Man 1: Hi my name is Witchy and I am a pie chucker.
Everyone: Hi Witchy.
Witchy: I guess it really started when I got into reading tabloids so I could connect with my vice captain, who is the reigning queen of the Aussie tabloids these days. Anyway, before long my mum was on it saying horrible things about the love of my life. That's when I first started chucking at the home of Cricket. I recovered momentarily, when my captain pointed out that at least my mum didn't say I wasn't an all-rounder. But the whole time I got my line and lenght right I kept thinking 'chuck, chuck, chuck'. It kept calling me. I tried to fight it again and again, but it just grips your brain you know. Asking you to let the batsman score runs, like the ICC. I liked to do it with the new ball most of the time. But thankfully, I ended the year with an award and as the world's top wicket taker. That is really why I am leading the meeting today, to let you all know that even when you are deep in pies...there is a smell of hope somewhere.
Everyone claps. Witchy starts to leave and then comes back.
Witchy: I also scored 500 runs BTW. See, I am an all-rounder after all.
Silence. Witchy walks off uncomfortably. An annoyed man comes to the stage next.
Man 2: Hi my name is Durby and I am a pie chucker.
Everyone: Hi Durby.
Durby: See, I came into cricket to be a pie chucker. I never had any aspirations for anything else. Sure, I pretended to be useful and good once upon a time, but to take advantage of the system you have to be in the system first. So I sealed my position in the team and then started chucking. Witchy resisted it, which is why he fell on and off the wagon. Me, I just let it drip through my nerves to my fingers and fire. Chuck, chuck, chuck. Oh, I love the sound of that. My aim is to be the king of pie chuckers. Sometimes I may get some wickets and beat the batsman, but that's only to ensure that I am never dropped from the team. I am attending this meeting to let you know that there is NOTHING wrong with chucking my friends.Specially when you are overseas where they naturally fear you because you are a spinner from India. I'm telling you folks, when you are deep in pies, it is soft and wonderful.
Some cheer guiltily, others boo half-heartedly. But the meeting is done for this week. Next week we meet some more of our fellow chuckers. Now onto the refreshments table where we are serving...apple pies!