Although I've spent the last few hours calming myself down, I am still pretty furious which means this post will be full of profanities. If you are under aged, congratulations your vocabulary has grown today!
So, the rain. Why does the rain not like South Africa? They are a green team, they do most of their fielding up in the air so as not to hurt the grass, they even have a Buffalo as their captain, an animal that contributes to mother nature's beloved earth in a stinky but effective manure..sorry manner. So WHY DOES RAIN HAVE SUCH A BUG UP ITS ASS?
Next, the D/L method. When will South Africa ever look at the sheet and be all 'Right, I've got it'. AND ACTUALLY GET IT? AB kept on looking at the dugout/screen/Colly's butt...anywhere but at the fucking sheet. He pretended to get it, but he didn't. Albie just peaked over his shoulders. I'm having major issues with Albie. These days, he's not only bowling like a bloody chucker, he is also refusing to run. Albie, AB is good at running between the wickets and he knows what he is talking about. So when AB says run, FUCKING RUN YOU TOOL! He easily cost SA 3 runs by refusing to move from his crease. And what happened? England won by 2 runs.
But now the happy thoughts. Yes, there will be happy thoughts because my heart might just burst if I am angry any longer. Then there will be one less person in this world to dislike the Poms. That cannot be. So the happy thoughts:
1) The first ball of the game. Charl always makes me smile, it is no coincidence that he too is bald.
2) Loots Bosman's assaulting the English bowlers. Bald men seem to be naturally good at this.
3) Tim Bresnan bowling. Whoever thought he was a bowler is a regular coke snorter.
4) Swann's first over: 6 1 6 1 1 0=15. Including Bosman's 50. This one was specially for Vim and Sid.
5) Swann turning red in the face trying to place his field with sign language and no one understanding him. Umm...it's called use your words you fucking 100 years old perverted toddler.
6) England continuing to win because of some non-English player. What's that you say? Colly who? I don't know any Lolly Molly. Stop bringing up names of creepy dolls.
Anyway, England can have this win. That's right. We are gifting it to them. Because the rest of the series the Saffers are going to whoop their asses so hard that their fake butt injuries are going to become a reality. And as for the weather gods..fucking go find some other continent to shower over! Or else...