"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008

Monday, January 25, 2010

Breakfast in Brisbane

What is the best way to make heart diseases acceptable in society? It's simple really. Have local superstars hand it to you for free.

I mean let's face it. If Michael freaking Clarke is handing you freaking hot dogs for breakfast to launch some ODI series, you would take it. Even if he hasn't cooked it himself. Or maybe he did. He does live with Lara Bingle after all.

But that's not all. The national captain is also there, signing autographs along with the crappy Michael. So what if he can't play a pullshot anymore? He can certainly pull the fans to a heart-attack fest. Young ones too.

The idea is to fatten them up and hope they become the next Shane Warne. Just in case Nathan Hauritz breaks down and the original Warne can't see his own feet. Or anything else in the lower region of his body.

But it is not all gloom and doom as they say, because there are balloons. Lots and lots of balloons sprouting out of the bodies of the Captain and Vice-Captain. And balloons, we all know,  has the power to make light of every situation. No matter how much they weigh.

Australia's life-long search for a fat spinner continues. If you were not able to make it to this breakfast but carry the required weight, grab a balloon and make your way to Cricket Australia's office. Even Ozland's PM will welcome you with open arms.

Don't worry about the doosra. That will come as the fingers swell up with pure fat.


Mock Wah said...

Whatever hapnd to the "who's the next Warney?" tv talent-hunt show?

Free hawdogs is good too!! :)

Anonymous said...

Could have been worse, it could have been Mitch serving the dawgs. Every fourth kid would have had the best hotdog ever made, served perfectly with just the right about of sauce/mustard.... and every other kid would have had ketchup sprayed on his shirt, his badly cooked hot dog dropped on the ground and so on and so forth...

Purna said...

Mock, you didn't participate so they couldn't go through with it.

Lou, or Binga. Every third hotdog would have had a meat pull.

Anonymous said...

Sadly My Lord Nails Muffin Hauritz wasn't at the breakfast because he was out shopping with his Mum; but I would definitely take a dawg if he handed it to me, even if it had mashed banana on it (I'm frightened of bananas).

Wes playforcountrynotforself said...

Can you guys please stop talking about the Frankfurters of totally unfrankfurterish people,
I also don't want to know how Mitch sprays it all over the place. *lol*
Check it out, I wrote a text again, at Maddy's, all on my own!!! :D

Purna said...

Nails Muffin Hauritz. I approve. Did his mom buy him a fat suit so KRudd can stop bothering him?

Wes, you are a dirty girl.