"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Cricket Hell

I mentioned it in my last post and it got me thinking. What would a cricket hell be like? I came up with a few things.

Has to be a sound proof, armour door room in Lalit Modi's home. It can only be accessed through a secret passageway through his bedroom. The password for the passage is 'shake your money maker'.

Attractions (Note: The following is for commercial purposes only. There are no guarantees in real life)
-Brett Lee's band Six and Out. They will wake you up every morning with their hit single 'can't catch and can't bowl'. After which you are free to hit Brett Lee for ever picking up a guitar.

-Live commercials by Dhoni. He will appear three times a day to sell Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. If you were a fat cricketer then he will sell Tea as well.

-Comedy performances by KP, Andrew McDonald and Ashish Nehra. KP will praise the Queen in his South African accent and Nehra will lose in a catching competition with a 2 year old. McDonald will just show his face.

-Free health checkups by Shoaib Akhtar. No, this is not optional.

-Workouts with Jesse Ryder. WARNING: May involve a Royal Rumble with Rikishi.

-Dating tips from Shane Warne. Demonstrated by AB and Morne for continuing to remain single despite having hoards of girls after them. Very suspicious behaviour.

You have to come. It will be much better than the snake biting, fire burning cave ruled by the Red dude.


Esra Star said...

Wow, thats a fairly terrible line up. I'd also add personality classes with Kallis, an impromptu "sing off" between Brett & AB, an hour with Tony Grieg...

*shudders* I'm just hoping I'll end up in the real hell!

Purna said...

I forgot about those! I'm adding it in.

An hour with Tony Grieg and Michael Atherton. Now people will really be calling for the Devil

straight point said...

lectures on drugs etc delivered combined by asif and warne?

prafs recommended me to your blog... blog rolling you... :)

Purna said...

Thanks straight. I'll do the same.

Warne is capable of contributing to Cricket Hell in many, many, many ways...