Since I am home for Christmas this year, I would like to give special gifts to those who have adopted me into their hearts. I would like them to know that even though I am loving every bit of my home-coming, I am always 100% English. So please make sure you give these to them from me.
For Barbie: A very pissed off Yuvraj Singh. Trotty told me that's how Broady likes him, not sure why.
For Straussy: The handbook I wrote when I was captain of England. I really feel he could learn from me.
For Swanny: A new chin. He is rather envious of my looks (Between you and me, he really wishes he looked South African)
For Bresy: A book of Afrikaans slang so the ECB can't chastise him anymore. He really needs it, that dom fokker.
For Ravi: The Ashes Dvd. Oh wait, is he even in it? Can you photo shop him in please?
For Cooky: A video of his last few innings so he can learn from his mistakes. What's that? He has it already? Oh...let's get him a brain then.
For Colly: Also a handbook I wrote on captaincy. But this is when I was captain of BRC.
That will be all this Christmas. I do have to spend the rest of my money on my lovely wife and Anil might not let me play next season. Which reminds me, please send Anil my love. I better start sucking up to him from now.