"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008

Friday, December 18, 2009

T1D3: Saffers just want to bat really

I don't know if Graeme Swann and Anderson have been able to offer enough consolation to the Poms so here's my addition. SA's motto in life is to bat. They don't like being out there all at once. They just want to go two at a time (sometimes three if Smith's fat is cutting too deep in his uniform), while the rest are in the dressing room being couch potatoes. It's the only reason England were bowled out in a day. Having said that, I am going to gloat in this post and come off as very condescending because as an SA fan I've had a topsy-turvy year. Plus, Ashy P has already halved my joy. Ashy P needs to find a new team. Suckers XI.

Here comes the gloating. I take all the rubbish I said about Maky back. The over where he got Strauss sent chills down my spine. And of course the actual wicket stunned even Strauss. Not that anybody noticed because they were too busy lining up for their beers. But Maky still has in it him and that is a big fucking relief!

Next up, Paul Harris. This time I didn't see past the..you guessed it, FIVE WICKETS! I am aware of how many runs he gave, but thankfully my brain has perfected the selective memory process when it comes to these things. But I gotta ask, is Harris a good spinner? He keeps it simple and has no mystery balls but he sure gets results. Problem is I don't know if that is going to help him in the long run once people have figured out how to clobber him....Hi Johan!

As I watch the ball-by-ball six hours highlights, I see Friedel de Wet has found another way to make himself noticeable. A strange little hop during his run-up, like a porcupine on drugs. Very entertaining to watch. Specially when England is batting. Honestly, if you thought the Saffa batting innings was like watching your grandmother walk, what will you call the English batting innings? Go on. I am open to suggestions.

Of all the people, the Poms now have to get lessons from Swann on how to bat. So fucking funny! But what I really want to know is how Stuart Broad is feeling about all this. I do worry about his fragile Barbie heart you know. Hopefully his daddy will come and report Swanny for chucking. Wouldn't that work out wonderfully for everyone?

Morne didn't really suck despite picking up just one wicket and bowling six no balls. What the Saffers have managed to do here is keep the pressure on the Poms with some good bowling (most of the time...) even without wickets. Something that fell out of their brains completely during the ODI's. Oh well.

So that's my obnoxious, condescending post. Quite a pathetic attempt really. No worries. My crude, crasp, vulgar side will be back if the Saffers win this.

Finally, what the fuck is up with this pitch and what do you do when you win the toss at Super Sport Park?

P.S: I forgot to add- I am eternally grateful to Bell's parents for having conceived our Samantha.

3 comments:

Vim said...

Lord, I hope they pick Ian Bell forever. I can't think of any other player who makes such a goon of himself on such a regular basis.

It was the dramatic way he left it and then watched it wallop into the stumps.

Ahahahahahahahaha....

Wes said...

Friedel's little hop is © Mitch. Check it if you don't believe me!

Morne rules by face. Everybody contributes what he does best.

Harris o.O

I may sound totally ignorant but why did Parnell not get selected? Injured or not suitable?

Purna said...

You know what I loved the most? Everytime they showed the wicked during the highlights the umpires spent extra time saying how stupid it was. HAHAHA.

Wes, is it? Figures. They have the same wierd hairstyle too! I laughed so hard at that Morne comment. Darling the problem is, I don't think the Pommies swing that way :P. They don't swing at all other than Anderson...but that's a separate issue.

Parnell hasn't made his test debut yet. He is really young and although I freaked when I saw Wet get a game, the reasoning was that he bowls like Steyn. Almost the same action and the same pace. Parnie would have been a risk with his inexperience AND different action (he does give away a lot of runs you know)...although I thought they could have kept him. But Wet is doing fine so I am not complaining.