"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Wanted: A groin for Jesse

Groin must be wide enough to fit client, whose girth is of infinite size.

Groin must have the correct amount of rigidity mixed with a dash of flexibility as client's girth is exanding like the universe.

Groin must be peach in colour, to match his flushed complexion. If client has successfully managed to stay more than an hour on the field, the groin must have the ability to darken in colour as much blood is required to supply the excessive fat in client's body.

If playing in the IPL, client might go berserk with the bat. Groin must then be taut, for at least twelve runs per over.

Groin cannot plant the desire to run in client. He will never make it to the other end anyway. Why bother?

If you have such a groin please contact 1-888-Jesse-is-just-pleasantly-plump. Thank you.

12 comments:

Trideep said...

The groin must be able to take a blow from Tait this IPL!

Gorogoro said...

Trideep, no one wants to think about Tait blowing anyone's nether anatomy. Especially Jesse's.

Horrifying image. Or, maybe it's just an unintentional double entendre.

Hopefully.

Wes said...

Gorogoro, love is never horrifying, even if the lovers are :P
♥♥♥

Rishabh said...

Jesse's been replaced by Steven Smith for the IPL :)

Mahek said...

I'm getting there, should have one ready by the T20 World Cup.

Purna said...

Don't worry, Jesse's nether regions are well protected with layers and layers of fat.

Mahek, we look forward to it.

reina said...

I desperately want to believe that Trideep's double entendre was unintentional. If I have to think about a NZ player's groin, I would really rather it not be Ryder's.

However, what he and Tait do in their own time is their business. Whatever gets you through a tough season, boys...

reina said...

I should have said, if I have to think about a NZ player's groin *that way* I'd really rather it not be Jesse's.

Purna said...

Reina, is there more than one way to think about Jesse's groin?

Mahek said...

I'm not sure I want to donate mine, I don't want to be stuck with Jesse's syphilitic (Wow! that's actually a word) groin.

reina said...

Mahek, be nice! He's not a man-whore that we know of. That's Shoaib Akhtar you're thinking of that has the diseased nethers.

Purna: my interest in Jesse's groin is limited to hoping that whatever ails it heals soon so he can get back into the BlackCaps side, but I do know people who find him very...compelling, so they might be interested for other, filthier reasons. Different strokes and all that...

Mahek said...

Apologies Reina, I always associate binge drinking with loose sex. Before anyone judges me I plead not guilty on both counts.