Ever wondered why Swann makes you want to cut him into pieces and eat him alive? It's simple really. He has all the markings of a pear on his face. The same thin top and the disproportionately wide bottom. Swanny has generated much excitement with his bowling lately, much like the pear, which fascinates most with it's odd shape and spotted green exterior. Then as soon as you dissect it, it reveals it's bland, plain interior. Something that is about to happen to Swanny soon when every team dissect his bowling. I wait patiently for that day. For now, fuck you Graeme Swann for making me miserable!
Think a cricketer looks like something edible? Send in the photos at email@example.com and tell us why!
This series will always be grateful to Bolly and his tomato face.