really. Have local superstars hand it to you for free.

I mean let's face it. If Michael freaking Clarke is handing you freaking hot dogs for breakfast to launch some ODI series, you would take it. Even if he hasn't cooked it himself. Or maybe he did. He does live with Lara Bingle after all.

But that's not all. The national captain is also there, signing autographs along with the crappy Michael. So what if he can't play a pullshot anymore? He can certainly pull the fans to a heart-attack fest. Young ones too.

The idea is to fatten them up and hope they become the next Shane Warne. Just in case Nathan Hauritz breaks down and the original Warne can't see his own feet. Or anything else in the lower region of his body.

But it is not all gloom and doom as they say, because there are balloons. Lots and lots of balloons sprouting out of the bodies of the Captain and Vice-Captain. And balloons, we all know,  has the power to make light of every situation. No matter how much they weigh.

Australia's life-long search for a fat spinner continues. If you were not able to make it to this breakfast but carry the required weight, grab a balloon and make your way to Cricket Australia's office. Even Ozland's PM will welcome you with open arms.

Don't worry about the doosra. That will come as the fingers swell up with pure fat.

CA TV Videos

Cricket Australia TV is cool. They follow the team around and give us insights into the team, video analysis of their games, interviews and behind the scenes stuff. The behind the scenes videos used to be the best ones, till Nathan Bracken's blog came around. That man has the personality of a hair band. Which he wears.

Anyway, sometimes they run out of ideas for the videos and make up fictitious stories. Like this one, where an American man is telling us why Ricky Ponting is the best fielder in the world.



First of all, Ricky's two run outs in the 6th ODI were stunning. Second of all, this is the first time he has hit the stumps in a long time. To be the best in the world you kind of have to do that consistently. Punter doesn't really make the batsmen think twice before taking a run the way Rhodes, Duminy, De Villiers and Gibbs does. I mean he is better than most, but the best he is not. Stop giving him titles. He will lose them in a few days anyway.

BTW, CA TV, if you are going to make a case about cricket don't use a man with an American accent who keeps on calling your skipper 'Rick'. Which brings me to, why is there an American in your camp? Have they actually discovered cricket before unearthing the weapons of mass destruction? What a shocker!

There's another video. Before you get to it, I must apologize because the video shows Binga and Watto playing some pop-sickle version of 'Sweet Child O' Mine' on their guitars. As a huge fan of the song and the band, I was curious to know what could posses them to act in a way that could lead to a bloody revolution. Turns out, they know that they annoy people with their 'singing' and do it in their rooms nowadays. At least that's a start. Mankind may be saved after all.