"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

ICC Awards 2009: Test Cricketer of the Year

Shortening the nominees list further...

Test Player of the Year


Stuart Broad (Eng): ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Let's do the math,ok? The Ashes had five tests, he performed in two only. One of which they lost miserably. In the other one he got wickets because Australia performed poorly. To be deserving of an award you need to be able to produce results yourself. Broad in incapable of doing that when the conditions aren't ideal and when the opposition is playing well. Withdraw his name IMMEDIATELY!

Michael Clarke (Aus): Saved Australia's ass in two tests, couldn't perform in the one that counted, highest run getter of the series, engaged to Lara Bingle...I guess he is in. It's all about cricket after all.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni (Ind): Him again? I can't even remember the last time India played a test. Why are these players nominated?

Tillakaratne Dilshan (SL): Yes. This one definitely excludes the IPL. Dilshan makes the other team panic. I like that.

Gautam Gambhir (Ind): I think he had a good year. Like I said I can't remember. But I'll leave him in because again, he won't win :).

Shakib Al Hasan (Ban): FANTASTIC all-rounding performance against both WI and SL, leading the team for the first time AND winning. He is glued to this list.

Mitchell Johnson (Aus): Things are not going well for Australia...so I guess yes.

VVS Laxman (Ind): No. See reason above.

Jesse Ryder (NZ): I think the ICC included his name because they were required by law to include at least one overweight player. Hello ICC, you made that quota with Graeme Smith already. Please take this mess out.

Thilan Samaraweera (SL): Not till Muttiah is gone dude. You rock, but we'll see how you do when you don't have him to back you up.

Ramnaresh Sarwan (WI): I love the fact that he got it over Chris Gayle, so yes!

Peter Siddle (Aus): No. Two Australians from this current horrendous squad is enough.

Harbhajan Singh (Ind): Care to bowl in some grounds outside of India to prove you are a good spinner? No? That's what I thought.

Graeme Smith (SA): For playing with his broken hand...and scoring runs, yes. But please wear a suit that hides your bulges and don't take your girlfriend to the ceremony.

Dale Steyn (SA): Without a doubt yes! Steynki, I can't wait to see you rip England apart!

Andrew Strauss (Eng): No. I kept him in the Cricketer of the Year nomination list. That's enough.

Graeme Swann (Eng): Yes, please let's give Graeme Swann an award for performing in one test out of all the 40 that he had played in. If he gets the award, I am officially renaming the ICC as International Crap-lover's Council.

Daniel Vettori (NZ): Yes. Can we also get him a new team with the award?

AB de Villiers (SA): For this one, yes. Tremendous patience and growth over the season. But if you win it, take the credit. Don't attribute it to Jesus please!

31 comments:

Stani Army said...

Broad?

When did Bangladesh play the West Indies? (wink wink, nudge nudge)

Faces in cricket you just wanna punch:
- Graeme Swann
- Gautam Gambhir
(list is not yet finished)

Whoever does win it, I hope they remember to say 'Jesus loves you, thank you'.

The Cricket Corollary said...

Dilshan and Steyn

Will Smith bring his hag?

Brandon

Purna said...

Gautam Gambhir's face already seems smashed...don't torture him further.
I'm ignoring your comment about Bangladesh.

Bon, Steyn deserves it for sure! But he won last year as well, so I don't know. I will die if they give it to Broad!
Can you guys just tie the hag up and put her in the basement till the awards are done?

The Cricket Corollary said...

Can you imagine if he would bring her, I think he will, seeing that it's being held in Jozi. There is no way that she could compete with the rest of the world's WAG's.

Stani, would you be open to add Clarke's name to the list?

Brandon

Purna said...

Wow, South Africa is doing well in cricket eh? Everything seems to be happening there! Good for you guys :D.

He will bring her just so he doesn't have to sit in the singles table with AB!

Clarke? Why not Andrew McDonald?

The Cricket Corollary said...

Why not both.

Today on the news Biff lashed out on the ICC for not nominating more Saffers. They are the top ranked team in ODI & Test and only 4 got nominated, 3 for the same award.

Brandon

The Cricket Corollary said...

Ja, ja. I'll get back into it.

Brandon

Purna said...

I agree with him. So many Sri Lankans were nominated! South Africa was outstanding as a team! ICC is dumb anyway. They gave Swann a nomination based on one test. How stupid are they?

Stani Army said...

Gauty's gob is smashed because I met him before. Yes, let's just ignore Bangladesh.

Leave Smithy's girl alone you MINGERS!

I think she's lovely.

Sri Lankans were nominated because people complained about previous awards being an all white affair. It's like the television ads, you gotta have a token coloured person init?

Purna said...

I'm not going to say anything Stani because one day by Bdeshi boys are going to make you eat your words.

You don't think she is lovely. You are just arguing with us for the sake of arguing.

