"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Dear Santa, from the Poms

Dear Santa,

This Christmas instead of something tangible can you please give me my powers back? I have wiggled my nose a million times but I just can't get the big fast men to slow down. I also can't get the naughty spinners to let me be, even though I frequently leave their deliveries alone. As a little girl, I was taught the values of love and friendship and I try to incorporate them in my batting. Although I can, I don't strike the ball too hard. It hurts the litte dears. I need my nose to spread the love and joy amongst the Saffers, so please give my powers back.

Also, tell the English press not to be so mean to me. I am a sensitive flower. Thank you!

Dear Santa,

I don't like being in England over Christmas. I really wanted to be in South Africa, but they left me behind. Thankfully Mascaraman and Samantha have both been terrible so far. I am all packed and ready to dash out at the slightest hint of a nod. Even if the other batsman does not come this way. I really should have been there in the first place but Mascaraman taught them the trick to super thick lashes and now they don't pay any attention to my graceful running. Although KP did try to campaign for me, it did not go very well. Between you and me, I would have done a much better job. Anyway, just make sure you get me the ticket okay? Merry Christmas!

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is my daddy. Nobody in South Africa appreciates my stunning hair and raspy lips and I am really quite sad that daddy isn't here to hold me. The people here are mean and they keep on asking me to find something called length. I am trying every single conditioner that Shahid Afridi referred but I still can't get my hair to grow. Is that my fault? Why don't they understand that? Please get me daddy. And if not, get me the new Hannah Montana series. She does calm me down a lot. Thank you!


Wes playforcountrynotforself said...

Ohhhwais we miss you :(
Also, KP is a sad batting bear... no one wants to play his silly games with him in the middle. :(
Sad. KP very sad.
And, while you're on the way, bring your funny friend Boppy :D

Happy Collydays @ all you Poms :D

Purna said...

Who is Boppy? LOL.

Wes playforcountrynotforself said...

Ravi "Oli" Bopara (the Boppyman).
He and Ohhhwais are my secret dream couple. I have a huge selfmade poster of the two on my bathroom door, it reminds me of the good old times when they were giving their all between the wickets, just to get a little affection from the Aussie fans... *sigh*