That is what I will be for the next one month. Not the kind of rubbish where I am posting regularly and stinking up the blog world. The kind where I am not posting regularly. Sorry, there are things going on right now that I need to focus on and do. Things that will keep me away till about mid-March. But this level of rubbishness will have some sophistication.
I won't be as horrible as Durby's bowling in the first two days. That was just on a different level. Went too straight, too far, too full, too short. Too much of everything. Not surprising, as there is too much of Durbhajan in the Indian team these days. And too much of something is never good. But I don't mind his flat-track ass, as long as he is serving the Saffers.
But I definitely won't be as good as Jakes in the first session of Day 1 where he had a strike rate of about 70 at one point, with two sixes. He was so delicious that I contemplated making a big 200 sign and hanging it from the highest glacier around. But then he decided today was not the day. I don't know when it will be the day. Maybe after he retires, in some friendly match.
The level of rubbishness on this blog will be marginally better than India's fielding. At one point the only thing I heard the commentators say was "If it had hit the wicket, it would have been out". Well, if the Indians had learnt the meaning of direct hit a lot of things would have happened. Like the apocalypse.
But the blog will not be the beauty that is Hashim Amla. Hashim's wrist will one day fetch some auction house millions of dollars. Although I would have been happiest if both he and Jakes had got to the double, I am excited that Hash has gotten his shit together. His power of concentration clearly comes from the vein in his forehead that pops out every now and then to calm him down. It was on the very edge when he was in 199, as was his wife. Now that's what you call made for each other.
The level of rubbishness will fluctuate between South African openers that are not Graeme Smith and what comes out of the mouths of Ravi Shastri and Sunny Gavaskar. According to that pair, Hashim Amla is a foil for Jakes and WAGS who have no interest in cricket have nothing to do if their boyfriends/husbands are out early. Honey, they are on vacation, they are not here for their men.
Sometimes the blog will do a Paul Harris. But not too much. I couldn't do that you guys. Then sometimes it might do a Dale Steyn, who I have decided is to be referred to as my Dale from now on. But more on that later.