While we proudly bear the surname of Steyn, your utter shittiness in recent times have forced us into hiding. Since the break, you have bowled 38.5 overs, given 178 runs and picked up only 7 wickets. That is just fucking embarrassing. Them Onions boys are giving us stick and their grandfather does not even have a solid spot in his team.
Grandpa, we love you, we really do, but what the fuck was up with that spell today? SA was doing fine till you took the ball and then it started raining runs. We don't mind you getting hit by the Irishman, as alcohol binging, six producing monsters are loved by all, but Colly Buttniggle? He should have been choking because of captaincy woes. He probably was, till you gifted him those rubbish short balls.
All we are saying is you better shape up otherwise we won't be talking to you from our Land of the Unborn anymore. What will you tell your interviewers then? You are hardly interesting to talk to without your grand kids stories. Unless the topic at hand is the IPL.
Btw, can you make sure to mention in your next interview that your grand kids are suspicious of Mickey and Snapes having some deep discussion right next to Broad? Mickey better not be giving away team weaknesses again.
As always, Papa and Mama send their love. And Papa wants to know his birth date.
Don't be such a fucking disgrace okay? Love you!