"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008

Friday, November 13, 2009

Message from the beyond

Dear Grandpapa,

While we proudly bear the surname of Steyn, your utter shittiness in recent times have forced us into hiding. Since the break, you have bowled 38.5 overs, given 178 runs and picked up only 7 wickets. That is just fucking embarrassing. Them Onions boys are giving us stick and their grandfather does not even have a solid spot in his team.

Grandpa, we love you, we really do, but what the fuck was up with that spell today? SA was doing fine till you took the ball and then it started raining runs. We don't mind you getting hit by the Irishman, as alcohol binging, six producing monsters are loved by all, but Colly Buttniggle? He should have been choking because of captaincy woes. He probably was, till you gifted him those rubbish short balls.

All we are saying is you better shape up otherwise we won't be talking to you from our Land of the Unborn anymore. What will you tell your interviewers then? You are hardly interesting to talk to without your grand kids stories. Unless the topic at hand is the IPL.

Btw, can you make sure to mention in your next interview that your grand kids are suspicious of Mickey and Snapes having some deep discussion right next to Broad? Mickey better not be giving away team weaknesses again.

As always, Papa and Mama send their love. And Papa wants to know his birth date.

Don't be such a fucking disgrace okay? Love you!


Gabrielle said...

Seriously, Steyn must try to get his mojo back or he'll never have those grandkids he seams to care so much about because I'm gonna hunt him down and feed him to one of his beloved crocodiles :P

Vim said...

Well, it wasn't like Albie was in great nick either was it? He could only be bowled for 2 overs, then played out 5!!!! dot balls out of 9which practically lost them the match.

That ground has boundaries that appear to be just over square leg and point's shoulders. What can the bloody bowlers do?

But really, allowing a mediocre over off ANDERSON to win them the match is really a bit much.

Gabrielle said...

Wim you're right the Wanderers is a batting paradise and t20 is probably even harder for the bowlers, but the truth is that South Africa is really struggling with the bowling department..Albie was pretty poor with the ball and with AB they lacked a bit of judgement at the end...but it's how it goes when the weather comes to spoil the party, the Proteas were probably on the right track before the interruption

Vim said...

I know they are Gabrielle and it is bothering me (I'm an Oz fan by the way, but a great admirer of Smith, JP and AB). Albie Morkel has never been my idea of an international bowler, I don't understand why they give him as many overs as he gets in ODI's. Botha seems ineffective since he was banned from bowling the doosra. Roelef bowled far too short today.

Some of the English bowlers are average but they'll pick five for each test match, they have some experience now and I am depending upon the Saffer batsmen to not let the English fans get above themselves as I live in the UK.

Gabrielle said...

Wim, the problem with Albie is that he used to be a pretty good fast bowler in his early days, then he broke an ankle and dropped in pace and intensity, the "brain trust" at the proteas should just consider him as a batsman and stop living on past achievements...I'm afraid that Botha without the doosra is way too predictable, let's hope they can't sort things out before Sunday, I hate to watch the Pommies win! Btw congrats to your team for the series in India, was a good display of character with such a injury plagued team!

Purna said...

Sorry guys, I had to rush after the last post so couldn't reply back to you all.

Gab, it's time you threaten to feed him to the crocs. Maybe then he will get his memory back. Also, you are right. Albie does so much damange with just his few overs with the ball. They REALLY need to stop giving him the ball. But there was no Jacques today, so they were kind of forced.
And how many more SA victories will be spoiled by the rain Gabrielle? Haven't they fulfilled their quota by now?

Vim, we expect Albie to be shit, but not Steyn. I agree, with both AB and Albie at the crease they should have gotten the 9. Botha has become mediocre all over again...which is what he actually is, as much as I hate to admit it. But ROFL still has potential.
Bowlingwise, I think both teams are having problems at the moment. Hopefully the Saffers will club them, if not for themselves, then for those Australians living in UK! (There seems to be quite a lot of you!)

Btw, I hope you only admire Smith for his batting and nothing else!

Gabrielle said...

You're right Purn, I really hope we reached our quota with yesterday..it's so annoying!!stupid d/l they never seam to understand it,AB and Albie looked like two scientists discussing the gravity laws while reading the d/l paper but they probably didn't get it right as we lost by 1 run..pity!

Vim said...

I don't admire him for his batting style that is for sure, while I think he is extremely effective, he is far too ugly a batsman for that, it is more for his never say die attitude.

Morgan is a real talent though. The English team are looking more like a real team now they have some foreigners with balls in the line-up.

Mary Jane said...

AB and Albie were so so so silly not to understand a word the D/L method read. But yeah, Dale disapponted me too. I expected a lot from him!

Purna said...

LOL. Well said Gabrielle.

Vim, his never say die attitude doesn't always come across till it's too late unfortunately.
I like Morgan too. I would love it if he ditched England to play for Ireland in WC2011.

MJ, they looked soooo confused whent he paper was handed to them!