There will be no more posts on Bangladesh till they decide to play and not go down to the field to bend over. Not only do they bend over, they urge the opposition to kick them as hard as they can because a straightforward loss just does not do it for them. They need be smacked, kicked, thrashed and ravaged.
This is not even some bad pornographic implication. Although it has the potential to be one. I am seriously upset with them. I am going on strike when it comes to Bangladesh. Not watching, not posting.
Screw them!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
WI vs Aus
Again! Weren't Gayle and co. JUST there?
This is apparently the ODI series that they couldn't play after the test because Pakistan needed to come and intervene. I am very interested to know where the Windies were all these days. Ricky's basement, up Twatto ass, Pup's twitter account are some possible options.
Sri Lanka only tour India and Bangladesh, Zimbabwe tour whatever country clears them at security check and Pakistan visits those countries they think they can convince to come over to their land. It never happens, and inevitably Dubai or England "generously" offer their ground.
I am so bored. Haul Sri Lanka's ass over to Ozland. Or take the Aussies to Zimbabwe. Even better will be flying the Saffers to Afghanistan next.
C'mon ICC! Shake it up a notch. Take some risks. Give Ireland a test status! And some free alcohol to cricket lovers everywhere. Just because.
This is apparently the ODI series that they couldn't play after the test because Pakistan needed to come and intervene. I am very interested to know where the Windies were all these days. Ricky's basement, up Twatto ass, Pup's twitter account are some possible options.
Sri Lanka only tour India and Bangladesh, Zimbabwe tour whatever country clears them at security check and Pakistan visits those countries they think they can convince to come over to their land. It never happens, and inevitably Dubai or England "generously" offer their ground.
I am so bored. Haul Sri Lanka's ass over to Ozland. Or take the Aussies to Zimbabwe. Even better will be flying the Saffers to Afghanistan next.
C'mon ICC! Shake it up a notch. Take some risks. Give Ireland a test status! And some free alcohol to cricket lovers everywhere. Just because.
I might die
I think it's time to be hyper dramatic about Bangladesh.
WHAT. THE. FUCK!
1/1, 2/19, 5/135...9/328.
Isn't Jacob Oram a bowler?
What.the.fuck!
0/71, 1/71,2/84...10/190.
Aren't Bangladesh done humiliating themselves?
What.the.fuck!
Even if you don't care about your own dignity, it would be nice if you at least cared about ours. Pretty soon Bangladeshis all over the world would rather jump from the roof rather than go through yet another Bangladesh collapse. You would think this is some sort of PhD on collapsing.
D if you get too close.
C if you get close to too close.
B if you get too close, all get into a sac together and hop back to the pavilion.
A if you get too close and fall over each other during your race to the change room. Add some broken bones and black eyes and it will be bumped to an A+.
I can't take it anymore. I really might die. But I will leave you with these wise words:
What.the.fuck!
WHAT. THE. FUCK!
1/1, 2/19, 5/135...9/328.
Isn't Jacob Oram a bowler?
What.the.fuck!
0/71, 1/71,2/84...10/190.
Aren't Bangladesh done humiliating themselves?
What.the.fuck!
Even if you don't care about your own dignity, it would be nice if you at least cared about ours. Pretty soon Bangladeshis all over the world would rather jump from the roof rather than go through yet another Bangladesh collapse. You would think this is some sort of PhD on collapsing.
D if you get too close.
C if you get close to too close.
B if you get too close, all get into a sac together and hop back to the pavilion.
A if you get too close and fall over each other during your race to the change room. Add some broken bones and black eyes and it will be bumped to an A+.
I can't take it anymore. I really might die. But I will leave you with these wise words:
What.the.fuck!
Unfortunately, you are a celebrity
Ricky Ponting goes grocery shopping. Shock? Disbelief? I've got proof.
Who would have thought? Captain of the World Champions, one of the best batsmen of his era, gum chewer for life, mass producer of saliva, hair factory- those are the things that we associate with Ponting. But buying milk and toilet paper? Never.
Which explains why there is a whole album dedicated to this epic happening, containing the exact same picture as above about eight times. This is bigger than any double century or ICC tournament folks. This is Ricky spending time with his wife and then getting scolded by her for being late for some appointment. I didn't astral project to Ozland and eavesdrop, this is the caption at the bottom.
Next, there will be a photo album dedicated to Ricky sleeping. How does Ricky sleep? Curled like a fetus? Or straight like a log? On his right side or on his back? Does he snore? If so, does he sound like a car horn or like a flute? Or does the hair in his nose make a different tune of their own?
We can only wait in anticipation.
Who would have thought? Captain of the World Champions, one of the best batsmen of his era, gum chewer for life, mass producer of saliva, hair factory- those are the things that we associate with Ponting. But buying milk and toilet paper? Never.
