"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Why Graeme Smith won't lose weight

This one is important. I need to quickly figure out what it is that Biff is storing in his body before the Champions League. His run scoring abilities seems to have been affected by his widening girth. As much as I dislike the guy, he is an excellent opening batsman and South Africa need him to score some freaking runs! So vote and solve the mystery with me. The one with the highest vote will go to CSA so they can help Biffy.

1) He broke his hand, so obviously things like running on a treadmill is impossible!

2) South Africa's been winning too many games so Biff's bonuses have skyrocketed...all of which he is putting towards his stomach.

3) He asked his mirror and the mirror replied 'You, my Captain, are the thinnest of all'.

4) He isn't over his breakup with Minki yet. It's Stage Four: Depression

5) He is friends with Shane Warne. ''He never lost weight...why should I?!''

6) Mark Boucher is feeding him and Jacques Kallis all sorts of junk food to make himself look good. (A question has been posted on Mark's website regarding this. We are waiting for an answer...)

7) He is a hero now anyway. Why should he care about his weight?

8) He thinks gaining weight will get him a girl like Shamone who is dating Jacques .

Go on, vote. And yes, I deliberately didn't mention anything about him being gay. Graeme Smith may be a lot of things, but a homo he is not. Deal with it.


The Cricket Corollary said...


During the IPL, Warne made it clear that he is happy as long as he gets his Margharita pizza every night.

Purna said...

That fat-ass womanizer! I knew he was always a bad influence!

I think it's 1 though. He is probably using his hand as an excuse to stuff his face and skip the gym.

Stani Army said...

Purn hasn't got a clue what she's doing!

I used to be a woman by the way. Did anyone know that? No? Well you never will!

Purna said...

It's interesting how the mention of Warne and then womanizer revealed that you were once a woman.

Are you making a confession Stani?

Stani Army said...

You was supposed to delete that Einstein....it was a test comment to see if the comments were working.

And there's nothing wrong with being a woman.

Stani Army said...

You forgot number nine:

9) His boyfriend's a really good cook.

missjane said...

Hi Purna - apparently he's lost weight! No, really, he's been to the gym (*cough* gay):


Enjoying your blog so far... was following Amy S, hadn't read it for a while as I was in England, so I am slightly brain dead after reading 451 comments and will probly have to re-read some of your posts when my brain recovers from the (hilarious) soap opera that unfolded.

Speaking of England, where were you at Heathrow Stani??? I thought you might've stood me up coz you were marrying Es but it looks like that didn't work out either. I had to hang out with pasty Englishmen instead. :)

Speaking of which, *how* has Bell got to 67? Someone needs to remind him that he's the English #3, and therefore cursed.

The Cricket Corollary said...

I just read that article, Did you read the comments?

So I did check the list of people who ran the Knysna Marathon, I noticed they spelled his name incorrect.. GraHam Smith!


missjane said...

I'm all commented out after catching up on Amy's!!

I scanned them quickly but it looked like the usual GS stuff... gay / not gay / fangirls. Did I miss much??

Purna said...

Stani, I couldn't delete your confession. I hope Warne was at least gentle with you.
Biff isn't seeing anybody at the moment. I run is dating agency remember?

Hi MissJane! Thanks for the compliments and the article. Although I'll see it when I believe it! That boy had a lot of fat stored.
Here's what you missed in a gist:
Stani and Es got married then Stani wanted to marry me and Morne's lover...we both said no. Stani then started hating me (also because I cheated on him). Bon then got sick of our stupid soap opera and changed his name to Brandon. We also have a new blogger called Bella who is Bon's friend :)

Bon, he ran at the marathon and didn't collapse?? Maybe he did. That's why they spelled his name wrong to hide the fact that their national captain can't run.

The Cricket Corollary said...

I've got some photos of Biff taken 14 Aug at the Champions Trophy launch. Go check it out. I hardly see a differece.



Stani Army said...

Warny was surprisingly gentle. In fact, the first 6 balls he game me in the nets didn't spin at all. I told him to test me and then he really gave it some...rippers, little beauties they were.

Where the hell was you? I just got back from heathrow...they chucked me out thinking I was a homeless guy looking for shelter.

Anyway, I'm sure you will be worth the wait. Don't listen to Purn, she's just jealous.

Did you really read all the comments on Ames' blog? See how Purna drove me out? She's sly, watch out for her. She can't handle the fact that when me and Es left, it all stopped.

Esra Star said...

I think it's about time I show my face around here.

Stani and I are married! Unless I married a Stani impersonator... hmmm that would be unfortunate. Don't pick on the boy, he's got his mum & me to protect his innocence now haha

Oh & I vote 6. Bouch is a genius!

Purna said...

Hi Es! Welcome to my blog. Good of you to show up and defend Stani. Lol.

Bouch himself has grown a bit of a pouch, but he is still thinner than his mates.

Stani Army said...

What's that smell? S**t yourself Purn? You mess with me, you mess with my Es.

Now you can apologise for calling me what you did or else you'll never see me here again.

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