No, the Lankans deserve most of the nominations but some of them could have easily been replaced by a Saffer.

The Cricket Corollary said...

If they had a ICC's fans Player of the Year award, then AB would have won, hands down.

Isn't there a newcomer of the year award? ROFL should have received a nod. ICC's Entertainer of the Year?

Brandon

Mary Jane said...

For the first time Biff argued over a 'non'-silly topic. There are 4 South Africans in the latest top 10 ODI batsmen's ranking. And yet they're ignored..Stupid!
Smith's girl is not lovely! She is the antonym of Lovely!

The Cricket Corollary said...

Now we all know what Stani is into ;)

Brandon

Stani Army said...

I ain't arguing for the sake of it Purn. This is from my whiny little heart.

O, you know her MJ? you lot are just haters. Had she been a fake dumbass model then you would all be loving her up. Sad

I'm with Smithy on this. What you lot have failed to notice is if she can make big G go on a diet (don't kid yourselves, she was the real reason), there must be something special about her. Now there's an argument.

LEAVE THE POOR GIRL ALONE BULLIES!

Esra Star said...

No see Stani, MJ has a crush on the voluptous Biff & therefore no girl can have him if she can't ;o)

Remember the rule? Famous people can't have a partner & a private life.

Stani Army said...

Es! Finally, someone who can talk some sense.

So MJ, tell us more?

Mary Jane said...

Ah! Did you really need to reveal this Es?? No more secrets *woe* :(

Stani, thats not something you should be asking! haha:)

Stani Army said...

Don't worry MJ, at least we know there's plenty of him to go around for the both of you....a bit like Purn to every man on the planet, not that every man would be interested of course cos she's too cool for most of 'em [clears throat].

Purna said...

Can I take a moment to acknowledge that Stani swore for the first time without using the annoying symbols? Well done Es, hats off to you.

Bon, that was the funniest comment I've ever read. Excellent.

MJ, anybody but Biff. He might sit on you and kill you.

Stani, you are obsessed with me. Take your pills.

The Cricket Corollary said...

Oh great you noticed I used 'what' and not 'who'

Brandon

Mary Jane said...

I know Purna, he's an evil man! Serves him right then, he's now got an evil woman after him..whose name is too difficult to remember

Purna said...

MJ, you are too funny. Btw, I am no longer upset at Reebok for designing those pajamas for the SA boys. Who designed England's red monstrosities do you know? I want to send them a gift.

Mary Jane said...

No Idea. But the kits are kinda strange, and look a lot like the West Indies' one. I almost mistook them for West Indies today when they were playing.

The Cricket Corollary said...

This is strange but I like them. The trousers looks really comfy.

Bella

Stani Army said...

Faces in cricket you just wanna punch:
- Graeme Swann
- Gautam Gambhir
- Michael Clarke
- Stuart Broad (How can I forget him? Someone discipline me, quick)
(list is not yet finished)

When did I swear Purnmeister? Take my pills? Whose are these then? Sh*t.

YOU GIRLS ARE SUCH PERVERTS. IF WE COMMENTED ABOUT THE LADY CRICKETERS LIKE THAT, YOU'D PULL US UP FOR NOT TAKING 'EM SERIOUSLY AND BEING RUDE.

Purna said...

You forgot him because you secretly love him. You will be duly punished, don't worry.

Why are we perverts? Bella said she liked their trousers. You took the meaning to be dirty. Who is the real pervert now?

The Cricket Corollary said...

Stani! Staniiii! Helllooooo

I can't comment on your site again. I've tried everything. I left out www. and then my entire url and still my comments aren't going through. WHY??? :'( This has been going on for a few days. I believe that some of my comments on previous posts did not stick as well.

Brandon

Purna said...

Stani is conspiring against you Bon.

Wordpress is better my ass.

Stani Army said...

Bloody hell guys! Why didn't you tell me sooner! For the sake of humanity, the future of man kind!

I'll forgive Bella cos she's a lady :o) But you Bon! You are not (I know, this is obvious). Remember last time you had the same problem? It was because you had not entered the full URL of cric corollary like this:

http://www.thecricketcorollary.blogspot.com/

Stop hating on the letter W. Without W, "we" wouldn't exist, "we" would just be "e" and how the hell are we supposed to pronounce that?

I know the www. doesn't appear in your url so the problems probably been occurring when you've been pasting this in.

Now you've given me lots of homework in replying to your comments....I hate homework, just ask my teachers....if you can dig 'em up hehe, heheheeahahaha

Don't listen to Purna, she has a habit of typing with her behind. Quite some talent yes, but it tends to be full of nonsense, "oof"

The Cricket Corollary said...

Its odd, because after a while I decided not to add the site's url at all and it still wouldn't go through.

Brandon

The Cricket Corollary said...

Oi, Stani! I think the uniforms are comfy. The trousers aren't tight-fitting. It is a lot different from the old ones but I like the red.

Bella