Which explains why there is a whole album dedicated to this epic happening, containing the exact same picture as above about eight times. This is bigger than any double century or ICC tournament folks. This is Ricky spending time with his wife and then getting scolded by her for being late for some appointment. I didn't astral project to Ozland and eavesdrop, this is the caption at the bottom.
Next, there will be a photo album dedicated to Ricky sleeping. How does Ricky sleep? Curled like a fetus? Or straight like a log? On his right side or on his back? Does he snore? If so, does he sound like a car horn or like a flute? Or does the hair in his nose make a different tune of their own?
We can only wait in anticipation.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
BD vs NZ T20
It didn't happen. Crapinfo just made some random scorecard up. They need to stay employed. And Baz was dreaming.
I mean Nathan McCullum bowled and picked up two wickets. Clearly this was some fantasy world.
The only thing that made me think twice was the fact that Dan played and picked up the highest number of wickets. But this is not Dan and this not New Zealand. They would never wear KFC on their shirts. That's what Aussies do.
Thus, as you can see, that even though the scorecard looks like Bangladesh had 'played', New Zealand never did. So the game did not happen.
If you actually saw the game on television, congratulations! You need to be checked into a mental institution. Specially if you watched Bangladesh bat.
I mean Nathan McCullum bowled and picked up two wickets. Clearly this was some fantasy world.
The only thing that made me think twice was the fact that Dan played and picked up the highest number of wickets. But this is not Dan and this not New Zealand. They would never wear KFC on their shirts. That's what Aussies do.
Thus, as you can see, that even though the scorecard looks like Bangladesh had 'played', New Zealand never did. So the game did not happen.
If you actually saw the game on television, congratulations! You need to be checked into a mental institution. Specially if you watched Bangladesh bat.
Tempting Allan
Dear Allan,
How are the eyes? They have been looking a little tired lately. Put two tea bags over them every night and use some skin rejuvenating moisturizer. I'm sure Jonty has some good ones. That dude never looks old.
But I am not writing to you re: you lovely eyes. I need to know why you said this .
I am terribly distressed with the news. What do you need Allan? Tell me. I will make it happen.
Graeme Smith will let my Herschelle have a bowl. Do you really not want to be there when he re-launches is career as the number one bowler of 2010?
Albie will stop bowling. This I promise you.
JP will learn the look. You know the look where you burn batsmen with your eyes? Although, his face is kind of...how should I put it? Round. I don't know how threatening round faces are. Square, now that's a scary shape.
Stay Allan. CSA will send you a contract any day. They need you to be their bowling coach. We need you to breed Morne, Parnie and even ROFL if you can. Literally breed them. Like horses. Won't that be much more pleasant than bonding with Barbie over his latest lipstick collection?
Stay Allan. I beg you.
How are the eyes? They have been looking a little tired lately. Put two tea bags over them every night and use some skin rejuvenating moisturizer. I'm sure Jonty has some good ones. That dude never looks old.
But I am not writing to you re: you lovely eyes. I need to know why you said this .
I am terribly distressed with the news. What do you need Allan? Tell me. I will make it happen.
Graeme Smith will let my Herschelle have a bowl. Do you really not want to be there when he re-launches is career as the number one bowler of 2010?
Albie will stop bowling. This I promise you.
JP will learn the look. You know the look where you burn batsmen with your eyes? Although, his face is kind of...how should I put it? Round. I don't know how threatening round faces are. Square, now that's a scary shape.
Stay Allan. CSA will send you a contract any day. They need you to be their bowling coach. We need you to breed Morne, Parnie and even ROFL if you can. Literally breed them. Like horses. Won't that be much more pleasant than bonding with Barbie over his latest lipstick collection?
Stay Allan. I beg you.
Wayne is more than a cowboy
I just realized that when I was twenty, I was dreaming about saving the world. I thought that I had achieved something, as my full proof plan turned out to be both practical and fun. Basically, I thought of unleashing King Kong, Godzilla and Nessie on the world so they could rebuild the earth from scratch. All normal things for a twenty year old.
But Wayne Parnell is a different story. By the time he hit twenty, he had received a national contract to represent his country in a very popular game. People all over the world knew who he was and were sure that one day, he was going to be one of Saffaland's greatest fast bowlers. On top of that, he can also bat. Just never gets the chance.
Now, he represents his country in pimping white outfits as well. The normal thing for this twenty year old is to travel, play a game that he loves and party...in different parts of the world. On top of that, he gets to sit on a chair with 'Police' written at the back of it, holding the coolest camera in the world, wearing a TOWEL.
