Stuart Broad Interview

Oh the horror! I don't know what this interview is in regards to or why it is even on the the Daily Mail but it has fallen upon us and we must deal with this torture.

First of all, the title:

It's a man's world: Stuart Broad

When did Stuart Broad stop being a boy and why didn't I get the memo? Oh wait, he didn't!


See, that's him then and now. No difference. Don't deceive us with wrong information Daily Mail. We got all excited because we thought we could finally punch him in the face and not get arrested for child abuse. Alas, it is not to be!

Second of all, the picture:


He is wearing lipstick and chucking. His expression says 'constipation' and his suit is all crumpled. You should stick to tutus Stu. See, it's even a part of your name!

Third of all, the interview:

Bespoke is best. I'm 6ft 6in with a 38in inside leg, and I have all my suits hand-made by a tailor in Manchester called Nicholas Jones. So far he's made me a grey suit with a blue pinstripe, a black one with a gold pinstripe and a dinner suit with a white silk lining. The quality is fantastic. Several of the Manchester United players use him, too.

Picture this: A golden haired child with makeup wearing a black suit with gold pinstripe. Puke? Indeed. But that's not his true style. No, it isn't Pixie wear either.

Most of the time I wear a hoodie and jeans, but if the option presents itself I smarten up. I like to look smart but I prefer feeling comfortable. Adidas often let me rummage around in their vintage cupboard. Justin Timberlake always looks cool. But then he's the right size to wear cool gear? I've been forced to stop wearing my Gucci necklace. I used to play in it, but it kept hitting me on the chin when I bowled.

Justin Timberlake is cool. He is cool because he grew into a man while you grew into the next Tinker Bell. They make cool gear for tall people. If it looks dorky, it's because of your face!
Also, Adidas keeps you there because it's probably at the back where no one can see you and consequently turn away from the store.

I've been labelled the vainest member of the England team ? but it's just not true. James Anderson was the culprit but I think he was covering up for himself. He likes to claim he's stylish, but his wife dresses him. Ian Bell and Kevin Pietersen spend the most on clothes. KP can be loud but that's his personality coming out.

We do not need to know about Jimmy's dressing habits. We already know he wets himself...it doesn't matter what he is wearing at the time.
We have finally solved the mystery of Ian Bell's ghastly batting. He is too busy buying clothes rather than practicing. Too bad they don't make any piece of clothing to cover hideous faces. Bell could sure have used that.
KP has a loud personality. In other words he is not 'sophisticated' like the English. Give it up you reject. Even the fairy won't believe you...and they are myths themselves!

I have a thing for watches. I've got a TAG Heuer Carrera for everyday wear but I'm planning to invest in a Franck Muller. I love square faces and different designs. Mind you, I'm supposed to be saving for the deposit on a house. My single most expensive item is a Dolce & Gabbana suede jacket. It was about £500 ? not outrageous, but my mum would probably be shocked at me spending that much. I've never gone mad but there's time.I'm only 21.

'I've never gone mad but there's time'...I applaud his ambitions. When I grow up I want to be just like Stuart Broad. Promote consumerism and help the industry that thrives on child labour.


Once, I bought a couple of Christian Audigier's Ed Hardy T-shirts. They're based on tattoos but the ones I got are a bit glittery, and are still in the wardrobe with their tags on. I was with Matt Prior at the time so I blame him covering up for himself. He likes to claim he's stylish, but his wife dresses him. Ian Bell and Kevin Pietersen spend the most on clothes. KP can be loud but that's his personality coming out.

Yes, that's a repeat of the last answer. He either suffers from short-term memory loss or it was a misprint. Either way, he buys glittery t-shirts and keeps them in the wardrobe. Somewhere inside Broad's closet there is a glittery, blond man just dying to come out.

I don't own an overcoat. Cricketers spend a lot of time in warm climates so I've never bothered. I get caught out on the odd occasion usually during the English summer.

I don't understand this answer. Is the English weather that miserable that they need an overcoat even in the summer? Why is it even relevant to know whether Broad owns a coat or not?

Fast bowling puts a lot of strain on the body. Something like ten times your body weight goes through your feet during delivery. We get maybe 50 days a year without cricket, and there's a lot of fitness training, too. Weights and gym work.
I bowl right-handed and bat left-handed. I get confused playing snooker, which is probably why I'm not that good.

Someone please explain to me what Stuart Broad knows about 'fast' bowling. He is neither Dale Steyn nor Brett Lee. Where is the 'fast' part coming from?You are not that good at cricket either. What excuse do you use for that? Your half-formed brain?

I was a naked centrefold. I stripped for charity in a women's mag with Jimmy Anderson and Alastair Cook. There were eight women in the studio. I was expecting it to be more closed off. Thankfully, the banter got me through it.

If my charity was offered three hairy, clothe less, ineffective cricketers, I would throw them down the garbage chute. Just because it is charity does not mean you are going to offer them the cheapest thing you can find.

Does anyone else find it hilarious that Broad is holding the bat with 'Boss' written on it? He tries so hard, that poor little mofo.