What is the best way to make heart diseases acceptable in society? It's simple really. Have local superstars hand it to you for free.
I mean let's face it. If Michael freaking Clarke is handing you freaking hot dogs for breakfast to launch some ODI series, you would take it. Even if he hasn't cooked it himself. Or maybe he did. He does live with Lara Bingle after all.
But that's not all. The national captain is also there, signing autographs along with the crappy Michael. So what if he can't play a pullshot anymore? He can certainly pull the fans to a heart-attack fest. Young ones too.
The idea is to fatten them up and hope they become the next Shane Warne. Just in case Nathan Hauritz breaks down and the original Warne can't see his own feet. Or anything else in the lower region of his body.
But it is not all gloom and doom as they say, because there are balloons. Lots and lots of balloons sprouting out of the bodies of the Captain and Vice-Captain. And balloons, we all know, has the power to make light of every situation. No matter how much they weigh.
Australia's life-long search for a fat spinner continues. If you were not able to make it to this breakfast but carry the required weight, grab a balloon and make your way to Cricket Australia's office. Even Ozland's PM will welcome you with open arms.
Don't worry about the doosra. That will come as the fingers swell up with pure fat.