If it were anybody else, their ass would have been hauled into prison for indecent exposure. With a camera too. Very suspect. But not Wayne. Wayne, he is allowed. And all because he bowls with the wrong hand.
Thank you for making me feel inadequate Parnie. Thank you very much indeed.
But Wayne Parnell is a different story. By the time he hit twenty, he had received a national contract to represent his country in a very popular game. People all over the world knew who he was and were sure that one day, he was going to be one of Saffaland's greatest fast bowlers. On top of that, he can also bat. Just never gets the chance.
Now, he represents his country in pimping white outfits as well. The normal thing for this twenty year old is to travel, play a game that he loves and party...in different parts of the world. On top of that, he gets to sit on a chair with 'Police' written at the back of it, holding the coolest camera in the world, wearing a TOWEL.
If it were anybody else, their ass would have been hauled into prison for indecent exposure. With a camera too. Very suspect. But not Wayne. Wayne, he is allowed. And all because he bowls with the wrong hand.
Thank you for making me feel inadequate Parnie. Thank you very much indeed.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Saffa spinners are officially woeful
Why state the obvious? Because the selectors have the daunting task of choosing the one that is less horrendous for the upcoming test.
Fortunately, making a comparison of crap is much easier than making deciding between the best. For example, if Parnie and Tsotsobe were fighting over the third bowling spot (which they are-Ryan McLaren is in the scuffle too), things would be tougher. If we were to go by yesterday's performance in the warm up game.
But the grass IS much greener on the other side. Take Paul Harris' crap figures in yesterday's game into consideration, and they scream FUCKING PISSOFF/CON-ARTIST/BATSHIT! Or simply 12-0-71-5.91.
Then, when you are all cried out, you go take a look at Johan Botha's figures. Botha is the man right? Our capable vice-captain. Well, okay. As much of a man as you can be with 12-0-44-1-3.66. Slightly better. Botha may not be batshit but I doubt he has the skills to win a test match.
So it's a classic case of shit vs shit. And although it looks like Botha may have won this round what about their other skills?
Botha's short, sometimes sweet-sometimes bitter, high variety batting. In the ODI's. We can't remember what he used to do in tests. Whatever he does, he will be reported for chucking. Or maybe it's baseball when it comes to the batting action.
Versus Harris' jolly, "I want to score a century" batting. Never will he score a century, yet when he goes out, it seems to be his sole purpose. The whole time he bares his teeth like he is in a romantic comedy. But at least we remember how he bats in tests. That makes the score 1-1.
Then we move on to the fielding. None of them are known for their impressive fiedling skills. Sure, a good catch here and there, but it's only when the ball decides to land in the soft hands of a spinner having been roughed up enough. They are the manicurists of the cricket world. Batsmen are the pedicurists, with their dancing feet. Fast bowlers, they are just callous and unpolished.
So the only way to decide the fielding category is to judge who makes for more pleasant viewing.
Botha has an okay face, proportionate to his body and a nice shape. However, Paul Harris has that hair that has a life of it's own. Very entertaining to watch. We don't even need to go beyond that.
But Paul Harris is also too tall, which leads to neck sprains and back aches. Not to mention being unable to look where we have been looking always, straight ahead, at par with our eye level. It's very annoying.
Then, in a completely unrelated category, Botha can fly.
It's unfair I know. Giants can't get their mass to move upwards, but Harris can't get his ball to do that either. So it's 3-2 to Botha.
Congrats Botes! You are the chosen shitty one.
Fortunately, making a comparison of crap is much easier than making deciding between the best. For example, if Parnie and Tsotsobe were fighting over the third bowling spot (which they are-Ryan McLaren is in the scuffle too), things would be tougher. If we were to go by yesterday's performance in the warm up game.
But the grass IS much greener on the other side. Take Paul Harris' crap figures in yesterday's game into consideration, and they scream FUCKING PISSOFF/CON-ARTIST/BATSHIT! Or simply 12-0-71-5.91.
Then, when you are all cried out, you go take a look at Johan Botha's figures. Botha is the man right? Our capable vice-captain. Well, okay. As much of a man as you can be with 12-0-44-1-3.66. Slightly better. Botha may not be batshit but I doubt he has the skills to win a test match.
So it's a classic case of shit vs shit. And although it looks like Botha may have won this round what about their other skills?
Botha's short, sometimes sweet-sometimes bitter, high variety batting. In the ODI's. We can't remember what he used to do in tests. Whatever he does, he will be reported for chucking. Or maybe it's baseball when it comes to the batting action.
Versus Harris' jolly, "I want to score a century" batting. Never will he score a century, yet when he goes out, it seems to be his sole purpose. The whole time he bares his teeth like he is in a romantic comedy. But at least we remember how he bats in tests. That makes the score 1-1.
Then we move on to the fielding. None of them are known for their impressive fiedling skills. Sure, a good catch here and there, but it's only when the ball decides to land in the soft hands of a spinner having been roughed up enough. They are the manicurists of the cricket world. Batsmen are the pedicurists, with their dancing feet. Fast bowlers, they are just callous and unpolished.
So the only way to decide the fielding category is to judge who makes for more pleasant viewing.
Botha has an okay face, proportionate to his body and a nice shape. However, Paul Harris has that hair that has a life of it's own. Very entertaining to watch. We don't even need to go beyond that.
But Paul Harris is also too tall, which leads to neck sprains and back aches. Not to mention being unable to look where we have been looking always, straight ahead, at par with our eye level. It's very annoying.
Then, in a completely unrelated category, Botha can fly.
It's unfair I know. Giants can't get their mass to move upwards, but Harris can't get his ball to do that either. So it's 3-2 to Botha.
Congrats Botes! You are the chosen shitty one.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Quote Unquote
From Crapinfo:
Cricket Minded has contacted the ball, just out of curiosity, and the ball responded that at the time of the biting he was feeling slightly tensed and knotty. The bite released his pressure and he was getting ready to swing both ways. But then he was put back in the box, where he cried himself to sleep. Shahid Afridi owes the ball an apology for tantalizing him with his teeth and then getting him replaced.
From Crapinfo:
"Perhaps he didn't appreciate the lunch he was given in Australia"
Cricket Minded also asked Biff to clarify his statement. This, by no means is an attack on the culinary skills of Australians or the kitchen staff during South Africa's tour of Ozland. He was merely trying to say that he really is the best person to know about the food being served, as he ate most of it during their visit. Rumour has it that Biff stuffed a ton of vegemites in the trophy to take some home, but he did not confirm or deny these allegations. We found it our duty to let him know about the higher number of people who are below the poverty line in India, in the hopes that he won't leave the country in a drought. We would also like to offer the Indians an E-collar, just in case.
"No I was just trying to smell it, how it is feeling"
-Shahid Afridi's initial response when asked by ABC whether he was trying to bite the ball
Cricket Minded has contacted the ball, just out of curiosity, and the ball responded that at the time of the biting he was feeling slightly tensed and knotty. The bite released his pressure and he was getting ready to swing both ways. But then he was put back in the box, where he cried himself to sleep. Shahid Afridi owes the ball an apology for tantalizing him with his teeth and then getting him replaced.
From Crapinfo:
"Perhaps he didn't appreciate the lunch he was given in Australia"
-Graeme Smith on Shahid Afridi's ball-gnawing act which resulted in a two-match ban
Cricket Minded also asked Biff to clarify his statement. This, by no means is an attack on the culinary skills of Australians or the kitchen staff during South Africa's tour of Ozland. He was merely trying to say that he really is the best person to know about the food being served, as he ate most of it during their visit. Rumour has it that Biff stuffed a ton of vegemites in the trophy to take some home, but he did not confirm or deny these allegations. We found it our duty to let him know about the higher number of people who are below the poverty line in India, in the hopes that he won't leave the country in a drought. We would also like to offer the Indians an E-collar, just in case.
What about the invader?
As expected, I see posts after posts on Afridi everywhere. But spare some love for the pitch invader guys. It's been so long since we have had one. Roy shoulder slamming one into the ground is the last incident that comes to mind. I must point out that Roy is one secure man. You would have to be, if you suddenly decided to come in physical contact with a naked guy.
Apparently the pitch invader has been banned for life. I am very, very upset. I mean c'mon! All he wanted to do was give Khalid Latif a hug. He must be so shattered that the Pakistan U-19 team lost to the Aussies in the recent world cup. Latif was the captain of the winning Pakistan side a few years ago after all. Then you have the IPL snubs, the constant drama and not one captain that can live upto their title. It must be exhausting to be a Pakistani cricketer. All he did was recognize their pain and tried to make it go away.
Aah look, Khalid didn't mind. He didn't mind at all.
Apparently the pitch invader has been banned for life. I am very, very upset. I mean c'mon! All he wanted to do was give Khalid Latif a hug. He must be so shattered that the Pakistan U-19 team lost to the Aussies in the recent world cup. Latif was the captain of the winning Pakistan side a few years ago after all. Then you have the IPL snubs, the constant drama and not one captain that can live upto their title. It must be exhausting to be a Pakistani cricketer. All he did was recognize their pain and tried to make it go away.
Aah look, Khalid didn't mind. He didn't mind at all.
The security guards were upset because this guy made them run when they could have used that time to down beers and donuts. That's the only reason they pressed charges against him. Spiteful!
Oh well, at least he got groped by four men in return.
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