"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008

Friday, December 25, 2009

Dear Santa, from the Saffers

Dear Santa,

I shouldn't believe in you but you get me gifts and I do like that. However, it looks like you got me my CD for Christmas...not one,  not two but ten of them. You were supposed to put those in my team mates' stocking, not mine. You know that's what I wanted for Christmas, for people to buy my CD. I also put a brilliant photo of me taking a fantastic catch on the cover (and an insert of Ampie) and now I have to sit here and enjoy them myself. All I wanted was for the world to listen to my music, look at my picture and spread positivity. You denied me that chance. I am very upset and now I demand six centuries in the next three tests. But, I am not a negative person so I will leave you with this...Stay Sharp!

Dear Santa,

Did you get my gifts to my grand kids? I have yet to hear from them. Please tell them not to be mad at me. I am trying very hard to come back for the second test. Although Friedel is hop-stalking me and looking for a chance to injure me so he can keep his rightful place in the team. Did I say rightful? Sorry I didn't mean that. I say a lot of things before I think, like the IPL holiday...oops! There, I did it again. Anyway, what I want for Christmas is a new hat and some more time to relax on the benches. No, wait. I want to be fit for tomorrow. Is that what you wanted me to say Kass? Okay. I want to be fit. And...(whispers) if you have time can you please teach me how to bowl again? I'm having some memory issues. Okay. Merry Christmas!

Dear Santa,

I want you to get Paul Harris a life-long membership to Burger King so he can stuff his face till he explodes. I know he has taken wickets for the test team but when will I get my chance? I have the bulldog factor you know. Plus I have all those extraterrestial family members who can eat the opposition's brain on my command. Can Harro do that? I swear I will let my family loose on them if they don't take me in the test team. My soon-to-be-foster-mother Cricket Minded has taught me to screw people over to get ahead in life. It's a very good motto and I am going to follow it. GET HARRIS THE COUPONS NOW! I WANT TO PLAY! Oh, got too excited. Anyway, I'll be waiting for my phone call. Merry Christmas!

1 comment:

Wes playforcountrynotforself said...

I think Friedel had a big wish too *sneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeef*