I'm a Soothsayer

Didn't I predict it? Didn't I say that NZ was going to win the second T20 but lose miserably in the ODI's? Well that's exactly what the idiots have gone and done. I always knew Dan would do anything to please me but I never expected this level of subservience. MORON!

They almost proved me wrong, with the 'comeback specialists', Tuffey and Bond, striking early. Btw, when players like Dilshan,Jayawardene and Jayasuriya go out in the manner that they did, they deserve to be smacked. No second chances. Straight to the violence. Maybe that will remind them to play like Samaraweera and Mathews, who were freaking awesome. The older Kiwis had begun to show their true age by then, so it was probably easier. But regardless, they got SL from 38-4 to 216. Not a respectable total by any standards, but they managed to defend it so we will give it to them.

NZ's batting was woeful. Just like their continuous selection of Ryder in the team. Do you know why that ball hit his legs Dan, despite being pitched outside the off-stump? Because, thighs the size of the Alps cannot be saved from even a tiny dot.

Aah, Guptill. So we finally meet. And you leave before I can even finish saying your name. Give him the Emerging Player of the Year award, quick!

Kudos to SL's strategies though. Bringing on the smiling assassin, Malinga, AFTER the opening bowlers have done considerable damage. Nothing like giving your star wicket taker the ball when the opposition is already 19 for 3. He ended up taking 4 wickets. He could have taken less but Elliot pissed him off when he asked him to take off his white band. Malinga smiled through the whole process. Is it just me or does he have some sort of an eerie connection to Patrick Bateman?

Nope, it's not just me

We will not mention Baz's 14 runs from 52 balls...nor will we mention Dan's 10. That wasn't them. The real Dan and Baz were busy saving the magical community from the Death Eaters.

Finally, who names a tournament the Compaq Cup? Upon researching the only thing that came up is the fact that Compaq is some US company that makes personal computers. Is this the same company? If so, why are they sponsoring a cricket tournament? Surely, we don't have players who kill their ex wives and still get exonerated? Cricket is not made up of a variety of different sports either. So what's their deal? Someone explain.