"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

T2D4: Lend Biff a brain

Can the Saffers get any worse? Apparently they can. And obviously we always have our precious buffalo to lead the crappiness. Morne bowled one fucking spell today. Paul and JP was consistently rubbish and they were consistently played. CONSISTENTLY. What's the fucking point of getting one wicket if the fifteen other balls are pure vomit? JP was so far wide he made a prostitue blush. And Paul was hypnotically drawn to leg stump. The Poms were troubled by neither.

And Biff just stood there. No bowling changes, no fielding changes, just expression changes. I understand all your bowlers are going through a bad patch but FUCK BIFF it is YOUR JOB to bring them out of the shit hole. Not fucking protect them. Give them the ball and tell them to fucking shape up. Put pressure on them, have expectations from them. They are international level bowlers. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU PROTECT THEM? Honestly, this is not even a random accusation. Biff seems to think that his job is to stand there and make penguin-like faces. Believe me you fucktard, that's not why they made you captain.

All they had to do was bowl well, not even pick up wickets frequently, like they did in the first innings of the first test. As soon as the new ball came the Pom started playing stupid shots and got themselves out. The bowlers continued to do shit all. Doesn't that show that if they had bowled well since yesterday at one point or the other the Poms would have given up their wicket under pressure? Yes, I believe it does.

Just when things got interesting and Maky started to look a wee bit like his old self, Strauss declared. Clever move, otherwise Makhaya might have chopped Onions' head off. And all he needed was a little collision with Jimmy which denied him a possible catch. Who knew? Next time just push the fucker around and he will rip through the batsmen...hopefully!

I didn't see the Saffers batting and I am not going to watch the highlights. What's the point? I read somewhere that Graeme Swann is now a dangerous bowler. The Aussies and Saffers have fucking made Swannyg66 look like a dangerous bowler. And I am not about to watch a batting performance that makes Broad a bowler and Swann dangerous.

Let's have a bet though. How soon will the game be over tomorrow? Whoever wins will have to give all their money to the Buy Biff a new brain Foundation. I believe Mohammad Ashraful has qualified for the donors' list.

As an afterthought, ABism is a fucking sham. It just makes you wish you had invented the atom bomb instead. My world of perennial haters is much more satisfying I tell you.  


Vim said...

It's nice to know how much admiration and belief in Fatboy Kallis that AB has. So much so that he decided that losing his wicket in almost the same way was the highest tribute he could pay.

Don't watch it. You'll just get angrier and depressed in equal measure.

Broad bowled well, he really did but his wickets were gift-wrapped. Duminy's share price is sinking fast.

Even English fans were shocked by the implosion.

But you know, the Aussies will probably lose to Pakistan if that's any comfort.

Purna said...

I saw the pictures. It was enough to put me off. The whole team seems to be in shambles. I can't point to one person and say convincingly that this person is in form.

The Aussies seem hell-bent on winning though. Pie chucker narrowly missed a hattrick.

Thiru Cumaran said...

Haven't you had an epileptic fit by now? ;D

Purna said...

Several CT. Why are you so happy!!

Thiru Cumaran said...

No, I was just admiring your dedication to SA...writing this post must have been quite something if you had fits! :p

Purna said...

I am a sucker for the Saffers CT. No matter how horrible they are. Which is not always good for my health!

Vim said...

Pie chucker no 1 has been shockingly good this test. He seems to know where the stumps are. Whereever they are staying Punter goes around MJ's room, pining up picture of the stumps, there's even one on the back of the bog door and it is finally working.

I am hoping Boucher and Morne score tons just to piss smug Straussy off.

Wes playforcountrynotforself said...

Brain has arrived, Smithy oracled something about how important the selection will be for the next test.
Apart from this, even I don't have any further comments on this disgrace.

Purna said...

I think that is what we need to do with the Saffa bowlers.

I heard that Wes. But Friedel can't do this by himself.