"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Dear Santa, from the Aussies

Dear Santa,

I recently tried to impress a talent scout at a game by shrieking my lungs out. I had heard that they were looking for the next Mariah Carey. But he still hasn't approached me. Can you please give him my address for Christmas? If he really wants, I can also get Benn to do a 'don't be fucking looking at me' rap with the shrieking, just to jazz it up a little. It will just be like Akon meeting K-fed. SO COOL! But don't tell Brett. He will give the idea to Bollywood. Give him a new body instead. Merry Christmas!

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is for Ricky's hyperbaric chamber to fail. It's not fair. He has the captaincy, the wife, the kid, the batting records. Why can't I get my chance? I am tiny and so is he. If we tiny people don't look out for each other how are we going to leave our mark in cricket? Please do something about this. I have been such a good boy! I didn't even tweet. Give me my chance and I will get Ozland a batting average of 100. I promise! Merry Christmas!

Dear Santa,

I just want the whole world to love me as much as Sid does. I know her love is enough to keep me happy for the rest of my life, but why can't the others love me just as much. I don't have a mystery ball but I do have looks. I also was wrongly dropped in a certain match where I may or may not have taken wickets. But they were wrong and for that I deserve their love. Even Gayle's. Tell him to love me, otherwise I will hit him on the head with a bat when he is not looking. Or maybe the waist, because that is how high I reach. Thank you Santa and Merry Christmas!


Wes playforcountrynotforself said...

LOL Nathan's got a pretty ok length and line actually :P
Not monstrous but not gnomic either. I guess he's generic in many concerns
*runs for her life*
Nah. Nathan Hauritz is God :D

Mervy Christmas!
Happy Bollidays!
Nielsens Greetings!
And a Blackcappy New Year!

someone slap me back to reason plz

Vim said...

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Nice one.

Did the one for MJ consist of unintelligible text talk to his mum?

Purna said...

Wes, never. I like you insane.

Vim, it said

Dear Santa,

Mommy goo gaa gaa. Pie chucking gee gee. Cry mommy. I sad. Make mommy happy pweesh.